Chapter Ten
A Month Later
The image of my father being blown to bits in a mine explosion haunts me every time I close my eyes, and has done so since I was eleven years old. That horrific dream is what wakes me from my once peaceful slumber. Unfortunately, that dream is not the only one that haunts me now.
Lately, my nightmares are set in the arena. A girl, who looks similar to both myself and Peeta Mellark, is chased through the forest, never escaping the monster after her. Prim always wakes me after my thrashing body wakes her from her sleep. She comforts me until I drift off again.
Realising I am too alert to go back to sleep, I roll out of bed and stand up. The quick movement makes my knees quiver and I have to hold onto the bed frame as bile rises in my throat. I wait until the peculiar sensation has disappeared before I start towards the door. I silently walk to the bathroom and relieve myself before I tiptoe towards the staircase. I can hear the soft voices of my mother and Prim from the kitchen, and I wonder why they are up so late, until I remember they had went to the Thomas family home to deliver twins.
I descend the staircase on my silent hunter feet, craving a hot drink to soothe the ache in my stomach. The voices of my mother and little sister become clearer as I near the kitchen and I stop dead in my tracks when I hear my name mentioned.
"I need to talk to you about Katniss," Prim speaks up, grabbing both my mother's and my own attention.
"What about her?" my mother asks.
"Something isn't right with her," Prim replies, her voice quiet. I frown, not sure if I want to hear what is about to be said about me.
"Of course she is acting different, Prim. She's not going to be the same for a while. She went through something that nobody ever wants to experience."
"That's not what I meant. I mean... Well, she is struggling to fit into the trousers she has had for years, she is tired all of the time, and she makes frequent trips to the bathroom. I looked at one of your old apothecary books and a few of the symptoms matched up." I frown as I listen, knowing that some of what she said is true. My trousers are tight around my waist, something that has never happened before.
"What are you suggesting, Primrose?"
"I think Katniss is pregnant." I slap a hand over my mouth to stop the loud gasp from escaping past my lips. Pregnant! What does she mean?
"I'm not sure if that is even possible, Primrose. The amount of blood she lost that night can only mean one thing. Are you sure about the symptoms?"
"I'm sure. I've noticed it for a while, but I wanted to be sure."
"But It doesn't make sense. I have never heard anything like it before," my mother says.
"We can test her," Prim suggests.
"The tests I make aren't always accurate. The ones in town are better," my mother replies. "But I don't think it's a good idea to ask her to do a test. These last few weeks haven't been easy for her."
"I know, but we need to know the truth."
I step backwards, not wanting to hear any more, and my foot presses down onto a creaky floorboard. My eyes widen and I freeze on the spot. I listen carefully to see if they noticed the noise, but after a minute of waiting, I tiptoe back up the stairs, the hot drink I had been craving now forgotten.
I climb back into bed and turn on my side so I am facing the window. As I lay in silence, their conversation races through my mind.
A test.
A baby.
My body starts to shake and I feel sick at the confusing thoughts. I don't understand. I lost the baby. How could I be pregnant?
I hear footsteps on the staircase and I squeeze my eyes shut, pretending to be asleep. I feel Prim's small frame climb into bed beside me and it is not even fifteen minutes later when her breathing has slowed, and I know she is asleep.
"Mother?" I call out, my voice a whisper. I slowly sit up, being careful not to touch Prim so she doesn't wake, and look over at my mother's bed.
"Yes, Katniss?" mother whispers back.
I swallow hard.
"I heard you speaking with Prim... Is it possible?"
A long silence drags between us and, after a while, I wonder if she has fallen asleep.
"I don't know," she finally replies. "I have never heard of such a thing. However, Primrose is right. The symptoms are identical to those in the book. I should have noticed sooner."
"I don't understand."
"We'll get a test. We will soon know for sure. I assume, if the test is positive, the only scenario that makes sense is that you had been carrying twins."
All of this information is too much. I feel my throat closing up and I find myself struggling to breathe. I force myself to take short, even breaths until I am once again calm. I don't know how I should feel about all of this. Should I be happy? Should I be sad? Should I be angry? Should I be relieved?
I once again lay down and close my eyes, not saying another word. However, I stay awake for hours, my mind racing with my many thoughts, until I drift off into a light slumber in the early hours of the morning.
When I wake again a few hours later, the sun is just starting to come up. I slide out of bed and pay a quick visit to the bathroom before dressing for the day. I then leave the house and head for the woods.
There is only one way I can find out if I am still pregnant. I am going to have to get enough meat to feed my family and to once again make a trade at the apothecary.
My whole body trembles with nerves as I crawl under the fence and find my bow and arrows.
I get straight to work, hunting down squirrels, rabbits and birds. I set up a few snares before I collect some strawberries that I know will appeal to the apothecary owners. Strawberries are a luxury that no one, not even most merchants, can afford in District 12.
After a couple of hours, I decide I have enough to make the trade. I hide my bow and arrows and head back towards the fence. The walk through the meadow and town seems to take forever, and all I want to do is run home and never find out the truth.
But I need to know.
When the apothecary comes into view I find myself walking even faster, wanting to get the task over and done with. Once I reach the apothecary door, I look around to see if anyone is watching, before I sneak inside.
I immediately find what I am looking for, and head to the desk where the woman stands. Her eyes narrow at me once she sees what I hold. I place the test on the counter, before placing my game bag next to it.
"I have two squirrels, a rabbit, a turkey and a large portion of strawberries," I say quietly, unable to meet her judging eyes.
The woman opens the bag to check I have all I have said. She looks at me with a frown. "This will be the last time I accept game," she says. "I can't afford to keep this place running if I don't get real money."
"This will be the last time," I promise, and she nods her head as she releases a loud sigh.
She takes the game and strawberries and, while she goes out back, I head to the door so I can leave. I pause to open my game bag by the exit so I can put the test inside, when the door unexpectedly swings open and knocks both the game bag and the test out of my hands. The items fall to the floor and I quickly drop to my knees so I can grab the test.
"Katniss," a familiar voice speaks, and my eyes widen. "I am so sorry. I didn't see you standing there. Let me get that for you."
"I've got it, Peeta," I snap, my trembling fingers reaching out to snatch the item out of his way. However, before I can get to it, a pale hand plucks it up from the floor.
I hear a sharp intake of breath and I quickly stand up straight and snatch the item out of his hands. I throw it into my game bag and brush past him as I leave the building, not daring to even glance his way.
"Katniss!" Peeta yells after me, but I ignore his pleading voice and continue down the steps and onto the street. "Katniss, wait up!"
I lower my head as the eyes of passing merchants look over at me as I keep walking. I flinch when a hand grabs my shoulder and I abruptly turn and attempt to push Peeta away.
"Stop," Peeta says, firmly holding onto my arm so I can't get away from him.
"Leave me alone," I snap at him.
"I can't. You dropped... I know what I saw, Katniss. Is... Is it for you?"
"No," I lie, unable to meet his eyes.
"It is. You're a terrible liar," he says, running his hands through his hair.
"It's not for me," I quickly say, turning around again and heading in the direction of my home.
"Promise me?" Peeta calls, running to catch up with me again. "Promise me that, if you are, you will tell me. Promise me." I don't look at him, but instead keep my eyes on the trees in the distance. I open my mouth to reply but I find myself unable to speak. I just want to get away from him, to go home and curl under the bed covers and forget last night and this morning. So I say the only thing I can think of that will make him let me go.
"I promise."