Mycroft returned from dinner to find John asleep again, which was expected in his condition. He was surprised however by Sherlock. Once again he sat sentry at the bedside but not as relaxed as Mycroft expected now that John had awoke. Sherlock was leaning forward, eyes only for John, elbows resting on his knees. Mycroft watched quietly as Sherlock leaned back in the chair dropping his left hand to his lap as his right rose to rub across his upper lip absent-mindedly. After a moment Sherlock seemed to shake himself, scrubbing his hand through his hair with a sigh before letting it drop to his lap as well. Mycroft looked from his brother to John, reaching his conclusion in seconds.
"I have missed something brother."
Sherlock started at the voice, truly not having noticed Mycroft's return. Sherlock nodded and spoke softly, to not risk waking John, as he replied. "John's memory seems to have returned."
Mycroft's only response was to raise an eyebrow in further question, shouldn't this be a good thing.
"If I judge correctly the memories all returned at once triggering a panic attack. He passed out but they still had to give him a mild sedative to get his heart rate and breathing back down to normal."
Mycroft instantly understood Sherlock's own anxiety. "He remembers everything then….the child?"
Sherlock twitched when Mycroft mentioned the child but answered readily. "I believe he remembers everything up to and including the accident. I do not know if he realized about the child or not. And….I….if not Mycroft then I have no idea how to tell him. I don't know what to say!"
Mycroft didn't have an easy answer but offered his support as he always did, the nest way he could. "You and John shall figure it out Sherlock….together. You always do." He smiled encouragingly at his brother who continued to stare at his sleeping mate.
Now that the crisis was past, his Omega safe, and Sherlock's Alpha calmed, Mycroft took the risk of broaching the subject he never thought he might do with his younger brother.
"Was the child planned Sherlock?"
Sherlock stiffened noticeably at the question but answered after only a moment. "No. I had no idea even until I found the report that night." "That night…." he mumbled to himself, thoughts straying once more to the disastrous evening that led them here.
Mycroft pressed on to the more crucial question, "And when you knew brother, did you want the child then?"
Sherlock tilted his head down, took a deep breath and rubbed his hands along his thighs as he gathered his words. "I….I have never wanted or needed children….never even imagined the possibility of them sometime." Another deep breath and Sherlock turned his face to meet Mycroft's steady gaze. Eyes burning with a passion rarely seen by his big brother, he continued. "But I never imagined John either! My John, my mate, my…..everything Mycroft! When I knew he carried our child, Our child…...I….I wanted! I wanted the child so desperately! And despite everything that had gone wrong that night, I was so very happy. I allowed…..I let myself…..Oh Brother, I Dreamed! I dared to dream of the child and John and the future! And now it's gone and I don't know how to face John?! We hadn't even talked about it and now it's gone!" A single tear rolled down a pale cheek from full eyes as Sherlock held his hand over his mouth as if to stifle any sobs that threatened to escape.
This was not the out of control Sherlock of two nights ago and any offer of physical comfort would only be embarrassing and unwelcome to him now. Aware that his brother only required time, Mycroft remained silent. A wipe of his eyes and a clearing of his throat and Sherlock was his usual self once more, back to watching John sleep. Mycroft allowed another few moments of silence before speaking again.
"It is not entirely gone brother. You still have John, you both still have a future. Whether there is a child or not will depend on John's health, as well as both of you and what you want or decide. Just talk to John, Sherlock. I realize it is difficult for but you will have to let him know how you feel in this matter. It will be hard to get past this episode in your lives, I imagine, but surely not any more challenging than getting through your absence. You both made it through that and came together stronger than ever, bonded and mated even. It doesn't seem like it now but you will both make it through this. The two of you….as always."
Sherlock listened to his brother without comment but took every word to heart, finally giving Mycroft a small smile and a nod of acknowledgement when he had finished.
