"Jesse?" is all she can say before she sees his eyes wandering down to the book in her hand, What to Expect When You're Expecting.
"Can I come in?" Jesse says trying to stay calm.
"Yeah." She looks down as she moves for him to enter the house.
They get to the living room and she offers him something to drink, which he declines.
After several minutes of an awkward silence Jesse finally speaks up, "So do you want to tell me what the hell is going on?" Jesses tries not to yell, but it is really hard right now. When he gets no answer from the redhead he takes it upon himself speak again.
"Chloe, I love you, you know that and I mean this with the utmost respect, because you are one of the smartest people I know, but right now you are being really fucking stupid." He finally lets loose.
Chloe looks up with wide eyes shocked at what her friend has said to her, then sadly drops her gaze to her hands in realization. He is right she is dumb, something major happened to her and she left the one person who is supposed to help her. Now not only was she hurting, but she was hurting Beca, the one person she loves, make that loved more than anything.
"Look, I understand you are hurting right now, but your wife is hurting too. You are supposed to be the person she looks to for comfort from her pain, not the one causing her pain." His words break her thoughts.
"Jesse you don't get it, God you have no fucking clue what is go-"
"THEN TELL ME" Screams Jesse. "Cause all I know is this, something very terrible happened to you, but if you remember it happened to Beca too. You leave and are gone for almost 3 months, keeping up no contact with any of us. Then when your wife calls you from the hospital practically begging you to come home you tell her no. And why because you can't face her! What the hell kind of excuse is that?!" Jesse yells, not really caring that he is starting to scare Chloe.
"Beca, my best friend and your wife has spent the last 3 months doing three things. Drinking away her pain, and we all know how well that will turn out. Looking for Luke, well she found him, got stabbed and you still didn't come back. And last but not least, thinking of every possible thing she did wrong that would force you to leave. Then she gets a call saying you have an ultrasound today. God Chloe she didn't even know you were pregnant! None of us did!" Jesse is now pacing the room trying to piece together everything, while Chloe sits on the couch crying.
"So again I ask do you want to tell me what the hell is going on?"Jesse says calming down a bit.
Chloe took a few minutes to calm herself down before she finally began speaking, knowing it was better to just talk because she knew he wasn't leaving anytime soon unless he got his answers.
"Beca and I decided a few months back to try IVF." Chloe says figuring she might as well start this at the beginning. "We figured it would take a few months to pick a donor, then a few months for the procedure to take, so we tried the month before everything happened not expecting it to take the first time. But a few weeks later I started feeling funny so I took a test, just to see. When it came up positive, I called Dr. Montgomery for a professional test.I found out I was pregnant that… that night. I was so excited and I knew Beca would be too. She was the one that brought up the idea of starting a family. I was gonna tell her when I got home. But in the middle of practice I started to get pains in my abdomen, so I called practice off earlier and sent all the kids home. When I went to the bathroom I was bleeding, and when I saw that I was devastated. I had a miscarriage."
Jesse gets up sits next to Chloe and begins rubbing circles on her back in attempts to calm her. When she finally calms down she begins again. "After finding the blood I decided not even to say anything to Beca, about any of it. I didn't want to discourage her. I decided to walk home instead of taking a cab like I normally do. I needed some air and time to think. As I was walking that is when Luke grabbed me and pulled me into the alley."
She starts crying harder again and Jesse goes to the kitchen to get her some water. After drinking some she is able to speak once more, "He… Luke, when he… when he… he didn't use protection, and he did it a few times." She breaks down once again, recalling the worst day of her life.
"When I was in the hospital and I sent Beca away, it wasn't to hurt her, I was to let her go. I knew she would hate me after she found out. I was afraid the doctor would say something about the miscarriage and I didn't want her to hear. I knew she would hate me if she found out I killed our baby."
"Chloe, you can't honestly tell me you think Beca could ever hate you?"
"She would, I know it. She was so excited, after the first appointment at the clinic, she went home and opened a board on Pinterest. She had designed the perfect nurseries, and had all these tips for babies and pregnancy. She pinned outfits and everything." Chloe sobs. "I have never seen her so excited. She made the board's name "My Life" Jesse. I couldn't let her hurt because of me."
