VI. The Grapes of Wrath
note : Oops I did it again :) Bed scene in this chapter, full of graphic descriptions and BDSM practices. If it's not your cup of tea, please don't read the paragraphs between the stars lines.
Also, someone dies :-O
To the lovely Cyanotic Psychic who left a comment, thank you SOOOOO much, your words touched me a lot ! thanks to you I realized the fic was not complete here (it is on another website :-) ) Don't worry about the comments, yours is enough, plus I imagine that this kind of pairing can be difficult to find readers. Actually I have readers of this fic on another website.
Sarah
Sarah waits on the frozen beach until the helicopter has completely disappeared in the blue sky. The sunlight warms her body as much as her soul. Unable to make a coherent explanation of her urge to stay, at least she tries to come up with a plan. When she reaches the conclusion that she has none, and that she is completely alone, without an ally, she slowly starts freaking out.
She takes another path to rejoin the house, enjoying as much as possible the apparent freedom provided by the breathtaking nature, trying to leave her worries for later. Without paying attention to where she is going, she finally finds herself at the edge of the forest. Unconsciously, she is looking for the wolf. Careful not to lose herself in the deep, dark maze of trees, she follows the edge of the forest.
One hour later, the wolf is nowhere to be seen. She gathers all the strength she has, all the courage as well, and goes back to the house she thought she'd said goodbye to three hours ago. There is no one on the ground floor. According to the clock in the kitchen it's 9 a.m. - everyone must still be in their respective rooms.
Silently, she goes downstairs. Carefully, she places her ear against Rachel's half- opened door. Her heart misses a beat when she distinctly hears Ferdinand inside.
"So, here we are, little child. Soon I'll bring you to your new mentor, so you can embrace your destiny."
Sarah opens the door wide abruptly. Ferdinand is standing above the little girl's bed. He barely blinks when he sees Sarah, his glowing eyes not reflecting any surprise.
"Get away from Swan, Ferdinand." Sarah's voice is severe and only slightly trembling.
"Sarah!" he exclaims "Of course you didn't take the easy path." He smiles, amused. "I was quite convinced you'd never leave the child. You are an incorrigible, predictable, spoilsport."
"Where is Rachel?" She steps forward slowly.
"The only thing I didn't plan was that you'd come back for Rachel too."
"Ferdinand, you filthy pervert, shut your mouth and get away from the baby."
"Sarah, Sarah, your ingenuity is so touching. I have seen the video of your - special encounter - with Rachel. Oh, you look surprised? You really thought there was no camera in this room? You think Rachel's status would free her from constant monitoring?" A nasty laugh escapes his mouth "No, it was foolish of her to believe that. She has never been more than a figure in a game of chess. The queen, for sure- but at the end of the day she is just a for figure for someone stronger to manipulate as he pleases."
Sarah reaches the baby's bed. She quickly takes Swan in her arms and steps back.
"Where do you think you are going with the child ? She belongs to the chess player."
"No. She belongs to her mother." Sarah tightens her embrace on the baby.
"And when you talk about her mother, who are you referring to? Rachel or you? Maybe both of you." He takes a step toward her, threatening by his obvious knowledge of something terrible. "Listen to me, you should have left when it was time. The truth is painful. You should ask your lover who Swan's father is, for a start."
"Ferdinand, are you jealous?"
Sarah's awkward question disturbs Ferdinand enough to render him speechless for a few seconds. "Yes, you are. Because she let the clone she hates the most fuck her instead of you."
Groping for an escape, she tries to win some time, enjoying the visible pain she is inflicting on him.
"You know, your Queen wanted me so much that she begged me."
The man tries his best not to show how much this hurts him.
"She let me touch her though. Does she let you do that, Ferdinand?"
"Stop this, you little cockroach. She is mine."
"At least, I hope you liked the video, If I had known you'd be watching, I'd have made her beg more, for your entertainment."
He is about to pounce on them when she finds the door and escapes. When Sarah reaches the living room, Rachel is standing in the middle, perfectly still, a look of complete incomprehension on her face. Sarah runs behind Rachel's body, like a child would do to find her mother's unconditional protection. Ferdinand arrives at that moment in the room, holding a gun in his left hand. A laugh of chagrin escapes his lips.
"Ah, here you are Rachel. Look who's back."
"Tell her! Tell her what you just told me." Sarah's voice is fierce, hoarse.
"There is nothing I want to tell Rachel now, Sarah."
"You fucking bastard!"
"Please my dear, be polite, there is a child listening."
