Hello all! This chapter is going to have poems by me and 0 me myself and I 0. Thanks for reading!
-/-/-
Once I wake up, I walk out into a living room type setting, and I see Sarah at one of the tables. Her hair wet from the shower.
I look over at what she is writing and I see this,
"I slide the blade across my skin,
The blood trickling down my arm.
I start to see spots everywhere.
Little, tiny dots of blackness.
I hear someone banging on the door.
It sounds like you, but I can't make out the words.
I hear the door crash open,
And you're there,
Right next to me.
You pick me up and carry me to safety,
But I whisper out, "Goodbye",
And everything goes black.
I see myself and you at the hospital.
You cry for someone to save me,
But they tell you that I'm gone.
I float toward you and say,
"I'll always be with you,"
You hear me
And you know it's true,
What the doctors say is true.
I'm forever gone.
Gone to heaven.
I'll see you there, someday."
"That's a really good poem, Sarah. How did you think it up?" I ask the girl, smiling softly.
"Thanks, I usually just write what comes in to my head," replies the girl, starting to color a picture to match the poem.
"You're welcome."
"Allen, go take a shower and then you can eat, okay," says a new girl.
"Oh, that's Amy! She's my favourite, but don't tell anyone else that," Sarah whispers in my ear. She giggles slight and gives me a half smile.
"Okay then," I reply back to Sarah, giving her an awkward smile.
-/-/-
After a nice refreshing shower, I eat breakfast. Which consisted if crappy scrambled eggs, toast, and a blueberry muffin. I had some Frosted Flakes (c), Honey Nut Cheerios (c), and Fruit Loops (c).
Next was group therapy, which Sarah and I introduced ourselves. They explained to me what the Level System was also. It was when you adde up points together from through out the day and they add up at the end of the day and you get to move up a level. On level two you get to drink soda and stay up an extra thirty minutes. You also get to play the wii when everyone else goes to be. On level three you get those perks but you get to stay up an extra hour long.
We had to say why we were here and how we were feeling that day.
"I'm feeling a... four," says Sarah, looking off of a sheet that listed emotions. "I feel depressed, calm, and... sad."
"Why do you feel that way?" asks Amy.
I just feel depressed all the time because of my mom saying mean things to me," replies Sarah with a saddened look in her eyes. "I am calm because this place is like a safety blanket. I believe it'll help me get better this time."
"How are the voices?" Asks a nurse named Robin. My eyes widen.
"I reliezed that they are just my thoughts, just very obsessive and all at once," Sarah replies to the question.
"Okay, Allen. Your turn," says Amy, looking towards me. Sarah passes the sheet to me.
"Well, I am a two. I am depressed, angry, and sad. Depressed because of what happened in my past, angry because my friends went through my stuff, and because they betrayed me," I replay to Amy, looking away, feeling the tears in my eyes. I felt Sarah put her hand on my leg and rub it, trying to give me comfort. I smile at the brunette.
"Do you think they betrayed your trust because they wanted to help you? Maybe they didn't want you to get hurt anymore. Did you ever think of that?" asks one of the girls. I think her name is... Allison? Ashton? I don't remember.
"I've... never thought of that," I reply, slowly realizing that she may be right.
"I agree with Aaron. She does have a point," says Amy, pointing a pen at Aaron.
"I'll... think it over."
"That would be a great thing to do, Allen," says Sarah looking at me with a blank expression. "Friends are the things you should hold dearest, and closest to you."
"Thanks, Sarah."
Another girl, Ginny I think, asks, "Amy since we're done, can we PLEASE go outside?"
"Oh, please can we?" asks a boy, named John.
"Maybe after lunch. We have activities to do," says Amy, looking at all of us.
-/-/-
We went in to the room that was next to Sarah's room, and we pushed the tables together to make a big table.
The lady passed out paper, and as she did she explained to what we were doing.
"Color things that pop in to your head when you hear the word "shadow". Make sure it's appropriate," she demanded.
I started writing.
"Theres a voice inside my head,
he calls himself the shadow man.
He walks behind me and in the mirrors,
he calls me this
and calls me that
but never do I answer back
for this devil man,
my own personal boogie man,
he slides the knife
against my skin
and bears the whip
against my back.
He walks beside me and in the mirrors
he calls himself the shadow man."
"Whoa, Allen. That's really deep. Do you hear voices too?" asks a curious Sarah.
"Y-yeah. Only one though. How many do you hear?" I ask the girl, and she starts counting on her fingers.
She explains to me, "What I said back in the room was a lie. I don't believe half the shit I say sometimes," she replies back. "I hear six voices. One for drugs and alcohol, another for killing people, also killing myself, next there's another voice for cutting, another for smoking, and lastly a voice that says not to do my work."
