On Halloween, he has no costume, and he is feeling particularly despondent. There has been no new word from SHIELD and Steve has not returned his last two texts. He is frustrated that he has no idea what to expect for this party and costuming seems complicated. He heads out to the garden and begins yanking the grass from the flower beds, each clump a complication in his life that he is struggling to handle. He flings them aside, angry at everything in the universe that could keep his friend, his sister, from him. Tears streak down his cheeks and when he goes to wipe them, the dirt from his fingers smudges his skin. He does not care. He yanks out another clod of grass.

"Would you like to borrow my lawnmower? It would make the rest of the yard more manageable."

He looks up; Magda is leaning over the short fence between their yards, "Yes, please. But I do not know how to use it."

"I will teach you." She brings the mower through the back gate and parks it, wading through the knee-high grass to where Loki pulls grass. She drops beside him, "What is on your mind?"

"Where is she?" Magda sighs, Loki continues, "Why have they not found her? Are they keeping something from us? Is she dead and they do not wish to tell us? Is it something worse?" The tears are back before he can stop them. He returns to furiously yanking grass from the flower boxes that he did nothing with over summer. "I hate being this useless! If I just had my magic back, I could help, somehow. But instead I sit here, doing nothing!" He grabs his hair in frustration, "Damn Odin for this!" He slams his fists into the dirt.

It is the most angry Magda has seen him; she reaches for his arm, but he flinches when she touches him, "Loki? I know you worry. I do to. But they are doing their best-"

"It's not good enough!"

"It is all they can do."

"Thor could ask Heimdal-"

"Is it not possible to hide from him? Are there not places that even he cannot see?"

"Yes."

"So even that is not a perfect answer."

"But it is something!"

She slips her arm around his shoulders as he yanks an offending clod of grass up, shakes the soil from its roots, and throws it hard against the fence, "Stop. Come here."

"I cannot, Magda. I'm sorry. I need to lash out and I should not yell at you."

"You are frustrated and hurt."

"Yes, well I have been known to be less than rational when hurt. Perhaps you should flee. To the next state." He flings another grass clod against the fence.

"No, but I will help you with your garden. You are not the only one terrified of what you might hear. Every time the phone rings and I do not know the number, my heart is in my throat."

"How can you live like this, Magda? You love her so deeply. How can you wonder every time she goes out on a mission if this is what is going to happen?"

"I have no other choice."

"What?"

"I have no other choice. She goes on missions. That is the nature of her work. And if I am to be with her, I must accept this. So I do. And I accept that I will have my heart ripped from my chest every time I do not know where she is or if she is alive."

"You are a better woman than I."

"No, not better. Maybe more seasoned, but not better."

Loki wants to stay angry, to rant and rave against whatever it is that holds his sister, but watching Magda, the pain clear on her face, but still so patient, her love as steadfast as a rock, he wonders if he can learn to be the same way. He does not think so. He is only growing more angry at SHIELD and the Avengers for hurting Magda this way. He throws a tangle of grass roots against he fence and then nestles against her.

"I am supposed to go out with Alexi tonight."

"Oh?"

"To a Halloween party. But I do not want to. I do not want to upset him, though."

"Why do you not want to?"

"Because my heart is too heavy with rage and sorrow. And I have no costume."

"That part I could fix. The others, not so much."

"I miss her, Magda. Too much."

"I know. So do I." He turns to embrace her and they hold one another for as long as they both need. Magda kisses his cheek, "Stay strong, Loki. She will come home."

"I wish I shared your conviction."

"Do you want company in the garden until you must get ready to go?"

"Yes. Please. I would love that."

They weed until the sky clouds and the chill becomes bitter, "Loki, we should go inside before we catch a cold. I will put away the mower and come right back."

When she returns, he is sitting on the cold stone patio under his balcony, staring out at the dying garden, "I do not know how I am going to enjoy this party tonight. I do not want to go. But Alexi sounded so excited on the telephone..."

She offers his hand and he stands, "You must be honest with him. If you do not want to go, and it is not one of those things you think you will enjoy once you get there, tell him."

"He is probably already dressed and on his way. He will arrive in half an hour."

"Then talk to him when he arrives."

"I do not want to let him down."

"You will let him down more if you cannot have fun with him while you are out."

Loki closes up the lower level and goes up to the kitchen, washing the dirt from his arms and handing Magda a washcloth, "Where did I smear dirt?"

She wipes his cheeks, "Everywhere, darling. It is even in your hair. Get a brush, I will work it out."

He retrieves it from the bathroom and hands it to her, "Were you in my position, what would you do?"

"I would ask for a quiet evening in. Perhaps instead of a party, invite a few friends over to watch movies. But nothing complicated or with expectations."

"If he is willing, would you like to watch movies with us?"

"Yes. Though it might be a bit awkward for you both to have me there. If you would like, you may watch at my home and when you wish to retire, you can retreat here. Or sleep on my floor, whichever you prefer."

"Right. Yes." He hugs her, "Thank you."

"Of course, little brother."

"Wanda once told me there was a Sokovian saying- something about not needing to have hope, friends can carry it for you when you cannot? But what happens when your friends also need their hope carried?"

"Then you carry it for one another- you do not need to have any of your own to do such a thing."

"So no one has their own hope, but they survive by holding onto that of their families and friends."

