It's only happened a few times: pieces of memory, like scenes from a movie, floating up in my brain, stopping me from seeing anything else. There are details missing from these memories, I can tell, but in most ways they feel real.

Then, however, I open my eyes, and I see nothing but the walls of a room that I'm sick to death of.

The weekend passes in a rush. The occasional janitor peeks in, deems it not worth their time, leaves. One smokes a cigarette briefly in the room before stubbing it. Such mundanities slip past me easily, and soon the days are over.

Monday, early morning, I'm listening to the birds chirping, as I have every morning, when suddenly - I'm not sure how else to describe it - the shadows bend, and Hazel materializes out of them.

I stare at her, slack-jawed. "What - how did you do that?"

Hazel looks a little pleased with herself. "I've been working on shadow-traveling. You were always the best at it, though."

I ignore the memory attached to that phrase that is fighting to surface in my brain. "Hazel, I've been remembering so many things. There has got to be something I can do with all this."

Hazel sobers. "That's why I came here. Our father called me to him yesterday - he'd found out that I was visiting you. But he wasn't angry. He told me that I had done just as he expected, and that - and that the time when you make your choice is very close."

"What do you mean? What choice?"

"It's -" Hazel starts, but cuts off abruptly. She's staring, for the first time, directly at me. "Nico, did you see that?"

"What was I supposed to see?" I ask, bewildered.

Hazel swallows, then replies, slowly, "For a second, I saw your hand."

I don't know what to say, but that doesn't matter, because Hazel hurries to keep talking.

"Our father warned me about that, too. You're going to become more visible. But it's not a good thing, Nico."

"Why not?" I ask. "What if it means I'm becoming more alive? I've been remembering more and more, and . . ." the desire that had been steadily growing in my heart seems to fill my entire chest, moving me to whisper, "and I want that life back."

"Everything comes at a price," Hazel says grimly.

I feel a surge of anger and disappointment. I shouldn't be surprised, but somehow I am. It's crushing to hear that I'm not supposed to want the only thing I have ever wanted in a long time. "That's not fair."

Hazel glares, unfocused, as tears well up in her eyes. "Do you think that I'm enjoying this? The people in power must be obeyed, even if I think they're wrong. I can't let my emotions stop me." She shakes her head. "Nico, I miss you so much-" her voice cracks. She clears it and continues, but it's still scratchy. "But I have responsibilities. This is not my choice to make." She sighs heavily, wipes her tears away. "I'm sorry."

And I don't know when it started but my own eyes are prickling with tears, and when I look down I see my bare feet, which are flickering in and out in the air - along with the rest of my body, I realize, when I raise my arm. It should be shocking but I am too overwhelmed to feel more.

I don't want to cry. I need to know what's going on. I swallow and try to stay calm.

Hazel clears her throat and straightens up. Her eyes linger on my face but then she looks away. "Anyway. Nico, you have to tell me what you remember of Jason Grace. Everything."

"Jason?" I stammer. It's the last thing I expected her to say.

"Anything at all," she begs. "This is important."

"Um - I had a crush on him." What a ridiculous time to blush. "He was my best friend. I know Piper liked him, and now she's dating him."

"Anything else?" Hazel says tentatively. "Anything about his mother?"

"No." But then I realize that isn't true. "No, I think - Hazel -"

I black out as the memory takes over.

"Are you sure this is okay?" Jason whispered.

"Duh," I said, rolling my eyes. "I've summoned spirits before." I was only sixteen, but for years I had been training to master my father's realm of power. Being a virtual social outcast until as recent as two years ago had also given me the free time to train for hours on end.

I'd heard things about this room. Just last week, there had been a rumor that Percy and Annabeth were caught there, in some state of undress. When I remembered that, as I entered the room with Jason right behind me, I couldn't help feeling embarrassed.

"You really don't have to do this," Jason said, closing the door behind him. The room was very dark, and I was glad he couldn't see me blush. Meanwhile, darkness was almost as comfortable as daylight to me, so I could clearly see his nervous expression. "My father forbade me from finding out about my mother, and who knows what'll happen if you break that."

