HAPPY NEW YEAR! As a New-years gift, here's Dippers Guide to the Unexplained! Just a heads-up these are written in the third person. But first, it's shout-out time!
Fantasy Female Freak- Thanks for your review/Happy Holidays! And I LOVE the Unexplained shorts too; they were a great way to keep the fans happy during the hiatus. Which one is your favorite? Mine is Mailbox, with Hide-Behind in second.
Maximal7x13- Bud, I TOTALLY get it about the sibling-bonding thing. I have a sister who's a few years younger than me, and you have no idea how much closer the show brought us. Like I said in Dreamscaperers, our cousins turned the show on and things have changed ever since. And nice job handling the fire; I hope your sister is okay. Anyway, thanks for your review!
gamelover41592- Thanks for your review! Golf War wasn't one of my favs, but it was definitely one of the better filler chapters. I especially loved all the Gulliver's Travels references it made. And Happy New Year!
cassianaswindell123- Thanks for your reviews! I'm not making any promises on Billow, but a lot of people do seem to want that to happen. I know Google Translate sucks, but I figured to would be close enough. I use Google Translate for a lot of things in other languages for this, so I apologize if it doesn't come out properly.
Disclaimer: These shorts and Gravity Falls as a whole do not belong to me. They are the property of Disney and the work of Alex Hirsch. Willow is the only thing I own.
Stan's Tattoo (July 19th)
The screen filled with static before clearing to reveal a young boy and girl standing in an attic, the fingers of the person behind the camera pretending to squish their heads.
"Hello, I'm Willow Pines," The girl stated before pointing at the boy. "This is my brother Dipper, and the girl pretending to squish our heads is Mabel."
"I'm helping!" Mabel stated, waving at the camera before removing her hand from the screen.
"Welcome to Pines' Guide to the Unexplained," Dipper stated, the camera moving to show a board with multiple pictures of a man, a mark partly showing on his right shoulder circled in all of them. "Today we are investigating Anomaly number 23, our Grunkle Stan's secret tattoo."
"What is he hiding? A college prank? Secret symbol? Or something stranger?" The camera returned to its original position on the two younger triplets. "Stan claims it doesn't exist, but today we're gonna find out."
"Right after another exciting episode of… What's Under Mabel's Bandage?" Mabel started to peel a bandage on her leg off before the camera was turned away, Willow now behind it.
"Mabel, you're off camera duty. Let's do this." As they left the attic and went downstairs, Willow laid out the plan. "Grunkle Stan never takes off his undershirt-"
"Obviously to hide his tattoo!" Dipper interrupted as the view straightened out. They were now standing in a hallway, a thermostat on the wall behind Dipper. "But we're gonna 'turn up the heat' on this mystery."
"I told you no puns!" Willow yelled at her brother as he increased the temperature as far as it would go. The view changed again as they moved the camera into position. "Stan's not just gonna take his undershirt off, so we're having Soos encourage him to do it."
They positioned the camera on a souvenir shelf, showing part of the Gift Shop, Stan writing on a clipboard off to one side. Soos walked into the picture, sweat already staining his collar and underarms.
"Sure is hot in here today, huh Mr. Pines?" The handyman stated, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head. "Probably be a lot cooler if we worked without our shirts on! Am I right?"
"Soos, I will pay you to put your shirt back on," Stan told his employee, rubbing at his eyes.
"Don't be shy Mr. Pines!" Soos stated, sitting on the counter. "Bodies are nothing to be ashamed of."
"Watch the shop for a minute Soos," Stan told his employee, placing the clipboard on the counter and walking out of the shot. From off-screen, his voice said; "I need to go find a melon-baller and pull my eyeballs out."
After a few seconds of static, the camera showed a close-up view of Willow sitting at a table. "Time for Plan B," she told the camera, spinning it to show Stan sitting in his chair, the TV on, part of the tattoo in question showing. "Is that poison oak on your shoulder? Let me scratch it for you." She reached for his shoulder, but before the tattoo could be revealed, Stan slapped her hand away.
"You're gonna have to try harder than that if you wanna see my tattoo," he said absently.
