Chapter 4: Living History

The only other dragon Dorian had ever seen up close and personal was Corypheus's red lyrium dragon, so corrupted they'd mistaken it for an archdemon for nearly a year. He'd picked away at it from afar, swinging his staff in arcs of fire and lightning and praying that he'd miss the Iron Bull, who insisted on fighting the thing at close range. Qunari. Even after fighting side by side with one for so long Dorian would never quite understand them.

The Iron Bull and the Chargers, along with several Avvar warriors, had the dragon Hakkon surrounded on the frozen surface of Cloudcap Lake. Unlike other dragons they'd seen, this one breathed frost. The cold rolled off of Hakkon; already a few warriors were reduced to ice sculptures on the lake's surface. Dorian and the Avvar known only as the Augur pulsed magical fire at the creature. Theo led a contingent of archers on the shoreline where a bonfire burned brightly, serving to ignite their arrows. Bull kept the dragon's back to the shore so it could not extinguish the flames.

Dorian wished they could have had a few days between the fight in the ruins and this one; but Ameridan had imprisoned Hakkon in the first place because the dragon god was going to wreak havoc over the south of Thedas. To wait would allow the same thing to happen, just 800 years later than Hakkon had originally intended. Somehow, Dorian always seemed to get wrapped up in saving the world.

He tried not to think about it, and only about pulling whatever reserves he could muster. Next to him the Augur was calm, his mouth moving in silent prayer to the Avvar pantheon. Maybe that was where he kept getting is supply of mana from. Dorian considered praying to the Maker but it was probably too late for that. He settled on swigging down his last vial of lyrium and resenting the Avvar mage for having the energy to expend.

He'd stopped wondering how much time had passed, or how much more time it would take to whittle down the dragon. Theo had to be running out of arrows; and how was Bull still standing? Was that a faint sheen of frost on his gray skin in the moonlight? Was Krem's maul swinging more slowly? How many stars were in the sky?

The Augur's solemn face appeared over Dorian. "Lowlander?" he asked in his deep voice.

I hail from Tevinter! I'm hardly from the 'lowlands', Dorian thought but he couldn't make himself say it aloud. He felt heavy and tired and completely spent. He'd always hated the cold, and thought that freezing to death would be the worst, most painful way to go. In fact the last time he'd felt close to this, he'd been trying to save Theo from dying of the cold after the destruction of Haven. His eyelids drooped, too heavy to stay open. His ears felt packed with fur, but it didn't bother him. The dragon was terribly noisy anyway. Let Theo and the others finish it off. He'd had quite enough of this Maker-forsaken adventure anyway.

"Dor?"

The whisper came from far away, perhaps from somewhere beyond the Fade. Dorian felt like he was floating, but also like a boulder about to sink below the surface of the lake.

"Dorian. A-Am...Matous?"

Even in his stupor Dorian felt himself smile. Theo kept trying to learn Tevene, but he never could get the hang of pronouncing it correctly. He tried to latch onto some semblance of reality and haul his way toward consciousness, but it was tiring work and he felt himself drift back into sleep once more.

When Dorian finally woke, alert enough to be irritated by the sun piercing his eyes, he wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he noted they were still in Avvar territory. He would have loved to wake up in their large bed in Skyhold, but he supposed just being alive would have to do for now. "Your Tevene is still awful, even after all this time," he murmured, turning his head to see Theo sitting next to the round stone fire pit in the center of the hut. Theo was prodding at the embers with a long stick, and pleasant warmth filled the small hut. The sunlight streamed through a hole in the roof, cut so smoke could exit.

"I can't be perfect," Theo said, smiling. His face was pale beneath the several days of scruff that was growing. His cheeks looked a bit sunken, and dark circles ringed his tired eyes. A long gash ran from his right temple down his cheek and jaw. It had been stitched closed, and blood crusted along the stitches. Dorian wrinkled his brow and tried to sit up, but Theo shook his head and joined him in the pile of furs. "A tail swipe knocked me off a ledge and I caught a rock to the face," he said. "It's just a flesh wound."

