Disclaimer: The Hetalia characters and their personifications belong to Hidekaz Himaruya. 日丸屋 秀和

What Not to do if You are a Knight by Gilbert Beilschmidt:

45.) Do not 'forget' to voice important information that may change the entire course of our plans.

Oh, Did I Mention I'm...

The two southerners sat at the table in the exact same spots they'd been seated in nearly an hour before.

Antonio looked placid, but Lovina appeared as if someone had just set a torch to everything she thought she knew.

"So... her name really is... Elizaveta?"

"Mhm."

"And you've all known her for... what, ten years?"

"About that long."

"That's... that... That little monella! How the hell could she keep this from me?!"

Lovina was absolutely livid but Antonio sensed the hurt in her words as well.

"She may have felt that telling people endangered them... or herself," he answered.

"What a STUPID excuse! So what, now I'm going to lose my kingdom AND my most trusted friend AND-"

"You're not," Antonio stated firmly. "We're going to fix this."

"How?" she demanded. "How could you three jack-asses possibly help me?!"

He looked at her, silently pondering something. "How many forces do you have at your castle?" he asked.

She was slightly caught off guard by his question. She took a moment to think. "...Um, probably 50 armed personnel, plus maybe 20 civilian volunteers if we scraped... a little over 70 total?"

He had his hand on his chin, brow furrowed seriously. "70 to 100 isn't bad," he mumbled.

"What?" she asked.

"What if... we led your forces? Gilbert, Francis, and I? We know more about the Teutonic Knights than anyone in your kingdom. We know their strategies, we know how to prepare. I mean, we'd still be outnumbered, but they're expecting your forces to be small. They won't come with more than a hundred men."

She turned to him suspiciously. "You'd... you'd be willing to do that?"

He nodded earnestly.

For a moment, she looked sincerely touched. However, the expression soon faded as she shook her head slowly. Then, with more determination she told him, "It doesn't matter. They'd never let three guys from the enemy's side... who KIDNAPPED ME, lead our forces into battle. It's out of the question."

"But you rule there. If you'd just say-"

"I have no say, asshole!" she shot bitterly.

Antonio tilted his head to the side in confusion.

She sank back down in her chair and let out a frustrated groan, pressing her palms to her forehead. "Uggghh. The High Council makes the rules. They say I have no power until I'm married to some cho-ho... and even then it would be the king's decision, not mine."

He stared at her for a long moment.

"I could do it."

She lifted her head from her hands and glared at him.

"Do what?"

"Marry you."

She rolled her eyes.

"I can't marry you, dipwad! I have to marry someone of noble class!"

"Wasn't anyone listening to my backstory? I am a noble!"

Lovina blinked. "What?" she asked flatly. Her eyes squinted with skepticism.

"Sí, mi familia is the ruling class of the entire northern half of Aragon. My father and mother are technically a king and queen. They wanted me to be educated in the art of sword fighting and chivalry so I'd become a good leader one day. They were willing to send me halfway across Europe to do so!" His eyes became large and he began speaking more rapidly, nervously. "And, I mean, we've only known each other a couple weeks and I kind of kidnapped you but I meant I just thought it'd be a better option than being forced to marry a TOTAL stranger and of course it would be to help your kingdom and-"

"Stop!" she held up her hand, pondering his words. He stopped, fidgeting anxiously. "You're telling the truth? You're really from the kingdom of Aragon, of royal pedigree? No shittin' me?"

He nodded vigorously with those large, puppy-dog eyes.

"And if I - God, I can't believe I'm asking this- ...if I agree to do this... you'll help me? You give me your word?"

"Of course!"

"How do I know this isn't part of the ransom plot? Or that you're just trying to worm your way to the top of pow-"

"Because my friends are at risk here too," he broke in. "This is for Elizaveta and Gilbert and Francis. And you. ...And why on Earth would I try to take over a kingdom which, right now, has a very, very high chance of complete and total ruin?"

Now she looked him in the eyes hesitantly, but still willing to trust.

He was her last option; her only option. She sighed.

"Alright," she shrugged.

"What? Alright? Just like that?"

She shrugged again. "I got nothin' better to- ACK!"

The Spaniard scooped her up into a suffocating bear hug. "Lovi! Lovi! Does this mean I get to marry you? How cuuute! ¡Soy el hombre más afortunado del mundo!"

"Gah! Get off'a me, bastard! And quit calling me Lovi! Ack! I'm only doing this for my kingdom!"

But he suddenly dropped her and gasped in realization. "I have to talk to Francis and Gilbert first. It'll only work if they're on board."

"OW! Don't drop me, jerk!"

"Sorry, sorry, Princess," he helped her to her feet, "but I have to talk to-"

"We have to the others," she interrupted. "This is my home we're talking about now. My people. From now on, I want all information passed directly through me. No more of this 'secret' bull-shit."

"Of course," he assured. "Now let's go tell-"

"I'm in!" sang a French accent from the kitchen archway.

They both turned around. Francis was crossing his arms and smiling, leaning against the wall. "I like listening to other people's conversations. Nice proposal, by the way, Antoine."

Lovina scowled. Antonio looked confused.

"But I am whole-heartedly on your side!" Francis repeated, bowing with extravagance.

"Al-right, Francis!" Antonio cheered, pumping a fist in the air.

"Great," Lovina sarcastically added, "now we just have to tell the honeymooners... that is, if one of them hasn't killed the other already, about our brilliant suicide plot."

"Mmm, we can consult with them in the morning," Francis suggested.

"In the morning? We're supposed to leave tonight."

"Oui, but I think we are all a tad tired after tonight's events, and a few hours difference will not be that hard of a blow. We can depart just after dawn."

Glancing between the two knights, Lovina begrudgingly submitted, and they all headed off to bed.