Chapter 13-

I have no idea what I was thinking at that moment. You weren't thinking about anything, you blithering idiot, I chastise myself.

So here I am, out in the middle of the woods, sitting on a dying log with my bow and arrows lying next to me against the wood. After I ran out on Peeta, I had gone home, changed into my hunting attire as quickly as possible, and escaped into the woods through my backdoor right when I heard knocking on my front door. I didn't even check to see who it was. There's only two people who knock on my door these days and I really didn't want to see either of them at the moment.

At the moment, I feel absolute disgust at myself. Its right after I promise myself not to hurt Peeta that I do exactly that and push him away. And ran out on him. I squeeze my eyes shut and groan.

I pick up my bow and sling the quiver of arrows over my shoulder before trekking through the trees, trying not to stomp my feet in my frustration. Peeta must hate me right now. But he doesn't. He never would.

A rabbit makes the mistake of crossing my path, the first one I've seen in the few hours I've spent here. I load an arrow and pull back the drawstring instinctively. Yet as soon as I do so, I need to put it down. I feel sick to my stomach as the memories of all the people I've shot and killed with a bow resurface.

I sink to the ground, managing to return the arrow to the quiver before the tears began to flow. Does Peeta remember District 13 when he decorates wedding cakes? Does he remember showing me all the different types of bread while we were training for what would inevitably be our deaths?

Another thought crosses my mind. Does he remember the beating he took the day he burnt the bread to save my life?

I set my jaw. If Peeta can take his mother's abuse and still harbor a love for baking, then I should be able to shoot a damn rabbit.

Its not the same. Perhaps my situation is worse since Peeta hasn't exactly killed anyone with a loaf of bread. Baking is far safer. But if he could work through the painful memories, then I could too.

He still manages to give me hope after all this time. I frown as the rabbit blatantly ignores me, nibbling on a strand of dry grass that the frost hadn't killed.

So what does that mean for the two of us? Denying my enjoyment over the kiss would be lying to myself. It felt good. The mere thought of it brings heat to my face.

But were we ready to jump back into this right away? I barely even know if we're even right for each other after all I've put him through.

The kiss had brought a few facts to light. One, that Peeta was still in love with me. Or at least has some kind of feelings for me. Two, that we both didn't exactly hate the kiss. Three, that this changes things. A lot of things. Like our relationship.

A relationship with Peeta. Figures. Even after faking a marriage and a pregnancy, I'm completely terrified of taking that next step simply because none of it was real.

What would it be like if it were real? Would I want to spend mealtimes with Peeta every day? Would I still be able to go out and hunt while he bakes? Would I enjoy his kisses instead of worrying over them?

Dammit, focus on the rabbit.

I draw my bow quickly before aiming at the rabbit, which miraculously still hasn't moved. The arrow flies after a moment of hesitation and strikes the animal in the upper chest.

I actually hit it. Disbelief leaves me sitting there, blinking, until I snap out of it and yank out my hunting knife. I quickly remove the arrow from the dead rabbit and wipe the gore onto the dead grass. I quickly skin it and throw both the pelt and the meat into my game bag.

My first thought is to go and run back home to show Peeta what I've done. He'd be just as excited, especially after I told him about my previous hunting expeditions. But a pit forms in my gut about confronting him about the kiss, which is sure to be brought up if I face him.

I then think about going to see Greasy Sae, who has dropped by only once because Haymitch has told her about Peeta cooking meals for us. But the kill is messy. And its only a rabbit. I decide to show her once I catch more prey in one outing.

The last person is Haymitch. Yes, half the time he is passed out and lying in a disgusting pile of dirty laundry and empty bottles. But he still manages to haul himself up for my sake. I plan to visit Haymitch after I head home to clean up.

Perhaps he'll know what to do about Peeta.