Dorian unconsciously called up his mana. He'd never been a healer, but this he could fix. Just as the bit of pale blue light coalesced at his fingertips it dissipated and he fell back, feeling as if Hakkon himself had landed on his chest.

Theo rested his cool palm on Dorian's forehead. "You pushed yourself too hard, or that's what the Augur says," he told him, concern in his eyes. "You should have told me you were running so ragged."

Dorian managed a chuckle. "You'd have sent me back to camp."

"Damn right I would have."

"I wasn't going to let you go up against that thing alone."

Theo sighed. "I wasn't alone." Dorian tried to argue, but Theo shook his head. "It's done, and hopefully we won't have to do anything like that again anytime soon." He ran his fingers through Dorian's hair before leaning down to kiss his forehead. His stubble tickled.

"Liar," Dorian said, snuggling deeper into the furs as Theo wrapped his arms around him. "You love a fight."

Theo didn't say anything, just pulled a blanket over the two of them. "Get some more rest, love," he said, nuzzling Dorian's ear and sending a tingle up his spine. "We can go home once you're strong enough."

It was another day before Dorian felt he could stand up unattended, and one more before he could get Theo to stop hovering over him like a worried mother hen every time he took a step. Only when Dorian finally swatted Theo's hand away from him did Theo truly grin and proclaim they were ready for travel.

Inquisition troops greeted them at the gates of the Avvar hold with their horses. Theo had hoped for a quiet leave-taking, but nothing was ever as simple as he seemed to hope for these days. There were parting gifts from Stonebear Hold: weapons and armor and crafts made by the hold's people. The Thane herself saw them off. She rested one hand in the scruff of their holdbeast's neck. The huge bear, Storvacker, growled low and contented, as if it knew peace had returned to this area.

"You have given our god rest, Lowlander," Svarah Sun-Hair said to Theo, who bit one corner of his lip and tried not to look embarrassed. Like slaying an embodied god was an easy thing that people did every day. "You've ended the Hakkonites' violence against our hold, and for that, you are worthy of being one of us. We name you Inquisitor First-Thaw: he who ended the reign of the ice dragon."

Theo bowed. His expression was serious, and made almost fierce by the gash down the side of his face. He said his thanks, and finally, after the sun had climbed into the sky, they'd mounted up and were headed back to the Inquisition base camp. They only stopped briefly for Theo to give the order to start picking up camp and return to Skyhold.

"But… there's still so much that this valley could yield in terms of research!" Professor Kenric lamented, staring out over the rolling land that led down to the lake. Chunks of ice still floated on the surface, but the hard freeze from Hakkon's breath had abated.

"You're not Inquisition, Professor," Theo told him. "You must choose your path, but the Inquisition's presence here is no longer necessary." He nodded to Scout Harding.

"Right! Pack it up! We're out of here by sunrise tomorrow!" the flame-haired dwarf bellowed. Kenric sighed and headed for his tent to begin packing. Even with the hostile Hakkonites gone, lack of Inquisition support (and probably funding) was bound to make remaining here lonely and unproductive.

Even though the camp would take time to pack up, Theo and Dorian headed out, joined by Bull and the Chargers. The mercenary company lagged behind, their raucous traveling songs echoing off the mountain passes in the sunny afternoon. Theo was deep in thought, almost scowling as he rode along. Or maybe it was the cut on his face, combined with his beard and his too-long hair. Strands kept escaping the tie that held some of it back, falling into his face. He would impatiently shake it off his forehead, only to have it fall back into his eyes again moments later.

Dorian, for his part, still felt worn out. They were in no rush, and the easy lope of his horse beneath him, plus the warm sun on his back, lulled him into a strange half-sleep. He'd learned to ride on some of the best horses in Tevinter at a very young age, and trusted both his horse and himself not to fall.

They paused to water the horses and have an afternoon meal. "I'm still a bit tired," Dorian told Theo. "So long as you don't need any casting done immediately I should recover."

"You're certain you don't want to ride in the carriage?"

