Inspirational Playlist :
- A quai, Yann Tiersen (Amélie OST)
- Want to want me, Jason Derulo
- The Bitter End, Placebo
- Pure Morning, Placebo
- Give me a reason to love you, Portishead
II. Homo Homini Lupus
Sarah
It takes Sarah hours to stop screaming, days to stop trembling, and weeks to stand steady on her legs. She doesn't actually see anyone, even though she knows people are taking care of her when she is asleep. They probably watch her via the camera in the corner of her room. Someone discreet enough not to wake her up even washes her hair once a week. She is aware there is probably something in the IV that is knocking her out, but as it is the same needle that provides the painkillers, she does not remove it.
Somebody brings her food 3 times a day, giving her an uncertain sense of time. The handcuffs have been removed from her wrists, but they hang from the metal headboard of the bed like a silent warning.
The day after her victorious attempt at standing upright, she wakes up to find comfortable clothes at the foot of the bed. Someone has washed her body and hair during her artificial sleep. She is naked under the sheets and quickly gets dressed. As she puts on the black jogging pants, she watches her leg closely. It is mind-blowing. The leg is real again, except she cannot properly feel it anymore. It looks perfectly normal thanks to the skin treatment. She can even see the little moles she had on her knee when the leg was hers. She doesn't touch it for all that, too afraid of being sick again.
She has just finished putting on the warm hoodie when someone enters the room. She screams when she recognizes the blond doctor :
"Delphine!"
She manages to take a careful step, succeeds, then falls at the second one. In an instant, Delphine's helpful hands and arms are there to put her back on her feet :
"Here Sarah, sit for a minute."
She leads her to the armchair next to the bed. Sarah is relieved to see a familiar - and friendly - person. Yet Delphine's French accent awakes a memory she had recently :
"Delphine, you were there the whole time? I heard you when I was unconscious-"
"Yes. There are not many doctors on the island. How do you feel, Sarah ?"
Her smile is gentle, and it feels so good not to be alone anymore. Her eyes fill with tears of gratitude and she lets her body go against Delphine's.
"Ca va aller-You are a warrior Sarah, you survived all this like a pro."
"I-I need to leave this place. I need to find Kira and Mrs S and Felix. Help me Delphine-"
"It is not that easy - we are in the middle of a cold winter, there is no boat, no helicopter, no way out. And you can't walk for now."
Sarahs closes her eyes. She is tired.
"Kira, Sibhoan and Felix are safe, trust me. You have to concentrate on your recovery. For a start, I will help you with that, ok ?"
Sarah raises her face to the tall woman.
"What is Rachel's plan ?"
Delphine lowers her voice and says in a whisper :
"Someone is listening and watching right now. I swear I will answer your questions. Please don't iritate her - I don't know her plan since we're not in good terms either-"
"That bitch stole one of my eggs, Delphine ! She tried to kill me, and then saved me - I've been there for 9 months ! Shite ! I need answers, now !"
Delphine's eyes are full of anxiety :
"Please lower your voice. Give me some time, you will have explanations."
She stands up quickly and says in a normal voice, helping Sarah on her feet :
"Come on, now that you can almost walk, I am sure you will want to discover the bathroom behind this door."
She puts a bright smile on her face but her hands on Sarah's shoulders are trembling slightly. She leads her to a door, hidden behind a large wooden screencovered with red and orange fabrics. Opening the door with one hand, she gently pushes Sarah inside. Her eyes look toward the oval mirror covered in steam. Someone wrote on it with their finger :
Camera offscreen here but micro in the shower. Note inside the toilet bowl.
"I am sure you will want to take some time to rearange that hair. I will give you some privacy and wait outside.
Delphine half closes the door, leaving her patient unsteady, leaning against the bathroom sink. Sarahsits on the toilet seat and finds the hidden note, on which she immediately recognizes her sister's writing.
