He had an exam that Friday but he wasn't worried. He had studied seriously everyday and he was starting to master the capacity of pushing thoughts of Sonny aside, to focus on learning. He changed his alarm, to be on the safe side. He didn't mind waking up early, with the birds, as the proverb said.

He opened one eye and frowned at the dawn. It was supposed to be dark. His hand searched frantically, making his night-table shake and objects fall. He caught his cell and stared. The alarm was off. It was way, way too late.

He didn't have time for coffee. He grabbed a fruit and ran out the door. The last bus he could catch before his exam started would be arriving soon. He reached the bus stop, panting, but with five minutes to spare. He started relaxing and day-dreamt. Sonny's eyes, in the coffee-house, searching him, sending him messages that were warm and soft. The flood that washed him away, each time, threatening to break his inner dams. He shivered and heard people talking next to him. Worried mumbling. He looked at the time. The bus was late. Very late.

He didn't know what to do. The exam was important, too much to miss. His mother had left for work, taking the kids to the daycare, and they had no other cars. He started wrecking his brain but the only answer he could find was this : call Sonny. He had to be quick. He sent a text first. If Sonny was still asleep, he would hate himself.

Sonny's car came into view and Will felt a mix of relief and guilt. His boyfriend's hair was more messy than usual and he was driving slowly. Will hoped in the car and gave directions. Sonny was looking straight away, as if trying to be more focused.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know what to do.

- Don't be sorry, sweetheart. You were right to call me. You've got to take this exam. I'm glad to help.

- You didn't have to. I kind of panicked. I'll try to find another way to manage if it happens again."

Sonny was frowning and his hands tensed on the wheel. Will's breathing was painful. Here it was, one moment that didn't go well. Sonny was pissed that he asked him to come and while Will was aware they had to go through this kind of problems and work it out, he didn't know what to say or do. He looked out through the window.

"I'd rather you wouldn't." Will turned his head. Sonny looked even angrier. He was pressing his lips.

- I overslept Sonny. It doesn't happen often. I could have called the college to explain, but I wasn't sure the reason would be enough...

- No, Will, stop. That's not it. I've overslept once or twice too. It's your reaction, it's...

- OK, OK, I get it! I won't ask for help in the future! I was desperate!"

Sonny parked the car in the students' parking lot and looked Will straight in the eyes.

- Will, if you don't expect me to want to help, you don't really thing we're serious. I want to be the first person you ask! I'm sick of your apologies!

Will got his point but didn't feel better. His own eyes were teary and his voice was trembling

- I'm someone who apologizes a lot, Sonny. Get used to it. Or give up, I don't know! Am I supposed not to care you look half-asleep? It's my fault I didn't catch the previous bus!

Sonny looked away and Will got out of the car. He would have slammed the door, but he didn't like the idea. It was too loud and he was upset enough.

The positive thing was he wasn't late for the exam. He had a little time to sit and breathe slowly, focusing on his fragile heart's beats, wishing he could exchange it for a tougher one, making him a different, more normal person. He hated having that power to piss Sonny off, to hurt him. He was starting to feel really bad about himself when the exam sheet was put on his desk. After all that, he at least owed it to himself to ace it. He owed it to Sonny too.

The exam's questions had felt easy. Will hoped it didn't mean he hadn't really understood them, but it was something he didn't really believe. He was a hard worker and got enough top grades for that. His mood was fluctuating, though, between upset and worried, to relieved and thoughtful. He walked to the bus stop, looking up at the wires, populated by black silent shapes. Birds knew how to belong with their companions better than him. They didn't even need to talk. Which was the problem, maybe. He was a polite person by nature, more than his own parents, as it was driven by the need to be left alone, to avoid aggressions. Did he want Sonny to leave him alone?

Which meant he couldn't even say sorry and it sucked. He pondered on writing another letter but he didn't think it would be a good idea. He could text 'I love you'. He thought about the fight that morning. He had said the wrong things but so had Sonny. He had to accept Will's nature, get how bad Will felt when asking for help. He felt a failure when he did. It was stupid, he was aware of that, but it was working for him. It kept him from giving up. It wasn't as if he had that many people to ask anyway. Better be used to it.

The honk made him jump and stumble on his feet. The car was parked a few feet away. He could make out the shape of Sonny's head at the driver's seat but the sun rays were making it hard to see his traits.

Will grit his teeth and walked prudently to the vehicle's passenger door. He opened it and sat, looking ahead. He would not talk first, as it was one of the problems. He would listen rather and see what happens. It was difficult to feel so passive but he could give Sonny that at least.

Sonny let on a discreet but long sigh. He started the engine without a word, without a glance either. Will, who hadn't ask for the ride home, felt guilty again. His neck was starting to hurt with the tension. As the car started sliding under big trees, leaving the city behind, Sonny right hand left the wheel and landed on Will's, like a small bird. Will's breathing changed. His heart felt even more fragile.

"Would you like me to be stronger?" Sonny's head turned on instinct. He was frowning.

- What do you mean?"

Will waited for him to watch the road again and replied

- I don't know what you see in me. I don't do things right. We should be happy and carefree and I blow it all the time. I lack practice at relationships. Not just romantic ones. I don't know how I'm supposed to behave. I thought I could make my own choices, be myself and also be a great boyfriend, but...

- I am happy..." Will caught Sonny's eyes. He didn't look groggy, like that morning. Rather serene and hopeful. Will smiled back.

Sonny parked the car and Will looked around, surprised. He had no idea where they were. Sonny was supposed to be working this afternoon. He got out of the car. Sonny grabbed something from the backseat. He walked to Will, carrying a backpack, and took him in his arms.

"There is no "right" way to be in a relationship. I was wrong to yell this morning, you were stressed enough. How did the exam go?

- Great, I think. Why are we here?"

Sonny opened the backpack and took out two pairs of binoculars. He handed one to Will and pointed to the top of a nearby tree. Will used the instrument and was rewarded with the sight of a yellow-feathered body.

"What else is in the bag?

- A picnic. Well, it's mostly sandwiches.

- But you're working today.

- No, I'm being a boyfriend today. I'm the boss, I can find ways." His smile was so sweet and mischievous, Will felt a lump in his throat. He gulped and tried to chuckle to hide the depth of his emotions. No need to ruin the moment.

He took Sonny's hand in his and squeezed it as tight as he could. He pointed the binoculars to his gorgeous boyfriend, glad to find such a rare and delightful sight. Sonny mirrored him and they laughed for a few minutes. Then they kissed again and it felt carefree.