"Yes. You cannot carry on for yourself, but you do so because someone else needs you to."

"Ah. Is that how you feel?"

"Exactly."

Loki kisses her cheek, "You are so very strong."

"As are you." She returns the kiss, "But you have a guest coming soon, and I should leave you before he is here." She pats his back reassuringly and returns to her own home by way of the back gate.

Loki checks the clock and then darts upstairs to change from his dirt smudged clothes. Flowing trousers, a long tunic. He braids back his hair and checks his reflection in the mirror. He is somewhere between genders, a place he has always been very comfortable. Just him. Nothing else specific, his clothes ones he loves. He makes a note to ask Thor to bring more of his wardrobe from Asgard. It contains many of these sorts of garments and they are harder to find in Midgard.

He returns downstairs as he hears a knock on the door, "One moment!" he calls, leaping from the second to the last step to the floor. He answers and there stands Alexi in an odd combination of garments. Short denim shorts, fishnet stockings, a tight Tinkerbell shirt, a tiara, a plastic wand stuck in his beltloop, glitter in his hair, and a pair of wings, "Hello."

"Hey. Are you ready?"

"Yes...but no. Actually, no. I'm sorry, I have had a difficult day. I would love to spend the evening with you, but not out and about. Would it disappoint you terribly if we stayed in?"

"Nah. Music's supposed to be this DJ who thinks it's hilarious to try to actually mix 'Werewolves of London' with that Kid Rock song and Skynyrd. It's terrible. Any chance you've got something more comfortable I could borrow, though? Fishnets kind of suck."

Loki smiles, visibly relieved, "Yes, of course. Come in, follow me." He leads up to his bedroom and he pulls one of the soft knit sets from the closet, "Magda says they are more like pajamas, but they are wonderful for lounging about."

"Oh my god, these are the softest things I have ever touched, except maybe kittens."

"They were made in Asgard. I will give you a moment to change." He steps outside the door.

Alexi calls, "You didn't have to leave, you know."

"Terribly old-fashioned, remember?"

"I know. It's cute." The door opens, "So what do you want to do?" The shirt is a bit baggy, draping off one of Alexi's shoulders, the waistband cinched a little tighter than usual on the draw string pants. Loki cannot help but think he is gorgeous.

"You look delightful in my clothes."

"Hmmm, I feel divine. I should raid your closet more often." Alexi kisses Loki's cheek, "So...plans?"

"Magda has a collection of movies."

"Oooo, I wonder what Halloween movies she has! Or just scary ones. Have you seen 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'? It's not scary, it's just made of awesome."

"No, I have not."

"Then I hope she has it. Let's go ask her! Wait, do you think she'll be OK with this?"

"I know she will be. She offered to open her home to us this evening."

"You told her you weren't sure about this club thing?"

"She saw me having a terrible time coping while violently weeding my garden. We talked about many things. My general discomfort with leaving the familiar this evening was one of them."

"Cool. I don't know how you guys are getting through this. I'd be crazy or dead by now. It's been a few weeks, hasn't it?"

"Yes. Magda is patient as a stone. I am starting to deteriorate. I do not know how she is not as well. She is as faithful as the sun itself."

"Magda is seriously amazing. In pretty much every way. I mean, I know, she's a person, she's not perfect, but I'm pretty sure she's just about as close to a goddess as you can get. Works with refugees, volunteers with transgender people, dates an Avenger, and isn't climbing the walls freaking out right now."

"Would the revelation that she does not like pecan pie be enough of a flaw to convince you she is human?"

"Yeah, that's good enough." Alexi slips his hand in Loki's, "Come on, let's go see if she'll lend us her movies."

Magda greets them at the door in her pajamas, "Welcome, welcome, darlings." She embraces them both and kisses cheeks, "What is your wish for this evening?"

"'Nightmare Before Christmas!' -and then maybe scary movies. Or maybe 'Great Pumpkin'. You do have those, right?"

"Of course! Come upstairs. I have a little cinema set up in the attic space."

When they enter the uppermost floor, Loki recognizes the decorating style- it looks so much like Wanda's apartment that she had to have decorated it. He has seen it before, the night after telling Alexi his story, but he was not paying attention to it then and he was not desperately missing Wanda, searching for all the little signs of her fingerprints in his life. There are huge pillows and beanbags all around the floor and two low chairs behind them. The walls are lined with shelves holding hundreds of movies, the peaked ceiling draped with rich velvet embroidered in gold and silver. They frame the television at one end. Loki cannot help but wander to look at the different titles. Every shelf is labelled with a stamped brass plaque and within each section, titles are alphabetical.

"Oh my god, you have 'Treasure Planet'- we are so watching that!" Alexi laughs and drops onto a huge beanbag, "This is going to be awesome." He runs his fingers through his hair, "Oh hell, I am so sorry I'm shedding glitter everywhere."

"Wanda calls it craft herpes. Her description is apt. That is fine, this room can always use a little glitter." Loki stretches out on his stomach on the floor, propped up on a giant pillow. Alexi drags his beanbag closer and flops down. He takes Loki's hand. Magda gracefully sinks onto a footstool and starts the movie.

It is very late when Alexi leaves for his own apartment. Loki lets him take the clothes with him and kisses him by his car. He returns to Magda's home and they watch a few more old tape recorded children's Halloween specials. They fall asleep snuggled together in the pile of pillows.