"I thought you said you didn't have a tattoo!" She yelled.
"I don't, but you do," Stan said, reaching for her with a marker. The camera showed static again, then revealed Dipper and Willow in a hallway, the word GOOFUS written on Willow's forehead in red marker.
"Okay, Plan C. Stan is in the shower. Dipper drew the short straw, so he's doing this one," Willow told the camera, moving behind it.
"Don't talk about it!" Dipper told her, shuddering at the thought of what awaited him. "I wish it hadn't come to this, but sometimes you have to do terrible things for science."
"Just keep your eyes and the camera pointed up," Willow told him as he took the camera and walked through a door, steam forming in the bathroom. He walked up to the shower curtains and pulled them back. Stan was standing there, fully clothed, water running down him.
"You're never gonna see it kids. Never. Gonna. See it." He growled at the camera,
"How long have you been standing there?" Dipper asked him.
"Give me that camera!" Stan yelled, reaching for it. Another few seconds of static revealed Dipper and Willow on an overhang, the tops of the forest behind them.
"I'M GONNA FIND YOU KIDS!" Stan's voice yelled from somewhere off screen, birds flying out of trees in the background.
"That's it for this episode," Dipper told the camera. "Stan's tattoo remains a mystery, but who knows what other secrets are waiting to be unlocked."
"This had been Willow and Dipper Pines, signing off for now." Willow added. "But come back next time where we will be investigating anomaly number- oh no." The camera spun around, showing the furious face of Stan before the recording ended.
Candy Monster
The screen cleared again, this time showing the attic at night, Mabel curled up in her bed, Willow lying on hers, a book called Programming for Dummies propped up on her lap. Dipper was standing in front of the camera, a basket in his hands.
"Well, that concludes Gravity Falls anomaly #13, the Möbius chicken strip," he told the camera, holding up a chicken strip that resembled an infinity loop. "it's infinitely delicious!" He added, eating one.
"Toss me one," Willow called, tilting her head back. Dipper threw one into the air and it came down, almost going into Willow's mouth. A shadow moved across the wall and snatched it out of the air. "What the…?" She asked standing up, fight-or-flight mode activated. The two of them stood back-to-back, but the shadow came out of nowhere, charging past them and knocking the camera on its side.
The view went fuzzy before focusing again, Willow behind the camera, Dipper and Mabel, still bleary-eyed, staring at the creature. "It's like a weird naked little man," Mabel commented, moving closer to it. The creature was very short and pudgy, with an orange tint to its skin and a hairy body.
"Okay, not really sure what's going on right now, so this had now become Pines' Guide to the Unexplained, number 76… That Thing?"
"Candy Monster," Willow commented as the view changed again, Mabel now behind the camera. She and the monster went back and forth a few times, each trying to prevent the other from getting the candy, before her siblings called her attention back to them. The two of them now had stuffed animals taped on their bodies, golf clubs in each of their hands, Willow with a golf bag on her back, Dipper carrying a garbage can.
"We're ready," Willow stated, spinning her clubs around like a bo-staff. "We're gonna capture him for science."
"And for candy!" Mabel yelled from behind the camera.
"Get this on video in case we die or something," Dipper commented, the two of them walking over to the creature, who was still protecting his candy. Willow reached out with her golf club, moving a piece of candy closer to her. The creature pounced, attempting to grab it back, at the same time Dipper attacked with his trash can.
Dipper missed, the creature pulling back at the last second. The monster started climbing up the wall and onto the rafters in the ceiling. "Die mutant! Die!" Mabel yelled, throwing a stuffed animal at the creature. It bounced back and hit the camera, sending the view sideways before refocusing, showing the creature drop off the ceiling and down the stairwell. "Save the candy!" Mabel yelled, the three of them chasing after the creature.
The view straightened out in the kitchen, showing the monster atop the refrigerator, knocking things off and throwing candy at the kids, who were throwing anything they could back at him. "He's wasting candy! Open your mouth! Try to catch the candy in your mouth!" Mabel called to her siblings, Dipper glaring at her.
