A/N Liz makes a stand, and Dembe and Mr Kaplan have serious concerns about Red. Angsty angsty angst, as you have come to expect from this fic. As always I own nada, and as always I appreciate reviews so very much :-)

Too many times. She's been here too many times, he thought numbly as he sat beside her hospital bed, watching the shallow rise and fall of the blankets as she breathed. Red practically knew her medical history off by heart, having gone through it meticulously when he'd learned she planned to adopt a child. His concern had gone beyond her husband; for reasons he couldn't really grasp at the time he'd needed to know whether she was unable to conceive. But no, there was nothing to indicate that she couldn't have a child naturally, and he'd felt relief of the kind he'd had no right to feel.

Before he had walked into the FBI two years ago she had been hospitalized only once, at the age of thirteen when her appendix had been removed. He almost smiled at the memory – Sam had been beside himself with worry; one of the many moments he had shown himself to be every bit her father. Since her work on the Blacklist she had been hurt often, and he'd hated himself every time, knowing that he was responsible and knowing that he was the last person she wanted to comfort her. The one time he'd allowed himself to go to her bedside she had been unconscious, fighting the effects of a deadly virus contracted because of her bull-headedness, her recklessness… her bravery.

The latest additions to her medical history made for grim reading. Although the bullet in her shoulder hadn't hit anything major, the wound had been poorly cared for and a considerable fever suggested that it had become infected. Her chart documented deep, uniform hematomas on her arms, torso and thighs, most likely from having been restrained; he'd read the doctor's notes on this several times, but hadn't disturbed the neat blankets covering her in order to see for himself. Finally, the doctor had charted that her electrolytes were dangerously low on her arrival, and noted that this could be attributed to dehydration. Red suspected that the primary cause was considerably worse than that, but did his utmost to avoid thinking about what she may have suffered at the hands of black-ops security services.

Now as he looked at her lying in front of him like an embodied accusation, her face pale and angular, he knew it was enough. His heart broke for her.

Poor girl. It's enough. Whatever happens, whatever dangers remain, I will not allow her to be the one to face it ever again.

His reverie was broken by the low murmurings of Dr Stanton and Mr Kaplan by the door. They had cleared the entire floor of the private hospital, which made the atmosphere eerily quiet save for the low beeps of the monitors at her bedside and the whisperings outside the door.

He looked up when the doctor entered the room, flanked by Mr Kaplan, her expression unreadable as ever.

"Well?"

Stanton gripped the clipboard in his fingers, his knuckles turning white. "Her EEG results are encouraging, all within normal range. However…To be honest Mr Reddington I would have hoped for her to have woken earlier than this. It's a waiting game now."

Red tilted his head slightly, his eyes glittering. "A waiting game" he echoed, rolling his tongue around the words. "Let's say, for the sake of argument, that I am not a patient man."

The doctor twitched nervously, but to his credit, maintained eye contact with Red. He had always known him to be a good natured, generous man, whatever nefarious dealings he seemed to have going on, but he could tell this was different.

"I'm sorry I can't be more specific, Mr Reddington. I am giving you the same information I would the loved ones of any other patient in her condition. Time is critical. The longer she is unconscious, the less likely it is that she will wake up."

Red stared at him blankly, before dropping his head a moment. It seemed as though he was going to speak, but he merely nodded and turned back to her, taking her hand gently in his.

"I'll be back every thirty minutes to check on her" Stanton ventured before swiftly leaving the room.

Mr Kaplan made to follow him, but turned back at the sound of Red's voice, so deep as to be barely audible.

"How many must I lose, Kate. Is this…gift…going to be stripped away so soon." He ran a trembling hand down his face. "You know, as I sit here, I contemplate the suffering I will visit on every organisation, every individual who had a hand in this, my wrath will know no bounds…And yet I'm confronted with a painful and inescapable truth… that I must begin with myself. I am culpable. And I am damned."

