Chapter twelve
''Jane, I know you don't want to, but you really need to stay still and let me take a look at your injury.''
The Detective huffed and rolling her eyes she sat down on the bed and allowed Maura to pull herself up and expose the bandages on her stomach. She felt the doctor put a hand flat against her abdomen and she leaned back against the headboard to make the job easier.
''You still have a fever.'' The Doctor said. It was easier to focus on treating Jane's injuries, it was something she knew how to do and the familiarity was comforting, completely different than this scary new situation she had to deal with. She had never believed in the supernatural but she had seen that man rise, that man who still held the Y incision scar on his chest. Being a doctor was the only thing that kept her from going mad. And so she asked for the things she could understand. ''Why does the silver cause that reaction to your body?''
Jane's eyebrows rose but she answered none the less. ''Werewolves have a gene mutation that causes the appearance of an enzyme catalyst, the same enzyme that causes rapid healing. Silver breaks down that enzyme and until it is taken out of the body the healing process is disrupted.''
Maura nodded. She could actually understand that and it felt good.
She changed Jane's bandage quickly and efficiently, she hadn't worked on a live patient in years but she had light and capable hands. She finished quickly and sat back down, on the chair by Jane's bedside.
''So...'' She asked, and her voice was barely a whisper. ''This is real?''
Jane's eyes softened with the frail edge in Maura's words. She sighed, offering a sad smile. ''It's real.'' She answered and offered no further words, allowing the Doctor to quickly wipe her eyes and they both pretended they tears were never there in the first place.
A long silence ensued, pregnant with questions and pending tension. Uncharacteristically it was Jane that broke it, raising her gaze to meet the Doctor's eyes.
''I know this new supernatural thing is scaring you, but theres something else bothering you, what is it?''
Maura opened her mouth to deny it but then frowned. ''How do you know?''
Jane sighed again and she fussed with her bed covers before answering. ''I can get impressions off people.''
''You mean you're reading my thoughts?!'' Maura asked and fell off her chair.
Jane gestured widely to stop the panicking woman. ''No, no no!'' She saw Maura visibly relax. ''I just get impressions of what other people feel sometimes.''
Maura's interest was greater than her disbelief. ''So you're an empath?''
''I guess to some extent? I don't know?'' Jane shrugged. ''So what is it?''
Maura closed her eyes, shaking her head and allowed a brief silence between them in order to organise her thoughts. She wasn't used in having to share her thoughts with other people and it took real effort to communicate with Jane. In fact, Maura thought, she doubted she would ever tell what she was about to tell Jane to another human being, and it made it even harder to think of a proper way to phrase it.
''It's Dennis...'' She said.
''Korsak will find him...'' Jane offered. ''The pack will make sure he won't hurt you or anybody again.''
''It's not that, it's me...'' Maura's jaw tensed and she looked away from Jane, trying to hide her flushed cheeks. ''I always prided myself in not being one of those silly petty little women and yet here I am...'' She laughed sarcastically. ''Here I am with a man who doesn't love me, probably never did, and I guess I knew it all along but never really wanted to admit it.''
''Why not?'' Jane asked quietly and Maura was surprise to not find pity or judgment in her voice.
''Why?'' Maura turned to her fully, their eyes meeting. ''Because he was the only one who would have me. Because nobody else would ever take the time to be with me, touch me, kiss me. Talk to me...''
''I find that highly unlikely...'' Jane interrupted before she could help herself. ''You're a very beautiful and smart woman.'' She saw Maura's frown and rushed to explain. ''I'm not saying this because I like women, I'm just stating the obvious here.'' She looked away, suddenly feeling awkward. When had Jane Rizzoli ever become awkward? This woman was pushing all her buttons with her vulnerability and frailty and those big hazel eyes. ''I mean, I hope, it doesn't bother you, that I'm gay, I mean...''
Maura shook her head. ''No, it's really none of my business, I... um...'' She realised she had just ''um''ed, something she didn't like to do.''I mean, you, um, really thing so?''
Jane scoffed. ''Of course I do, you're gorgeous!'' She cleared her throat. ''I mean, in a non gay way...'' She looked away and Maura gave a small laugh, this time genuine.
''Thank you, Jane.''
They let the awkward moment pass and Jane cleared her throat with a shy smile. ''So...'' She said, resuming her usual serious expression. ''What made you to ever think otherwise?''
''I...'' Maura considered her question. ''I grew up in a very sheltered environment, went into an all girls boarding school after I turned ten...''
Jane sat straighter with interest. ''How was that for you?''