Sarah,
I can't explain everything for there are things I don't understand myself. Trust me, you're safer where you are, you need to get your strength back before thinking about an heroic and yet stupid escape plan. Kira and Felix are with Alison and everyone is safe. Rachel let them go as soon as she discovered she was pregnant (with your egg but I'm sure you already know that part of the story). About her, she almost lost the baby when she was 7 months pregnant. Your blood saved Swan. And the stem cells of the umbilical cord saved us all (Yeah, we are safe from our disfunctional DNA now ! We can talk about all the science later…) Not sure if you can trust Rachel, but she's more to be trusted than Dr. Westmoreland... Long story but the guy's alive and he promoted Rachel as head of Neolution.
You know me - I wouldn't ask you to be quiet if it wasn't necessary. You can trust Delphine, she'll help you.
Keep fighting, sister !
Cosima
PS : We're aunties again, Helena's daughters were born on the 4th of July. Mothers and babies are healthy and in a safe place with Mrs. S.
Sarah's hands are shaking violently with exhaustion and emotion. It is too much information to receive in one letter. She tears up the note and puts the paper in the toilet as quicky as possible. Then she flushes, stands up with difficulty, and uses her hand to wipe the mirror clean. Then she feels her legs shrinking under her and she falls onto the ground. She can hear and feel Delphine faraway. She is held in the doctor's arms as the French woman whispers into her ear :
"You are going to be fine, Sarah. "
Delphine puts her on her bed and Sarah can feel her by her side. Before sinking in a deep sleep, one that she is getting used to now, she feels the tall woman's lips on her forehead. Her last conscious thought is that it is not the lips she has felt before, and it and it chills her to her core.
Rachel
Every morning, she wakes up before dawn. She slips out ouf the room in silence, taking care to not wake Swan, who now sleeps in her mother's bedroom. She takes a quick shower to awaken her sore body, puts on warm clothes and takes care of her face and hair, as if she was preparing for a cold and yet thrilling date. She pays attention to her hands, massaging them for several minutes with shea butter. When she feels that everything is perfect, she applies her bright red lipstick with the same care a young woman would do the first time she was going to meet her fiancé.
Next, she goes upstairs, makes herself a tea, pulls on gloves over her soft hands and goes outside in the front garden. On this particular morning, her lips shine brightly in the morning sun. She sits on the bench, facing the dark forest, and waits for her wild friend.
Every morning now, the wolf comes to visit Rachel. He enters the glade slowly, draws near the middle of the snowy garden, then sits and waits for Rachel to make her part of the journey.
When they are so close that they could touch each other, Rachel kneels on the snow, so they can be equals. Slowly, she poses her cane, pulls off her glove and gives her hand to the wolf for him to smell it. Yesterday, he gave it an affectionate lick and Rachel laughed lightly, scaring the wolf. He then ran away, tail between his legs and ears back, leaving the blond clone alone in the white garden, smiling but a bit disappointed.
This morning, the wolf is apparently in a better mood. As soon as Rachel kneels up to him he puts his fluffy muzzle on her lap. She smiles, delighted, and puts her hand in the soft fur. His body is warm and vibrant with wildness and life. She feels safe and comfortable. They stand here for a long time, until the morning sun is high enough to illuminate the whole garden. Rachel says in a low voice :
"My dear friend, I have to leave you for a few days. I will come back for you. Please take care of my daughter during my absence."
The wolf buries his muzzle deeper against Rachel's belly, and touches her C-section scar with his muzzle, sending warm puffs of breath through her clothes, in a sign of comprehension. Or at least that is what Rachel understands. Strangely, she thinks about Sarah, about her desperate need that her uncontrollable sister be safe when she, Rachel, leaves the Island. She also thinks of what Sarah would say if she could see Rachel holding a wolf against her. Maybe she would consider her more human, less robot.
"I have to go now, but I will be back."