Kaplan placed a hand on his shoulder. "You can't do this to yourself, Raymond. And it's far from over. She's been through a lot. The body needs time to heal. The mind too. Give her time, and focus on the next stage. Agent Mojtabai has compiled a compelling dossier outlining the role of cabal members in Assistant Director Cooper's case, in addition to the falsified evidence that was provided to the DOJ regarding Elizabeth and her role in Senator Hawkins's death. We've got them where we need them. All that's left is to strike."

Red nodded slowly. "And strike we will." His voice dropped into a menacing growl but caught in his throat, eliciting a deep, rumbling cough.

Kaplan frowned. "I don't like that cough, Raymond. You've had it since your return and it's only worsened. Don't think I haven't noticed."

Red shook his head. "Don't fuss, Kate. It's nothing."

Kaplan narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. "When did you last sleep? You're no good to her tired and sick. Go back to the hotel Raymond, now. Sleep. And if you can't do that, at least get a shower, eat something and change your clothes."

"Kate-"

"No arguments, Raymond. Take one of the guards. Dembe and I will stay with her."

Red considered the woman's immutable expression for a moment before sighing and nodding. He rose to his feet, pausing to scan Liz's pale face one more time for any sign of movement, before kissing her hand and placing it gently back on the blanket. He turned to Mr Kaplan and hugged the woman in silent gratitude before leaving.

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Unable to contemplate food or sleep, Red showered and changed quickly, wasting no time in getting back to the hospital. When he pushed through the double doors of the private wing he saw Dembe emerge from Liz's room at some speed and looked at him questioningly.

"Raymond, she is awake."

Red's eyes widened as the words sunk in, and his pace quickened.

"Is she ok? Talk to me. Is she ok?"

"The doctor is with her."

Red rounded the corner of her room to see Dr Stanton standing next to her bed, holding his finger up for her to follow. Her eyes moved with the doctor's index finger but stopped when they met Red's as he stood in the doorway. Stanton turned then and, seeing Red, stepped back from the bed.

"Everything looks good, but I'll want to get another scan and keep you on IV antibiotics for that shoulder."

Liz looked away from Red and back to the doctor.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome Miss Keen. I'll be back shortly."

Stanton left the room, and Red closed the door behind him before removing his hat and coat and placing them neatly on a chair.

"How are you feeling?" His voice emerged much deeper from his chest than he had intended and he watched as she closed her eyes for a moment.

"Tired."

Red nodded and came round to sit beside her. A lock of hair fell over her face as she turned her head to see him better and he reached out instinctively to tuck it behind her ear. She flinched as he raised his hand and he lowered it again wordlessly, balling it into a tight fist when it was out of her eye-line. His gut suddenly burned with a violent, irrational hatred of the fact that Dembe and Dr Stanton had seen her before he had, that she had seen them first when she woke. He felt for a moment as though he'd lost his window, though for what he wasn't sure.

It was an extraordinarily rare occurrence that Red was unsure of what to say, but now his subconscious offered too many options, ranging from heartfelt apologies for failing to protect her, to declarations of love and devotion. Nothing seemed adequate, and so he said nothing, only reaching out very slowly to lay his hand over hers where it lay on top of the blanket.

Slowly, she interlaced her thin fingers with his and it was like a reprieve. His eyes stung with unshed tears and he thought to himself that she could ask anything, ask for anything, and he would give it to her. He would give her everything.

"Red-" She paused and swallowed with the effort of speaking. "What Ressler said. About you. My mother. Please. I need to know."

Anything. But not that. Not that sweetheart. Not now.

He frowned for a moment, and then offered her a sad smile. "Lizzie. You need to focus on getting better now, sweetheart. Nothing else matters at the moment."

She closed her eyes for a moment, her fingers clenching into a ball under his hand. "It matters to me" she said as forcefully as she could. She opened her eyes again. "Cooper-"

Red nodded and spoke in his most soothing tones. "It's alright Lizzie. Your friends on the task force have been busy bees uncovering the evidence necessary to exonerate him. The cabal is on the back foot. They made a costly mistake arranging for you to be detained in a black site without a trial or discussion at a senate hearing. In a case such as yours… justice must be seen to be done. They're unraveling."

