Chapter summary: She fell for it. Humans, with their skin temperature, iris dilation, and heart rate can be so easy to read and to manipulate. Maybe I'm starting to understand this inscrutable being? But to be sure, she will start to comprehend herself. Starting tonight.
"You win; I lose," I said, backed against the wall, breathing her honeysuckle-and-rose scent, looking at her regal chin, not daring to look at her eyes burning with a fire of their own ... a soul-sucking fire.
She stepped back from me, finally giving me a little space to breathe, a little space to think, a little space to take in more of her. I saw her face in full. I expected it to be wreathed in victory. It wasn't. She didn't look smug or victorious or gloating; instead, she looked very, very determined.
Why? She just won the bet. Why was it that she looked determined, like it was she that would be going through an ordeal? She had won; she could do whatever she wanted for a whole seven seconds. What was so hard for her about that?
She held her hand out to me, palm facing me, meaning, wait, I guessed. She looked like she was going somewhere? Where?
"Rosalie," I asked — how long would she be gone? I didn't know, but she had been gone for maybe a few hours, and I couldn't stand by for a few hours more, besides the fact that I would probably be asleep by then — "you're going somewhere, right?"
She nodded, looking puzzled.
"Before you go, could I have a drink of water first?" Having my soul sucked out, and then put back in, made me thirsty.
She nodded again, got the cup, went outside with it, came back in, scooped out some boiling water from pot and then came to me, extending the cup to me.
I looked inside the cup, there were chunks of snow melting in the water. I would bet that the water was at a perfect temperature for me to drink, but it seemed, now, my betting history wasn't all that good.
I covered her fingers on the cup with mine and looked to her.
"Would you please stay until after I finish the water?" I was afraid that as soon as she handed me the cup, she would disappear in a blur to wherever she was going.
She nodded, though, took a step back, allowing me to drink. I sat down on the bed. I was being brave, but the dread of the coming ... whatever ... was taking its toll. My legs weren't shaking, but I could feel them vibrating. Sitting down seemed like a good idea right now.
I started to drink the water, watching Rosalie. She went to the door.
I gasped and shouted: "Rosal..." and then I coughed, choking on the water.
Her eyebrows became stormy, and she held up one finger impatiently with one hand while making waving vertical motions with the other. Waving motions that said relax!
My eyes pleaded for her to come back quickly, as I couldn't find the words to put together to ask her this. That is, ask her with any coherency, or without sounding too desperate.
Because that's what I was: too desperate. I was scared she would walk away, become this scary, imperious, impersonal monster, and come back to me in this new form to do whatever she was going to do to me for those now more and more dreaded seven seconds.
My eyes pleaded, but her eyes rolled. She gave me a grow up grimace and left.
Grow up, was what her look said. That's what she thought of me: a little cry-baby.
... because that's what I was, too. Where was that strong girl that I had promised myself I'd be? Did she keep that when she sucked out my soul?
I looked down at the half-finished cup of water. I wondered if I let myself cry, would I fill the cup? Yes, I would: fill it to overflowing. I put the cup to my lips, tilted my head back, and took as big a gulp as I could. It was difficult swallowing past the lump in my throat. I took another big gulp and finished off the cup.
Rosalie returned. She held the plate of left-over steak in her hand, showed it to me, and headed toward the stove.
"Rosalie, no, please, I don't want that right now." That stopped her. She looked at me.
"You needt to eat," she stated through gritted teeth. She was being commanding. I guess my little 'what humans need to survive' lecture to her had really affected her. But I couldn't eat, not now.
"No, Rosalie, it's just ... that is, I really ..." I was stumbling over my stutters. "I just can't eat anything right now. I just can't." I was hungry, but my stomach, empty, but full of butterflies, would push back out anything I forced down now. Water was about all I could handle right now.
My stuttery argument didn't please her, but it looked like it convinced her. She gave me an unhappy look, but went back to the door. She held up one finger and waited.
I nodded. She opened the door to go, but I called out to her, "Rosalie?"
She raised an eyebrow, standing by the opened door.
"Could I have another cup of water, please?" I asked.
She closed the door and came to me, holding out her hand for the cup. I gave it to her, and she disappeared out the door with the cup and the plate.
I was confused: why didn't an animal scavenge the food on the plate? Leaving food out in the open in the wild ... that didn't seem wise. I had met some wolves already; didn't she say there were mountain lions around, too? Leaving steak out ... wouldn't that just call all sorts of wild animals here?
