Chapter Sixteen
Sunday
Prim's voice is what wakes me up bright and early on Sunday morning. "Katniss, wake up! It's Sunday!"
I groan into my pillow, unhappy that I have been woken, and ignore her words. "Leave me alone. I'm tired," I mumble.
"I don't think so," she says in a sing-song voice. "We have to be at the Justice Building by noon!"
"Why are we going there?" I ask, yawning into the pillow before turning on my side and bringing my legs up to my chest.
"It's Sunday. Do you know what that means? You're getting married," she replies. And just like that, I am sitting up and staring at her, my eyes wide.
"What? Already?" I question and she nods, a big grin on her face.
"Come on. Up you get. Mother is making you breakfast and while you eat I am going to make you a hot bath," she says, tugging on my hand until I'm standing on my own two feet.
My mind feels all cloudy, like it's not accepting the information being fed to me. I am getting married today… at noon… to Peeta Mellark. I am going to become Mrs Mellark. We are going to move into a house in the Seam and sleep in the same bed and act like a married couple.
I never wanted this. This was the last thing on earth I ever wanted, but it's happening. It really is happening. I have to accept that I have a child to think about now, and marrying Peeta will be the best thing to do. I could do a lot worse than him. In fact, I don't think there is anyone better. Still, I don't feel prepared for this.
He will make a great husband and a kind and caring father. I can just imagine him in a few years, sneaking our son or daughter a cookie after I ask him not to, teaching he or she how to bake. It's quite a pleasant thought. Despite this, I am still scared out of my mind.
What if he falls in love with a woman and wants to marry her? What if he doesn't want to stay with the baby and I when he or she is born? What if, after a while, I begin to have feelings for him? What if he dies and I am left with a child that I won't be able to care for because I'll be in bed in a catatonic state, staring at a wall remembering how things used to be?
I can't fall in love with him, I tell myself. I can't. I won't. Why would I? It's only Peeta Mellark, the boy who saved my life, the boy who I have kept tabs on over the years, the boy's whose arms I fell into the night my best friend was reaped. It's just Peeta Mellark.
"Katniss," Prim whispers, bringing me out of my thoughts. "Are you okay?"
"Of course. I suggested we do this. Why wouldn't I be okay with it?"
She shrugs and tells me I should go eat. I nod and silently leave the room and travel the short distance to the small kitchen.
"You are just in time," mother announces, placing a plate of toast covered in a thick layer of goats cheese on the table. "Come sit." I do as I am told and take a seat at the table.
"Thank you. You didn't have to do this," I say.
"I wanted to. Peeta dropped by some warm bread before Prim woke you. It smells delicious, so I used that one rather than our usual loaf," she explains.
"Thank you."
I swallow hard as my eyes fall on the seedy bread on my plate... the same bread that saved my life after father died. I blink and and shake my head, trying to convince myself that it doesn't mean anything. I eat the food quickly, wishing the day would go by quicker.
"I bought a razor in town," mother speaks up, while I scoop the last piece of food into my mouth. I frown, recognising the word but not understanding what it is.
"A what?" I ask.
"A razor," mother explains. "You don't have to use it, but I thought you might like to remove your body hair. It's in the bathroom."
"You can do that?" I question, wondering why she thinks I would feel the need to do that.
"Yes. I also put an old, blue dress of mine out on your bed, and I thought I could maybe braid your hair for you," she suggests, a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
"Sure," I reply, not wanting the unfamiliar glimmer to disappear. "I'll go wash up now."
In the tub, I wash my hair with a liquid soap that we can't usually afford and clean my body with a cube of soap, before I sit and stare at the peculiar looking object on the side of the bath. Is that the razor? I now know what it does, but I am still unsure of how to use it.
I lift the object into my hands and twist it around as I inspect it before I place the silver, metal part against my right leg. I slide the razor from my ankle to my knee and watch with wonder as a line of dark hair disappears. I repeat the action on another area of skin, and again watch as the hair disappears.
My pace quickens as I become more sure of myself, carelessly moving the object in one direction and then another. I am no longer paying much attention to what I am doing, when I feel the metal cut my skin, making me gasp aloud at the sharp pain. I instantly drop the razor to the floor and stare with wide eyes as a trail of blood swims down my leg, droplets hitting the water and turning it red.
Suddenly, all I can think back to is when I lost the baby. I leap out of the tub, and just make it to the toilet before the vomit comes.
"Katniss!" Prim calls from somewhere nearby. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," I manage to call out, after I have wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I grab my toothbrush and scrub my teeth to get rid of the disgusting taste leftover in my mouth.
I then wrap a towel around myself and leave the bathroom, heading to the bedroom I share with my family. Like my mother had said before, there is a faded, blue dress neatly folded on the bed. I find some cotton underwear and pull the dress over my head.
The soft material falls to my knees, not long enough to hide the new cut on my leg. I must look pathetic; with half of one leg shaved and cut, and the other still natural. It's just one day, I remind myself. I will be back in my usual trousers in no time. Prim and mother come into the room and my sister gasps at the trail of blood on my leg.
"What happened?" she asks.
"I'm fine. It's just a little cut," I reassure her.
"Prim, go get a wet cloth to wipe the blood away. She can't turn up at the Justice Building with blood all over her leg," mother says. Prim skips away and I take a seat on the edge of the bed while mother comes to kneel on the hard mattress behind me.
She runs her fingers through my long hair until all the knots are gone. She then starts weaving my hair into an intricate braid that wraps around my head. Prim returns with a cloth and wipes the blood from my leg.
"Once you have finished cleaning her leg up we will apply some makeup to her face, even though she doesn't need it," mother says.