"Shut up! Shut up you piece of-"
"Stop! Both of you!" Rachel takes a step aside to have the two of them in her field of vision. "Sarah, what are you doing here?"
"I missed the helicopter." Sarah is so agitated her voice shakes.
"Ferdinand, what is she talking about?"
"I don't-"
"He saw us." Sarah's tone is crazy "There's a camera in Susan's office. Someone is watching us." Sarah's legs are trembling so much she backs on the wall next to her.
"What?" Rachel remains speechless for a moment, her eyes going from Ferdinand to Sarah. "Who's watching us?" First she looks at Sarah, who shakes her head to express her ignorance. Then she moves her attention to the man in front of her.
"Ferdinand?"
"You know who." He takes his time, playing with her nerves the same way she used to play with his pleasure: with the precision of a professional pervert.
"Westmoreland. Who else?"
His last word stabs Rachel in the heart, deeply, injuring her more than a bullet could have.
"You knew he was watching me? From the beginning?"
"Yes. The board asked me to come because he told them to."
"You-" she swallows hard "You betrayed me."
"Oh no no, Rachel! Don't put all the mess on my shoulders. You are the one who betrayed me!"
"What are you talking about?!" Her cheeks are red with anger and her eyes reflect incomprehension.
"We had plans. Me and you."
"What? Are you kidding me Ferdinand?" She approaches him, wild, furious and beautiful. She seems to fly with wings of rage "I never – promised you - anything!"
"I did."
"Well, that was unilateral commitment then! You can't make me responsible for your own mistakes. You have never been more than an amusement to me. You knew it from the beginning."
Her last words hurt him just the way he had hurt her minutes before. He stands there, stunned, dazed beneath the judging stares of the two identical-looking women.
"You disgust me." Rachel's voice is low and tainted with sadness.
"And I loved you." His honesty makes both Sarah and Rachel wince, for various reasons. "He is coming for the child any time now. Even if I didn't win, you lost."
Rachel's new eye starts blinking uncontrollably, betraying her deep distress. In an admirably self-controlled voice, she says:
"Sarah, I need you to put Swan safely in my room. Lock yourself in with her. I'll come for you"
Sarah runs downstairs, her ears buzzing so loudly she can barely hear anything else, not aware that she is actually deafened by her own heartbeats. She doesn't lock herself in Rachel's room as Rachel ordered, but instead she goes straight into Delphine's and finds the gun.
Then she puts Swan in her bed. The only way out of the house is through the front door, so Sarah knows she will be safer there. After kissing the child's forehead, she locks the door and, silent as a ghost, goes upstairs. She stays hidden in the stairs and listens to Rachel and Ferdinand, her sweaty hands clinging to the handle of the gun.
"He's here, right?"
"He never left the island. The child is too precious."
"Why did you do that?"
"You don't understand. I did it for you."
"For me? Ferdinand, you sold my daughter to the worst person ever !"
"You weren't supposed to love her ! Rachel, you are not the chosen daughter, Swan is ! I made this arrangement to save your life ! I tried to keep you safe from them. You're just a surrogate mother."
"I don't believe you."
"I tried to warn you. You think you make choices, you think you take your own decisions, but all was planned. Except for the disgusting feelings you started to feel for the child. And for Sarah."
"Oh come on, Ferdinand - not that again! You can't really be jealous of Sarah. What you saw, it was nothing."
"You see? You try to justify yourself and that gives you away. The Rachel I knew would have punched me in the face rather than belittle herself to find an excuse."
Sarah hears nothing for a few, very long, seconds. In the silence, she assumes Ferdinand must be drawing closer to Rachel.
"You're a beautiful liar if you don't see you desperately try to persuade yourself you feel nothing for Sarah."
"You saw the video - it was nothing more than a random sexual encounter."
"No. I've seen the video. I saw you, Rachel Duncan, beg your worst enemy to fuck you. I saw you letting this little piece of shit put her dirty hands on you."
Sarah hears the noise of a strong smack.
"Enough!" Rachel's voice is trembling with fury "When? When will Westmoreland come for Swan?"
She hears Ferdinand's laugh
"As soon as I tell him to come. Now, if you give me the child, I can bring her to him and we can escape. It's up to you, Rachel."
At that precise moment, Sarah enters the room, gun in hand and pointed at Ferdinand.
"No, she won't give you Swan."
Promptly, Ferdinand grabs Rachel's shoulder and pulls her against him, his gun pointing at Sarah.
"How sweet. Sarah came to save you, Rachel."
Sarah's hands are barely shaking, she holds the gun steady and takes a careful step toward them.