"Why would we-?" An unwrapped piece of candy landed in his mouth. "That's actually- OW!" The creature, having run out of candy, had resorted to throwing the bucket at them, hitting Dipper square in the face. The creature jumped off the fridge, being chased by Willow, who was still trying to hit it with the golf club. When the view straightened out, Willow was standing alone in the living room, golf clubs at the ready.
"Do you see it? Where'd it go?" She asked, looking around the room. The creature jumped down at her, landing on her back. She attempted to use the clubs to pry him off, but almost hit Dipper, who had run to help her. He fell back, accidently turning the television on, as Willow threw her clubs to the ground. She charged backwards, slamming the creature between herself and the wall. The creature fell off, dodging through Dipper's legs before noticing the TV, stopping to stare at it.
"He's hypnotized by the TV!" Mabel yelled excitedly as Dipper and Willow helped each other up and over to the creature.
"What a little dummy! Glued to the… I love this movie," Dipper muttered, himself now staring at it.
"Come on, Dip. It can't be… oh wow! Haven't seen this in forever," Willow added. A few seconds of static later revealed the four of them watching the movie, the kids eating the candy they had been able to salvage, the monster eating golf clubs.
"Shouldn't we do something about Milton?" Dipper asked, using the name the kids had given the monster, a homage to Milton Hershey.
"Candy now. We can handle him later," Mabel responded, shoving more candy into her mouth. Milton finished off his golf club, attempting to reach for another one. Willow pulled one out of the bag and handed it to him, Milton starting to eat it.
"Hey dudes!" Soos called, walking into frame, looking at Milton. "Hey Mr. Pines!"
"I think this is it for this episode of Pines' Guide to the Unexplained. The next episode will probably be about handling Milton," Willow said, reaching for another golf club.
"Stan, what are they talking about?" Soos asked Milton before the camera stopped recording.
Hide-Behind (July 20th)
When the screen cleared, Dipper and Willow were talking to each other, a piece of cardboard and a pen in Dipper's hands, Willow holding the journal open. "We're on!" Mabel's voice called from behind the camera, getting their attention.
"Oh, hello, and welcome back to Pines' Guide to the Unexplained," Dipper told the camera, putting the pen back in his pocket. Mabel's hand came into view, a UFO key-chain in her hand. When she squeezed it, it lit up and buzzed. "Thank you. Today we investigate Gravity Falls anomaly #132: The Hide-Behind," Dipper said, holding up the cardboard. Willow stepped forward and held up the Journal, showing a tall shadow and diagrams of fork-toed footprints.
"Local lumberjacks tell of a mysterious creature, always just out of sight," she said before holding up a Polaroid photo of similar footprints. "But these photos suggest it might actually be real! Either way, we intend to find out!"
"HIDE BEHIND!" The two of them jumped as Mabel popped up from behind them, yelling a battle cry before laughing hysterically.
"Not cool Mabel!" Willow yelled at her, moving behind the camera as a female voice called up from downstairs.
"MY DAD'S HERE!" The voice said.
"THANKS WENDY!" Dipper yelled, looking at the camera. "We asked Manly Dan to come over for an interview. We figured he's the most likely person to have seen it." A few seconds of static later revealed Dipper standing next to the lumberjack, the parking lot and forest by the Shack in the background behind them.
"Thank you for coming," Dipper started, craning his head back to look Manly Dan in the eye, something hard considering the lumberjack was nearly two feet taller than him. "So, the Hide-Behind? Is it real?"
"Hide-Behind?" Dan repeated, glancing behind him. "He's real alright. REAL AS MY BEARD! He was behind me once… made this sound…" The sound he made was a combination of the t sound and the ch sound. "Mighty spooky."
"Don't believe every legend you hear, kids," a voice called over to them. Willow turned the camera to reveal a man in his late-sixties sitting on a couch on the porch. "The people in this town are literally the dumbest people in the world. Literally. The Hide-Behind's just a rumor."
"You callin' me a liar Pines?" Dan's voice growled, causing Stan to panic a bit.
"No Dan, I wasn't saying that at all. I was just saying that if the kids want a mystery, it should be the mystery of why-" A shadow, barley slow enough to see, darted past them.