Mycroft allowed himself to enjoy the quiet accord between them for just a moment longer but felt his presence would be a hindrance when John woke again. "If I am not mistaken, I do not think you require the services of your Alpha any longer. And I think John will prefer privacy when he wakes."
Sherlock smiled, the joke a constant between the brothers, "You are never mistaken Mycroft. But yes, I shall be fine and yes, we probably should be alone now."
Mycroft gathered up the few things he had in the room. Turning to leave he spoke once more, "Sherlock….take care of John. More than you ever have before, let him know how much He matters."
Sherlock nodded solemnly. "I promise Mycroft that I will do just that. Thank you once more….for so much...I…." Sherlock hesitated but Mycroft understood perfectly.
"You're welcome brother, always. Now I shall go and assure the doctors are prepared to expedite John's release as soon as he feels able. Otherwise I know the both of you will be hell to live with." With a warm and genuine smile he departed leaving them alone in the room.
Sherlock reached out for the hand in front of him, clasping it firmly between his own two hands he waited.
John woke abruptly this time when the outside world chose to encroach on their quiet haven. The bright flash of lightning accompanied by a loud clap of thunder jerking him suddenly awake. This followed swiftly by the even ruder stab of pain in his side. Sherlock had reacted quickly and already was easing John back onto the pillows as he groaned against the pain.
"I'll ring the nurse for your pain medicine." Sherlock moved for the call button but John's hand around his wrist quickly stopped him.
"No...I've been sedated enough for a bit. I need to be awake and I can manage the pain for now. Please Sherlock?" John pled.
"But I should….you need…."
"I promise I will take it when I can't manage anymore Sherlock. Can we just….sit awhile again...together?" John once more patted the bed beside him. Sherlock only hesitated a moment before easing himself down and wrapping his arms protectively around John. They lay entwined in silence, John for one enjoying it while he could because he knew Sherlock. He could practically hear the gears spinning with questions and apologies while he lay there. He only wanted a few more moments before he had to face reality this time.
Approximately fifteen minutes later Sherlock began to fidget subtly and by twenty minutes could not contain himself any longer. "So you remember everything?"
John sighed heavily as he answered, "Yes. Everything, the anniversary, the cab, the accident….all of it."
Sherlock was acutely aware that John didn't mention the child so steeled himself to deliver the news. "John, I have to tell you th.." his words cut off abruptly as John placed warm fingers over his lips.
"Don't. I know."
This was all the reply he gave before releasing Sherlock and returning to his quiet contemplation. Sherlock did not understand how he could know. John was unconscious following the accident and surgery, then they had not mentioned it afterwards due to the memory loss. Sherlock's natural curiosity soon won out.
"How?" he asked simply but John knew what he wanted to know. Explaining it to Sherlock would be a different story.
"When I first woke up, I felt the emptiness inside but didn't know why. When my memory returned, I knew what it was. I knew the child was gone." John didn't want to face the grief he felt, didn't want to think how happy he had been about the pregnancy or how much he had wanted the child he would never know. He didn't want to think about the pain of his beaten and broken body let alone the deep ache of the empty womb in his abdomen. The Omega in John screamed at being robbed of this fundamental part of his nature. John the doctor, the soldier, refused to be dictated by the Omega but answering Sherlock still opened the door on grief and pain. John allowed the tears to come when they could no longer be suppressed.