"And miss nature passing me by? And not get to see your adorable scowl every step of the way?" He asked, and Theo smiled slightly. "You won," he said after a moment when Theo didn't refute what he'd said. "We came through relatively unscathed. You managed to not only find the last Inquisitor, but finish his job for him eight centuries later. You're even more living history than you were before," he added.

Theo stared out at the mountains; they'd been following the foothills of the Frostbacks, and would head back into the mountains once they hit Redcliffe in a day or so. "Jealous?" he asked with a slight smile.

Dorian didn't answer right away. The way he'd been raised, in an Altus family with great expectations thrust upon him, he'd always expected that he would be famous. And of course, amongst Tevinter high society he was noteworthy. Between his preference for men and his escapades with the Inquisition, he was practically infamous. But jealous of Theo's notoriety?

"Hardly," he said, wrapping his arm around Theo's waist. "Concerned, if anything. You have done the impossible, literally. Multiple times even. You can stop at any time and no one would fault you for it."

Theo shrugged. "This… someone needed help. And then the world needed saving again, so I suppose I was just doing my duty."

"The world only needed saving because you ended up helping Kenric find the first Inquisitor."

"So Hakkon is my fault." Theo pulled away from Dorian's grasp. "The fact that the Avvar warrior was trying to raise him, at the same time Kenric was researching, is all on me?" he asked. He didn't look at Dorian, but his brows were furrowed into a deep frown.

"Perhaps I will ride in the carriage after all," Dorian told him, the end of his mustache quivering. He felt the tingle of mana in his fingertips, as he always did when he was emotional. Theo was beyond reasoning right now, stewing with some issue or another only he could eventually overcome.

Theo sighed. He took a breath as if to say something, but ended up turning away and heading back to his horse. Dorian watched him go and tried to ignore the fluttering in his stomach. The Inquisitor didn't look back, just mounted up and started off on the mountain road once more. He left the rest of the traveling contingent scrambling to pick up everything and get moving to follow him.

Despite what he'd said Dorian didn't fancy riding in the carriage; the day was lovely, even if Theo's mood was a dark cloud over them.

"Something wrong with you and the Boss?" The Iron Bull asked him when he rode slowly enough that the Chargers caught up with him.

It was a loaded question. Certainly the many months since Corypheus's defeat had changed Theo. And maybe it had created a gap between the two of them. "I'm not sure," Dorian said at last. While Bull wouldn't judge them, Dorian didn't know how much he felt like sharing; not when he himself was trying to work out just what was going on between them. "He's had a lot on his mind," he finally said.

"I don't think he's the only one," Bull said, appraising him with his single eye, but he didn't press further.

"Perhaps you can take him out with the Chargers at some point. Let him work off his restless energy," Dorian suggested after they'd ridden a couple miles in silence. Theo still hadn't come back looking for him, and he didn't have any inclination to deal with another outburst. "He's constantly looking for a fight, and I don't have it in me to keep channeling it. Or maybe you could even just go a few rounds with him in the sparring ring back home."

Bull let out a loud laugh. "Boss could best me from a distance with that bow of his, but I'd wreck him in under a minute. He's fast, but he's scrawny as those saplings over there."

Dorian smiled, even as part of him wanted to leap to Theo's defense. Bull was twice his size, and just as fast, which was surprising for a Qunari. "Then perhaps you'd end up knocking sense into him," he said.

Bull smiled even as he shook his horns. "The Boss doesn't need sense," he said, staring ahead as if he could make Theo out on the path. "He needs a purpose. Kid didn't have purpose in his family or his life; he gets sent to the Conclave, ends up being in the right place at the right time, and suddenly has the most important purpose in the world. He got a taste of it. He liked it. Now that that Corypheus asshole's dead, what's the Boss got?"

"Peace? Quiet? A dashingly handsome Tevinter lover by his side and in his bed?" Dorian asked.

"I'm not saying those aren't worthy, or that he doesn't have them, Dorian." Bull smiled. "You don't have to be Ben-Hassrath...or ex Ben-Hassrath," he added with a wince, "to see how much that man adores you."