She came back in, scooped out some water from the pot, came to me and handed off the cup.
She went to the door and opened it. "Rosalie?" I called again.
She closed the door firmly. "What!" she growled. Her tone sounded like she was losing patience.
I looked down. I guess it wasn't the best idea to be irritating her just before she collected her winnings ... from me. But still ...
"After I finish this cup of water," I was starting to blush, "... could I, like ... ?"
"Goh?" Rosalie finished my question.
I nodded, shamefacedly.
I looked back at Rosalie. She was smirking at me, her armed crossed in her superior look. She nodded smugly.
Well, at least I amused her. At least she wasn't angry with me.
Rosalie gave me one of her elegant waves, so I drank the water, and then stood up from the bed.
"I'm done." I couldn't delay any more.
She came to me and took the cup, setting it down in the sink, then went outside grabbed the bucket and quickly filled it with embers. We were flying through the forest before I knew she picked me up. We were in the steaming, lighted outhouse before I saw her do the routine. Was time speeding up, or was she hurrying things along?
... or both?
I pulled down my panties and removed the pad. And I smiled.
"Look!" I don't think I've ever showed my pad to anyone. I don't think I've ever been so pleased to do it.
I was now. I opened my pad to Rosalie, but she took a quick step back.
Well, okay, waving what was just there in somebody's face ... not the most ... well, I guess I shouldn't have done that. I guess my excitement overcame my ladylike tendencies.
What ladylike tendencies? you ask. My answer: shut up, okay?
Besides, I had a reason for doing this. "No, Rosalie, look: no more blood. I'm done with my period! You can talk now!"
Rosalie took a cautious step forward and held out her hand. I let her take the pad from me. She looked at it and shook her head. What? My incredulous eyes must have communicated my thoughts, or perhaps she just read my mind, because she pointed at the middle of the pad. I looked.
"What?" I asked. "I don't see a thing!"
She brought the candle down from the frame and held it level to the pad and pointed again.
Two teeny-tiny-tinsy dots. Two nearly invisible dots. Two nothing dots.
I opened my mouth to shout my disbelief, but the look on Rosalie's face froze me. She looked more pained than I did.
My breath escaped in a huff. "Okay," I sighed in defeat, looking at her defeated face. "You will start talking with me tomorrow, right? That is, when my period's over?"
God, I missed her voice. I missed having the ability to talk and to listen, to ask and to respond. I missed the give and take. God, I missed that. I couldn't stand any more of this one-sided nothing.
She shrugged.
She shrugged?
"What does that mean?" I demanded, mimicking her shrug. "Why wouldn't you talk to me tomorrow? Won't you start talking with me again tomorrow?"
She looked at me, and spoke the words carefully, "Nawt if yourh dead."
I sat down on the opened seat, thinking ... and then peeing.
Then I looked up to her. "You're not going to hurt me tonight ... during the seven seconds? You're not going to kill me, are you?"
She shrugged again.
"Rosalie," I glared, I had had enough of the shrugging, "you can't do this. You have to tell me if you're going to kill me or hurt me."
Rosalie glared right back.
I waited for her answer, but it looked like that's the answer she was going to give. But I didn't accept that.
"Because if you are, then I have to ..." Rosalie held up her hand.
I stood up, glaring. She sat me back down and washed me, impassively, as if my life weren't hanging in the balance.
"Rosalie, you have to tell me." I said quietly into her ear ... quietly but insistently ... as she bent me over. "Are you planning on killing or hurting me tonight?"
She stepped back from washing me, shook her head no, and handed me a towelette.
What was so God damned hard about admitting that! I fumed as I cleaned and dried myself. She handed me a pad, and I lost my control over my temper. I didn't say anything, but I did breathe out an exasperated sigh. Two tiny not-even-hardly-there dots and she gives me a new pad! As if I needed it!
And then I thought about the American Sign Language book.
Oh, my G... no. No! She wasn't going to talk to me ever again? Was that the plan? I opened my mouth to ask about this, but she handed me the tin full of lime and nodded toward where I had sat.
I sighed again. She was purposely ignoring my concerns; she was deflecting me. I spread the lime, and I thought about throwing the tin can in after, just out of spite, but I gritted my teeth and handed it back to her. My angry action might hurt me more than it might hurt her. After all, she didn't need to go, that I could see, and I could just see her pushing me in after the can ... into the can ... to get the ...