Sherlock could not begin to understand how John could 'feel' the absence of the child but he understood the hot tears wetting the front of his shirt and the soft sobs John muffled in his chest as well. Holding as tightly as he dared, Sherlock kissed John softly on his bowed head and whispered, "I'm so sorry love. So sorry….for all of it...everything, but especially our child John." The man he loved only shook harder at his words. Sherlock felt completely helpless but did his best to comfort John just as he would do for him; offering as much soothing as he could with his words and actions, not even knowing if they reached John in this state. Still hoping his mate would appreciate it eventually, Sherlock continued to stroke and kiss gently, "Shhh…..it's okay love...I'm here...I've got you...It will be alright love...somehow…...we will make it alright. I promise you…..I promise...I Love You." On and on he spoke softly to his mate, until the sobs quieted, the tears and shaking stopped, and John slept quietly on his chest. Sherlock thought he should sleep but his thoughts were too busy. Instead he rested his head back against the pillow and observed the man sleeping in his arms. Such a strong, beautiful man, solid and dependable always, Sherlock thought he could never hope to deserve John but he loved him desperately nonetheless. He began to compile a list in his head of things he could do for John to make up for his mistake with the anniversary. Anything he thought could make things better or make John remotely happy was quickly added to the list whether large or small. It was quite a sizeable list already when Sherlock himself fell asleep.
Morning arrived and John promptly announced his desire to go home. Sherlock hid his chuckle as he remembered Mycroft's final task last evening. John had a point. The Omega needed to be at home in familiar surroundings to feel safe and heal more efficiently. The Alpha likewise needed his Omega secure in their own territory where he could protect and care for him properly. However, there were also some things to be seen about before the doctors were going to allow him to leave the hospital. John groused about and refused to take more than a half dose of his pain meds so he remained lucid to talk to his doctors when they came.
Sherlock knew better than to attempt to change his mind and instead made sure John had a hearty breakfast to appease him. This was accomplished via an early text to Lestrade and Ms. Hudson, both of whom arrived with goodies in tow. Ms. Hudson cooed and fussed over John adjusting and fluffing his pillows until he sat up comfortably. Greg, who had been enlisted to bring Ms. Hudson and said goodies, merely leaned against the wall and chuckled good-naturedly at the fuss. They had both been apprised of the returned memory and carefully avoided mentioning the child for John's sake. Ms. Hudson enlisted Sherlock and Greg to help lay out the full fry-up she had prepared. Sausages, fried potatoes, scrambled eggs, tomatoes, toast, butter, John's favorite jam again, even some freshly baked muffins, with tea and coffee to round out the meal.
John stared at the food before him, his mouth agape at the quantity, before coming to his senses and snapping it shut. "Ms. Hudson I appreciate this immensely, I really do...but...there's no way I can eat all of this." John hoped he hadn't offended dear Ms. Hudson after all this hard work.
Ms. Hudson merely looked at John, her bland expression giving nothing away. "Well of course you can't John!" she exclaimed with a twinkle in her eyes as she pulled out extra plates, cups, and utensils. "Now ALL of you boys sit down and eat a good breakfast while it's warm!"
Greg, who seldom got the pleasure of home cooking himself, thanked Ms. Hudson profusely. Happily grabbing a plate and cup of coffee before situating himself on the cot so he could eat. Sherlock gave her a hug and kissed her cheek fondly, "Thank you Ms. Hudson."
She blushed a bit and shooed him away, "And I mean you too mister!" She pushed him down on his chair beside John and put a plate in his hand.
John chuckled around his mouthful of potatoes and gestured meaningfully at the food when Sherlock shot a glance his way. It was so good to see John in a good humor for even a little while that Sherlock happily filled his plate, collected a cup of tea and ate with them.
A nurse, so fresh out of school she practically sparkled, bustled in to check John's vital signs and promptly began to berate them for inappropriate eating in the patient's room and too many visitors, citing the hospital's policy. Her tirade met with silence and wide eyes from those in the room. When the young woman dutifully grabbed Greg's arm and tried to escort him out John thought perhaps he should do something before Lestrade considered arresting her for assaulting an officer. With a quick wink to Greg he spoke up.