"Put your gun down Ferdinand. I won't let you take Swan."
"You won't shoot me."
"Ask Rachel if I won't."
Rachel's whole body is tensed with fear and disgust from this forced proximity with Ferdinand. She says in a low voice :
"She's telling the truth, she will shoot you."
"How can you be so sure?" Ferdinand is obviously taking sick pleasure in having Rachel pressed against him, and Sarah in the line of fire of his weapon.
"She is Swan's mother too."
The two women look at each other, silently celebrating the three of them as a family, forgetting about the danger of the moment.
It is this unspoken conversation, which he cannot understand, that makes Ferdinand's rage explode. He violently pushes Rachel against Sarah. In seeming slow motion, he directs his gun in Rachel's direction, removes the safety and is about to pull the trigger when a bullet enters his chest.
He drops his gun, a look of deep pain and astonishment engraved in his eyes. By the time he falls on the ground, a large red spot already covers his white shirt. On the floor, Rachel looks up at him, her breathing short. A strange strangling sound escapes from his mouth. Obviously fighting drowning in his own blood, his eyes begin rolling. Rachel places herself ahead of him, her body racked with shivers of disgust and fear. With his last, gasping breath, he murmurs, spitting blood all over Rachel's face :
"It was not supposed to end like this."
Then his eyes close and seconds later, he is completely still.
"I told you she'd shoot." Rachel's face is angry and weary, her lips are tainted red with Ferdinand's blood. She stays like that for several minutes, seemingly mesmerized by the blood leaving his body to cover the wood flooring. As Ferdinand's face turns grey and cold, her hand becomes red in the still-warm liquid. Suddenly, she remembers Sarah. She turns to discover her in the same position as she was when she shot Ferdinand. Tears are flowing from her eyes, she is still holding the gun with shaking hands. She seems to mumble things Rachel cannot hear from where she is.
Slowly, she approaches Sarah. Rachel puts a gentle hand on hers, covering her with blood.
"Give me the gun, Sarah."
Rachel takes it carefully, Sarah showing no sign of comprehension. Only a deep distress. She continues murmuring things incomprehensible. Rachel comes closer to hear her sister's traumatic mantra :
"I killed him. I killed him. I killed him."
She seems absent - withdrawn to a place in her mind far away from the house on the island. Rachel grabs her shoulders and leads her gently to the sofa for her to sit.
"Here. It's okay Sarah, I'll get you a cup of tea, ok? I'm coming back for you."
Sarah doesn't answer, a prisoner of prayers she doesn't know who to send to. She doesn't notice Rachel leaving the room in a hurry.
She can't tell how much time has passed as she realizes Rachel is back. She doesn't know for how long Rachel has been speaking to her softly, patiently :
" It's okay, Sarah, we're safe now."
She feels Rachel's hands on her forehead, caressing, and her look on her, worried.
"I activated the security system of the house and called for help. We are under lock down, and safe."
Raising her head to look at Rachel asks an incredible amount of strength. There is blood on her face. She risks a look at the floor. Ferdinand's body has disappeared, it is like it was never there.
"Where is…"A retch shakes her upper body.
"Here. Drink this." Rachel puts a mug filled with a hot beverage directly at her lips and Sarah takes a few sips.
"You need to rest. We'll talk later."
She is vaguely aware of Rachel helping her to lie down on the sofa and covering her with a blanket. However, Sarah had already drifted off to sleep when Rachel presses her bloody lips against hers for a second in a gentle, tender kiss. Erasing the last trace of Ferdinand's murder. Freeing both of their minds from the horrors of this day.
Sarah wakes up the following morning, still in the living room. Before fully waking up, she enjoys the sunlight bathing the room in a soft warmth. Then, bit by bit, the recent events impose themselves again on her mind. She sits and stares at the floor where Ferdinand died the day before. Because of her. Thanks to her. She is subconsciously looking for a tangible proof of what she did, but the wooden floor has been scoured and there is not a drop of blood left.
There is blood all over her body, though. She shivers with disgust and musters the strength to go downstairs and take a very long shower. As washes the blood off her body, she focuses on rinsing away the guilt of her choice to stay on the island instead of returning to Kira, the shame of killing a man, even if he was one of the worst in the world. She also rinses away all the questions turning constantly in her brain concerning her feelings for Rachel Duncan. It will wait.
She gets out of the shower feeling better. Her sore muscles barely hurt anymore. She can only feel a reassuring hunger beating inside of her belly. She needs breakfast, which suggests she is back to her normal self.