Oh, never mind! I'm just too pissed to be making jokes right now.
And don't you dare say: oh, Bella, you're pissed? That's funny, 'cause you just p...
I said don't say it!
Rosalie took the can, extinguished the candle, and we were flying through the forest.
"Rosalie, you have to ..." I began angrily, but then I stopped.
I stopped because we stopped ... right in the middle of the forest. Rosalie was looking down at me, her eyes weren't friendly. I looked away. I guess she didn't have to do anything, after all. I wasn't interested in taking a snow swim by moonlight right now.
"Never mind," I whispered. I risked a glance back at her, her eyes were narrowed at me. I looked away again, but the trees started flying by again in that comfortingly impossibly fast blur that they did when Rosalie was running. We were inside the cabin as soon as I saw it race toward us.
"Rosalie, will you please do me a favor?" I asked. I figured instead of telling her what she had to do, asking her for a favor might be better. Besides, she had asked favors of me. Fair's fair.
But I didn't wait for her response, either. "Will you tell me, you know, when you're about to kill me?"
Rosalie was right beside the door when I asked her. She was there, then she was gone; the door swaying open. A second later I heard a prolonged scream from a great distance in the forest that shook the very air, and then she blurred right in front of me, right in my face, her eyes pitch black, shouting at me:
"I'll try!" she shouted, and then her words blurred together like she just had: "I'lltryilltryilltryilltry! I'LL ..." She coiled back, looking just like that wolf did when it leapt at me, but then she seemed to implode. She finished with a sad, quiet tone: "... try."
I stood stunned. No, in shock. Not understanding anything. No surprises there. I watched her standing a foot from me, the opened doorway seeping in cold Belle Fourche air, wherever the Hell that was. She wasn't breathing; I hadn't seen her breathe in during her tirade, but now I saw her eyes mellow and then brighten to a yellow-gold as her rigid stance did not mellow to anything more relaxed.
I had thought carefully what I was about to say next during my trip back to the cabin where I didn't end up swimming in the snow.
"Rosalie," her eyes went black again — just like that — but I had to say it, "I have to ask you to promise me that. I have to ask you to promise me that you'll try to tell me before you kill me ... because ... because I have to do something very important just before I die." I was going to say: I have to tell you something just before I die, but Rosalie would then know what I had to say. She was the smart one here, after all.
My eyes were looking at her feet as I said this, as I asked this of her. I looked back up into her face. Anger flashed across the face with the pitch black eyes. It looked she was going to slap me, and I flinched, but I held my place.
So did she. She thought for a second, and her face settled into a state of calm. Perhaps it was resigned? She carefully took my left hand in her right, then brought up her left and held my hand in both of hers, squeezed it very gently, and said, very distinctly: "I promise," through clenched teeth and put my hand back at my side.
I had asked her to promise, and she had given me that promise. But why did it feel that something happened that was much more than that? When she said: "I promise" it felt like she wasn't just saying, "I promise," but she was saying something about forever ... that she was promising me something forever.
I looked down again, realizing that I had just asked everything from her, somehow ... and that she had just given it to me.
"Thank you," I whispered. It was all I could say.
Even with this realization, it still seemed that I had only glimpsed at a small part of what this meant.
'Seven seconds' was turning from a scary game the older kids played to something much more profound.
I shivered. Rosalie looked toward the door. She walked over and closed it and then pointed to the sink. Huh? I raised my eyebrow, so she came over to me and held out her hand to me. I took it. She walked me over to the sink and got out the tooth brush and powder. Oh! I hadn't brushed since ... when? breakfast? I had forgotten to do that after lunch, and I woke up with stinky cotton mouth, but it was so far down my priority list, it just ...
But Rosalie remembered. She remembered for me. I brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth with the Listerine she handed me. After that, she motioned me to the bed. I went there and watched her as she stoked the fire in the stove. She went back to the door and held up two fingers, so I nodded.
She opened the door, but then turned back to me, tilted her head to one side, considering, then straightened up and spoke these words:
"Youh are strong; youh can do zhis."
And she was gone.
That was so encouraging. I suddenly felt not very strong. I suddenly felt I couldn't do 'this', whatever it was. I looked around the cabin, helplessly, feeling trapped, feeling alone, and feeling not just a little bit scared.