The wolf grumbles with dissatisfaction and steps back slowly to the forest. Rachel lifts up with the help of her cane. When she is about to leave the glade, she hears the wolf howling faintly, calling her. She focuses on the edge of the forest to see him sitting on the cold ground, watching her intently as to remember her face. She murmurs, more to herself than for the wolf :
"This is goodbye, my friend. We will meet again."
Then she turns around and enters the silent house. Delphine is in the kitchenand almost drops her cup of coffee when Rachel comes in and says dryly :
"Hello Delphine, happy to see you too."
"Hello Rachel-"
The blond woman sits at the kitchen table, already bored by the conversation to come with the French doctor. She wishes she could have followed the wolf in the dark forest instead of being trapped here. Fortunately, she has things to do in town, and will leave the island soon enough.
"I am leaving tomorrow. Is Sarah ready?"
"She can walk almost normally now, but-"
"But what?"
"But she said she won't take care of Swan-"
Rachel laughs sarcastically.
"Of course she said that! She still belives she has the choice- I will talk to her."
She finishes her tea, aware of Delphine's look on her behind her back.
"I am not taking you with me if that is the question you can't even be courageous enough to ask."
She turns around abruptly to face the blond doctor.
"I still need you here to take care of Swan. But don't worry, as soon as everything is allright, you will be free to leave."
Delphine nods, her eyes full of anger and frustration.
"I will need my suitcase ready tonight, with my clothes for work and all my files."
A shocking expression distorts Delphine's beautiful face. Breath cut, she can barely answer :
"I-I am not your domestic servant, Rachel!"
The clone's red lips stretch into a patronizing smile.
"You are not, obviously. And yet you will do what I ask because you are not in a position to say anything you wish. I am the one with power in this part of the game, Delphine. You won from me it once, but you lost it again. Plus, I know about your girlfriend's note that you gave to Sarah. You should be careful, I might change my mind about leaving my sisters alone. Including Cosima. Now get out of my kitchen."
She does notleave Delphine the opportunity to obey and leaves the kitchen to look in onfor Swan. The baby is waking up when she enters the room. Rachel takes her in her arms and starts speaking to the her in a sweet, calm voice :
"Good morning, little beauty. Let's choose clothes and then we will have a good breakfast."
Her gesture is calm and gentle. She takes care of the baby's skin, massaging her before dressing her. Her voice is so different from the tone she uses to speak to others. From a spectator's point of view, except for the blond hair, she looked more like Alison"Mother of the Year" Hendrix than Rachel "Über Bitch" Duncan.
She can feel that she has changed. When she almost lost Swan the day she was born, too early, she had known her life will never be the same again. Nothing could have prepared her to feel, when shemet Swan for the first time, the purest love melded together with the greatest fear of losing that love, of losing her baby. Maybe it is the explanation why she cannot completely hate Sarah anymore. Because she is the one whose blood saved Swan. It is strange how a tiny human being can change everything. For once, her detractors would have to admit that she has a heart.
If they knew of Swan's existence. Which, Rachel hopes, will never happen.
A single tear rolls from her organic eye on her cheek. She takes the baby against her and says gently :
"Mother is going to leave for a few days for work, honey. Sarah will take care of you."
Swan watches her mother intently, her amber eyes mesmerized by Rachel's red lips.
The baby babbles with delight when she sees the bottle of milk, making her mother smile. Ira enters the room a few minutes later.
"Hello Ira. We will leave tomorrow morning. I have a board of directors meeting to lead in two days."
Ira offers Rachel his brightest smile. He is so happy to leave this island that he can't find a word strong enough to express it.
"If you want to stay in town after the board meeting, it is possible, now that Sarah's treatment is complete."
"I will be more useful from the continent, indeed."
"Indeed. And as long as our agreement is observed, you will be free to do anything you want."
"You can trust me, I will never talk to anyone about the baby or Sarah."
Rachel gets up and with a condescending smile, strokes Ira's cheek with her hand before leaving the room.
"Good boy."
