WARNING: Mentions of self harm
It had been nearly two weeks since Zeref's death, and Natsu had only left his house for the funeral.
Lucy would never forget how broken he looked that day, dark circles under his red rimmed eyes, pink hair messier than usual. Natsu refused to leave Lucy's side, holding her hand throughout the entire ceremony, squeezing so tight at some moments that she feared her hand would bruise, looking down most of the time in an attempt to hide his tears.
Speaking to him was nearly impossible, he instantly sent every call to voicemail and responded to texts with one or two words.
Nobody had visited yet to comfort him, figuring he'd need space to deal with what happened, but Lucy knew better, she knew he needed some sort of physical comfort.
Lucy began to rethink her idea as she walked up the steps, she didn't bother to tell Natsu, he'd just refuse to see her, no matter how much she insisted. Deciding that it was for the best, Lucy rang the doorbell, patiently waiting for someone to answer.
Shortly after, Igneel opened the door, slightly surprised that Lucy was standing there. She quickly noticed the dark circles under his red rimmed eyes, face unshaven and hair a complete mess.
Igneel stepped to the side, nodding towards the stairs that led to Natsu's room. Lucy silently entered the house, giving Igneel a quick hug before heading up the stairs.
The hallway was unnaturally dark, the only noise being the slight hum of a song from Natsu's room.
"Natsu?" Lucy asked, knocking gently on the door. Unsurprisingly, there was no response, the music growing slightly louder. Lucy sighed, silently opening the door to Natsu's unusually clean room.
He laid on his bed, back facing the door while he played with something in his hands, the small object seemingly broken by the way he kept messing with it.
I'll see you in the future when we're older
And we are full of stories to be told
Lucy walked over to the speakers on his dresser, turning the volume down to almost nothing so they could properly hear each other.
"Natsu…" Lucy spoke gently, waiting a moment for a response she probably wouldn't receive. "Natsu." She repeated, a bit louder this time.
Natsu shifted his arm slightly to show he heard Lucy, the cast on his arm becoming more visible as he did so. Lucy cautiously walked towards his bed, the small object in his hand coming into view.
He was playing with a small, black lighter with flames painted across it, Natsu's name engraved in swooping gold letters.
It was a lighter that Zeref had given Natsu for his eleventh birthday, he'd used it nearly every day for no reason, burning up all the fuel in it in less than three months. Even though it was quite useless, he refused to leave it be, carrying it around all the time for three more years.
Lucy placed her hand on Natsu's head, running her hand slowly through his hair. "How long have you been doing this?" She asked, earning a weak shrug in response. "It'll be easier to talk if you sit up…"
Natsu moved slowly, placing the lighter on at the end of the bed as he leaned against the wall.
"How much have you eaten these past few weeks?" Lucy asked, placing her hand on his.
Natsu turned away, his fingers twitching as he looked at the lighter. "Three sandwiches and a bowl of ice cream, but I threw up after eating every time…" He mumbled, pulling gently at his ripped shirt.
Lucy squeezed his upper arm, worried she'd hurt him if she applied too much pressure near his cast. "Do you think you'll be able to eat if I make your favorite food?"
Natsu shook his head, looking at her hand on his arm. "I don't wanna eat, not hungry…"
Lucy sighed, throwing one of her legs over Natsu's to sit on his thighs, grabbing the sides of his face and putting her forehead against his before the sudden burst of confidence ended.
"I don't care how long it takes, or how much I have to do, I'll find something that you can eat without throwing up, okay?" She spoke softly, staring into Natsu's wide eyes the entire time. "And I know you don't want to, but I need you to tell me everything you've done since I last saw you, no matter how little it may be…"
A spark of fear seemed to flash through Natsu's eyes as he nodded, breaking eye contact once Lucy backed up.
"I haven't left my room much, only took two showers, drank over thirty bottles of water because it helps me calm down, and one other thing I'm not sure I wanna tell you…" Natsu relayed worriedly, lowering his head so that his bangs covered his eyes as he said the last part.
He shakily grabbed his shirt, lifting the left side of it slowly as he exposed two large cuts above his hip, intersecting in an off-centered X shape. "I did it last Wednesday without thinking, I didn't care about what would happen until the blood started pooling on the floor, it took over an hour to clean up, and the entire time I did it, I cried…"
Lucy placed her hand on the edge of the dark, scabbed cut, tracing the outline of it with light, feathery touches. "Did you tell Igneel?"
Natsu tensed, bowing his head lower so he wouldn't see Lucy's reaction. "I'm afraid of what he'll say…"
Lucy pulled her hand away, putting Natsu's shirt back down before she pulled him into an embrace, his head resting on her shoulder. "He'll understand, Natsu, I won't make you tell him, but I know he won't be mad."
Natsu wrapped his arms around Lucy's waist, pulling her closer as tears began to fall from his eyes, wetting her shirt.
They stayed that way for a few minutes as Lucy played with Natsu's hair, thinking of something to say. Natsu hated prolonged silence, he needed someone speaking at all times or he'd get skittish and uncomfortable. Unable to think of a decent sentence, Lucy went to her last resort, quietly singing along with the song that was currently playing through Natsu's speakers.
I am a lost boy from Neverland
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
Natsu turned his head slightly so he could hear better, quieting his sobs so they wouldn't overtake Lucy's voice.
And when we're bored we play in the woods
Always on the run from Captain Hook
"Run, run, lost boy," they say to me.
Away from all of reality
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free.
"I love you, Luce..." Natsu mumbled into Lucy's shoulder, tears slowing enough that he could properly speak.
"What was that?" Lucy asked, pulling away slightly so she could see his face better.
"Nothing, I was just talking to myself." He responded quickly, returning to nuzzling into the crook of her neck.
First of all I would like to apologize for not updating in over two weeks, like I said last update, school started again and it has been extremely draining both emotionally and physically, and I just haven't had the energy to post this chapter.
Also, there's only a few chapters left in this story, and I'm honestly not ready for it to end, depending on how much more I have to say after the last chapter, there might be an epilogue.
The lyrics in this chapter are from Laughter Lines by Bastille and Lost Boy by Ruth B.