Allie lay on the hospital bed like a bird with broken wings. Her face was grey, damaged, her arm hung on the side of the hospital bed as if it was now made of rags. Will wanted to scream. He needed to heal her, with his gaze, with his will. He was seated on the edge of a plastic chair, his muscles so loose that he would have fallen if not for the warm hand on his hips. The doctors were cautious, evasive. The surgery had taken a long time. Some more would be needed. Allie was so new, so delicate, Will didn't want hard steely needles prodding her. He was angry at the doctors, as well as grateful and the mixed feelings forbade any sleep.
Sami had left and Will knew where she was now, somewhere he refused to go, because he knew exactly how he felt there. He had a notion that if he entered his father's hospital room and saw his unconscious body, he would want to kill him. It was so out of character for Will to have these thoughts that he was afraid he was losing his mind and he couldn't do that. His mother needed him. Johnny and Syd too and mostly, Allie did. He had to be there for her, show her the way back to them, help her fight.
Will's response to hardship had always been to write, to escape in his dreams but now reality was all around, oppressive, demanding. It made him feel helpless and weak like before when he was a little kid, afraid of everyone, or like when Burt was living with them.
He talked to his sister, softly, until the nurses asked him to leave. He sat back in the waiting room, drinking absent-mindedly the hot chocolate that had appeared in his hand, wondering why the night never ended, why time was so slow.
Sami came back, and Will felt guilty when he saw how down she was. She clearly needed to talk but he couldn't hear it. She had loved Lucas, the rebel, the alcoholic, twice in her life, with her first-borns as daily reminders. She had done the right thing by allowing him to spend time with Allie and now she regretted it surely.
He didn't listen to the conversation, only heard "critical" and "they say he'll have to survive the next 24 hours", too busy repressing the emotions ransacking his body. Sami had someone to talk to, that was good.
But time did pass, after all, and some doctor came to tell them about Allie's next operation. Sami seemed incapable of taking any decision, so Will interpreted her reactions and told the woman. She nodded and gave him a pitying look. It didn't help.
The pile of muffins grew bigger and no one ate them. He only moved to go the bathroom, supported even then. He felt like a very old man, with worn joints and a worn mind.
He fell asleep against a shoulder, letting the warmth it gave fight some of the cold in his heart, nightmaring and not getting real rest. Yet it meant things had changed. A doctor came, looking relieved, while another walked to them with a serious air. Will thought that if the good news was for his dad instead of his sister, life would not be worth living. He waited, anxiety weaving through his bones, for the verdict.
Allie had come through. She would make it. Lucas' condition was helpless. If they wanted to say good-bye, now was the time.
Any anger disappeared. Not just the one about the accident, but also the one about the homophobia, and all the older frustrating memories as well. Instead, Will felt a void as deep as an abyss. He didn't remember running but he was there first. His father didn't wake up so it made it easier to just cry and tell him he loved him anyway. He was softly pulled from Lucas' dying form so that his ex-wife could have a moment with him too.
Sami asked him to leave, gently but firmly. It was done now, he was officially an orphan, as was Allie. But she was alive, she would recover so Will obeyed the command. He sat in the car, looking outside the windows as he always did, but there was no remarks this time.
The stairs looked impossible to climb, the tiredness forcing him to stop every few steps. His clothes must have been taken off and replaced by night ones, maybe. His bed was a giant nest where he was surrounded by warmth and love. He felt rough and renewed, naked and hurting, wondering if the pain would ever leave.
The last word he heard before falling asleep where kind of an answer, as well as an echo of all the support and attention he had gotten to help him through that long night, as Sonny stood by his side wordlessly, with Will barely aware of his presence and yet only managing thanks to it.
"I love you."