In the kitchen, she finds Rachel drinking tea and Swan next to her in a baby carrier, playing with a wooden rattle. They look at each other for a while, embarrassed to realize that there is no one else to prevent them from being alone with each other now. Or to help them dealing with each other.
"Hello, Sarah." Rachel's voice is stilted, tight
"Oï."
Sarah makes herself a coffee, having something to do helping her in that awkward moment. She takes her time, but unfortunately, Rachel does not seem to be willing to leave the kitchen, so she is forced to sit in front of her. They don't look at each other until Sarah ask in a hoarse voice :
"So, what's your plan?"
Rachel tenses.
"I told you yesterday. I activated the security system of the house and asked for help. All we can do now is wait."
"For how long?"
"I don't know. I can only suppose my communication with Ira was secure. I can't be sure of anything now."
"You asked Ira for help? Not sure if I should freak out right now or wait a few minutes." Sarah's tone is sarcastic.
"To my knowledge, no one asked you to stay and play the good Samaritan, Sarah!" Her tone belies her annoyance.
"To my knowledge, no one asked you to put Swan in great danger. Rachel."
They stare angrily at each other until they both seem to realize it is going to be long and stressful to spend however many days ignoring each other.
"Anyway. Can we at least go outside during the day?"
"Why? Do you have friends to visit, Sarah?"
"Actually, yes."
Rachel raises an eyebrow.
"A wolf Delphine and I helped because he was injured."
Rachel's eyes start shining, revealing to Sarah for the very first time how beautiful she can be when she is what might be called almost happy.
"It was you."
"What do you mean?"
"I know the wolf. He has come to see me every morning since the beginning of the winter. I saw the plaster on his paw yesterday, I didn't know who could have done that."
"That explains why he was acting like he knew me."
"Well, I think it would be very risky to go outside. I don't know who else lives on the island. Westmoreland is surely not here alone. The wolf lives here, he'll know how to survive." There is resignation in both Rachel's voice and Sarah's face.
"So, this is it ? The two of us against the rest of the world?"
At that moment, Swan gives a soft laugh, as if to express that she is there too. Rachel looks at Sarah and says in a whisper :
"The three of us, actually."
Rachel
Time stretches out slowly in the house. The two women live in an fragile peace, constantly threatened by the fear of the terrible event to come. She doesn't know how or when, but Rachel knows Westmoreland will come to ask for his tribute. She and Sarah spend their time trying to enjoy being with Swan, not avoiding each other, but relieved when night comes and they do not have to be in the same room for a twelve-hour truce.
On the third day, Sarah finally asks :"Rachel, what happened ?"
Rachel's whole body tenses. She is not ready for this. In a sharp, uneasy voice she says : "Can we just not-"
"In Paris?" Sarah can't hide a half-smile fast enough, amused at Rachel's obvious discomfort regarding the subject of what happened between them.
"Oh. That."
"Yeah. That"
"I lived. For the very first time in my adult life."
"You never told anyone what you did?"
"No. Actually you're the first one who dared to ask.
Sarah waits, holding her breath.
"Paris was not my first choice. But since Leekie knew that I have never had any affinity with France, since childhood, so I thought he wouldn't look for me there. First, I spent money. A lot. It was DYAD's money, which made the process even more fun. I bought clothes, shoes, wine. I lived in the biggest palaces of Paris, in the most expensive suites. A different one every night. Then, after two weeks, I started to get bored. I mean, wanton spending at DYAD's cost eventually lost its thrill. So, I started visiting museums, you know, for the culture."
Sarah smiles at the idea : if she had a free two million dollars to spend, museums would not exactly be her first priority.
"There, visiting Le Louvre, I met a man. He courted me. It was the first time someone was showing me that peculiar kind of interest. I fell in love in less than a week."
Sarah is very still on her chair, barely breathing, mesmerized by Rachel opening her heart so easily.
"He was not a nice person. He manipulated me for my money. Well, for my- you know- my body. And when he got what he wanted, he took the money and left."
Rachel laughs, reading the pity on Sarah's face.
"Don't be sorry, Sarah. I found him and he paid for what he did. I just couldn't take back everything that I had given to him."
"It remembers me my first time with a man. Except it was in a bar, and the guy was more a jerk than a French gentleman. Obviously, it was not for my money "
They don't speak for a while, judging each other on their similarities rather than on their differences.
"He is the one who did your piercing, right?"
"Yes."
"But, why do you still have it if he hurt you so much?"
"To remember an important thing I learned. You can hurt me, but I can hurt you more."