"Chloe, the miscarriage wasn't your fault, and I know Beca would not hate you for what happened. I think if anything she would hate the fact that you didn't tell her."
"I couldn't deal with the pain in her eyes if I were to tell her. When she called in the hospital she I was at the doctor. Jesse I am pregnant and it's Luke's." Chloe once again is crying, by now Jesse has tears in his eyes seeing his friend hurt.
"Chlo, I am so sorry. Beca got a call from the doctor at the clinic and came rushing over. She thinks it is the donor's baby. She thinks it is you guys' baby."
"I just don't know what I am going to do."Chloe wails.
"Are you gonna leave her?"
"What? Why would you ask me that?"
"Well you haven't been home in three months and you haven't called."
"Wha-"
"She thinks you are." He says solemnly.
"What, why… how do you know?"
"She wrote this last night and was gonna send it out today, I figured I would bring it to you. She doesn't know I am down here." Jesse hands Chloe the letter.
Hey Red, I have so many questions for you right now, but I am not sure if I can take the answers right now, so I am only going to ask you one thing. If we can't work this out, and God I hope we do because being away from you hurts, it hurts so fucking much, will you give this to our baby when the are older and can understand. Please just do that for me. If we can get through this please destroy this because I don't want he or she to know of this. I love you Chloe, please do this for me.
Chloe unfolded the second piece of paper, not knowing what to expect.
My Little Monkey,
The first thing I want you to know is how much I love you. You aren't even here yet and I already love you so see I am your Mama, I know this may be a little confusing because you already have a mommy, but I want you to know about me. Long before you were born I meet your mom, and I was immediately intrigued, with her fiery red locks and piercing blue eyes. We fell in love when we were in college. We got married, but we knew something very important was missing, you. When we finally decided to start a family I was so excited, I never knew I wanted a family. I didn't think I would be a good mama. But being with your mommy I knew we could do it. I know I am not here now and I know that that may hurt, but I want you to know that not a day goes by that I don't think of see something happened when you were in mommy's tummy, something very bad. This put a strain on me and your mommy's relationship, that we could not work through. I know what it is like to have a parent leave you, and I don't want you to feel like enough wasn't done to fix it, because I will do everything in my being to get you and your mommy back in my life. But if by chance you are reading this, then I have to accept that. I wrote this to let you know how excited I am that you are alive, and that I love you so much already. I am so sorry for not being there the first time you kicked inside mommy's tummy, or being there on the day you were born. It sucks that I won't be there for your first words of first day of school, or the day you graduate from Harvard, yes I have high hopes for you Little Monkey. Now I don't know if you are a boy or girl, but either way I do know who you will be, Your mommy has had names picked out since we first meet, If you are my sweet baby boy, David Jesse, let me tell you, it's okay if you don't want to play sports, I know your mommy was set on you playing baseball, but I would much rather have you learn to play guitar. And if you are mama's little princess, Bella Aubrey, it's okay to hate pink, I never liked it either. You will never know how important you are to me. I know you never grew in my tummy, or heard what my heart sounded like from the inside, it makes me said that you will never know my voice or see my face, but if you take anything with you I want you to know how much I care about you. And how much I miss you everyday. Please if you are reading this that means I am not in your life and have never met you, but I want you to know you are the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I love you, I have never and will never love anything or one more than I love you my Little Monkey. I am sorry that I never got to meet you, but I hope one day you will understand, by the time you are reading this I have tried my hardest to make sure you don't ever see this, but if I fail please know I did not give up on you. I gave you and your mommy a life without any pain and hurting.
I always have and always will love you my Little Monkey.
Your Mama,
Beca
By now Chloe was balling as was Jesse since he already read the letter and was thinking back to the thought of his friend.
"What do I do Jesse?"
"First I think you need to listen to this."He says as he hands her a flashdrive. "Its the only mix Beca has made since you have been gone.
Chloe gets up to grab her laptop, she opens her music player and listens as the voice of her wife comes blasting out the speakers. She thinks to herself how there has only been one sound sweeter than this and that is the sound of the little heartbeat she heard a few days before.
