What Is Believed

from T.S. Eliot's The Dry Salvages

There is no end, but addition: the trailing
Consequence of further days and hours,
While emotion takes to itself the emotionless
Years of living among the breakage
Of what was believed in as the most reliable

Aethyta had thought nothing could hurt her anymore. She had thought she would never really feel anything ever again. She'd lost that capacity. When she had heard that Nezzie ... when she had heard…. When….

It made no sense. None of it. Nezzie couldn't be…. It was easier to believe that Nezzie had run off again or been sent to some distant place on some secret mission, and that her disappearance, the aching empty absence of her all over again, was temporary, not…. At some point, she'd appear once more, like a planet occluded for a time in its ellipse, like a star hidden by daylight. She was always there without appearing to be for some stupid, mind-fucking, galaxy-changing excuse of a reason.

There was no way she'd have done any of the things rumored or reported about her. Take up with a violent, psychopathic turian Spectre shithead; betray Thessia and the Council; massacre human colonies; destroy Binary Helix; breed rachni! No. She knew Nezzie. Knew her. None of that was possible. It was all a set up. Nobody could change that much in a hundred years. How many times had they argued about whether violence could ever be justified? How many times had Nezzie refused to even enter a shouting match about it just to prove her point? Debate, persuasion and compromise were her ways. She could defend herself, sure, but all her efforts had focused on brokering peaceful solutions, shared solutions. Aethyta was convinced Nezzie had been the one to pull off the peaceful ending to the turian-human conflict. She'd been proud. Nezzie wasn't perfect, she was as annoying and stubborn as hell and frequently convinced that she was right, but she was … complicated, and the most amazing and beautiful person she had ever known.

They couldn't make her question that now. She had every reason to doubt those ancient spiders. Lying for them was like being blue and purple, like having eezo in the blood, like breathing. That they lived while Nezzie…. She hit the side of her thigh with her fist.

If anything they said was true, then there was so little that could possibly mean anything anymore. She'd never known shit about anything that mattered, and never would. There'd been no point to any of it, except the kids. That was how they'd gotten her, tricked her to appear before them. They'd said it was about her kid, their kid, Liara. They'd shown her a clip where the kid had gotten angry and looked about to wipe out a whole assembly of humans for saying something bad about Nezzie. She may have her mother's eyes and be well on her way to developing her mother's figure, but she also clearly had some of father, some of her, too. The kid had a quad, and a temper.

The kid was also clearly hurting. There in the dark beneath the walkway, wrapped in a set of her mother's leathers, Aethyta recognized the sound of a breaking heart in the kid's scream. Her own ached to hear it. For all she thought she couldn't hurt more, this tore her up. She'd known her kid was hot for the human Spectre when she'd watched the award ceremony, and had thought good for her. Whatever pulled her quad. If this Shepard was still alive, she'd kill her for hurting her kid like this. As it was, she was ready to go spit on the human's grave for up and dying like a dumbass. Managing only 30-some years was bad even by human standards. Maybe they weren't ready to be made Spectres….

No, she had to focus on the kid. The matriarchs wanted her to kill her own daughter. Nezzie's kid. Maybe all that was left of …. Well, fuck them, and fuck that. The kid wouldn't remember her, and she didn't know how she could possibly begin to comfort her, but she would do what she could to protect her. If she could figure out how. The walkway didn't look like it could hold them both. It barely held the kid. What could she say to keep her from jumping? "It's a long way down?" "Give it a few centuries, who knows how things will be then?" If only she was as smart as Nezzie about these kinds of things. Athame's tits, how could Nezzie have left the kid all alone like this?

Deep down, Aethyta knew, Nezzie wouldn't have. She would be there, if she had any idea. She would be there, if she could. More than anything, this broke her heart. Nezzie's kid, their kid, ready to die, and Nezzie really not there, not anywhere anymore. Damn you, Nezzie, she doesn't even know me. What can I say to her?

The kid knelt and stretched out her arms. Then it came to her. She'd say, "You're gonna do what you're gonna do. I just want you to know that I'm your father. I love you, and I have always loved you. I'm sorry I haven't been around. Things were complicated. I'm here now, though. I'd very much like the chance to get to know you." She stepped forward and cleared her throat. The kid opened her eyes, stood and looked right at her. Light blue haloed the kid's fists as she clenched them. Aethyta stepped back into the shadows, and took a deep breath, relief surging through her. That's my girl.

