Chapter 18: Marked
"You hid the Qunari body!" Josephine snapped at Leliana, slamming her quill on the writing desk.
"You would have had me leave it out to panic the Council before we knew what we were dealing with?" Leliana snapped back.
"Don't pin this on her," Cullen interjected. "It's not her fault-"
"Oh don't worry," Josephine said, her voice shaking with rage. "I'm blaming you too!"
"Me?"
"Your guards have all but locked down the palace! They stand in the doorways intimidating the nobles! They do not have that level of jurisdiction here, and to pretend they do-"
"I'm trying to keep us SAFE!" Cullen bellowed.
Theo laughed, his shoulders shaking as near-hysterical giggles cut through the tension. He turned away from the window he'd been staring out to see everyone watching him: his advisors, angry that he would treat this with such levity; Varric and Cassandra, confused that the Inquisitor was laughing at his advisors' concerns; Bull, grim and otherwise impassive, and only Dorian looking concerned.
"I'm not entirely sure how you can find this humorous," Cullen said, eyes narrowed.
"I wouldn't-" Dorian began, wrapping an arm around Theo's shoulders.
Theo pulled away from Dorian. "We save Ferelden and they're angry with us. We save Orlais and they're angry with us." He paced like a caged wolf. "We close the breach. Twice! We defeat Corypheus!" Cullen looked to the floor. Josephine bit her bottom lip and picked at a spot on her ruffled sleeve. "And now the Council wants to dismantle us, the Qunari want to invade us…" He stopped and gasped in pain as his mark audibly crackled and sparked bright green. "And my hand wants to kill me. By the way." His breathing came in shallow gasps and a thin film of cool sweat broke out on his forehead. "Can't one fucking thing in this world stay fixed?" He clenched his throbbing, burning hand into a fist, pulled back, and slammed it into the marble wall.
The crunching pain in his knuckles never came. Instead the mark formed a protective shield around him, and where there should have been blood and smooth marble, a good chunk of the wall looked as if a giant had heaved a boulder into it.
Theo's legs gave out and he crumpled to the floor. He didn't want to do this anymore. Let the Qunari come and destroy them. Let Orlais and Ferelden fight back against the Dragon's Breath without him. Let southern Thedas solve its own problems. Let the agent of Fen'Harel deal with the Viddasala.
But even as he thought it he knew he couldn't. It just wasn't in him to back down from a fight, not while he still had something left to give, even if it wasn't much at this point. His entire body trembled with exhaustion and his mind was cracking from the strain of politics and intrigue.
A timid knock sounded at the door, and Leliana hurried to answer it. She whispered with the other person for a moment before coming in and locking the door behind her. "The elven servant we detained earlier has gone missing, along with a few others," she said. "And they confirmed gaatlok is indeed in the locations we thought."
"Evacuate the palace," Bull said, and Theo was grateful for his friend's calm decisiveness. "If anyone wants to stay behind, I'd say let them, but… ah fuck it, tell the Chargers, and Krem and the boys will help."
"I will inform the council," Josephine said after drawing a shaky breath.
Leliana shook her head. "No. I will do it. You've borne enough of the burden, Josie." She lightly touched Josephine's cheek and a sad smile touched her lips.
"We will do it together," Josephine said, resting her hand on Leliana's arm.
"I will organize our guards with those of the palace," Cullen announced, following them out and leaving Theo with Dorian, Cassandra, Bull, and Varric.
Once the door closed, Theo took a moment to savor the silence. Or as silent as it could get, with his pulse thudding in his ears and his hand crackling and buzzing audibly no matter how hard he squeezed his fingers closed, or pressed it into his torso. He sighed and got to his feet.
"Where do you think you're going, Boss?" Bull asked, watching carefully with his one eye.
"Back." Theo waved his hand aimlessly. "To the damned mirror. To this Darvaarad place." Theo headed for the door, but Bull stood in front of it. "Move, Bull."
"Nope." Bull leaned against the door. There was no moving him, even if Theo didn't feel half dead from fatigue. He looked across the room toward the secret passage entrance, but Cassandra stood there, holding out her shield and giving him a friendly grin, begging him to challenge her.
"Don't look at me," Varric said with a shrug. "I'm not crossing the Seeker again, and Tiny's three times my size."
"And you know better than to fight me, Amatus," Dorian said softly. He took Theo's other hand and steered him toward the settee. "You need a plan, and we are going to help you make one. One that doesn't involve you running into this alone and getting yourself killed," Dorian added. He sat down on the settee and pulled Theo down as well, forcing him to lie down with his head in Dorian's lap.
Theo closed his eyes, but then opened them again and stared at the ceiling. Every time he tried to close his eyes for longer than it took to blink, he saw a level of destruction that he was powerless to stop, but still had to nonetheless.
Dorian's hand was cool on his forehead, and he suspected a bit of ice magic at work, but it felt good. It was too hot in here, or maybe it was his layers of clothing and armor.
Eventually Cassandra had to slip away, as the Council would need her. "When you go through the mirror, I want to go too," she said.