"Yeah. Perfect saying to describe you."
Suddenly, Rachel seems to realize what she has just done in revealing herself. Her tone and manner change abruptly. She says dryly:
"Well, it's late. I'm going to bed."
She stands up, her attitude so Rachel Duncan again that Sarah almost believes she has just dreamed the intimate conversation.
"Good night, Sarah."
She leaves Sarah quickly, escaping this strange and unpleasant feeling of being naked in front of someone important, yet while still wearing clothes. Her body starts aching, as much as her soul. The adrenalin that had kept her in on automatic mode the last three days is now waning and she can feel every cell of her body starting to hurt. Simply because she has given in to Sarah.
In the quite reassuring solitude of her room, her baby sleeping quietly next to her, she pours herself a glass of wine to desperately try to expel the images of Ferdinand's death, and the words she herself pronounced ten minutes ago. Burying Ferdinand was hard physically, the ground was still frozen and the images of him wrapped in a plastic tarpaulin made her think about Daniel. But the memories she fears the most are the ones about Sarah being there with her. Her brain seems determined to make her think about her. She really, truly thought she would not see her again. It was the best she could hope after all they went through. She does not want to find coherent words for what she feels for Sarah. She just does not want Sarah in her life. Especially Sarah the savior.
Sarah the mother of Swan.
She pours herself another glass of wine. Nevermind that it is a 600-dollar bottle that you are not supposed to drink to get drunk. She only needs to stop thinking. She sits in her bedroom and she drinks.
Half an hour later, she still has Sarah in her mind. But not Sarah the good Samaritan, on the contrary. In her confused mind, she remembers accurately Sarah the woman who fucked her. In a way she never let anyone else have her. Also in a way she liked so much she'd begged her for more. Her whole body starts trembling with need. She wants Sarah, both to let her do that again, and to make her pay for what she did. She wants her in such different ways it hurts her physically and emotionally. She keeps drinking to forget and to have more, to force Sarah to leave her mind, but praying and begging to take her with her.
She falls asleep in her armchair in the middle of the second bottle, an alcohol-induced sleep offering her a soft way out.
She is woken up by a noise in the corridor. Her sight is still blurred by the wine. Her eyes slowly accommodate to the darkness, as she becomes conscience of her head feeling like it is about to explode. Somewhere deep in her brain, a funny, tipsy Rachel seriously considers, as a top priority, treating her hangover with a Neolution worm.
Then she wakes up completely and all traces of fun disappear as the recent events come back to her mind. Sarah is standing in the doorway, visibly in the same state of uneasiness as she is, convincing Rachel that one can be drunk on too much pain as well.
They stare in the darkness, not needing to see to know they are in front of each another. Rachel murmurs, her tone rather angry :
"Why did you come back, Sarah? I told you to go."
"I couldn't leave Swan."
"That is not your prerogative anymore, Sarah!" Her voice is sharp and erratic. It makes Swan moan in her sleep. She mutters : "Outside, now." And they both leave the room silently. Before following Sarah into the corridor, Rachel locks the door, just to be sure. Sarah immediately reacts :
"See? It is my prerogative ! You made me lock Swan's door the other day, because she was in danger! And now it's your turn – you are giving her the same life you've had." Her voice sounds a little crazy and excited in the dark. "Through your own fucking choices, you are putting your child's life in danger !"
Rachel's head hurts so much that she does not answer. Or maybe it is because Sarah is so right. They enter Sarah's room and the dark-haired clone puts on the light, making Rachel wince.
"I couldn't predict what would happen."
"Of course you could have. I mean, is trusting Ferdinand a sign of intelligence? Obviously not!"
"Stop judging me Sarah. I never asked for you help. I never asked for you to come back." She steps forward, angry and suffering. "I asked you to go."
"You never asked for my help? Yeah, you took my egg, you made me meet Swan, take care of her and love her. And now you ask me to leave? It is not that easy!"
"If you'd left, at least you'd be safe now. You were my backup solution for Swan ! And now we are trapped here, waiting for help I'm not sure will come."
"Because you trusted the wrong people. Neolutionists are not trustworthy."
"I am the Head of Neolution, Sarah."
"That's exactly what I am saying. All of this is your fault."
They are at an impasse. They could have argued like that for hours, but are too tired for it. What else could be said ? Neither will apologize or even surrender. Sarah offers a nervous laugh.
"I guess there's nothing more to say. I'm gonna get some rest."
"Yes. Do that."
"Right."