"But that's not fair," I protested. "You deserve to know about your mother, and I can easily summon her spirit. It'll be fine." I wasn't perfect at wielding my powers. But I was good enough. And besides, I wanted to help Jason.

Jason seemed uneasy, but I could tell he was also curious. For weeks he'd been upset that his father would tell him next to nothing about his mother. And now we were finally doing something.

I hoped my help would make him happy. I hoped he would grin and touch my hand and say, Nico, you're amazing, I can't believe I never said this before, but will you be my boyfriend? (Well, that was a stretch, but I could dream.)

I looked around me. I could make out a few broken desks, a small high-up window. Overall, the room didn't look that foreboding, although my senses told me differently.

"Are you sure you can summon her here, though?" Jason asked apprehensively.

I waved my hand. "Of course," I said. And even if I couldn't, this was a place of death. I could sense at least some of what happened, and I knew Jason would appreciate even a little information. "Hmm . . ."

"What?" Jason said.

I bent down to examine the floor. This was definitely a good place to summon Ms. Grace's spirit, if I could manage to do it. Her spirit had clearly imprinted on this room.

"She was a secretary at this school," I said, concentrating… "And . . . I think she fainted in this room due to alcohol poisoning. Taken to the hospital, died hours later"

Jason wasn't saying anything. I looked up. He seemed stricken.

I suddenly remembered that most other people weren't as accustomed to death as I was. And this was his mother. "I'm sorry," I said quietly. "Would you rather you didn't know?"

"No, it's okay," Jason said. "I - just, thank you for this. You didn't have to."

"I wanted to," I assured him. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a skull ring. Well, it looked like a skull ring. My father had given it to me. It was actually a magical shortcut to summoning spirits. Otherwise I'd have to drill a hole in the floor and hope that Jason's mom liked Happy Meals.

That method required a lot more preparation and time, which we didn't have much of right now. It would not be long before Hazel noticed that the car was missing, and not much longer for her to track us down. She'd been getting suspicious of me recently, monitoring my activities and checking up on me in the middle of the night, and informing me that she knew I was up to something.

I slipped the ring onto my finger, and, taking a deep breath, crouched down to place my hands on the ground.

"Hey, Nico?" Jason suddenly said. There was something in his voice that made me want to stop.

"Yeah?" I said, eyeing the ground. It was starting to glow blue around my hands, which was odd - when I'd summoned spirits in the past, the glow had always been white - but nothing else seemed to be off.

"Can I tell you something?"

I flinched as the floor shook a bit. "Can it wait?"

Jason sounded a bit disappointed as he said, "Yeah, I . . . guess it can."

But I was more focused on the ground, and how a fissure was starting to split open the surface. I had to direct the summoning, or else the whole floor would crumble. "I, Nico di Angelo, son of Hades, summon Jason Grace's birth mother, Beryl Grace, and command her to rise and face me."

This was the part when the spirit was supposed to rise from the ground and answered my questions. But that was not what happened. Instead, blue light flashed, like lightning, and I was thrown back against the wall. My vision filled with spots. I tried to blink them away.

"Nico!" Jason rushed towards me. "Are you alright? Are you okay? I - what happened?"

I shook my head, scowling, trying to get ahold of myself. "I don't know. Something's wrong, Jason. This isn't how it's supposed to go."

A booming voice filled the room. I looked over at Jason. He looked over at me. Our terrified eyes met. His face was lit by the eery blue light.

"I am Zeus," the voice announced, "and I have forbidden anyone from summoning Beryl Grace, on pain of death."

Jason grabbed my arm. His face was so close to mine. "Death?" he said, eyes screaming with fear.

I felt numb. "Jason . . ."

Jason faced the light. "You can't do this!" he yelled desperately. "He was only trying to help, he can't - father, you wouldn't -"

That's the last thing I hear before everything goes blurry, then black.

