Disclaimer: The Hetalia characters and their personifications belong to Hidekaz Himaruya. 日丸屋 秀和

What Not to do if You are a Knight by Gilbert Beilschmidt:

17.) Do not use an ax to break down the door. It is impolite.

18.) Do not yell profanities at your love interest. It is also impolite.

A Gray Dawn

When dawn came, Lovina gently nudged her handmaid awake.

Kitty jolted into consciousness with wide, alert eyes.

"It's okay, calm down, bambina," she reassured, allowing the startled green eyes to relax slightly. "It's morning. They didn't come. ...Maybe they won't-"

"They're coming," Kitty said sternly, eyes locked ahead at the coniferous treetops. It was somewhat astounding; like an animal sensing an oncoming thunderstorm. Kitty knew - knew from the determined look on the warriors' faces, knew from the desperation of their actions, from the bloodstained cross emblem on the red-eyed man's uniform - that failure was not an option for these men. She tried not to be concerned specifically with who they were or why they were coming; they were simply enemies. They had threatened the princess's safety. Right now, her duty was to keep them at bay.

Lovina tried to pull Kitty's arm. "Come on, you, let's go get some breakfast."

"You go, I'll stay up here and keep watch." The attendant spread her feet slightly, cementing her stance as if to wordlessly declare, 'I'm not leaving.'

Lovina, however, was just as stubborn. She met Kitty's glare evenly.

"Make me breakfast," Lovina commanded. Then she added, "Please, you need your strength. Eat with me."

Kitty's shoulders lowered slightly and then sunk as she heaved a relinquishing sigh.

"Yes, Princess."

They withdrew down the steps together. The torch was still burning, hooked on the mount upon the wall.

The men had trucked through the mud and sludge all night, doing their best to follow the (nearly invisible in the dark) hoof prints and broken twigs.

They had taken a few wrong turns along the way and lost the trail and regained the trail and... ugh. It was long work, but they knew they were progressing.

"How do we know that when we get there..." Francis began, pushing aside a meddlesome branch, "they will not have reinforcements?"

"They won't," came the answer from the group's leader. "They took a lot of the supplies with them. If they were meeting people, they wouldn't bother slowing themselves down by stocking up on food and rope. They could always send for more if that was the case."

"Our spies said there was a fortress in this God-forsaken place?" questioned the Frenchman.

"It's abandoned as far as we know, but yes."

"Why would they send two girls there alone?"

"T' keep them away from us. They were probably planning on sending more servants in the next few days, but you can't exactly drag a whole procession of knights and servants through town without drawing attention," the albino answered.

"But not one guard, even in disguise, to accompany them? How unchivalrous!"

Gilbert shrugged. "Maybe they wanted her dead," he stated simply.

The sun was out for just an hour at dawn, but clouds quickly settled in and promised a similar forecast as the day before. As they traversed the nettled forest path, the blue-eyed young man turned to stare at his companion.

"Why so serious this whole time, hm? Mon ami, cheer up! After this we will be free men!"

"Why so serious? Because the key word you're missing there, pal, is if. If this works we'll be free," (And with that damned servant-girl thrown in the mix, this mission just got a LOT more complicated) "And then what? What do we do after this is all over - we just go on our merry way?"

"That is the beauty of it, mon cher! We do go on our merry way. I think I am going to pick up a couple of beautiful women and build my own castle in France! Can you not see it?" he finished with stars in his eyes.

"All I can envision for you is a pink castle surrounded by rose gardens and gay men."

"Oui oui! Ah, me... . Hey, Antonio, what will you do with your share of the gold after this?"

...

"Antonio?"

...

"HEY! TON-" They each turned around to see a fast-asleep Spaniard lying flat as a board in the dirt. A smile was splayed across his face, of course, and he snored contentedly.

The other two members of the trio turned back rapidly and roused him. Francis heaved him up, placing one of Antonio's arms around his shoulder.

"Huh? Oh, lo siento amigos," he quickly brushed himself off and removed his arm from his friend's shoulder, apt to walk by himself.

"I think that dark-haired chick gave you a concussion with that pan, Toni," Gilbert half-joked to his friend.