Liara narrowed her eyes as the commando stepped back into the shadows. She didn't know why the commando hadn't attacked while she'd been completely vulnerable. Maybe the commando had been watching, waiting for Liara to spare her the trouble. Maybe the commando was afraid, having seen what she'd done to the batarians. Maybe she had a partner hiding and was the distraction. Whatever the case, Liara wouldn't give her, or them, another easy shot. Biotics at the ready, she carefully made her way to the end of the walkway and climbed down the ladder. Her back itched in anticipation of a biotic attack. None came. When her feet hit the ground, she ran. She'd have to lose them and herself again in the dark to buy time to make her plan. At least she knew the general direction one commando would be coming from.

This time her skin prickled as she heard the echoes of her footfalls rebound from the tall sides of buildings. In the half-light, in every shadow lurked danger ready to spring as she fled down the deserted back allies. Her heart pounded from more than just exertion. The narrow passageways would be perfect for ambush. Even the tips of her crests tingled with fear at the idea. Better to fight what she could see. She slowed when she saw a group up ahead in one of the …

She hit the wall before she knew what had happened. Blue biotics held her against it like a vise. Head spinning, she pushed out with her own biotics, testing the strength of the other's. The turians gathered around the barrel at the corner up ahead pointed and started walking her way.

"I suggest you mind your own business," a voice cautioned. The turians paused, looked at one another, and backed away, turning the corner and out of sight.

Liara tried to turn her head toward her attacker. "What do you want?" She thought she could hear soft steps approaching.

"You."

Aethyta grumbled. The kid didn't have to be so spry. Athame's ass, was that a buckle riding up between her cheeks? It was like being embraced by "Can't Keep His Tentacles to His Horny Self" again. Aethyta stopped to wiggle and to pull a strap out of her crack. For the tenth time she worried that her mother hadn't cleaned these leathers properly, and that this was the set she'd used for those nights. She should have bought her own, but they were so expensive, and she really didn't plan on wearing them for more than this rushed trip. Screw it, after she found the kid, she was going back to her room, scrubbing herself down in a long, hot shower and wearing something less stupid, like a dress. She could fight in one of those easier anyway. This getup was too distracting.

The whole thing did remind her, though, that little in life was as embarrassing as one's parents. What if her kid felt that way about her when they met? What if she didn't want anything to do with her? At these thoughts, Aethyta's pace slowed. It would be hard to be rejected. Still, whether she knew it or not, the kid needed her. Now where the hell was she?

Liara broke the hold, landed in a crouch, and raised a bright fist….

A wave of blue light hit her.

She deflected what she could, but the remaining force still threw her against the wall, and she found herself on her knees again. She staggered to her feet, a trickle of blood escaping from the corner of her mouth, which she wiped away with the back of her hand. "I don't want to fight, but I won't let you kill me." Her opponent's biotics were so bright, she couldn't see her face, just the silhouette of a black-clad figure. "There's something I need to do."

"Yes, there is," the voice told her.

Goddess, could it be a huntress? Liara wished she wasn't so tired, that she wasn't alone, but set her feet and clenched her fists in determination. She wouldn't be knocked over again, huntress or no. She was Liara T'Soni, daughter of Benezia, survivor of Therum, savior of the Citadel. If they wanted to take her down, they'd better send an army.

Well, the kid was fast, but she left a trail. Thanks to Eos' training, Aethyta could make out Liara's faint energy residue. She or Eos'd have to teach her how not to have her biotics flare all over the place when she was just moving along. Heh, that reminded her of Nezzie. She chuckled as she trotted along. Nezzie couldn't keep all that light inside her either. Aethyta grinned at the sudden flood of vivid memories from the more … inspired … moments Nezzie had been unable to contain herself. Okay, so she'd contributed sometimes, every chance she got, actually, and had positively relished it. She could admit that.

Aethyta hoped the kid would get tired soon and slow down. Running around while flaring up was a great way to draw attention to herself. How'd she get to be a war hero without learning this? Plus, it looked like she'd stepped in something that was sticking to the bottom of one of her shoes. Aethyta shook her head. It had to be the pain she was in, making the kid careless like this, but still. What if the matriarchs had sent someone else as well, to make sure the job got done? To finish it? After all, they knew how little Aethyta felt the need to kowtow to them.

Elcor balls, she was probably on their list too, whether she did what they asked or didn't! With a frown she picked up her pace. She too had been careless, and she had less excuse. She listened closely. Now that she was paying attention, something told her that she was being followed, or at least, was not the only one following the kid. It would be very like the matriarchs to try to take them both down in this underhanded way. And here she was, wandering deserted dark allies by herself like an idiot. She dialed up her omni and sent a quick message to a friend without breaking her stride.

The trail was brighter here, so she had to be closing in. No time to lose.

