Disclaimer: The Hetalia characters and their personifications belong to Hidekaz Himaruya. 日丸屋 秀和

What Not to do if You are a Knight by Gilbert Beilschmidt:

37.) Don't listen to Francis when it comes to braiding a girl's hair.

Meanwhile, Back at the Fortress

"Let's go hunting," the albino had smirked as he turned to leave. That was the last thing she heard any of them say before they dragged her poor Kitty away. The great wooden doors had clenched shut behind them, leaving Antonio and Lovina in absolute, ringing silence save for a methodic dripping sound from a leak in the cracking stone ceiling.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

"Well what the hell are you looking at?!" the temperamental girl finally burst.

"Gaaaahhh! Nothing! I swear! DIOS MIO! Eres una niña muy intimidante!"

"Hey! Who are you calling a scary little girl you push-over! I'll show you scary!"

"Lo siento I-... you speak Spanish?"

She looked surprised by the question, but with folded arms answered, "Yeah, so? I grew up in Sicily... we had a lot of connections to Spain."

He gaped at her, "No way- I'm from Spain!" he cried elatedly, patting a hand against his chest.

"You know... I had a hunch..." Lovina rolled her eyes and let another rare half-smile creep onto her lips. "So, Spaniard, I've been meaning to ask you: what's your full name?"

"¿Qué?"

"You know, your title! Your Christian name. Don't you have a family? Like, 'I'm from the house of... blank'. IT'S NOT THAT HARD OF A QUESTION!"

"Oh! Sí, sí. Ehhh, no."

"No?"

"Nope. Sorry, I'm your kidnapper; we stay on a first-name basis." His tone dropped a level as he went on. "I'm afraid I must give you the least amount of information possible, Princesa."

Again, her eyebrows rose in surprise. She studied him for a bit. "You know, I think you're a lot smarter than you let on to be."

Antonio laughed. She liked his laugh; it was full and sunny and realistic. "Well, Señorita, being smart when people expect you to be senseless definitely has its advantages..."

Well stab her in the chest and call her Caesar, the guy had some brains rolling around up there after all.

"But I can be a little spacey too..." he scratched the back of his head and smiled, "hehehe~ I guess overall I'm just average."

Then he got a sly smirk, inching slightly closer to her. "But I can tell you a little more about myself if you tell me a little more about yourself."

The girl eyed him suspiciously, "Like what?"

"What's your favorite color? Have you ever read Augustine? Do you have any siblings?" ^_^ his overly ecstatic demeanor returned.

"Slow down! One question at a time, Jesus." Lovina scowled. "...I have one younger, flitterneck sorella, but she was raised in a different household... in the North," Lovina rolled her eyes, obviously uninterested in the subject. She began to aimlessly pace the room, dragging her fingers along the tables and stony walls. "My turn. What's the deal with you and women?"

"Me and... women?"

"Yeah. You're scared shitless of 'em."

"What? No I'm not!"

"Oh yeah? You run hiding when my servant maid looks at you the wrong way, you seem to firmly believe that I can and will kick your ass even though, let's face it, I'm like half your size, and finally, you asked me with the utmost seriousness if I, a frail little princess, led an army. Now I told you I had a sister, you tell me about your deep-seeded childhood fears; fair trade."

He grinned from ear to ear. "Haha, well," he pondered just how to answer her question, "I still say I'm not afraid of girls, I just have a fair amount of respect for them... I grew up around some very... strong women. Por ejemplo," he counted on his fingers and looked towards the ceiling as if trying to recall all his past encounters with females, "my mother was always stern with me... my aunt used to pinch my cheeks and yell..."

"Oooh your mama raised her VOICE at you? Big whoop-"

"And I was once strung upside down from a tree for two days because I made fun of my sister's hair."

"...WHAT?! Your sorella strung you from a TREE?!"

"Well, she was actually a close friend who was more or less like a sister, but sí. After sword fighting one day, she spent like an hour trying to get a knot out of her hair, so I laughed at her and commented that girls are always so worried about how their hair looks. Then she got real quiet. The next thing I knew she wanted to go hunting with me. Just me. And when we got out there she led me straight into a hunter's trap and left me! It took them two days to find me! And the wolves, DIOS MIO the wolves..." A far-away, traumatized expression came to his face.

"Woah, woah, woah, back up! Your sister hunted and sword-fought and beat up pages?"

"Ehhhh..."

"I don't believe you. You idiota knights think you can make fun of me and trick me because you think I'm just a gullible little-"

"But, Señorita, it's true! I swear!"

"Oh yeah? Prove it," she crossed her arms and turned her head away.

Awww, she looked so cute with that stubborn pout on her face.

"Can I braid your hair?"

"WHAT? You may not TOUCH my hair unless you want one less finger on your hand!"

"But I can prove that I grew up with a girl during training- she taught me how braid rope! And I also did her hair a couple of times but that was usually her and Francis's thing..."

Lovina looked at him in a stupor. That had to be THE most idiotic, dumb-ass request she had ever heard...