"That's it!" "Run!" The view went crazy as Willow and Dipper took off into the woods, their family calling after them. Static took over before clearing to reveal a place in the woods, a tiny tree, barley more than a branch, sticking up out of the ground.
"After hours of searching, we've narrowed it down to this tree," Willow said, turning the camera to face her and Dipper in close-up. "I know what you're thinking; How do you catch a creature who's always out of sight? That's why I made… THESE!" The camera zoomed out, showing that the two of them now had different mirrors strapped to themselves.
"Great work on these mirror suits Wills. Nothing gonna sneak up on-"
"BLIND SPOT!" Mabel yelled, hanging upside-down behind them. She started laughing and dropped down, grinning like a goof.
"Again Mabel, NOT COOL!" Willow yelled, taking the camera off its tripod and walking closer to the tree, Dipper beside her. "Time for the Hide-Behind to finally be seen. In three… two… NOW!" They jumped around to the other side of the tree, revealing what was behind it. "Uuuhhh…"
"Cool!" Mabel yelled excitedly, bending down next to the creature and holding her arm out. The creature flew onto her arm, the object in its beak making a t-ch sound. "Maraca owl!" Just like she said, perched on her arm was a dark-feathered owl with a bright-colored maraca held in its beak.
"Dipper, what time is it?" Willow asked, placing the camera back on its tripod.
"Almost four," he replied, removing his mirror suit and handing it to Willow, both turning to look at the camera. "Well, after six hours of research, based on lack of evidence, we have to conclude that anomaly 132, the Hide-Behind, is just a legend."
The three of them started walking away from the camera, observing Mabel's owl. Little did they know that a tall creature, looking like it was made of shadows, had risen up from behind the tree they had been looking at. The creature started following them, hiding behind a tree when they stopped walking.
"Did you hear something?" Willow asked, looking behind her. Her siblings shook their heads and they continued walking, the creature following them. He hid again when Willow turned back around. "I could have sworn…?"
"Wills, you're just being paranoid," Dipper told her. "Now come on. If we wanna look at that tooth I found the other day, we gotta get moving." Willow nodded and followed them, but then turned back around and grabbed the camera. While she was distracted, the creature that had been following them disappeared into the shadows.
Tooth
"But don't you think we should get footage of it first?" Dipper's voice asked as the screen cleared. He and Willow were standing at the edge of a dock, fog surrounding them, both oblivious that the camera was recording.
"But if we go out now, then we'll need to make two trips, and we might not be able to find Tate, and we don't know what will happen out there, so we should save as much energy as possible," Willow told her brother, who nodded, conceding her points.
"Fine," he said, turning to look at the camera. "Welcome back to Pines' Guide to the Unexplained. The other day, I was… practicing… and I found a large tooth out on one of the islands. We'll be going out there soon to investigate, but first we are going to see if we can figure out what it might have come from."
The three of them went into the Gravity Falls Lake Shop, Tate McGucket standing behind the counter. "You're the one who's been hanging around with my dad the past few weeks, aren't you?" He asked Willow as they walked into the shop.
"That's me," she replied, walking up to him. "And he wanted me to tell you that he misses you and wants to be a part of your life again."
"I don't know how well that's going to work out. You know how he is," Tate told her, then leaning in even closer, he said; "But tell him that Soo is expecting." He pulled back and faced the three of them again. "So what do you kids want?"
"The other day, out on one of the islands, I found a giant tooth," Dipper told him. "Do you know anything about that?"
"Tooth?" Tate repeated, shaking his head. "Don't know nothing about a tooth."
"We were going to head over there later and take a look around," Willow told him. He moved close to them again.
"Word of advice? You kids see bubbles on that lake, run. Now no more questions; get that camera out of here!" The children left, heading back out to the dock and climbing into a boat. As they started rowing out onto the lake, Dipper turned to Willow.
"Sue?" He questioned.
"S-o-o," Willow told him. "She's from Korea. They got married a few months ago. Tate might not talk to his dad much, but McGucket knows how to get information."