"Wow. That's a lot. I never would have guessed. You just seemed like such a normal person. Then again what is normal?"
She replies with a mhm.
"Allen Walker?" asks a tall lady with a thick accent.
"Oh no. You have Dr. Sackrani too?" Sarah asks.
I look at my bracelet and it indeed says something foreign.
"Yes, I think so. Here I am!" I shout to the lady.
"No need to shout young man. I am right here.
"I'm sorry."
"It's alright. Please come with me young man."
Dr. Sackrani leads me to a room at the back of the large room and into a smaller room.
"So, young man, please tell me everything that has happened in your life."
-/-/-
After taking fifteen minutes to explain everything that has happened in my life since Mana's death, I felt much better. Like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
The doctor was an excellent listener also. I don't know why Sarah didn't like her. Sure she analyzed everything a little too much, but she was still a nice person.
She asked to see where I cut and I showed her my stomach and arm. I didn't really feel like taking off my pants in front of the doctor, so I didn't tell her that I cut on my legs.
"I'm going to prescribe you Abilify two mg, Clozaril 12.5 mg, and Fanapt one mg. These are to help control the voice and hallucinations. You will take these medications as soon as we get it. You will regularly take these medications in the morning. The dosages will increase, do not worry. I will see you soon, Allen," Dr. Sackrani says to me.
She follows me in to the bigger room, where everyone was sitting and relaxing.
"Sarah Werner?" asks the doctor, and Sarah rolls her eyes and gets up to talk with Dr. Sackrani.
"So, Allen. What did you think of Dr. Sackrani?" asks a boy about my age with black hair, whose name is James.
"She's nice and all, but I don't really like the fact that she put me on three types of medicine," I reply to James's question, and he just stars at me like I'm crazy.
"You-you thought she was-was nice?" he stutters out.
"Why, yes. Is that a bad thing?"
"She's the devil's incarnate! We swear to it. This is Sarah's third time having her as a doctor, and she's rather have this one lady named Dr. Sumer. Sarah says she's annoying as Hell. She asks the same question each time a patient goes to visit her. Sarah says Sackrani made a patient cry once. That's what's really messed up."
"Wow. I can't believe it. She seemed like such a nice lady. I think I'll just talk to her more. See what I think afterward," I say to the teen.
"If you say so," says James.
-/-/-
After dinner, we watch Andre. It was such a sad movie! It made me cry.
As Sarah sat with me, rubbing circles on my back, she looks around the reaches up her shirt.
"Sarah, what are you doing?" I whisper to the girl.
"Getting this," she says and pulls out a razor blade, with tape on it, so only the two of us could see.
"How did you get that in her?!"
"Sh! I taped it to myself in a place where they couldn't see when they stripped me at the hospital. I always hide it there. You want it? I have another one with me," the girl questions me.
Part of my wants to take the blade, but another half of me doesn't.
"Take the blade, Allen. What wonders we can do with it on ourselves," says the voice, trying to convince me to take it.
I reach out towards it then recoil my hand as if I had touched fire.
"No, I can't sorry. You keep it," I say looking away from the thing that calls to me.
"Okay~ but you know you can always get it from me if you want it. Free of charge!" She whispers to me, and she sticks it back up her shirt.
"Oh~ what's going on over here? A love fest without me? How dare you guys!" shouts an older teen whose name is Christiana.
"Remember Christiana, Allen was crying, so I'm just comforting him," Sarah replies to the girl.
"Hello all!" says George, sitting on the floor in front of us.
"Did you know people puke on these carpets?" Sarah asks George, giving him a look.
"Ew!" he shrieks and jumps up from the floor.
"Guys, visiting hour is starting now, so please separate yourselves and find something to do," says Amanda. "Allen, honey, what's wrong?"
"The movie just made me a little emotional. Can Sarah stay with me?" I ask Amanda, hoping she'll say yes.
"No, boys an girls aren't really aloud to intermingle. Sorry." She has a sad look on her face. You could tell from the look in her eyes that she felt sorry for me.
-/-/-
After visiting hours, we had desert and watched some TV. Since Sarah and I were the only ones on Level One, and we had to go to bed at nine.
"Night, Sarah! Night, Allen!" everyone shouted at us.
"Night!" we both shout.
-/-/-
There you go! Man this was such a long day. I worked on this all day long and I finish it at 8:30 pm. Daaammmnn. I mean I could have been finished earlier but I was being ADD. Now I'm rambling. Well thanks for reading! If you have any tips, PLEASE give them to me! I appreciate it! I love reviews too! Thanks!
~MnMsRoK