Chapter Seven

Ian's group therapy session was quite similar to his previous one, but his time he didn't see himself as being one of the depressed people – not that he had admitted that when asked by Mickey. He felt slightly normal.

"How are you today, Ian?" The group leader asked when it was his turn in the circle.

"Okay," he replied, his tone sounding a little optimistic. He even smiled gently like he did with the nurse to reassure her of this. The leader of the group session left it at that, knowing that Ian would have to settle in to the group therapy atmosphere before he would feel fully comfortable with opening up to them all. For now, she was just happy with him turning up and experiencing the feel of a group therapy session and seeing others opening up, being able to see that others struggled just like him, but that they were getting better.

Lunch found Mickey absent from the table. Ian felt slightly uncomfortable inviting himself to the table without Mickey with him, but he did, sending them all a small, if slightly uncomfortable, 'hey'.

"Where's Mickey?" James asked as Ian was taking a bite of his chicken sandwich.

Shrugging his shoulders, Ian quickly swallowed the bite and replied, "Dunno', assumed he'd be in here. Why?"

"Just weird. He always comes to lunch. Guy eats like a pig," James laughed. "Oh, well, his loss."

Not much was said after that. Ian felt slightly uncomfortable, like a cat sitting in a lion's den, so he got up quickly once he'd finished, saying he would see them later as he went to get his pills.

When Ian got to his therapy session with Tanya, he sat down in the small room with her and waited as she handed him another copy of the sheet he had filled out yesterday.

"So, how are you today, Ian? You've come of your own accord, that must be a good sign," she smiled warmly as she met his eyes.

"Umm, I'm feeling a little better today," he returned the smile. It might not have been as full of cheer as hers was, but it wasn't a particularly false smile either.

Tanya nodded her head, "That's good, that's really good. So, if you'd like to fill out the sheet again as you did yesterday, I'll have a look at your diary entry, if that's okay?"

Ian looked at Tanya before looking down to the notebook on her desk. Should he have written some of that stuff in there? He didn't know if it was relevant. Should he request she didn't read it?

Reluctantly, though, Ian nodded, accepting the pen she handed to him and filling out the sheet she had given him before.

As he looked back up, he noticed Tanya had a small smile on her face as she read.

"What?" Ian asked when he noticed this.

"Is this Mickey Milkovich?" Tanya asked, handing him the notebook back.

Ian stopped for a moment. He didn't know Mickey's last name now he came to think of it. It had never really come about in conversation; "Umm, I dunno', it's Mickey from the other day, the one who came to get you," he trailed off uncomfortably as he looked down to his feet.

Tanya nodded gently, "Yes, the Milkovich boy. He really is lovely, just suffered some hard times. Not that everyone here hasn't," she quickly added. "Do you… care for Mickey?" Ian shrugged his shoulders. "Okay… do you get on well together?"

Again another shrug. "I dunno', he's been off, like I wrote. I don't know if it's me or something else."

"Well, I know that you wrote that he tried to explain to you what his condition entails, but you said you still don't understand it. I can't give you specifics on Mickey, of course, but I can help you to understand certain aspects of B.P.D. as a whole."

Ian sat forward a little, interest evident on his features. And then Tanya began to explain how Mickey's – people with B.P.D.'s – condition can be changeable, and can sometimes be changed instantly by the smallest of things, those of which can have an impact on their mood for the rest of the day and sometimes more. Ian discovered that there could be a lot of self-doubt and negative thinking, and that a lot of positive reinforcement was needed. She told him how relationships with B.P.D. sufferers tended to be intense, but sometimes unstable due to their changeable moods and emotions.

Ian had to try hard not to laugh at that last part. He wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh because of the idea of a relationship with Mickey or the idea that Mickey's changeable moods would be difficult on him – him with his bipolar. He wasn't sure, but he held it in and just nodded along.

"Does that help you at all?" Again, another nod from the redhead. "So, I'd like to talk about the accident you had that caused you to be admitted. Is that okay?"

"I… I guess," Ian mumbled, twisting his fingers together awkwardly.

"Do you remember what put you in that situation?"

Ian thought back to the time of his accident.

