Make You Feel My Love
~Book III~

Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers nor do I own the plot of Age of Ultron. All rights go to Marvel.
All I do own are my own characters and their stories.

~Chapter 28~
Grief

Steve's POV

Taking a moment away from the role as Captain America, was something Steve hadn't realized he had needed. The moment he had left to go to town, a wave of relief had washed over him. He had been on his motorcycle and had been forced to pull over for a minute to get himself together again. The relief was a nice feeling. Though the feeling that came after, was not a nice feeling.

It was grief. Pure and utter sorrow. When he was Captain America, Steve didn't feel this so much. He had a role to play, he had duties and things that kept him away from those awful thoughts and memories he still had about her. In a way, it felt nice to not have to grieve; to not feel the pain he knew existed in his heart. Though he hadn't thought of the fact that he hadn't allowed himself any time to grieve yet, which meant that when the moment came that nothing kept Steve from thinking of Maria, everything that he hadn't felt the past two days, hit him at once.

With a sigh, Steve had continued on towards town. Buying a coffin was something that needed to be done; another duty that he had, and he quickly forced away the grieve to think about what coffin Maria would have preferred.

Couples who had been together for a long time usually knew what the other wanted for their funeral. Some people, had Steve heard, even used this page on the internet to write down what they wanted their funeral to look like, or what they wanted their loved ones to know in case they'd never get to say it before the end. Though Maria had been a criminal for a long time, which meant she needed to keep her name and existence hidden, so writing on such a page had been something she never did. And before that, she had been too young to think about death. Their time together hadn't been very long and they had never discussed death; which, Steve came to think, was odd seeing as their line of work was rather dangerous and life-threatening.

So, when Steve stood in the room filled with caskets to choose from, in a funeral home located in Hell's Kitchen, he had no clue what to buy.

His bank account wasn't the fullest of all the Avengers. And when he looked at the prices of some of the caskets he found worthy enough to hold Maria's beautiful body, his wallet burned in his pocket. He knew he would never be able to give Maria the funeral she deserved. Though he wanted to arrange it himself. It was the least he could do after all the pain he'd caused her before she died.

"You decided yet?" asked the fat, red-faced man standing beside Steve with his arms crossed over his chest.

The man had been there the countless of other times that the Avengers had come. Each time, the man seemed to become sourer and sourer, probably because he had to get up from his chair behind the desk to pull out Maria's body each time a hero arrived. And they were many, all wanting to grieve and say goodbye on their own.

"I, uh, don't think I'll be able to afford any of these," said Steve, turning his head to look at the man.

"Yeah," he said, obnoxiously chewing his gum. "Well, there are less expensive ones over there. Just figured an Avenger like ya would get enou' money from the White House to afford these."

Steve followed the man's finger, his eyes landing on a couple of caskets that were literally just wooden boxes. His chest tightened, thinking about Maria lying in such an ugly thing. She deserved better for her last time above the ground; for her last resting place.

"Look, maybe we can come up with an arrangement-"

"Don't worry about the money, Cap," said a voice from the doorway, causing both Steve and the red-faced man to turn around. "I'll handle all of that."

Tony walked in, one hand in his pocket while the other hand removed his sunglasses. Again, Steve's chest tightened though this time, it was because of anger. He watched as Tony walked over to the most expensive caskets, his eyes landing on the one Steve had seen earlier as well.

It was made of a beautiful, white birch that glistened in the sunlight coming in through a near-by window. The inside was, currently, clad in a matt, turquoise silken fabric. Though Steve had read that you could choose whatever color and fabric you wanted for the inside.

"This looks nice, doesn't it Rogers?" asked Tony, turning his head slightly to look back at Steve.

"Aye, this one 'ere is one o' my favorites as well," said the fat man, walking over to Tony with a glint in his eyes that told Steve the fat man had realized who had the money out of the two of them. "It's really goin' to make 'er look like sleepin' beauty durin' the Visitation."

"Well, then, that's settled then," said Tony, clapping his hands together. "Now, Mr…"

"Slipper, sir," said the red-faced man.

"Mr Slipper, if you could just give us a moment to, uh, truly make up our minds…?" asked Tony.

"Aye, I'll get the papers ya'll need to sign," said Mr Slipper, immediately waddling out through the doorway and into the front of his funeral home, efficiently leaving the two heroes on their own.