They paddled on in silence, the fog getting thicker around them, so it was a surprise to all when the bottom of the boat scrapped along the sand. The three of them climbed out of the boat, Dipper in the lead. It wasn't long before the tooth came into sight. "Wow," Willow said simply, getting a closer look at it.
The roots of the tooth were embedded in the ground, the tooth standing at an angle. It was a good three, nearly four, times Willow's height, and the top was nearly two of her across. "Yeah, that's what I said," Dipper told her. "Mabel, what are you doing?" Said girl had picked up a stick and was poking the tooth with it.
"Seeing if it is still alive," she responded, putting the stick down and attempting to climb it. Willow gave her a look, then came back over to Dipper.
"That thing is HUGE!" She told him. Dipper nodded.
"That's why I wanted all of us to come," Dipper told her as Mabel came back up to them.
"That's why I brought Bear-O for backup!" She held up a stuffed bear puppet that had many tears in it, the stuffing coming out.
"No Bear-O. He's creepy. Everyone hates Bear-O."
"Who could hate Bear-O?" Mabel questioned in a fake voice.
"You do remember that puppet show you did last month," Willow reminded her.
"Come on! The four of us are the adventure team of a lifetime!" Static revealed the three of them back in the boat, paddling away from the island, Bear-O left on the beach, Mabel rowing angrily. She stopped and held up a cardboard sign, the words DO YOU WANT MORE BEAR-O?! LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD! And her contact information written on it.
"Mabel, come on!" Dipper told her, grabbing the sign as Willow handed out flashlights.
"The people deserve to let their voice be heard!" Mabel told him, taking a flashlight from Willow and turning it on, looking around the water. "What are we supposed to be looking for anyway?"
"Not sure, but look out for bubbles in the water," Willow told her, the three of them looking around. It was only a matter of time before things started going south.
"Guys, look!" Mabel told her siblings, shining her flashlight at a point in the water near a small island. Bubbles were causing the water to ripple.
"Should we leave?" Willow questioned.
"Move back, but we have to see what happens," Dipper told them, the three of them starting to row backwards, keeping the bubbles and island in sight. As they moved back, the island began to shake.
"What's going on? What's happening?"
"Just row!" The three of them started rowing faster as the shaking of the island increased. The island lifted out of the water and started following the children's boat. It wasn't an island, but rather a giant floating head with glowing yellow eyes and a tooth missing from the top row. The mouth moved as the head got closer to the children, the words unclear. The head was right above their boat when the camera cut out and static took over.
When it came back on, the view was of the ground, feet just visible on the edge of the frame. "Girls! I found it!" Dipper voice said, the camera adjusting to show his face, now cut up and scraped. "Okay, after it attacked us, the giant head thing sunk back into the lake."
"It also tried to eat our boat, but it left another of its teeth behind," Willow added, walking up and aiming the camera to a now-wrecked boat with another large tooth in the center of the wreckage. She turned the camera back on the three of them, Mabel having walked up. "The important thing is that we survived. Barley."
"Yeah," Mabel said, sighing, before holding up Bear-O. In his voice, she said, "Did somebody say, bear-ly?" Her siblings yelled at her before the camera was turned off.
Mailbox (July 21st)
The screen cleared to reveal Willow and Dipper in the forest, standing shoulder-to-shoulder. "Welcome back to Pines' Guide to the Unexplained," Willow started, glancing behind her. "Today we are investigating anomaly 54; this mailbox." The two of them separated, revealing an old, rusty mailbox with moss hanging from it.
"There it is, in the middle of the forest. No house; no address. Today the three of us-"
"Sup?" The voice of Soos questioned as he walked into the frame, wearing a lab coat and goggles, a letter in his hand.
"Are going to put a letter in and see what happens," Dipper finished, opening the door on the mailbox.
"The letter posits a salient question; Sup Dawg?" Soos put the letter in the mailbox and closed the door. "So now what's the plan?"
"We're gonna go hide in the bushes and wait for…" The mailbox started to shake, the three of them backing up. The flag raised on its own and the shaking stopping. "Uuuuuuuuummmmmm…"
"Did that just… did you see that?" Soos questioned, looking at the children, who both nodded slowly.