I feel like they are fussing over me, like I'm incapable of doing anything myself. I know they want me to relax and look pretty, but I am struggling to keep my opinions to myself. I don't care what I look like. I just want to get today over and done with. If I could, I would wear my usual trousers and leather boots to the Justice Building, but I know mother would never allow me to go like that.
I close my eyes and forget my surroundings, instead imagining myself in the woods, fishing in the lake with my father, just like we used to. Every Sunday, the only day he had off work, we would sneak out early in the morning and stay at the lake until noon.
I keep my eyes shut until I hear my mother's soft voice telling me that she is finished. My eyes fly open and I stand up to inspect my appearance in the small mirror. My eyes widen as I take in my reflection. I look like another person. I look pretty, almost beautiful. I have been transformed from an average duckling into a feathered swan. I find myself wondering what Peeta will think of my appearance. I quickly shake my head, a frown taking over my features. Why would I care what he thinks?
"You're so beautiful. I wish I looked like you," Prim says, a soft sigh escaping her lips.
"Oh, I wish I looked like you, Little Duck. You're as pretty as a primrose."
She smiles and wraps her arms around my waist. "I'm going to miss you."
"Hey," I say, cupping her cheeks in my hands. "I won't be far away. Besides, I'll be coming over every day to annoy you."
"It's time to go," mother speaks up. "We don't want to be late."
I nod and look at my reflection once more before leaving the room. We each put on a jacket to keep warm and I make sure it is my father's hunting jacket that I slide my arms into. I want him to be with me today. I slide my mother's old shoes onto my feet, and then we leave the house, starting on our journey to the Justice Building.
Prim talks all the way there, making the journey seem quicker than it usually is. When we arrive I notice five people waiting outside the Justice Building. I am surprised to see Madge among the small crowd, and I return the smile she gives me. I greet Mr Mellark and his two oldest sons, none of us mentioning Mrs Mellark, who is not in sight. I then turn to Peeta, who I will be married to in just a small amount of time, and wonder how Peeta feels about his mother not making an appearance.
"Hi," Peeta says, a small smile gracing his lips. He is wearing a smart suit that is slightly too big for him. I guess that it once belonged to his father when he was young, before it had been passed down to the two oldest Mellark boys, and then Peeta. "This is it, Katniss. Are you sure this is what you want?"
"I am sure."
He looks almost shy when he speaks again. "You look beautiful." I feel my cheeks heat up at his kind words as I stutter out a reply.
"T-thank you. You look... Well, you look good."
He doesn't have time to reply, as my mother announces that it is time to go in. We enter the large building, the grandest in District 12, and I watch as my mother and Peeta's father leave to speak to a man sitting behind a desk. He looks over at Peeta and I before looking back at our parents. He hands them documents for them to sign, giving their permission to mine and Peeta's marriage.
I realise that, these last few days, all Peeta has done is ask if I am okay with this and if I want to change my mind. Not once have I asked him how he really feels about the arrangement.
I turn to him and find him already looking at me. His face turns a shade of pink at being caught staring, and I try not to react. "Are you sure about doing this, Peeta?"
"I have never wanted anything else," he replies, and I narrow my eyes at him, wondering what he means by that. Before I can ask, our parents return to our side and announce that it is time for the ceremony to start.
We are led into a plain room, the furniture consisting of a desk, where a woman patiently sits behind as she waits to begin, and two wooden chairs seated in the front.
"Welcome," the Capitol woman chirps, in a voice that sounds a lot like Effie Trinket. "Please, will the soon to be husband and wife take a seat, and may the guests stand silently as the ceremony begins." Peeta and I glance at each other nervously, before we sit on the wooden chairs.
The woman clears her throat before she continues. "We may now begin. It is my great honour to marry the present Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen with family and friends in attendance. Mr Mellark, take your beloved's hand and repeat after me."
Peeta turns to me and takes my trembling hand, while repeating the ancient words that have been tradition for hundreds of years. "I, Peeta Mellark, take Katniss Everdeen, to be my wife, knowing in my heart that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life, and my one true love. On this special day, I promise to stay by your side as your faithful husband in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as well as through the good times and the bad. I further promise to love you without reservation, honour and respect you, provide for your needs as best I can, protect you from harm, comfort you in times of distress, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you for as long as we both shall live."
I have to remind myself to breathe as Peeta finishes, his words effecting me in a way that nothing has before. His eyes never leave mine as I clear my throat and turn to the woman as she calls for my attention.
"Miss Everdeen, you may repeat after me," the woman orders. I carefully listen to each sentence before repeating the words in a quiet voice.
"I, Katniss Everdeen, take Peeta Mellark, to be my husband, secure in the knowledge that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life, and my one true love. On this special day, I promise to stay by your side as your faithful wife in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as well as through the good times and the bad. I further promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve all of your goals, laugh with you and cry with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you for as long as we both shall live."
"And now, as a reminder of your vows, please repeat together…" the woman says, before making us repeat her words once again.
"With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you."
"I would now like each of you to sign your signatures under your names," the woman says, and hands each of us a pen to sign the document that sits on the desk. I scribble my name with shaky hands, before I sit back down. Peeta does the same, and once he is seated again, the woman stands and says, "Under Capitol law, I now announce you as husband and wife. Mr Mellark, you may now kiss your bride, Mrs Katniss Mellark."
Peeta and I stand, turning towards each other, and I find myself frozen like a statue as Peeta leans in. Our families breaks into applause as I close my eyes, waiting for his lips to meet mine, but instead only feel the brush of his soft lips against my cheek.