They look at each other once more. Sarah tries to leave the room, but she is held there by a strong, invisible force. Finally, since she does not have anything left to lose, she asks :
"What happened? In Susan's office?" Her look is instantly regretful. She truly wishes she had not asked that question. Rachel takes a long breath before answering.
"You know what happened - you were there." Rachel lets a modest, half-smile appear on her mouth, becoming more sure of herself. More aware of her aborted attempt to stop thinking about Sarah in that way a few hours ago.
"Was it part of your plan?"
"Sarah, no - it was not part of any plan. Or maybe it was part of your plan?"
"Stop playing this game, you know what I mean."
Rachel slowly walks towards Sarah, her skin unconsciously warming as she approaches her.
"What do you want me to say, Sarah? That I am someone else? Yes, your place in my life has changed over the last months. In a way I don't understand and I definitely don't like. You are the reason why I have a child. You saved her. Twice. It bound me to you -and it is the first time that I am actually afraid of someone." She appreciatively notices Sarah losing her self-assurance. She is now so close to Sarah that she could touch her.
And God, she wants to.
"It is so hard to have you in my life. You have always represented all that I fear and hate. The other night, I surprised myself again by asking for your help when I could have called Delphine - because I was so sure that you were the best person to help my child." She inhales deeply. "And to top it all off, I can't get the things you did to me that night in my mother's office out of my head." She pushes Sarah against the wall.
Sarah. Whose breath is short and jerky. Whose legs are wobbly. Whose safety is fading gradually as Rachel approaches her. Not only do they share in appearance of the same body and the same face, they now seem to share a single certainty : the strength of the one weakening the other. The rise of the one engulfing the other.
"You want to know what I think, deep inside my heart of stone?" a soft, yet domineering hand pauses on Sarah's bare neck. She caresses it slowly, observing Sarah's reactions, unconsciously licking her lower lip.
"You want to know if it will happen again?" Sarah's look is a perfect, harmonious mix of fear and desire. Her breathing is hard and her body is docile against the wall. It is exactly what Rachel wants now. To restore her domination over Sarah.
"I think I would like to have you for one, long night. In a locked, windowless room." She leans on Sarah's frightened, rigid body. Her voice is captivating, silky soft and dangerous as too much wine. "Yes, I would like you in a room where you couldn't escape. A room with me as the only way out." Her left hand suddenly tears Sarah's shirt, making her whine softly.
"And during that night, just you and me-" she presses her lips on Sarah's exposed chest "Each in our respective place-" she lets her lips taste the fresh skin. "-I'd take the time to choose what to do to you."
Skin against skin, she can feel Sarah fighting to stay in control. Rachel laughs, watching Sarah failing miserably at this. " You see, I just need to be sure whether I want you dead or alive." Sarah opens her mouth to let escape a few whispered words:
"I guess you have your windowless, locked room already." Her look on Rachel is straight and proud, despite her obvious difficulty to stay coherent.
****************************************************************************************
Rachel leans to grab her lips and kiss her. Again. Differently from the first rage and need, masterfully. Rachel digs her teeth deep in Sarah's lower lip, making her cry.
She traces a red painful line with her nails, over the fragile skin of Sarah's neck and bare chest. She'd like to make her bleed, to write mine all over the offered body. At this precise moment, she'd like to put a leather collar around that neck, to attach a leash at it and to tie Sarah at one foot of the bed, half-naked and completely hers. Breaking away from Sarah's body, she says in a low voice :
"Strip."
Without opposition, Sarah turns around, offering her back to Rachel as she starts removing what remains of her shirt. Then, slowly, she unzips and then removes her pants. Now only in her underwear, she turns again to face Rachel. She should be ill-at- ease, but the light in the blond's gaze is so mesmerizing that it gives her the illusion of wearing a golden robe.
Rachel's breathing is laborious now. In a pseudo-harsh voice she says: "Your bra, remove it too."
Docile, Sarah unclasps her bra and lets it fall on the ground.
"Good. Lay on the bed."
Gracefully, Sarah lies on the bed. Rachel starts looking for something in the nightstand. When she takes out a pair of leather handcuffs, Sarah stiffens, panicked.
"You're not going to tie me to the headb-"
"I'm afraid I am."
"No way…"
Rachel presses her lower body on Sarah in order to kiss her deeply, with great care, long enough to disorient her. When Sarah is thoroughly dazed, she stops abruptly, stands and starts leaving the room.
"Ok. Good night then."
"Wait-what? No, no, no-"
"Sarah, we do this my way or we don't do it." Rachel's voice is low, mellow.
