Chapter 20
Mauralooked at the still smoking warehouse. she turned to Jane and despite her mind telling her it would be better if she didn't do it she shoved the Detective who stumbled back a pace, mostly with surprise than because of Maura's force.
"You promised me!" Maura shouted."You promised me my son would be safe!"
"Maura..." Jane tried to stop her from fretting but when she moved closer Maura's fists begun pounding on her chest angrily, stopping her from closing the distance. "Maura..!"she tried again."Danny is okay, look ..!" She pointed to where Frost was approaching them, baby carrier In his arms. Maura sighed in relief and suddenly the only thing keeping her up was Jane's arms around her as she cried tears of joy.
"See?"Jane said."It's okay, your baby is fine." She slowly withdrew her arms and let th Doctor rush to her son. The Detective shared a small smile with Frost and they stepped away from Maura to talk. The Doctor was too drawn to reuniting with her son and she didn't try pay attention to what the two of them were saying. She snapped back only when Jane physically ushered her into the car.
"The pack has a safe house only Korsak and me know about."Jane explained as she backed the car into the road.
"Korsak and I." Maura corrected absent mindedly, pressing Danny against her chest until he eventually started to nurse urgently.
Jane looked away politely. "What? "she asked the woman sat in the passenger seat.
"The correct form is 'Korsak and I' " she muttered as they sped through the sparse traffic. Frost was right behind them with his own car.
"God, woman..." Jane laughed. "You're impossible''
" I believe proper use of language is important." Maura shrugged. She looked down at herself then back to Jane who made a point of staring straight ahead. "Does this make you uncomfortable?" she asked.
"What?" Jane asked, turning to make careful eye contact.
"Breastfeeding." Maura explained.
"No." Jane answered honestly.
"It's only natural. You don't have to look away." Maura frowned. "Except it you find it a turn off. Dennis did."
"Dennis was an asshole." The Detective said, matter of factly. She sighed. "I find it beautiful. You are beautiful. It makes you look like the epitome of motherhood and it's odly sexy."
Maura smiled. "You think I'm sexy?"
"Of course I do , I mean..."Jane stammered. "In a non creep way."
"You're very sweet Jane." Maura said, secretly laughing with Jane's discomfort.
''Gah.'' Jane said. ''Don't let anyone hear you talking like that.''
Maura laughed out loud this time and just like that the next hour in the car passed quietly. Jane took her into an old but handsome looking house and let her put Danny to one of the bedrooms had everything Maura might need for herself and Danny both. Once again the Doctor was surpprised by Jane's level of preparation and care. When her son was finally asleep in his crib Maura climbed down the stairs to find Jane sitting on the couch, reading. She thought of how many times she had walked into her living room to find Dennis watching TV and none had she seen him smile at her the way Jane was smiling now. Slowly Maura sat next to her, the Detective's outstretched arm resting on the back of the couch looking rather inviting.. Without thinking she scooted closer, snuggling against Jane's long frame, bringing her knees up. Jane looked at her questioningly but did not pull away.
"Is this okay?" Maura asked but wasn't willing to move. Jane's body was warm and she could feel all the muscles she had studied as a Doctor, alive under Jane's skin.
"sure."Jane said, wrapping that arm around Maura. "I told you I wanted to take things slow but you don't have to be afraid of me. Afraid to... touch me."
"Thank you." The Doctor said, sighing as she closed her eyes and leaned her head on Jane's chest.
The Detective placed a soft kiss on Maura's temple. "Thank you." She said."For being so patient with me."
"Jane?" Maura said hesitantly. "I think..." From where she was she could clearly hear Jane's heart thudding against her ribcage. "I think I'm falling in love with you." She felt the Detective's hand brush soft circles on her back. "Is that bad?"
Jane considered the question. At times like this, despite her knowledge and IQ Maura seemed almost childlike, fragile and innocent. Jane forgot that all Maura had ever known was abuse and never safety at the hands of her husband. She had been barely a child when she married him and on some levels she was still emotionally a child, easy to be hurt and eager to be loved and accepted.
"No." The Detective said finally. "Not bad. Just unexpected." She cleared her throat. "I..-don't want to hurt you Maura."
"Hurt me?"
"I don't want to use you as something to fill the gap my wife and daughter left. And I don't want you to replace Dennis with me, because you don't know how to live without him." Apologetically she squeezed Maura in her embrace. "I don't want to be your experiment on whether you like women or not and I don't want you to wake up on day and realise I can't ever love you like I loved Jaz . You deserve to be loved and cherished Maura."
"Jane..."
"So I'm going to take this slow and do it right.1 want to fall in love with you slowly, deeper everyday. Until we are both sure that what we want between us is real and not a product of need." She felt Maura's tension ease and eager to change the subject, Jane held up the remote control. "I picked up a wildlife documentary for you,I think you like these things?"