Ian had too much energy. Too much to contain. Rushing upstairs, Ian haphazardly packed a bag and a little cash and was suddenly leaving the house. Running. He needed to run. Ian was running for a long time. He began to feel free, open.

Ian remembered running that day. Now that he came to think of it, his feet were killing by the end of it, but he hadn't cared. He had needed to do it, he didn't feel he could cope being cooped up in the house.

Wow, the party the night before was amazing. He wasn't even hanging, he was euphoric. They were now driving out to another party. A bigger one. When they arrived at the venue, it was an abandoned warehouse.

At that moment, Ian had thought about how amazing it would be to crash an abandoned warehouse and party like there was no tomorrow. He remembered the party.

Lights. Music. Clothes. A carpet made of clothes. Drugs going on everywhere. And then there were the naked bodies. People were laying on the floor, thrusting, licking. There was a lot of sex. Ian partook in a lot of it.

"Umm, can I… is there… can I get tested?" Ian asked hesitantly. He had been so buzzed that condoms hadn't been a thought. His dignity hadn't really been one either, though…

Tanya furrowed a brow. "Did you not use protection?"

"I was drugged up beyond belief, drunk off my ass, and… I just… I didn't really care that much. There were naked girls all over the place."

Tanya looked at him, asking "Sorry, did… did I misinterpret the Mickey situation?"

Did she misinterpret the Mickey situation? Did he misinterpret the Mickey situation? Hell, he didn't even know what was happening with the Mickey situation. Or what the Mickey situation even was. Maybe it wasn't even a situation? Maybe Ian was making a mountain out of a mole hill? He didn't know, it made his head hurt to try and get his head around it.

Ian stared at the floor for a while, his chin resting on his hands. "I… don't know…" At Tanya's curious look, Ian explained "Well, I… I don't know myself. I mean, I've had sex with girls, but I've never had sex with a guy. Well, it's a long story," Ian sighed.

Tanya looked to her watch before nodding at him to continue.

Ian explained what had happened the first day he had arrived, his eyes staying on the floor.

"Do you… do you understand what I mean about Mick- B.P.D. sufferers experiencing changeable moods?" Tanya asked afterwards. Ian nodded his head. "Of course, unless you would like otherwise, none of what you have just told me will leave this room." Ian's head shook rapidly in agreement. "Okay, that's fine. And… how do you feel about your first experience with Mickey?"

"I… it was weird. But… I guess what you've told me kind of explains it."

"So, how… do you feel about Mickey? Do you feel you can go to him for help if you need it?" Ian nodded. "Do you feel you would be willing to help him if he asked for it?" Another nod. "And do you enjoy spending time with him?" One final nod. "Well, for now then, that's all that's important I suppose." Tanya cleared her throat before asking, "Would you like to ask me anything else? Talk about anything else?" A small shake of his head. "Well, continue to use the diary as your therapy task then, and I'll see you on Monday."

Ian looked up, "Would… I be able to take it with me? So long as I bring it back?"

Tanya thought for a moment before saying "Well, I don't see any harm in that. And if you do want to get tested, Ian, I can send a message to the nurse and she can sort it out."

Ian smiled and took the notebook that she was holding towards him, thanking her softly and leaving in a hurry.

When it came to free time, Ian went to his room and laid down to read, still not seeing Mickey. By the time Pip had arrived in London, Ian still had not seen Mickey, and he was starting to get a bit curious. Mickey usually came to see him. And he had been off. What was up? Had he done something wrong? Placing his book down, he went in hunt of his dark-haired friend.

After looking in all of the possible areas on Elm that Mickey could be and not finding him, he wandered down the stairs. A quick look in the main communal areas downstairs told Ian that Mickey must have been outside. So, that gave him the gym, sports area, or pool. Ian had never been to these places, so he had to follow the path in the hopes of finding one of these places as a start. Ian saw the sports area, but it was filled with people playing basketball along with a few huddles of people around the edges. Ian didn't feel like walking in to that mass of strangers on his own. And so he gave a brief glance but didn't find anyone who seemed to be of Mickey's build and looks. Continuing along the faint path, Ian found a large building five minutes away, one wall completely covered by windows. Wandering towards it, Ian saw the sign on the wall that read 'pool' and 'gym'. Pulling his I.D. card from where it was clipped to his pants pocket, Ian scanned the barcode over the reader at the door, and a green light flashed, a small buzz being emitted from the door, and then he was able to pull it open. Ian felt quite uncomfortable as he wandered through the centre of the building, passing by a window that followed the length of the pool, and lockers lining the other side. At the end, he saw a set of stairs and another sign which told him that the gym was upstairs. Ian thought it safer to check the gym first before he tried to look for Mickey in the pool, ending up looking like a pervert.