"Right. But I need something in exchange."
"Seriously? You're bargaining?"
"I want to touch you."
Sarah's phrase freezes Rachel.
"No."
"Oh come on!" Sarah's voice is a supplication. "I agree to let you tie me up and you don't trust me enough to let me touch you?"
"It's not about trust. I don't like being touched."
"You didn't seem to dislike my hands on you the other day."
"Sarah."
Rachel approaches the almost naked woman on the bed, and Sarah can tell by the look of complete lust in her brilliant eyes that she is about to surrender. Sarah crosses her hands above her head and says in a lascivious, captive voice :
"Please."
In a quick, fluid movement, Rachel is on top of Sarah again, she circles her wrists with the bracelets and ties her to the headboard.
"We'll see about that later."
"Rachel!" Sarah tries to escape but the leather cuts into her flesh painfully.
"I told you I wanted us each in our respective places, Sarah."
Sarah's face is red with anger and frustration.
"Don't worry, I don't intend to hurt you. I'm your only way out, but you're mine as well."
"Rachel! Untie me!"
"Sarah. Sarah- lower your voice or I'll be forced to gag you." Rachel leans down to kiss her belly button, her blond hair caressing the sensitive skin, making Sarah's body arches and a resentful moan escapes her mouth.
"It would be unlikely, since I'd love to hear all the sounds my tongue can make you say."
She gets up and start unbuttoning her shirt, not paying attention to Sarah's muffled protests. As she takes off her pants, Rachel continues talking - not watching, but just enjoying Sarah's inability to escape her.
"All my life I have searched for love, Sarah. And all my life I have hated you for the freedom you represented. Fate is cruel sometimes. You gave me the love I was looking for. The person I hated the most on earth is the only one who could have made me a mother."
Now wearing only a matching black, silky bra and panties, she climbs on the bed and sits astride Sarah's body. The contact of her inner thighs against Sarah's belly is so delicious it makes them both sigh at the same time.
"You were right the other night. You were special to me." Leaning completely on her now, she presses her knee between Sarah's legs, forcing her to spread them so that Rachel press her body even closer. "You are the one clone, out of all the others, who was capable of captivating my attention. Because you had a family, because you had a child. Because despite everything you think, your miserable life is much more worth living as mine."
Not only does Rachel entirely possess Sarah's body at this point, but she also controls her mind now - forcing her to listen her whispered words, forcing her to understand the heartless Queen of Neolution she became. She presses her breasts against Sarah's, the silk of her bra sending vibrations all over the tied body.
"The truth is I can't kill you. I never could. Along with my mother and Aldous, you are the three people I would like to kill with my own hands and I can't. You are my weaknesses."
She bends down to kiss Sarah's chest. Her kisses are as soft as her words are bruising. With her tongue, she starts lighting fireworks on Sarah's skin, making the brunette whimper softly for her atonement.
"You know, I really wish I could have killed you when I had the chance."
She takes an already hard nipple between her teeth and starts teasing it slowly, sucking it gently. And suddenly, she bites it hard, making Sarah jump and almost scream out loud. The fragile flesh is so red she could swear she saw a trace of blood. Rachel releases Sarah, retreating almost reluctantly.
"I am so mad at you right now."
They look at each other intently, so many feelings involved that it is impossible for either to read the other's look properly.
"Why, Sarah? Why did you make yourself so important to me?"
She puts her warm fingers around Sarah's neck and start pressing. First slowly, then harder. Sarah opens her mouth visibly breathing hard, obviously terrified.
"Stop. Rachel…"
But Rachel doesn't stop, on the contrary, she increases her grip. She slips her free hand under Sarah's panties and with no other preparation, she slips a finger inside her, hurting her, making her gasp and probably bleed.
Making her need another finger too.
"Do you like that sensation, Sarah? The fear of losing air, mixed with the pleasure of being fucked?"
Sarah's whole body arches with pain and with pleasure, her cheeks pale from the lack of air.
"Yes, you like that even if you try to make me believe you don't." She smiles, terrifying by her omnipotence "That's what I feel when I think about you."
Without asking for permission, she penetrates Sarah roughly with another finger and leans down to kiss her. It is a strange kiss, Sarah seeming to breathe only thanks to Rachel's breaths. Her moans are weak, the words she tries to formulate, disjointed. Rachel is sure about Stop, please, and again ; she's not sure about more - but she doesn't care.
She tightens her bruising embrace around Sarah's soft neck. With her other hand, she forces a third finger inside, turned on to feel Sarah's wetness, hypnotized by her shaking legs opening widely, by her eyes full of tears and fear, and by her lips slowly turning blue.