Garrus stalked the docks. Wrex had left, to his relief, and Tali, who was a great kid. Kaidan and Chakwas would be taking off from the Alliance docking area, but here, somewhere here, he expected Liara would show up to book passage back to Thessia or to the Terminus systems. He hoped Thessia, but grief had made Liara behave strangely lately, and he really feared she'd do something stupid, something that might involve trying to lose herself where Shepard had been lost. So he kept going back and forth between the two docking areas, concentrating mainly on the Terminus systems one. It wasn't easy. The two areas couldn't be farther apart, or more different. The Thessia docking area was well-lit and boasted all sorts of booths and concierge services, run by elegantly dressed asari. The lights were few and far between in the Terminus systems area, and he'd seen several drug deals go down while he'd been waiting. The folks serving there were mostly batarians and had hard eyes and hard mouths. He knew Liara could handle herself, but she wasn't being herself, and he'd grown fond of her. He didn't think she'd ever seen or could possibly be prepared for the ugly underbelly of the galaxy. It wasn't the place for an affluent, well-educated and well-mannered asari.

His comm. squawked. "Hey, Vakarian. I think we have a sighting." He'd asked some old buddies at C-Sec, who could scroll through the station's camera views and the incoming reports, for a favor. "You said an asari in a green science tunic, right? Some guys just called in a disturbance in the lower Wards, lower Tayseri on the Bachjret side. Apparently some asari matching that description has gotten into some trouble down there. We've sent some officers to the area."

"Thanks, Kyton. Will you pick her up?" Garrus made for the nearest Fast Transit taxi station, his long strides carrying him quickly across the Terminus docking area and drawing sideways glances. They were lucky he had better things to do right now.

"One of 'the Normandy 7'? Probably not. Though I wish I could. What do you say you set me up with her, you know, for helping you find her? Vakarian? No? Hey, it never hurts to ask. Well, sometimes. I tripped on a volus once at Chora's while trying to get the number of one of the dancers, and had to wear a brace for three weeks, but that wasn't directly the cause. Vakarian, hello? You still there?"

"Listen Kyton, this really isn't the time. Just send her coordinates to my omni." The cab door opened with a rush of air. He stepped in and pulled the door closed.

"Roger Wilco. You know, you're lucky your friend wasn't over in Shalta. She would have blended in, and we wouldn't have found her. I mean if this is the one. Everyone's in white, gray and green over there." Kyton took a bite of something and chewed into the mic as he kept talking. "Of course, she probably wouldn't be in trouble if she was in Shalta, either. I don't know if you've been keeping up, but Tayseri's bad, real bad. I wouldn't patrol over there at any hour, even with ten of my deadliest friends and the latest auto-sighting pistols. I don't get paid enough." A long, loud sip interrupted the stream of chatter for a moment. "That said, if you need help, just ask. I wouldn't mind seeing one or two of 'the 7' action, and pitching in. Yeah, that's what they've been calling you. Only you're more like the Normandy 5 now. And you have to tell me, what was it like to -*[beep]- "

At the beep, Garrus checked his omni. "Coordinates confirmed. Thanks again, Kyton. I owe you one. Vakarian out." He clicked off the channel, entered the closest address he could find to the coordinates relayed, and stretched out his legs as the cab sped toward Tayseri. The silence was sweet.

The dim light of the alley did nothing to hide the massive discharge of biotic energy that had not dissipated yet. Aethyta could feel it on her skin. It tingled across her crests and face and hands. She put her hands up and walked slowly, feeling for where it was warmest. There, against this wall. The black metal was still warm. She felt along it. Where it was hottest, it was also … sticky, the bad kind. She stared at her fingertips in disbelief. Purple. It was purple. She touched the ground. Shimmering waves rose from it, the energy raw, young. Meeting something else. Something strong, but which she couldn't quite identify. Something more subtle. A huntress? She glanced quickly over her shoulder, and up overhead.

When she saw no immediate threat, she turned her omni's light on and swept the area, over debris and strange shapes in the littered edges of the alley, looking for what she dreaded. She swallowed, her throat suddenly tight. Whatever had happened here, it was unlikely both combatants had left unscathed, or maybe at all. There, a blood trail. Too dark to tell, too much dirt mixed in, but it looked dark red or purple. She followed it. The energy died out but the trail continued. She swore loudly when she recognized the edge of a green and white tunic. No, not her kid! Looking over her shoulder again, she hurried to it, reached out, and the tunic came up in her hands. It had been torn off. Thank the Goddess it wasn't … it hadn't been … but … it was ripped in two and covered with blood, her blood.

Aethyta had thought that nothing could hurt her anymore. She had thought that she would never really feel anything ever again. But she'd been wrong.