Pleased to see some light return to their friend's eyes, Antonio nodded and shrugged. "What can I say? She distracted me with those eyes."

"Don't start that bullshit! I'm not listening to you rant about some dumb broad for the next six hours-"

"Start the bullshit, Antonio!" Francis encouraged excitedly. "Tell us, was it love at first sight? Ah, how I love romance! *gasp* It would be the forbidden love of a princess and a lowly assassin! Ah, me, how tragic!"

"Actually I'm-"

"SHUT UP!" Gilbert cupped his hands over his ears. "We can easily complete this mission with two men, don't make me stab one of you!"

Francis cocked an eyebrow. "Two? Monsieur, we got our butts handed to us with three!"

"Yeah, besides, what weapon will you even slay us with? You don't have one!"

Gilbert suddenly gasped, recalling with horror that his sword had fallen (or was intentionally hurled) onto the road leading out of the village.

Francis mirrored Gilbert's horrified expression.

Antonio was the only one who did not seem to realize the gravity of the situation. "What?"

"SON OF A B-"

"So we only have TWO swords among the three of us?" Francis cried.

Gilbert walked off a bit, cursing loudly and taking his anger out on poor, defenseless bushes. "That was Fritz's sword! Dammit!"

Antonio looked disheartened now. He sighed, "Oh, well... this might not be equal in sentimental value but... you can have this sword; I have my ax. Francis has his sword and the arrows."

Francis nodded approvingly to his friend, but Gilbert only marched forward at a faster pace.

They walked along in a dour mood with little conversation for the rest of the day.

It rained nearly all the while... and rained, and rained, and rained over the forest, separated from the village by the great River Duna.

By evening, the men had reached their destination.

They saw, emerging beneath the the thick canopy of trees, the mighty, intimidating stone fortress.

Crouching in the bushes, they examined it from a distance. There certainly were no men guarding the exterior. That was one issue solved. In fact, the place looked so utterly abandoned, they had doubts the escapees were in there at all.

They slowly and skillfully slid into a line (Gilbert at the front and Francis bringing up the rear) and advanced up the narrow path leading to the gates. Suddenly, Gilbert raised a hand, signaling his comrades to halt.

They waited and listened silently.

"She never makes it this easy..." the German mumbled.

"What?" asked Francis.

Suddenly, the slightest sound made Gilbert's eyes widen, and he looked down to see a loose strand of rope over his toe. "DUUCK!" he yelled.

Francis and Gilbert hit the dirt. "Where?" Antonio asked excitedly, "I love du-HOOOh!"

SMASH!

A giant log, slyly suspended between two trees, descended upon the trio and took out the middle of the three men, socking him directly in the gut and throwing him back several meters.

The two survivors of the attack rushed back to assist their friend.

The Spaniard coughed. "Owwwww."

"MON DIEU! What the hell is WRONG with these berserk women?" Francis shrieked.

They lifted the injured boy up. Antonio wiped the corner of his mouth and signaled that he could stand on his own.

To the other warriors' astonishment, Gilbert turned immediately and stormed up to the gates of the fortress, being careful of his foot placement.

He pounded with one fist on the great wooden entryway, rattling the chains. "OPEN THIS DOOR!" he commanded as if he were yelling at a rowdy teenage girl. (Well, I mean, technically... nevermind.)

From high above, a girl poked her face over the wide stone barrier. Her russet hair spilled down in loose curls, and for the second time in 24 hours, the opposing colors of red and green clashed dangerously.

"Turn back now, soldiers! This is your final warning!" came the German command laced with a slight Hungarian accent.

By this time, the Frenchman and the Spaniard had come up behind their friend, weapons in hand.

Frustrated, Gilbert turned to Antonio, who was clutching his stomach but otherwise standing erect, and gave him a nod.

So the Spaniard approached the door and, wielding his ax high above him so that it gleamed in the sprinkling rain, swung it down into the wood, sending splinters everywhere.

CRUNCH!

They would hack down the door if they had to.

Translations

* Bambina = an affectionate Italian term that literally translates to baby-girl

* Mon Dieu = French for 'My God'

* Lo siento = In Spanish, 'I'm sorry'