I open my eyes. The first thing I notice is that I'm standing, my feet firmly planted on the room's floor. The second thing I notice is that Hazel can hold me now, because I'm completely solid and visible.

"Did you remember?" Hazel says quietly.

"Hazel." I squeeze my eyes shut. "Tell me what happened."

"Father persuaded Zeus to have mercy on you. You were supposed to die a cursed death. You were supposed to suffer in eternity. Now, you -" I can hear her stumble on her words a little. "Anyway, this . . . this was important - remembering your death. That's why I can see you and hold you. But it's all happening too soon."

Suddenly she pulls away. "Nico," she says. "Nico, I'm so sorry, I -" She can't continue.

"Bottom line. Am I dead or alive?" I ask, inwardly pleading to her for the answer I want.

"That's just it, isn't it." She laughs shortly. "It's your choice. I know you're sick of hearing that, but it's true."

"Got it," I say glumly.

She shakes her head. "You're going to go back to your usual form any minute now." Her eyes roam over my face. "You look exactly the same as you did three years ago, my God." Her hands go to mine, and she clutches them.

We're both quiet for a moment. Then I say, "What happened with Leo?"

Hazel laughs, startled. "It turns out he's not my type at all. There's a guy I like right now, Frank - I don't know if you remember him."

"I do," I assure, vaguely remembering the nice guy on the school archery team. "I liked him."

Hazel smiles and rocks back on her heels, backing away from me as she shoves her hands in her pockets. "Look at us," she says. "We were both in emotional turmoil only seconds ago, and now we're talking about my crush."

"Well," I say, "it's not as though we can discuss my crush."

I expect Hazel to laugh, or even smile, but she looks at me as though I just broke a rule I didn't even know about.

"You're still tone-deaf," she finally says, and, to my relief, smiles a little. "It's nice to know you're still you."

"Uh, thanks." I take a deep breath. "So, are you sure you can't tell me what my choice is?" I don't know why I asked that, I already know the answer. It's not going to change, no matter how I want it to.

"You saw in your memory what happened to you," Hazel says, smiling a little, but it's wobbly. "Best I don't break any rules."

"I - I wish -" Frustrated, I look down at myself. After a shocked moment, I say, faintly, "Oh." Because my body is fading again, much too quickly.

"You know," Hazel says slowly, "I miss you. And I want you back, so much. But this isn't just about me. And it isn't just about you, either. I want you to remember that later." She takes a step back. "I should go."

"Will you come back?" I say hopefully.

Hazel's face ducks down, but not before I see the truth in her expression. "No. This is probably the last time you'll ever see me, Nico."

I don't know what to say. I surge forward to reach out and touch her again, but my fingers go through her arm. I've back to being invisible and intangible. Something snaps inside my chest, and I force myself to withdraw.

She's still right here before me, but already I miss her.

I should say something. But Hazel's already looking away. It's like I'm not even here anymore. Before I get the courage to call for her to stay, she turns, and leaves.

And now I'm on my own in this room, and for the first time, I want to yell at and punch the walls of this - this prison. I don't think I've ever felt so lonely before.

I need to calm down. I take deep breaths until I realize it doesn't even matter. Breathing is just another illusion. The thought makes me panic even more.

Already Hazel's only a memory. Was she real? Did I make her up? Am I crazy? Maybe I even made up all of those other memories.

With no answer forthcoming, I'm left with no choice but to find it myself.

I spring into a frenzied action, desperate to know the truth. I go to that spot on the floor where I remember crouching, before Zeus threw me into the wall. Hovering in that location, I immediately feel cold.

This is an old room, in an old school. The floor is far from pristine. There are chips and scuff marks all over the old linoleum tiling. I had never given it more than a cursory glance. I'd never wondered about anything before, really - not until recently.

Now, my lips trembling with shock, I see it. A crack in the floor, right between where I had placed my hands in my memory. It looks, for all intents and purposes, like a regular crack in the floor, borne from some innocuous, careless accident.