"HEY LOSERS! The awesome me is back... AND WE BROUGHT A DEAD THING-"

But all of their faces went blank, for in the middle of the grand hall of the little castle, seated at one of the chairs, was the princess.

"So then I told the Duchess of Burgundy, well f*ck you too, sister! What the hell was her problem saying that that DISGUSTING German slop was better than the delicious cuisines of Italia?"

And standing behind her, fixing an elaborate braid atop the young girl's head, was Antonio. "Tell me about it..." he was saying.

The three newcomers stood in the entranceway, jaws dropped. In all honesty, each of them had expected at least a candle stick to be shoved through Antonio's hand by the time they returned... but... not this... NEVER this.

And, to everyone's great surprise, it was Elizaveta who broke the silence.

"NO!" she yelled, and half-frantically charged over to Antonio. She spoke in rapid Hungarian.

"No! Antonio! What did I tell you? It's over-under-over! Not under-over-under! Ten years and you STILL haven't gotten this?"

"But, Lizzie, it's a French braid."

"Don't listen to Francis when he tells you-"

"HEY!" Lovina interrupted. "What are you two saying? I don't speak that Eastern European mumbo-jumbo!"

"Uhh, I'm sorry, Your Highness," she backed off and shared an anxious glance with Antonio. "I was just concerned with what he was doing to your head."

Lovina pinned her hair and turned around, rising from her seat as she did so. "It's okay, Kitty, I gave him permission to- GREAT GORGONZOLA! What the hell happened to you!?"

Lovina took in her loyal handmaid's disheveled, muddy appearance. At that moment, from the expression on her mistress's face, Elizaveta assumed she must have looked as though she'd been buried alive... in a swamp...

"YOU!" Lovina roared threateningly, pointing an accusatory finger directly at the red-eyed German across the room. "What the hell did you do to my Kitty? Huh? Did you beat her up? Get your kicks pushing girls into the mud? I oughta-"

"Hey, COOL it, brat! First of all- her name isn't even Kitty-"

"Well it certainly isn't Elizaveta!"

Lovina had marched up to him and shoved her forehead directly against his, eyes ablaze. The temperamental man in front of her looked no less ready to explode.

"Stop! Stop!" they heard voices crying.

Gilbert and Lovina were broken out of their rage-clouded stupor by the other castle residents. Antonio was pulling Lovina back gently by her arms. Elizaveta had run in between the two of them and pushed Gilbert back with both of her hands on his chest.

"Princess, why don't you help me clean up, huh? Please, Your Highness?" Elizaveta asked quickly.

"Oui, and we have to clean the meat outside, don't we?" Francis interjected, addressing the other men.

"...Fine..." Lovina answered coolly. Elizaveta, Francis, and Antonio released a sigh of relief, happy to have diffused the situation between the two walking time-bombs.

In all honesty, Lovina would have put up more of a fight had the circumstances been different. She usually would have never tolerated such blatant disrespect from that German jackass... but she had noticed something then, something that definitely did not coincide with her previous belief that Gilbert had beat up her servant. No...

She noticed Elizaveta's unbound hands, pressing the large man back. And instead of forcefully shoving her off, the albino brute had instead, taken her hands, squeezed them, and released them gently.

It was one of the most subtle, minute signs of affection, but still, it was there.

Of course all this she noticed while holding a death-stare with said man, but if there was anything Lovina was, it was observant. And she did NOT like having the veil pulled down over her eyes.

The men had gone outside to gut and skin the deer.

Lovina and Elizaveta were sitting in their small chamber on the upper level of the fortress.

Lovina dipped a cloth in a wash basin and handed it to Kitty, who gently scrubbed the crusty mud off of her face and arms.

Lovina looked at her. It was now dusk and the room was mostly dark save for the flickering candle light dancing under their faces. They made light, monotone conversation.

"Kitty... I know," Lovina suddenly interrupted.

Elizaveta looked up. "Know what?" she responded calmly.

"Don't play dumb with me, bambina," Lovina scolded gently, dabbing her servant's hand.

Internally, Elizaveta began to freak out. Know what?! But outside she maintained complete passiveness.

"I know that he likes you," Lovina was looking down at the hand.

Against her will, against all her strength and stoic demeanor and lack of emotion she had forced herself to display for the last five years, Elizaveta began to blush.

"I-I-I-no!..."

A smile crept on to Lovina's face. An... evil smile?

"You can use this to your advantage, Kitty!"

"What?" Elizaveta jerked her hand away.

"Think about it," Lovina said quickly and almost forcefully. "You can manipulate him. Distract him. Get away with more."

"Uhhhh..."

"You just have to behave, Kitty. Which, normally, you're pretty good at, but during the last couple of days... . Look, I know you hate these guys as much as I do, but you must hold your tongue. Quit fighting with him!"

Elizaveta sighed to herself and aggravatedly lowered her eyelids. Great. So two people were on her case to shut up and behave now.

"Yes, Your Highness," she said quietly.