Chapter 19

There's moments in life where you don't know how to feel about something. Like when someone gets you a gift that you don't really need.

Or the moment when you wake up next to Peeta Mellark.

Okay, I may be the only one having done that, but it doesn't change the fact that I've been awake for a good half an hour, trying to figure out what exact shade of gold his eyelashes are. At first, I felt nothing but complete panic when I woke up and realized that I wasn't alone. In fact, I almost gave in to my instinct to protect myself by throwing whatever was there off my bed.

But then I remember last night and guilt floods over me.

I had made him stay. Never mind what made him comfortable, I had begged him to stay with me so the nightmares would go away. It is selfish on my behalf to do something like that to him. Its not something that friends usually do. Sleeping together.

And now, Peeta is laid out on his back, his face peaceful and serene. He looks young, like a little boy, when his face isn't weighed down by memories and stress. I'm overcome with a fierce desire to protect him at all costs, fueled by guilt and debt. I owe him so much. I would've thrown my life away without him, making the ultimate sacrifice of my friends and family die in vain. Now its time for me to take care of him. I had vowed to do so in the Quell and failed. But this time will be different.

I don't want to wake him, but his breathing grows shallow, signaling that he is waking. His eyes flutter open and he takes in a deep breath before turning his head to look over at me.

"Hi."

"Hey," he says. His eyes are still half-closed and a small half-smile emerges from his lips. "Sleep okay?"

"Yeah." Lost. That's how I feel when I look into Peeta's eyes. Lost. But safe.

"Good." He hoists himself up onto an elbow, facing me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I tense. The thing about my nightmares is that I remember every single second of them, unlike dreams that slowly fade away. "No." I flinch at the hard tone of my voice. Be nice, he did you a favor.

He nods. Then moves to get off the bed, swinging himself around and turning away from me. "Katniss, we need to talk. Not about your nightmare, but about our... situation."
I swallow and fiddle with the sheets under my hands. Even though nothing happened last night, I still know what Peeta's talking about. I feel the exact same way- we need to lay down the ground rules. We're friends. That's all. Friends don't wake up in each others arms.

"I'm not good at talking."

"Your nightmares are pretty bad," he mutters solemnly. I don't deny it. I'm a mess when I wake up from those terrors. Cold sweat. Trembling. Hyper-alert. Its so tiring that it drains most of my energy right before I even start my day.

"So..." We both hesitate, not wanting to say it first. But I know Peeta will. Because he's better at words than I am.

"We should sleep together. Just sleeping." He clears his throat nervously. "I have them too."

"The nightmares?" Its no surprise that he does. I don't know why I even asked.

His eyes are sad. "Every night."

I wish there was some way to take away those nightmares from him. I don't care if mine are already unbearable. I just want to take away his pain.

"Just sleeping," I agree quietly. He adds, "But in every other way, we're just friends."

For some reason this hurts me. I'm not quite sure why, maybe its that he's putting up a solid wall between us. I have to remind myself that it may not be forever, but I also have to tell myself that its completely up to Peeta if he wants to let me in and vice versa.

After we finish our agreement, Peeta gets up and straightens his wrinkled clothes. "We have an interview today," he reminds me gently. I shake my head slowly. "I don't want to."

"Me neither," he says. "But Haymitch is right."

"He always is." I confirm. He kneels down on the other side of the bed, where I'm sitting, knees brought up to my chest.

"We'll do this together," he promises, taking his hands and finding mine buried in the sheets.

I look at him carefully. I'm still reluctant to pull through with the Capitol's wishes, but I'll do anything with Peeta by my side.

"Together," I agree, locking my fingers with his.