The gym was separated in to two rooms: cardio and weights. Ian walked in to the cardio room first, looking for Mickey on the equipment as he did. There weren't many guys in there of Mickey's build, so it wasn't too hard to work out if he was there or not. When he was sure he wasn't in there, he wandered through to the weights room. This one wasn't as easy to scan for Mickey. A lot of the equipment had people laying down in one way or another so that a quick glance wouldn't suffice. And the fact that this room was a lot more popular didn't help the matter much either. So, Ian began his rotation of the weights room, receiving some funny glances from people as he had to move himself around certain pieces of equipment to specifically search out their face. "Sorry," he mumbled out quite a lot in that room, feeling like a CD that was stuck on repeat.

"Mickey?" He said as he saw a figure that he was quite sure was one of his roommates, going towards the person who was doing bench presses in the corner. He didn't get an answer, but as he got closer he saw that it was the person he had gone in search of. He looked down at Mickey, seeing him with his shirt off as he benched a pretty decent weight.

Mickey set the bar down after three more reps before looking to Ian and saying "Great, you're here. You can spot me. Chuck another five on each side, will you?" Mickey asked, sitting up for a minute to take off the collars.

Ian nodded slowly, picking up two five kilogram weights and putting them on to the bar, replacing the collars that he took from Mickey. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" Mickey asked, his voice sharp as he laid back down on the bench.

"Didn't see you at lunch or in free time. I wondered if you were okay."

Mickey gripped the bar, not looking at Ian as he repeated himself, "I said I'm fine."

"Okay. You just seemed like you've had a stick up your ass all day," Ian said as Mickey began to lift. The strain showed on his face as he exhaled heavily with each lift, Ian trying not to distract him as he spotted for his friend.

"Fuckin'… fine," Mickey panted out heavily as he continued to lift.

Ian looked down at Mickey, watching his eyes actively avoid his own, the concentration clear on his face as he strained his way through his last two reps. "You don't seem it," Ian said softly, concern heavy in his voice.

"Yeah, well, I'm in this place… you expect me to be all rainbows and fuckin' sunshine?!" Mickey asked, breathing heavily as he sat up.

Ian looked down, not knowing what to say. He didn't think he had done anything wrong, but he also didn't always think before he spoke. "You still need me, or-"

"Yeah," Mickey snapped, cutting Ian off as he laid down again for another set.

Ian said nothing else as he just stepped back in to place to spot Mickey. "Are we… cool?" Ian asked hesitantly after a minute. Mickey grunted out a noise of agreement. At least, Ian thought it was agreement. It was difficult to work it out with Mickey's pants becoming heavier. And then he saw the brief flicker of pain in Mickey's eyes and quickly grabbed at the bar, taking the weight from Mickey to get it back in to the holder.

Mickey cleared his throat and sat up, trying to catch his breath for a moment before looking to Ian. "I had that…" he trailed off, looking down to his feet.

"Sure you did," Ian chuckled lightly, smiling at Mickey, his eyes honestly smiling.

"Fuck you," The dark-haired boy mumbled in response, forcing a smile that ended up looking more like a grimace.

Ian put a hand on Mickey's shoulder, leaning down to him and whispering "Well, apparently I'm in to guys, too, because that was pretty hot to watch, so I'm gonna' have to leave," as he squeezed Mickey's shoulder before winking at him and walking out of the gym. Ian wasn't even out of the weights room before he heard footsteps behind him, and he knew it was Mickey.

Was he in to guys? Had he just said it in the hope that it might cheer Mickey up? He didn't really know. Everything he had had before coming here was with girls, bar the guy who had tossed him off at the warehouse party. Well, he guessed he would find out if Mickey was game.