"Gotta say, it's a really good-looking coffin," said Tony, sounding genuinely impressed as he gently placed his sunglasses in the front pocket of his suit. "You're probably wondering how I knew you'd be here."

Steve didn't reply, but simply stared at him until he continued to talk, seeming oblivious to Steve's rising anger.

"That new kid – Wilson? - told me. Said he'd seen you go off on your bike to arrange some stuff for the funeral-thingy," said Tony. "I figured, hey, why not join? We both were close to Dalton, I have the money to actually arrange her funeral and so on. By the way, that Wilson kid, amazing asset to the team. Dalton really made a good call when she said she wanted him to join."

Steve turned around, his breathing now deep and rather furious.

"So, about the talking," said Tony, coming to stand next to Steve who was turned toward one of the cheaper caskets, one hand resting on the top of it. "I was wondering; do you know if Maria left behind any unfinished business?"

Steve's fingers curled into a fist.

"Like, did she owe someone money or did she have any mortgages-"

"What does it matter!?"

Steve pounded his fist against the top of the casket, immediately breaking it as he furiously glared at Tony. It didn't help that Tony simply stood there, looking smug.

"She's dead! None of that matters!" exclaimed Steve. "God, I can't even give her a good funeral on my own. Mortgages… No. She didn't have any. Because she didn't live anywhere because I broke up with her and we never had the chance to get back together and move into a new apartment, like we wanted. No, she didn't owe anyone any money 'cause she barely spent any because she dedicated her whole life to helping people, to being an Avenger, to being there for me…"

His sentence died out as tears pushed up against his eyes, a lump forming in Steve's throat as the pain overwhelmed him, making him take a deep breath to calm himself down again.

"And I didn't… She didn't know… I just wish I had managed to make her feel my love for her…"

"There it is," said Tony gently, causing Steve to look over at him again, removing his hand from what remained of the casket he had accidentally broken. "You see, I like Wilson because he didn't just tell me where you were. But also how you were."

Steve's eyebrows furrowed, not understanding what Tony meant at all.

"He told me you had been Captain America for the past two days. Since the day you all moved into the new, soon to be, Avenger's HQ, you hadn't been anything but Cap. That's not healthy, man," said Tony gently. "You gotta grieve. You gotta let out the pain… Let it consume you for a couple of days, at least until the funeral. At least until you've said good-bye. 'Cause this isn't healthy."

"Maybe I don't want to grieve…" whispered Steve.

"Why not?" asked Tony, furrowing his brow. "You can't keep going like that or you'll break! What would the team do if there was no more Captain America? No one else to lead us?"

"You'd lead us fine," said Steve in a murmur.

"No. I wouldn't. And you know that," said Tony, pointing a finger at him. "So step up, be a man, and let those tears flow. 'Cause you're gonna break otherwise."

Steve simply looked over at Tony, not being able to see anyone else but Howard Stark whenever Tony and he shared a moment like that. There was just something so familiar with the support Howard managed to give, on the times he wanted to, back in the good old days whenever Tony was like that; supportive, real and a genuinely good friend.

"You're paying for that," said Tony, gesturing towards the broken coffin.

There was a short silence broken by Tony; "Thor's staying 'till after the funeral." He chuckled lightly. "He wanted to give her a 'real funeral' with fires and all. Apparently, Asgardians place the body on a raft filled with gifts or personal belongings to the person, push the raft gently out onto a river, and then they send a burning arrow to set the raft on fire… I told him we didn't do it that way."

"Good," said Steve. "'Cause I'm not burning her."

"By the way," said Tony, placing a hand on Steve's shoulder. "You do all the planning. I mean, I'm good with parties and seeing as funerals don't really have strippers… I mean, I was just riling you up back there, bud."

"I know," said Steve, nodding his head appreciatively. "You're a good friend Tony."

"Come on, let's sign those papers," said Tony, letting go of Steve's shoulder and putting his sunglasses back on.

The two walked back towards the doorway.

"How was Pietro's funeral?" asked Steve.

"It was good," said Tony. "Wanda had arranged it beautifully. She's back at the Avengers HQ now, cooking a meal for everyone to apologize for everything she's done."

"She doesn't have to," said Steve quickly.

"No, I told her so too when I dropped her off," said Tony with a shrug. "But she insisted."

I know it's short, but there's more coming soon so that'll make up for the short chapter :)