Rachel breathing is hard, she quickens her movements ; eyes locked into Sarah's.
"Come, and I'll let you breathe again."
She feels Sarah's muscles starting to tremble uncontrollably around her fingers. "Good girl."
She releases the pressure she had exerted around Sarah's neck, one second before she would have fainted. She leans to kiss her lips, already turning pink again. She collects Sarah's moans and sobs in her mouth, and gives whimpers of desire in return. Her thumb plays naughtily with Sarah's clit, making her wrap her trembling legs around Rachel's body.
That embrace freezes Rachel for a second. Sarah immediately murmurs in a husky voice, "Don't-don't stop."
As if awakened by Sarah's voice, Rachel starts moving again. She is rewarded with a soft and long moan, like a wolf howling under the moon. Sarah's head rests on the bed, eyes half closed, her hair all around her face on the white pillow. She seems to sing a very soft song.
"Please don't stop moving-"
A moan of frustration escapes Rachel's mouth while she watches Sarah come. Without even noticing it, she has started gently stroking Sarah's legs around her own body. Too deeply concentrated in what she feels inside, she doesn't see Sarah watching her intently.
"Rachel."
The blond woman looks at Sarah, seeming to discover her under her.
"Untie me."
Rachel slowly withdraws her fingers and comes undone from Sarah's legs. She sits on the bed, her whole body warm and tensed, her lips parted in silent excuses.
"Please."
"I can't-"
"Look at me."
She raises her head to look at Sarah. She is so excited and lost at the same time that she cannot utter a coherent phrase.
"I want- I want you. Untie me now."
Her self-assurance leaving her, her need of Sarah leading her, she does what she is asked. Sarah sits on the edge of the bed and takes Rachel's hand in hers. She stands up, very uneasy on her legs and says gently, her voice still trembling from her recent orgasm.
"Get up."
She helps Rachel getting up and leads her near the leather armchair. First, she removes her bra, Rachel opposing no resistance. Slowly, she kneels in front of the blond woman. Very carefully, as if she feared to break or scare her, she removes her panties. Paying attention to touch her as little as possible. Rachel's entire body is shaking. Sarah says gently :"Sit on the chair."
She sits. Naked and vulnerable. Naked and beautiful under Sarah's mesmerized gaze. Sarah puts one hand on each leg and gently opens them, exposing the most intimate part of Rachel to her. She is still shaking all over.
Sarah says in a soft voice : "I can stop if you want."
"No. Go on." Her voice is feverish, her look offering Sarah the consent she was looking for a minute before.
"You're- You're beautiful."
"Just shut up and fuck me." Rachel grabs a handful of brown hair and invites Sarah's mouth deeper between her legs
Sarah touches her lips down onto Rachel, and for a second, she does nothing but just enjoy the warmth. Then very slowly, she parts the soft lips, and with a shy, hot tongue, starts kissing. Gently at first, rocked by Rachel's muffled whimpers, then with more passion when she feels the hand in her hair pressing her head even closer. The shy tip of tongue become a fire whip, forcing Rachel to claw her nails into the armrests so as not to fall, forcing her to bite her lips not to scream too loud.
Her hips rock in the same rhythm as Sarah's mouth, in a melodious dance of moans and whimpers. Whenever Sarah stops for a second, to breathe or to look at Rachel, she is forced back to work by the hand curled in her hair. At one point, she gently presses two fingers into the opened sex. Rachel screams this time, unable to contain herself. Sarah starts a fast rhythm, already knowing how close Rachel is. She can hear her beg her name Sarah...Sarah...
She feels Rachel's thigh responding to the caresses of Sarah's free hand. Then suddenly, she feels Rachel's whole body tense as she comes. Sarah closes her eyes, enjoying her name repeated a dozen times in Rachel's whispers.
When Rachel stops moving, Sarah removes her fingers and stays there, at the bottom of Rachel's naked body. They look at each other under heavy eyelids. Finally, Sarah says in a small voice :
"See? It wasn't that terrible, was it?" She offers a fake-apologetic smile and receives a fake-angry slap on her cheek.
"Shut up.". Rachel pushes her, stands up and wraps her tired body in the blanket on the bed. "Better when you couldn't speak, Sarah."
She moves toward the door and turns around to look at Sarah, who is obviously waiting for what comes next. Rachel says in a low voice :
"Come. I don't want to sleep alone tonight."
The following morning, they are eating breakfast in a pacified silence, when someone knocks at the door.