"Oh Miss? Could you hold up there for just a moment?" Sherlock had been busily texting away and John suspected he knew what about. When Sherlock gave him the slightest hint of a nod, John rang the nurses desk and asked for the charge nurse to come to his room. The charge nurse was an older matron well-versed in managing a unit. "Ah yes, Nurse Manning wasn't it? Our rather capable nurse here seems to have taken issue with the guests Mister Holmes and myself have at the moment as well as the fine repast they have brought for us. I simply wondered if this was in keeping with the arrangements made by Mister Holmes' elder brother, a Mister Mycroft Holmes?" John smiled his sweetest, most innocent smile at both nurses. Nurse Manning reacted in the way they had come to expect from someone Mycroft had put the fear of Him into. She quickly hurried the other nurse out of their room chastising her for bothering the patient and guests. They were all able to hear her further 'instructing' the young woman in the matter of 'special accommodations' for the British government.
Silence reigned until they heard the voices fade away down the hall but then the laughter began in earnest! Even Sherlock smiled at John and chuckled low in his throat. They laughed until their eyes were wet with tears in the best way. Though the laughter caused his sides to ache, John actually felt just a bit better as some of the constant tension eased. He wiped his eyes as his laughter faded to soft chuckles, "Oh I should Not have done that! Heh..heh...but Christ that was funny!"
Sherlock thought Mycroft would appreciate his name being exploited like that if he could only see John smiling and laughing right now. This wasn't on Sherlock's list of things to do for John but he was quite content to add it anyway in the 'Done' column. He promptly revised his list also to include 'Make John laugh at least once every day' with an extra note, 'More than once if possible'.
Soon however they packed away the remains of their breakfast and said good-bye to Lestrade and Ms. Hudson. Greg still had to get to work and promised to drop Ms. Hudson back at 221 on the way to the Yard. When they were alone again, John sighed and relaxed back on the bed reaching for Sherlock's hand. They didn't talk, just rested quietly together. It was all either of them needed.
This was how Doctor Ashford found them when he made rounds. "Well Doctor Watson, I understand you had an eventful evening And you already wish to leave us?!"
"Yes. I am sure you have already received a report on the return of my memory. And honestly between the two of us we spend far too much time in hospitals. We try our best to minimize our stays as much as possible; usually being a doctor myself does tend to help our situation"
"Indeed Doctor Watson! I reviewed your file last night. Quite the adventurous life you and your mate live….I could tell you to be careful but your file does speak for itself. Well I will do my exam but I am comfortable sending you home to recover. You may need some physical therapy for a time as muscles and ribs heal. And Doctor Johnson will have to sign off as well. He will be around later to see you."
"Doctor Johnson? Why does he have to sign off on my discharge?" John had forgotten to ask Sherlock about his doctor being here after he woke again.
"Doctor Johnson came in the night of your accident. He handled the D&C you required himself. There are some specific complications and after-care for you and your mate to be aware of. He will not release you until he has seen you and is confident the threat of hemorrhage is minimal, even if you are a doctor." Doctor Ashford smiled kindly at John who had gone quite pale again as he talked. "I shouldn't worry too much Doctor Watson. Your labs look very good, your hemoglobin is within normal limits, and you seem to be managing on minimal pain medicines. Now let's get on with it shall we, then worry about the rest later." Sherlock remained by the bedside for the exam again. John still groaned a bit from the pain of the exam but it was tolerable. Some questions to test John's memory and mental acuity and the doctor was satisfied. "I shall let Doctor Johnson know that I have signed off and am amenable to your discharge pending his approval as well. I wish you well Doctor Watson." He shook both of their hands and left them alone once more.
"I forgot to ask about Doctor Johnson," John simply stated.
"Hmm?"
"I saw you talking to him in the hallway. That was what triggered the recall, seeing him in the hallway with you, but I forgot to ask about it when I woke." John looked expectantly at Sherlock.
"He wanted to check on you but with the memory loss he felt it would be too traumatic to examine you for a...a miscarriage you could not even remember. He was just reviewing your care with me and alerting me to things I should be on the look-out for should you have complications."
"Oh." John cringed inwardly, thinking of the things the doctor would have told Sherlock; Omega things that John generally didn't discuss with him unless necessary. He made no comment in this regard however. "Hmm...probably would do the same in that situation myself," John stated. "I guess we wait for Doctor Johnson then."