"That's sweet,Jane."Maura wondered if the intimacy she was feeling should be accompanied with a sense of guilt They were all in danger. Her precious son had been and still was in danger and yet she couldn't bring herself to feel bad because the simple pleasure of Jane's arms around her, of sharing something she loved so much with someone for the first time, it felt like home. Her husband had never taken the time to do something like this with her and she suddenly wondered if she really knew the man that slept In her bed for years. Or maybe, she did know him but he had no idea who she was, nor had he ever been interested.
she laughed when she saw the opewing credits on screen. "Wolves and their socialisation"she read out loud and Jane smirked.
she didn't even know she had fallen asleep until Danny woke her, crying and most likely hungry . Maura slowly untangled herself from Jane's long libs, secretly disappointed she had to leave the comfort of the embrace. She watched Jane sleep as she fed Danny and except from the sense of safety she was accustomed feeling when she was with her, Maura also felt something new. She wanted Jane to be hers, she wanted to wake up in her arms every morning and fall asleep listening to her voice. She watched as Jane inhaled deeply and she caught the exact moment the Detective woke and wondered if there was a way to bottle that instant.
''How's Emma?" Jane drawled sleepily. "Told you you should wake me to help you baby. " Then she opened her eyes'and watched Maura's smile falter. "shit." she sighed. "You... in the dark.."
"It's okay..." Maura said, soothing both Danny and Jane.
"My heads's weird these days." She tapped her forehead and rose, silently walking to the bathroom. she grabbed the sink until her knuckles were white and looked herself in the mirror. She knew before she even saw it that her eyes were flashing blue .
"Why?"she asked. "Why are you doing this to me?" Her wolf stirred in the dark caverns of her mind and stared at her through her reflection, but still gave no answer. "You make me feel like my mate is around but you know damn well Jaz is dead." The she wolf opened her mouth and yawned lazily. "You make me feel safe around her, you make me attracted to her, but she is not my mate. Why are you torturing me? Are you punishing me because I failed to protect our mate? Is that it?" Jane leaned forward and inside her her face was inches away from the wolf's open jaws. The she-wolf growled and sent an image of Maura in Jane's head, along with the impression that Jane was stupid. "What?" Jane asked. "What,what is it? What do you want from me?"
There was a knock on the bathroom door and Jane could smell Maura on the other side, the woman who had lately become her favourite perfume.
"Jane? Are you okay'"
The welt sent an image of Maura, naked under Jane.
"Jane? Can I come in?"
An image of the wolf, Jane and Maura in human form, entangled nude forms and a cub yelping excitedly around them. Jane put her hand on the door handle and turued it, waving the image away.
"Hey.-"she said, looking down at the honey blond,
"Are you okay?"she asked and Jane felt her body tug towards Maura, as if an invisible string attached to her belly button was pulling her closer and closer.
"Yeh..." She said. "Just..." she took a step closer, careful as if Maura small creature she didn't want to scare. On their own accord her hands found their way to Maura's hips, her left one trailing up to brush the hair out of the hazel eyes. One last look, asking permission, before she leaned in and softly their lips met.
Maura lost herself in the kiss. She was nothing in a wild sea, she was tiny, unnoteworthy. She was nothing and she was everything. Muscles the human body does not have twitched and she could feel herself enveloped in the scent of pine and the safe Musk of Wolf. Her arms, around Jane's neck were stroking the rich fur of a Dire wolf under blue sky. The Detective tasted sweet and strong, like old wine and slowly Maura felt herself become intoxicated. Around them the room hummed with energy a melody soft and forgotten in childhood. Jane's body sang pressed against her and her own body answered with its own song.
For the first time since her wife had drawn her last breath, Jane felt whole. she was complete in a way a perfect painting is defined by Aristoteles; Nothing was missing and nothing was needed. In that perfect moment Jane had everything she could ask. Hating herself for it she pulled away from Maura.
"Is this..-what you want?" She asked breathily and Maura just nodded . "Is it? "Jane pressed and squeezed Maura's shoulders.
"It's:.." Maura spoke finally, breathless also. "It's everything I could ever want." she moved to tug at Jane's jeans, but the detective stopped her.
"Not yet." She said. "Not until you're sure."
"I am sure." Maura insisted, but Jane kissed her temple gently.
"If we do this now, there's me going back. Wolves mate for life. If we do this it means we're going to be together until the day we die. You have to make sure this is what you want or you're going to have a life time of misery."
"I want you... "The Doctor whispered,learning her head on Jane's chest.
"A little more time.'' Jane answered,just as her phone rung. She picked up without checking who it was and korsaks voice rang in her ear.
"Jane. "He wheezed. He must be running." Turn on the TV, channel ABTV."
"What's going on?" she asked, obeying. A man held a microphone and gestured agressivElly. She turned the sound on.
''As we speak emergency measures are being taken in order to control the crisis." A video of the young man Jane had seen in Hoyt's Mansion, shifting into a wolf played as the reporter spoke. "several hunting licences have already been issued for the eradication of the species known as homo sapiens lupus. The Government has given strict orders to not approach a creature of that species unless you are armed and have the official hunting licence documents on your person.A Member of this species appear human but it is extremely dangerous and will attack anything in its vicinity if provoked. The orders to all police officers and special forces, including but not limited to FBI and CIA Is shoot on sight. Word is that the ministry of Defense has requested army intervention..."
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