''I don't know, I mean, it was very important for my education but-''
''You hated it.'' Jane finished for her.
''I didn't hate the school, I hated the people, I was alone most of the time and when I wasn't... well lets say they felt I wouldn't be a valuable member of their groups.''
Jane nodded with understanding. ''Kids can be mean.''
Maura shrugged. ''They spent a lot of time calling me dot-face...'' She watched Jane's curiosity then realisation as her eyes traveled across Maura's face to the snow-flake like freckles scattered over her nose. She looked away shyly and shrugged. ''Or Maura the bore-a.'' She laughed. ''Of course they meant boring but it didn't really rhyme.'' She almost jumped with surprise when she felt Jane reach out and lay her hand on top of hers, not squeezing or dominating like Dennis would do but just resting it there, allowing its presence to be known. It gave Maura the courage she needed to go on. ''I met Dennis just when I finished high school. We got married barely a year after, we've been married for almost eight years now. He never went a day without letting me know how lucky I was that a man would turn to look at me, want to be with me, and he was that man. And for a few years it was okay, you know? He gave me a sense of purpose and it felt good to be wanted. I was a pariah everywhere else.'' She glanced briefly at Jane before continuing. ''I guess I stayed because I didn't know anything better out there. He was all I knew, my entire adult life has been by his side.'' She shrugged. ''I guess the sex was good too, but there was nothing more to it, not for a few years now.''
''You don't just have sex with the person you love...'' Jane said, her eyes focused down on their joined hands. ''You make love to them. You take the time to adore every little detail of them and you make love to them, you make them happy and full. You don't just have sex. It's never enough.'' She patted Maura's hand before pulling away. ''Probably in his own mind he loved you and probably you did also, because you felt there was nobody else to love. But you owe it, if not to yourself then to your son to make sure this man never lays a hand on you.''
Silence again, Maura usually liked silence but this one felt weird and she was antsy to break it. ''What about you?'' She ask.
''What about me?''
''When did you meet her? Jasmine I mean.''
Jane run a hand through her hair, exhaling audibly. ''I met Jaz about five years ago. I was waiting for the train and I saw her standing by the tracks. She didn't have a jacket on and it was raining, she had no luggage and all I could think was 'where in the world is her ticket?'. Then I realised she had none. She was waiting for the train but she wasn't planning on getting on it, she was planning to throw herself under the wheels. I don't even remember what I told her but we ended up sitting in a smelly diner, her crying and me trying to think of an excuse for not catching my train to visit my mum. She had come out to her family, they were strict catholics, they kicked her out...''
''About being gay?''
Jane nodded quietly. ''She wanted to kill herself that day and I accidentally saved her life. We stayed together for almost a year and for the first minute I laid eyes on her I knew I loved that woman. We were happy and madly in love and she wanted to get married so I eventually reached a point where I had to tell her about my...'' She rubbed her neck uncomfortably. ''Condition.''
''That you're a werewolf.'' Maura said, more to hear herself say it. She wanted to laugh about how absurd it sounded but the zombie man in her morgue said otherwise.
''Yes.''
''How did she take it?''
Jane tilted her head back. ''Bad. Very bad. She broke up with me and left.''
''Oh...'' Maura muttered. ''I'm sorry.''
''She went out that night, got drunk and left the bar with a guy. I searched the city for her for weeks and when I found her again she was pregnant and living in the street once more.'' The Detective closed her eyes. ''Emma was a mistake, a stupid mistake on Jasmine's part but that day I swore to raise this child, my child. And we did, we made it, we never, not once made her feel like a mistake. She was my daughter and she was the best thing that ever happened to me.'' She turned to Maura. ''We got married next week, and despite everything we were happy.''
''I was a mistake too.'' Maura said suddenly and Jane's head cocked up, snapping out of the trip down memory lane.
''What do you mean?''
''I was a mistake, I was given up for adoption.'' The Doctor explained. ''My biological mother made a mistake, she never wanted a baby. So she gave me up for adoption.''
''I'm sorry.''
''It was okay, I mean I had everything I wanted. All my needs were met, I had good education but there was never any...''
''Love?''
''Yes.'' She wiggled her fingers, trying to find something meaningful to say but she didn't have something. ''You loved them, both of them. Jasmine knew that. She knew you'd love your daughter, thats why she came back to you.''
''I wish she never had.'' Jane whispered thickly, feeling a lump form in her throat. ''They'd both still be alive if they hadn't.''
They fell back into a stunned silence they both needed to recuperate.
Another one here. A bit of backround story. Let me know what you think, we'll learn more soon
LK