Doctor Johnson arrived just after lunch. John had not eaten, claiming to still be full from their large breakfast. Truthfully he had been increasingly nervous about the doctor's visit, what he may find, or what he would tell them. John was also anxious because he did not want Sherlock present for this exam. He knew this went against practically all common practice codes for mated Alpha/Omega pairs. The Alpha normally would not let Any person touch their mate without being at their side. It was the protective as well as possessive instincts in play. It was the reason Mycroft had to control Sherlock while John was in surgery. How could John hope to explain. He felt broken inside and feared it somehow reflected on the outside, more than his gunshot wound ever had. This felt different, raw and painful. Despite logic and knowing the violence of the accident, John still felt like he had failed somehow. If he had been stronger, he thought, he could have held the child…..could still be pregnant instead of the empty shell he felt like. John knew Sherlock saw him as a strong man worthy of standing and fighting beside him as they so often did. He was terrified of Sherlock seeing him as lesser or weak when the doctor examined him for this very feminine aspect of Omega nature, worrying when he could see and smell blood between John's legs. What if he never wanted him again? No...John just would not have it! Doctor Johnson was an older doctor with silver-grey hair, kind eyes and a soft laugh. He had always been very understanding of John's resentments of his Omega gender. Doctor Johnson had been John's doctor through his enlistment to now, understanding his desire to have a life beyond the dictates of his gender. He helped John with heat suppressants and hormones to modify his scent and hide his gender from the public at large, even Sherlock had not known until after his return. John had not cared for himself well during that time and slipped up in his personal camouflage. Once Sherlock knew and revealed himself as the Alpha John always assumed he was anyway, Doctor Johnson had been the one to help wean John off of the suppressants and hormones to allow for a proper heat and bonding for the pair. John was still madly turning all these thoughts over in his head when Doctor Johnson sat down in Sherlock's now vacated chair and addressed him.
"Hello John. Rough go of it this time eh? How are you doing?" his warm smile and casual manner reminded John why he liked the man so much and at least calmed his frenzied mind.
"Well I feel like the wrong end of a stampede more or less. And all I want to do is go home to my flat and my bed with my mate and stay there for the better part of a month actually," John replied truthfully.
Doctor Johnson laughed. "Always honest aren't you John? Well as long as your activity in that bed consist of rest for that month then I will see what I can do for you. Your blood work does look excellent, your vital signs are all stable, let's just see about your exam and maybe I can let you head home." Doctor Johnson had already put on his gloves while he talked and was reaching for John's covers already.
John panicked a bit, grabbing the covers and blurting out, "No..wait. Sherlock would you mind just waiting outside the door while we do this?"
Doctor Johnson sat back in the chair and stared at John for a moment while Sherlock simply looked stunned.
With a quick glance at Sherlock, Doctor Johnson spoke, "John….you know that is not standard practice and you know why."
John nodded at Doctor Johnson all the while looking at Sherlock, silently pleading for him to understand. "Yes….yes I know. I just…..I can't explain…..I need him to…." John couldn't get anything reasonable out of his mouth and Sherlock just stared at him trying to deduce the answer to this new puzzle as he saw it. In desperation John turned to Doctor Johnson and whispered feebly, "I can't let him see me broken….not like this….please." And Doctor Johnson did understand somehow and tried to help. "Mister Holmes, I realize it is unusual but could you consider doing this? For John's peace of mind? You only have to step just outside and you don't even have to close the door. You can hear everything going on and I promise you can come back in as soon as I'm done so that I may speak to both of you. Would that be possible this time?"