"Open it!" Dipper told him, pushing him forward.
"No way am I touching a ghost mailbox!" He responded. Willow sighed and stepped forward,
"You're both babies," she said, opening the mailbox slowly and reaching inside. She pulled out a piece of parchment with a red glob of wax holding it closed. An infinity symbol was imprinted in the wax. She opened it slowly and gasped before handing it to her brother.
"'Hello Willow, Dipper and Soos,'" Dipper read, holding it up for the camera to see. "It knows our names!"
"What if it's all knowing?" Soos questioned, looking back at it.
"Let's test it," Willow stated, pulling a notebook and pen out of her jacket and handing them to Soos, who spoke what he was writing out loud.
"What did I shave into my hair this morning?" He put the letter in and closed the door. The mailbox shook and the flag raised again. Soos pulled out a different letter, similar to the first they had received, and read from it. "'A baby duck holding a paddle ball.' It knew dudes!" He pulled his hat off, revealing a duck with a paddle ball cut into his hair.
"My turn!" Willow yelled, writing on a piece of paper. "Let's see… Which came first? The chicken or the egg?" She put it in the mailbox, then removed another letter when the shaking stopped. "'The chicken,'" it said simply.
"Let me try," Dipper said, taking his turn. "When is the end of the world?" He questioned. This time the shaking lasted longer than before, but the result was the same; old paper sealed with a glob of wax imprinted with an infinity symbol. "'3012,'" Dipper read. "We've got a while."
"What else should we ask it?" Willow questioned, holding a pen and paper. "Time and date of our deaths?"
"Did aliens build the pyramids?!" Soos told her.
"What is the meaning of life?" Dipper thought.
"What are marshmallows made of?!" Soos told them. Willow shook her head.
"It has to be something important, something that will give us all the answers…" At the same time, the three of them knew what the next question would be.
"WHO WROTE THE JOURNALS?!" "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?!" The kids looked at Soos, who realized his mistake. "Who wrote the Journals?!"
"We're finally gonna get the answer to the greatest mystery in Gravity Falls!" Willow said excitedly, writing down the question.
"Hey guys!" Mabel walked into frame, a backpack over her shoulders. "Sweet mailbox! I've been wanting to mail Mom and Dad this video of me sticking 100 gummy worms up my nose!" She reached over her shoulder and pulled a package out of the backpack, placing it into the mailbox.
"MABEL!" "WAIT!" "DUDE!" The others yelled at her, but it was too late; she had closed the door of the mailbox. The mailbox shook and the flag raised. Dipper reached in and pulled out the letter.
"'Your gummy worm video has disturbed and insulted me. You fools are unworthy of my great knowledge. The era of human enlightenment shall never come to pass.'"
"That doesn't sound good…" Willow commented, glaring at her sister. The mailbox started to glow blue. "Mabel, what did you do?!"
"I didn't know!" Mabel defended herself.
"Just run!" Dipper yelled, the four of them taking off, away from the mailbox. The blue glow surged, spreading outward. Then the glow was sucked back into the mailbox, crunching it down to the size of a fist. Another blue glow went out, ten times brighter than before. The imploded mailbox disappeared, and the screen went white.
When the screen cleared, the four of them were standing in front of the area where the mailbox had once been, now a burnt crater about six feet across. Soos and the children were covered in soot, their hair out of place and half of the boys' clothes burnt off.
"I think this concludes Pines' Guide to the Unexplained," Dipper told the camera slowly, shock clear in his face. "I think we all learned something today."
"Yes we did," Willow said with and angry look at her sister. "We learned that when dealing with the unknown, you do NOT MAIL VIDEOS OF YOU SHOVING GUMMY WORMS UP YOUR NOSE!"
Mabel smiled, completely oblivious to her sibling's anger. "Don't worry. There's more where that came from!" She pulled a bag of gummy worms out of her backpack and brought one up to her nose.
"Mabel, no! Show over! Show over!" Dipper ran up to the camera and covered it with his hand before stopping the recording.