I stare down at the fissure, and before my eyes that memory flashes: the same crack in the floor, but glowing blue, crackling with electricity.

It's the same one. All of this is real.

I have to exhale, even if my breath an illusion. I stumble back from the crevice, and, for once, I let myself cry.

In an attempt to distract myself, I think about what Reyna told me, trying to make it fit with what I've learned since she visited. She said that I'd have to remember things on my own. I guess that's true enough. Hazel definitely helped me, but I have the feeling that all these memories would have come back anyway, whether their return was assisted or not.

Reyna also mentioned that the choice I'd have to make - the choice everyone seems to mention, but never explain - that choice has something to do with me leaving this room. I've already made up my mind that I want to leave, so the choice must be more complicated than that.

I want to blame my sisters for not just telling me the truth. But I understand why they haven't. If breaking the rules results in a cursed death, like what happened to me, I want them to keep their mouths shut. Still, it's frustrating, especially because I feel so close to knowing more. The end is coming - the end of what, I do not know.

My eyes stray, for the millionth time, to the crack in the floor. Early morning light is filtering through the window, illuminating the room. It sends a shiver down my nonexistent spine. A phrase flits through my mind - like someone walking over my grave. This place . . . it's where I died. And it's where Jason's mother died.

The moment that thought hits me, I back away into a wall. Is the spirit of Jason's mother here as well? The logical part of my brain tells me she's not - Hazel would know. And I would have sensed it, back when I was alive. Still, the thought creeps me out.

All this new information about my past life - it's driving me crazy. I wish Hazel or Reyna were here. I wish I could talk to someone. It's a stupid wish, I tell myself. I existed this way for years, I tell myself.

But that was before I knew all this. That was when I didn't know who I was, who anyone was, and I was content to float in this room for all eternity.

Then Jason and Piper came running in, and everything changed. It seems so long ago. Things have changed so much since then.

There's a bitter taste in my mouth. Did Jason know? Did Hazel ever tell him my secret - my silent and total infatuation with him? I'm not sure if I want him to know or not. On the one hand, it hardly matters now. But as ridiculous as it is, I'm still afraid of his reaction. I don't know if I could have ever told him, even if I hadn't died: his friendship was too important to risk.

But that's all out of my control now. It's unlikely that I'll ever see Jason again. Why would he return here, after my single utterance of his name sent him fleeing, tears springing from his eyes?

The sun changes, rises. I stare disinterested out the window. The outdoors has never looked so appealing. I can make out the arrival of teachers and students and staff, and I wonder how it'd feel to be out there with them. Do they realize how lucky they are?

Throughout the day, I hear people clamoring as they clamber up and down the stairs to their classes. I know Hazel and Reyna are among them. So is Jason. It's like torture, knowing that they're so close but being unable to see or talk to them. It's just like any other day, I tell myself, but that reasoning fails in the face of all that I've learned, and all that I've lost.

After what feels like an eternity, I hear the bell ring, signifying the end of the day, and in ebbs the school becomes more quiet. I hover about a foot above the ground, struck by how painful the day has been. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Suddenly the door to the room creaks open. I flinch and dart away, just as Piper walks in. Her brow is slightly creased, her face cautious. I feel a torrential mix of emotions at the sight of her. But that's nothing compared to what I feel when Jason walks in behind her.

The two of them stand like that, at the doorway. Piper keeps glancing, concerned, at Jason, but he avoids her eyes. He looks uneasy, like he'd rather be anywhere but here.

I stare at them, utterly dumbfounded. Is this just fate's way of torturing me? I want to know why they're here; I don't want to know. I want them to leave; I want them to stay. Above all, I want to grip Jason by the shoulders and demand an answer.

"Piper, why did you bring me here?" Jason asks, shifting nervously from foot to foot.

Piper walks away from the doorway, closer to the middle of the room - closer to me - then looks back at him. "Jason, come here, please," she says.

Jason hesitates, but still walks to her. I can see them both perfectly from my corner. My chest aches at how immediately his fingers twine through hers for comfort.