Theo shook his head. "Not this time. They're going to need you. We'll get everyone out of here, so if I… Um… if things don't go well, they're safe and you're safe and can guide them. They'll need you, Cassandra," he said. He felt the searing pain roll down his arm again and clenched his hand as tightly as he could. He tried to breathe slowly and deeply and gazed up into Dorian's worried grey eyes to calm himself.
"As you wish, Inquisitor," Cassandra said. But she first strode across the room and knelt next to him. "Whatever happens, you have done well. You have done more for our world and borne a heavier burden than anyone I have ever known. I am… glad to call you friend and to have served at your side," she said, taking his unmarked hand and squeezing it.
Theo managed to sit up. "Cassandra… Your Perfection… are you crying?" he asked incredulously, and she frowned.
"Ugh. You're hopeless," she snapped, and got up, but she did manage to smile before she left.
"Maker's balls, how terrible do I look?" Theo asked, leaning against Dorian. "Cassandra was getting teary eyed. Cassandra doesn't do tears. Maybe I really am dying," he mused.
"You do look pretty shitty," Bull confirmed, and he wasn't smiling. "I'm going to the Darvaarad with you."
"But the Chargers-"
"Krem knows my contacts and he can take over if he needs to. Besides, you don't read or speak Qunlat, so you'll be completely fucked there without me," Bull pointed out. "Where we're going, having inside knowledge might keep you from getting killed."
Theo nodded. He wished Bull didn't talk like that: like dying was a very real possibility, like Bull had prepared for the very worst and accepted it. But Bull, contrary to his name, didn't bullshit. And somehow, the way he accepted the reality of all of this helped Theo focus better.
"Bull's told me about this place," Varric said. "You'll need the best I've got: traps, lock picks, you name it. And don't give me any crap about Kirkwall needing me," he said when he saw Theo's face. "I keep asking myself what I ever did to deserve being Viscount of that place. Besides, I think my Seneschal is taking bets on me dying here, so if I survive, I could become even richer," he said with a grin.
Varric and Bull left to make preparations. When the door clicked closed, Dorian wove a privacy web around the room. "Let it go, Amatus," Dorian told him. "Whatever you're feeling or thinking, just let it out now."
"I'm…" Theo began, but Dorian leveled his gaze at him and there was no point lying. He was terrified: not just of the Qunari threat, because that was something he could see. The mark on his hand had always been a curiosity and a little bit ominous. It had saved him on a few occasions but he only had to glance at the cracked wall to realize that it protected itself. It really was trying to kill him. And the longer he went, the worse it hurt, the more he realized it was going to succeed.
He grabbed Dorian and held him, burying his face in Dorian's shoulder. He inhaled the scent of vanilla and spice that always seemed to cling to his husband. Dorian held Theo close, rubbing his back and his shaking shoulders. Theo sniffed and blinked at the moist heat behind his eyes. "Whatever happens, I wouldn't trade the time we've had," he whispered.
Dorian shifted his hold and met his eyes. Dorian's own eyes were glassy and his face a bit pale. He rested a hand on Theo's cheek. "I knew you'd break my heart, you bloody bastard," he said with a smile, but his lip twitched and his voice caught in his throat. He pulled Theo into a kiss: gentle, sweet, loving.
Theo closed his eyes and let Dorian's mana flow into him through the kiss. The last year and a half he'd spent chasing dragons and ghosts and any challenge that presented itself, trying to prove that he was enough, when all along he had been. From the very start he'd been enough for Dorian. He hadn't needed fancy gestures or trophies or titles; just being Theo Trevelyan was all Dorian had ever asked of him. Dorian had seen through the glitz and glamour of the Inquisitor. He'd seen Theo at his very worst and stayed. Dorian loved him no matter what he did, and now it was nearly too late.
"Do you think I'm going to die?" Theo asked him quietly, resting his head against Dorian's chest.
Dorian carded his fingers through Theo's sweaty hair. "I think if anyone has the chance of outwitting certain death, it would be you."
Theo bit his lip and swallowed against the rush of emotion that lodged itself in his throat like a ball made up of rusty metal shards. "I love you. Only you. Always," he croaked out, voice muffled by Dorian's robes. "No matter what."
Dorian took a deep breath; Theo heard the way the air hitched as it went down into his lungs. "Stop that," Dorian told him. "I'm not saying goodbye. No matter what."
Theo exhaled slowly and gathered his thoughts. His hand pulsed green light in time with his heartbeat. "Thank you, Dorian," he said as he stood and began to get his armor back on. "I couldn't do any of this without you."
"I know," Dorian told him with a grin as he too rose and began adjusting the buckles and clasps of his armor. "When this is over we should take a proper honeymoon. Somewhere no one will ever bother us."
"We could try one of those Eluvians," Theo suggested.
Dorian narrowed his eyes. "Maybe a few people should be able to bother us," he said, making Theo chuckle slightly as he picked up his bow and his quiver, and they headed for the Eluvian in the storeroom one last time.