She is less confident, however, when she stands in front of Sarah's door. She knocks before entering, but doesn't wait for an answer and unlocks and opens the door.
Sarah sits in the armchair, concentrated on bending and unbending her knee despite the heavy prosthesis. She raises her head to stare at Rachel, no readable expression on her face.
"Good morning Sarah. Are you ready for your first walk out of this room?"
Sarah's face illuminates instantly, even if Rachel can tell how hard she tries in front of her jailer to not look happy to leave this room. Jailer - savior - sister - neither of them can choose the correct word.
Rachel approaches and offers her arm :
"Here, take my arm, it will help to go upstairs. "
Sarah hesistates, but her need to get out of this bedroom is so strong she would accept the devil's help.
It takes them ten minutes to reach the living room, and Sarah's face is covered in sweat when Rachel finally helps her to sit on the smooth sofa. Without asking for permission, the blond woman lays the baby on Sarah's lap.
"Please, take Swan while I get you a cup of tea."
Sarah holds the baby in her arms, barely breathing. Rachel is almost in the kitchen when she manages to say :
"I'd prefer coffee-please."
Then she takes a look at the little girl in her arms. She has the biggest eyes Sarah has ever seen. Swan watches her in silence, a strange expression of déjà vu in her eyes when she observes the dark-haired woman. Sarah smiles at her and starts speaking in a soft voice :
"Hello, little one."
The baby answers with a funny little nasal sound, making Sarah giggle. Rachel enters the room at that moment. When Sarah looks at her, she cannot be completely sure of what she sees in the blonde clone's eyes : Envy, pride, pain, resilience, love - maybe it's a bit of everything.
"Do you want to take a walk outside?"
"Yeah."
Rachel takes the baby from Sarah's arms and gives her to Delphine, who is waiting in the other room. When she comes back, she gives Sarah a warm coat and a mug full of coffee. Then, she leads her to the foyer and opens the door.
The cold, the bright sun on the snow, the deep blue sky and nature make Sarah reel with multiple emotions.
Rachel stands next to her in silence. Not touching her, not even looking at her. She must admit, she is impressed to see Sarah managing so well with her new leg.
Finally, Sarah starts speaking :
"I'll take care of Swan while you're away. You know I will never be able to hurt a child. But I will never trust you Rachel. We've reached the point of no return, and you need to know that at the first occasion I will try to escape."
"That will not be necessary. I owe you my daughter's life. I will let you go soon. I promise."
"Keep your promise. I know there is always foul play somewhere with you. It's- in your nature.
Rachel draws near to Sarah, whose legs are not very stable on the snow.
"I am not here to gain your trust, anyway. I need you to take care of Swan. To keep her safe."
Rachel's look when she talks about her daughter is fierce, lioness-like. Sarah asks in a low voice, as if she could feel a danger somewhere :
"What are you afraid of, for her?"
The blond woman lets a deep, exasperated breathe escape her throat. It is the first time Sarah can see how very important the baby is to Rachel :
"Everything. Anything. From anyone and at any time. Does that answer your question?"
She turns away quickly and walks away. Sarah is lost between uneasiness and shakiness. She asks with a trembling voice :
"Why me, Rachel? Why did you chose me to take care of Swan, then?"
Rachels turns around abruptly to face her. A tear on her cheek captures a sunbeam, making her weakness visible to Sarah. She doubles back to Sarah and in a movement of strange fluidity, she drops her cane, grasps her sister by the upper arms and brings her close to her own body. Their forehead touch each other, Rachel eyes hold Sarah captive as much as her arms. She opens her red glossy lips and whispers in a dangerously soft voice :
"Because you are the best mother I know."
Without releasing her hold, she forces Sarah's head to bend down, and puts her warm lips on her sister's forehead, making her body, and indeed her soul, quiver. Rachel whispers an almost audible thank you into Sarah's ear. Then she releases her and and leaves her alone, unable to move or think, in the middle of the vast, white garden.