Chapter 10

The sound of birds chirping wakes me. I've barely opened my eyes when I spot Buttercup sitting on the windowsill of my room, staring out at the birds whistling on the branches outside. As soon as I shift on the bed, his head snaps around and he watches me.

"Really? You have to be the first thing I see in the morning?" He hisses in response. The birds continue their song.

Stretching my body, I realize that even though my body is exhausted, my head feels clearer. The sheets are everywhere and I realize that I had been thrashing in my sleep throughout the night, but I hadn't actually woken up from a nightmare this morning.

I inhale a deep breath, catching the scent of cinnamon and sugar. Peeta's jacket. My cheeks grow hot. Memories from last night come back and I find myself moving my head away from where it lay on Peeta's hoodie.

I run through the facts in my head. Peeta's back from the Capitol. He still bakes. He no longer has venom thoroughly corrupting his mind. He didn't take sugar in his tea. He gave me his jacket. Peeta Mellark hugged me.

I briefly wonder if Peeta has the same reactions as I do whenever we touch. Would he feel the sparks too? Does he feel as alive as I do? Its hard to tell with Peeta. Talking his way around his true emotions.

Frowning, I unravel the fabric from my legs. A flash of old Katniss comes back when I think about needing someone else in my life. There's just no need for any of it.

When I think of the topic of love, there's really no happy ending to it. My mother- the way she died when my father was killed in the mine explosion. Annie- forever lost without Finnick by her side. Gale.

I draw a blank when I think of Gale. Part of me doesn't believe that he ever loved me. But another part of me also screams out that I was an idiot for not noticing it sooner. I think of the hurt look in his face when he declared his love for me and I only responded with an "I know", but I can't seem to regret it. I've always been a terrible liar.

Either way, Gale is now off in District 2, according to Sae. He had left for a high-paying Capitol job that was offered to him right after the war ended. My feelings are mixed about this, but in the end, I concede that it is all probably for the best.

After my shower, I throw on some jeans and a t-shirt. I grab a scarf from the closet, a deep-red colored one, and throw it around me neck before grabbing Peeta's hoodie from where it lay on my pillow.

I hesitate before putting it on. I remember when I was younger how my father would never hesitate to give his jacket to my mother when we would go on family picnics to the meadow. It isn't like that.

It hits me that I'm not really sure what me and Peeta are. I sit on my bed, contemplating. Its a little early to go over to Peeta's for breakfast, so I have time to myself to think.

Me and Peeta. What are we? I close my eyes and think hard, but I can't come up with a right word for it. Friends? Definitely not lovers. Acquaintances?

Instead, I ask myself the question of what we were, only to find that I'm not quite sure what the answer is to that one either. We kept constantly changing and blurring the lines with each other. We weren't in love. I think. Yet we went to each other for comfort. And I could trust him easily after I knew he wasn't out to kill me.

Except then he was. The hijacking threw us into a new sort of relationship- one I despised and wished never happened. We no longer trusted each other or knew who the other was anymore.

The taste of blood jerks me out from my thinking. I had been biting my bottom lip.

I shake my head. That only leaves on question. One that I'm scared to even think about.

What do I think we could be?

I automatically know that I need Peeta in my life. There's no point denying it when he lives right next door and that I've shared so many parts of my past with him. I have no reason to push him away, especially since his treatment went so well.

Haymitch's words spring to mind, however. You could live a thousand lifetimes and not deserve him.

I sigh, burying my head in my hands. Buttercup lets out a distressed mew and jumps onto the bed next to me. His face, though repulsive and unpleasant to look at, is tilted to the side.

"I'm fine."

He merely lets out a disgruntled growl. Even the cat can see through my lies.

I'm irritated. Confused and not knowing what to do. "If you're so smart, what do I do, you ugly thing?"
Buttercup's lips raise in a snarl, but he purposefully leaps down from my bed and crosses to the window. Sitting on the ledge, he twitches his tail in the direction of Peeta's house and meows loudly. Pointedly. The look on his face is smug.

"Oh shut up."