"Hey Red, I made this for you I know this is corny, but it's kind of our thing so here goes…" Chloe can tell she has been crying by the sound of her voice. The first song plays and Chloe instantly chuckles inwardly,
You shout it out,
But I can't hear a word you say.
I'm talking loud,
Not saying much.
You shoot me down
But I get up
As the song fades out Beca's voice fades in "That song had a lot of good memories for us. So do the rest of these songs." Music from their past begins to fill the silence, some Chloe recognises others she forgot about Beca explains, then she hears the opening bars and the chorus and begins crying.
I want you forever, forever and always
Through the good the bad and the ugly
We'll grow old together
Forever and Always
"I still do want you Chloe, nothing is ever going to change that. I want a life with you and this baby and plenty more babies to come. I am not going to say that I understand why you are doing this, but I do know that I love you more than anyth- no I love our baby more than anything, but you are definatley a close second." Chloe lets out a breath at the sad chuckle of her wife in the recording. "I do however love you so much I will let you go to help yourself, but just know this, I am broken without you, and I probably always will be . I am not saying this to make you feel guilty, I am letting you know this because no matter what happens I will always help you get try to help you get through it even if you won't let me help."
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
Chloe can hear the sadness in her wife's voice, and she can hear Beca trying to compose herself. "So this music has had a lot of meaning to us and I hope even if I can't be there to help you, I hope this music does. So this is the last song, I wasn't going to put it on here but I thought it couldn't hurt. Chloe I love you so much, and I will never get forget you and the love we shared. Chloe Beale I'll wait for you.
I'll wait for you
At heaven's gate,
Oh I don't care how long it takes
And I'll tell St. Pete I can't come in
Without my love and my best friend,
Oh this ain't nothing new,
Sweetheart I'll wait for you.
P.S. I love you too
Sweetheart I'll wait for you...
"Jesse what do I do?"
"Well, what do you want to do, because she is pretty certain that she has lost the best thing in her life, for good. So again I ask, what do you want to do?"
"I don't know." Cries Chloe leaning on Jesse's shoulder.
"If you want to be with Beca th-"
"yes, I want that more than anything. I would never have married her if I didn't, but after all this she is gonna hate me, I don't know if I can-" Now it was Jesse's turn to interupt.
"I know for a fact that Beca loves you, she told me multiple times before she doesn't know how you could ever love her. She doesn't think she deserves you."
"I don't deserve her, I let our baby die, I left and-"
"Tell her, not me. If you are serious about coming home I have two tickets for a flight first thing in the morning. Come home and tell her, she is not gonna be pissed at you like I know you think she will. She isn't pissed, she is upset and afraid and confused. She thinks all of this is her fault, so go home and talk to your wife. Tell her what you told me, all of it Chlo." Jesse was once again rubbing her back, "I know you are scared but you have to tell her the truth, she deserves that." With that Jesse went upstairs to fix a bath for Chloe before getting ready for bed himself. He knew it was going to be a long day tomorrow and they needed their rest.
…
Beca was like always anymore sitting at her laptop trying to mix some music. She got a call again last week from the record label asking for some more music, but ever since Chloe left Beca didn't have any energy or drive to mix. She gets up to grab yet another drink when there is a knock on the door. She begrudgingly walks to the door hoping it isn't Aubrey of Jesse trying to force her out to do something. She turns the knob and pulls the door open. Standing there is the redhead that has never left her mind once since the infamous shower her freshman year.
A million thoughts are running through her head right now, "Is this real?" "Should I hug her?" "Maybe I should slam the door in her face." "God she looks breathtaking!"
"Chl-" Her words are cut off by a tear-filled passionate kiss.
A/N:I hope this answers some questions for you from the last chapter. :) I know there isn't a lot of Beca in this but I hope you still enjoyed it. The songs were, Titanium, Always and Forever from previous chapters. And the new songs were Broken by Lifehouse and I'll Wait For You by Joe Nichols.
Yay! Chloe's back! But not Bechloe just yet, we can't let her off the hook that easy. ;P
Some happy chapters soon though (hopefully). PLEASE REVIEW!