Lefty
The screen revealed the three children standing on a sidewalk in the middle of town. "Alright, uh, we don't have a lot of time, cause his shift ends in five minutes, but welcome back to Pines' Guide to the Unexplained," Dipper said, glancing around him. "Today we investigate Anomaly 82…this guy." The camera moved to show the inside of a bowling alley, a man with thinning brown hair and a thick mustache reading a newspaper and drinking coffee behind the counter.
"Sure he looks normal, but if he's so normal explain why he's always facing left," Willow added. The man turned his paper and a sheet fell out and went behind him. Instead of turning around to grab it, the man walked backwards and picked it up, the right side of his face remaining unseen. "We've been stalking him-"
"Following!" Dipper interjected.
"…For weeks," Willow continued. "And we've never once seen the right side of his face, and neither has anyone else. But why? Mabel, theories?" The camera turned away from the man and focused back on Mabel, who had a manila envelope labeled TOP SECRET in her hands.
"Theory one, he's hiding an embarrassing sunburn," Mabel said, pulling out a drawing of the man with half of his body on fire. "Theory two, Half-man, half lizard-man!" The next drawing showed half of the man's body covered in green scales. "And theory three, my personal favorite; He's normal! And you two are just crazy!" The final drawing was of the man, nothing odd, and Dipper and Willow, eyes red swirls, screws in the air behind them.
"That's not a theory!" Dipper yelled, Willow taking the picture from her sister and ripping it in half. "Whatever it may be, we find out now!" The three of them walked into the alley, Willow behind the camera. "Hello sir!" Dipper called to the man as they entered.
"Sorry kids, cameras aren't allowed in here," the man told them.
"It's not on, not on," Willow told him, the man going back to his paper. "He bought it!" She whisper-yelled to the camera as Dipper walked up to the counter. The girls put on a show of looking around the building, although Willow made sure the camera was pointed at Dipper and the man.
"So, you wouldn't mind grabbing those bowling shoes for me?" Dipper asked, picking out a pair that were on the right side of the man.
"Those ones?" The man asked, Dipper nodding. Without turning around, the man backed up and grabbed the bowling shoes, placing them on the counter.
"Dipper, here's your wallet!" Willow called, throwing the wallet towards the two of them. Instead of going to Dipper's hands, the wallet went behind the counter.
"Oh, um, could you maybe turn around and grab that for me?" Dipper asked. The man sighed and backed up, grabbing the wallet from the floor and handing it to Dipper, not turning around.
"There you are sir," the man told him, folding up the paper he had been reading.
"Fine," Dipper said, grabbing the shoes and pocketing his wallet. "Could you just get me my bowling ball?"
"I don't see why not," the man said, walking out from behind the counter and over to the ball rack. "What were you thinking…?"
"I was thinking maybe the…" Dipper ran up and pushed the shoulder of the man, spinning him around and revealing with was hidden on the right side of his body.
There were different levels, different items in each. But the levels had one thing in common; there were small, thumb-sized creatures with green liquid inside them, controlling the part of the man that was normally in view. One of the creatures noticed the triplets and sounded the alarm.
"Guys! We're blown! Shut it down! Shut it down!" The creatures all pulled out bright, glowing red cubes and swallowed them, passing out and disappearing in small bursts of yellow light. The robot sparked, blue bursts of electricity spreading around it and causing the robot to break apart, crumbling in a heap of metal on the floor. The metal itself let out a burst of yellow light before it was consumed in flames, disappearing and leaving scorch marks on the carpet. The sprinklers turned on and the fire alarm went off. The children turned around at started running out of the alley.
"Well, that concludes anomaly 82, and I think this is it for Pines' Guide to the Unexplained," Dipper told the camera as the kids left the alley and started running down the sidewalk. "Girls, I think we might wanna burn this tape," he added to his siblings before the recording cut off for the final time.
Well, that was fun! I hope you guys like what I did with these, and I hope I did a good job of translating them; third person when the characters break the fourth wall is hard, so tell me what you thought. Anyway, we're back on normal updating schedule, so you can expect Sock Opera to be posted January 14th, so until then, HAPPY NEW YEAR!