A ghost of a smile crossed her lips then. "My being captured… it was a good thing. It will help to expose them."

Red bit the inside of his cheek as though her words caused him physical pain. He spoke softly but his eyes were fierce. "No Lizzie. Nothing – nothing – is worth that. Not if the cost is you."

She sighed faintly, her lids heavy. "I know it's strange. But in a way…being there… it helped me focus. I know what I need. The truth, Red. I need the whole truth from you."

She watched as he worked his jaw in silence for a moment.

"I'm serious Red. I can't go back to the way things were, all the secrets… not now. I'm giving you the chance to tell me yourself. If you don't I will find a way to get to Ressler and find out for myself."

He regarded her stoically, the tell-tale twitch under his eye the only sign that he had processed her ultimatum. After a beat he nodded and rose to his feet, leaning over the bed to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. He hesitated a moment before placing another, tender kiss on her lips.

"Sleep now Lizzie. The rest will come, I promise."

He turned and collected his coat, palming his hat onto his head as he left the room. He found Dembe outside and, checking that the other guards he placed were still in position, motioned him to follow as he walked briskly down the corridor, reeling off instructions.

"Now that she's awake it's imperative that we move her as quickly as possible. They'll be checking every care facility within a hundred mile radius - it's only a matter of time before they get here. Prepare the cottage in Sweetwater – procure all the necessary equipment and supplies and arrange for a live-in nurse. See if you can track down the APRN who looked after me after Marrakech, Clara. She'll be a good match for Elizabeth's wit…"

He paused as he saw Dr Stanton approaching down the corridor. "Kevin. I am most grateful for everything that you have done but regretfully time is not on our side and we will need to move her to a more secure location."

Stanton frowned. "I hardly need to say that I don't consider it wise to move her yet."

"You do not. I assure you she will be in very capable hands, Kevin. Finish up your tests - we leave tomorrow."

The doctor nodded warily.

"One more thing." Red approached him and put a hand on his arm, lowering his voice slightly. "It's an absolute bitch of a flight. She'll need to be sedated for the journey."

Stanton looked from Red's hand on his arm to his face. "I don't believe that to be necessary, Mr Reddington."

Red smiled artificially and patted him on the back. "I do." He turned and continued walking down the corridor. "Dembe – call ahead and have them prepare the house."

"Raymond-"

"Liaise with Mr Kaplan."

"Raymond." Dembe paused, his brow furrowed. "I am sorry my friend. Are you sure you wish to do this? I heard your conversation. She asks and still you do not tell her."

Red stopped then and turned round to face him, his expression dark. "What would you have me do? Tell her now and risk her running when she's at her most vulnerable? Dembe you're not thinking clearly."

Dembe nodded slowly. "Forgive me, Raymond, but are you sure it is not you who does not think clearly?" Red's mouth dropped open slightly.

Dembe's brow was creased with concern as he continued "You are afraid that she will reject you when she learns the truth. Your desire to take her away like this…to conceal the truth…Is it possible it comes not from fear for her, but for yourself? Raymond, the man I know would not do this."

Red felt a wave of anger flare inside him. When he spoke it was with a threatening rumble he had seldom employed on his friend before. "Do not presume too much upon our friendship Dembe. I will do whatever I feel is necessary to protect her and I would appreciate it if you would help me do that without questioning my motives." He paused, sighing. When he spoke again his tone had softened. "I know that the past few months have been difficult for you too, my friend. But understand - we are heading into the eye of the storm. It's imperative that she be shielded from it during her recovery, whatever it takes."

Dembe nodded solemnly. "Whatever it takes" he echoed slowly.

Damn Dembe. Damn him and his good heart. His conscience.

Unable to bear his friend's penetrating gaze any longer, Red turned and stalked down the corridor, guilt tearing at his insides.

TBC