That Bull could still see Theo's heart on his sleeve made Dorian feel better. "So you're saying that as long as he has no purpose, he'll be insufferably moody?" he asked.

Bull laughed. "If you want to convert him to the Qun, you'll have to find someone else."

Dorian raised an eyebrow at the big Qunari. "Hardly. I'd just prefer a little more relaxation. We've all certainly earned it."

"So tell him," Bull said with a shrug.

He made it sound easy enough, and what Dorian was requesting wasn't a big deal. When they set up camp for the night Dorian went off in search of Theo. Dorian found him sitting on a rocky overlook, staring into the gathering darkness. He sat beside Theo and stared out with him. Theo didn't get up, nor did he sigh with irritation. All good signs. "Care to tell me what's going on, Amatus?" Dorian said at last. "I'm quite good at a great many things, but mind reading is not one of them."

His heart jumped slightly when Theo reached over and rested his hand on Dorian's. "Just thinking," he said. His voice was soft, much of the tension of earlier having gone out of it. As much as Dorian didn't want to let Theo wander off on his own at times like that, sometimes all he needed was to be alone to stew over his feelings. "It's probably going to be a royal shitstorm when we get home."

"It always is."

Theo laughed softly. "I keep remembering when you collapsed during the dragon fight. I didn't even take the killing shot on it," he said. He turned to face Dorian. The scruffy beard alone would have made him look older, but the gash along his face made him look experienced. It would leave a scar. "I went for you."

Dorian's heart fluttered slightly. "Well. That's only the sensible thing," he said, squeezing Theo's hand. "I'm glad to know that I rank over a dragon in your heart of hearts." Theo rested his head on Dorian's shoulder. "Have you ever considered that maybe we need to stop fighting other people's battles and start enjoying our hard-won peace?"

Theo was quiet and for a moment Dorian started to feel his heart sink. "All the time," Theo finally said. "Things keep happening that make it clear that peace isn't achieved yet."

"If you're waiting for the whole world to be at peace before you rest, then you'll be long dead, my dear," Dorian told him gently. Theo sighed. "You were made Inquisitor to deal with the threat of Corypheus. You've done that. You once asked just how much more needed to be done to prove that the Inquisition, and you as Inquisitor, were forces to be reckoned with. Need I remind you of what led to that conversation?"

Theo's ordeal at the hands of the Venatori in Halamshiral was a wound that had never quite healed properly. It hadn't broken him; but it had certainly changed him. "Thanks for reminding me," Theo grumbled.

"I can't make up your mind for you, Amatus. But I can ask you, as the man who loves you and shares your bed as well as your adventures, to consider the toll this may be taking on you. On us."

"I can't just give up."

"I'm not asking you to give up, just to consider what this is doing." His fingers slipped beneath the edge of Theo's fur collar and lightly massaged his neck. Theo unconsciously loosened up under Dorian's touch.

They spoke no more about it as the night wore on. Bull and Krem told stories of former Charger missions to lighten the mood. The Chargers were still laughing and drinking when Theo nudged Dorian and glanced toward their tent. Dorian felt a wave of relief; for most of the day he'd wondered if Theo would be in his mood come nightfall.

Dorian cast a small globe of fire that settled into a glass bowl, where it warmed and illuminated the tent. Theo changed into a pair of loose flannel pants and a woolen shirt. He combed his hair and tied it back the best he could. He held out his hand to Dorian as he settled into the nest of blankets and furs. In the flickering firelight Theo looked almost sad, and it made Dorian's heart skip a beat. He wanted to ask Theo was was wrong but he feared the answer.

Instead he lay down next to Theo, who wrapped his arms around him and nuzzled the back of his neck. Dorian closed his eyes and tried to forget the doubts and fears. The warmth of the blankets and fire and Theo's arms quickly made him doze, and as he slipped to sleep he felt Theo's warm breath on his ear. "I love you, Dorian," he whispered before snuggling deep into the blankets.

The doubts faded away.