Sherlock continued to stare at John, not quite able to understand this request. John had been increasingly nervous all morning. He refused to eat lunch saying he wasn't hungry even though Sherlock could hear his stomach grumbling again. And now this request, a request he had never made before, even when they weren't bonded John always liked to have him here. So what was different now? All things considered the only thing different with this visit over any other was the miscarriage. The….OH! John was nervous about this particular exam, this wasn't just another injury. This was far more personal. Sherlock got the impression that John somehow viewed this as a failing of his own body. He was uncomfortable and he didn't want Sherlock to see him in this state. Always at a bit of a loss when it came to the emotions John himself was so good with, Sherlock knew he perhaps did not understand all the finer points of this situation as yet, but he thought he was beginning to understand. He stepped closer to John.
John knew the last thing he needed was for Sherlock to decide he was being rejected and start to brood. He tried to pour all the love he felt into his gaze as he asked once more, "Please love, can you do this just for me...because I asked and leave it there?" Any further requests were cut off by soft full lips pressing against his in a chaste kiss.
"I will be right outside John, if you need me, just call out when you're ready." Then he turned and walked out leaving a surprised mate and an equally shocked doctor.
Still Doctor Johnson wasted no time pulling back the covers. Palpating John's abdomen completely, pressing deep for the organs he needed to find, observing for any gush of blood or clot that should not be there . John fought the cry that tried to make it's way out, merely for Sherlock's sake, because the pain was deep and intense. He made his way through with only a small moan and some panted respirations. Doctor Johnson instructed him to raise his knees and spread his legs. This normally proceeded a regular internal exam but this would wait for a bit more healing. The doctor only made a close external exam and assessed the residual bleeding left after the miscarriage and D&C. Everything in order he allowed John to straighten himself and recovered him as well. Just before he called Sherlock back in he whispered to John, "I can assure you John, you may be hurting and bleeding, you may not even feel whole just now, but you are in no way broken." With another warm reassuring smile he called to Sherlock.
Sherlock quickly returned, eyes instinctively raking over his mate. John gave a small smile and indicated the space next to him. Sherlock slid next to John and wrapped his arms around him, John relaxing instantly into them. Both men felt better at once and faced the doctor together.
"You did not require stitches so nothing to watch for there. John, you do have some very deep bruises to your groin and abdomen both from the accident and the surgery. Those alone will take weeks to reabsorb. Internally it will take at least four to six weeks for the organs to heal, settle into proper position and begin function regularly. I can not tell you when your regular heat cycle will resume only that it should. You are not of an age where heats normally stop so that is not a concern. Should you both decide you still want children, there is no physical reason for this not to be possible for you both once the heats resume. I realize you are both intelligent men but I must caution you against any penetrative intercourse until after the prescribed healing period."
John and Sherlock both found themselves blushing hotly and squirming a bit at the doctors frankness. it was a bit like getting the 'birds-and-the-bees' talk from your parents...or heaven forbid your big brother, as the case may be. Still they both understood the seriousness of the doctor's instructions.
"Well John, the rest is standard post-op care, instructions for dressing changes, and outpatient follow-up appointments in six weeks. You know when you need help, when to call either Doctor Ashford or myself. I see no reason we can't let you go home this afternoon. I'll send a nurse in the see about your IV so you can get dressed while we get your paperwork together. Sound good?"
"Yes...oh yes it does! Thank you so much Doctor Johnson." John shook his hand with a smile. Even Sherlock thanked him warmly before he left the room.
The Alpha practically purred at the prospect of going home and Sherlock himself was feeling quite happy. Stealing a kiss he asked, "Well are you ready to go home Doctor Watson? *kiss* Captain Watson? *kiss* My Dear? *kiss* My Blogger? *kiss* My Spouse? *kiss* My love? *kiss* John was giggling by the time Sherlock stopped long enough to let him answer.
"Yes Please, Sherlock! Lets go home!"
Author's Note: WHEW! Longest chapter I have written yet but I was determined to get John headed home from the hospital! Thank you so much to ALL who are following and sticking with the story. We still have sexy times and a villain to get to so please stay tuned! And I still Greatly Appreciate all reviews since I am still quite new to this, your feedback can only help me improve! Thank you all again!