Piper sighs. "You were making so much progress, and then suddenly - ever since you imagined hearing Nico's voice here - you just withdrew. Did you think I wouldn't notice?"

Jason's shoulders slump. "It was so real. I know that's no excuse - I'm sorry, Pipes."

"You don't have to be sorry," Piper says. "I want to help. The way I see it, you need to confront this. Say the truth out loud, listen to yourself. You can't move on until you accept what happened."

I am frozen as Jason nods, clears his throat, takes a deep breath. He clutches Piper's hand like a lifeline as he says, "I think I was -" his voice breaks "- I know I was, even if I never told him - I know I was in love with Nico."

Numb. That's how my body feels. Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't he just tell me? Why do I have to find out something that would have made me so happy - why do I have to find out in such a terrible way?

"He was my friend and I loved him for that too," Jason continues, voice a little stronger. "And even though I was afraid it would ruin everything, I wanted to tell him how I felt. I was going to, but then. It was too late." He shakes his head. "If I'd known - I never would have let him try to bring back my mother. It's all my fault. And I guess I felt so guilty that I imagined I heard his voice. I wanted to believe that he was still there." Forcefully, he says, as he turns to Piper, "But he's not. He can't be. And I've got to accept that and - I've got to move on." He bows his head. "I'm sorry, Pipes."

He should have told me. He should have told me. I don't know what would have happened if he had, but he should have told me. There are numerous holes in my heart, parts that have been missing long before I died, and I know he could have fixed some of them. The sudden, forceful knowledge of what I've lost hits me.

Still, I press my lips tightly together, determined to keep quiet, because Piper's face is full of burgeoning, cautious hope. So while it should be me standing in her place (it should have been me, it should have been me), I know I shouldn't intrude. I don't want to interrupt a moment that is still so fragile.

"Don't feel bad about loving him," Piper murmurs fiercely. "You should never feel sorry for love. I know you can get through this. We can get through this. Together. Listen." She makes Jason look her in the eyes. "I promise."

Jason blinks at her. Tears are still running down his face but there is something new in his expression. For the first time, I recognize it for what it is: love. His whole body sags, like the weight of the world has been taken off his shoulders, and they embrace, holding each other tightly - and I feel like someone has made a fist around my heart.

I had spent hours and hours in this room, oblivious, not knowing that the entire time, I had been causing Jason this much pain. And now . . .

My hands clench up at my sides, and they feel disturbingly solid. I consider what would happen if I stepped forward and became visible. Somehow, I know that I could do it: I finally know enough about my own soul to give it shape.

Or, I could simply speak. I could let him know how I felt. And then what? All of this fragile peace, this hard-fought serenity that Jason has struggled to atain - I would obliterate it all. I would hurt him all over again. And for what - so that I can feel better? So that I can feel some peace?

He has what he needs.

As soon as I think that, a ripple runs through my body, turning it formless, undefined; I can't feel my own skin. I gasp but the air has vanished from my lungs. I have no lungs. I am nothing, yet still I'm in this room. I can still see Piper and Jason.

What's going on? I think, panicking.

I don't expect to hear a voice in my head respond, You've made your choice, Nico. I'm very proud of you.

Who are you? I try to place the voice; it sounds familiar, but I'm not sure whose it is.

There's a pause of silence, and then: Your father.

I remember a man, tall and imposing, pale face expressionless as he looked down at me. I remember being thirteen years old, my father pressing a ring into my hand and saying that someone named Bianca would be proud. I don't know who she is, but the painful sadness welling up inside me seems to overflow when I remember her name.

What's going to happen to me? I ask. My vision swims, and I can't see Jason anymore. God, I can't bear to think about him. Am I - am I really dead?

It wasn't your fault. My father sounds almost angry on my behalf. I couldn't let what happened to your mother happen to you too. He sighs. And I'm sorry for the pain this has caused you, but it was the only way I could change your fate.

What the hell are you talking about? If I had a body, I think it would be shaking right now.

Zeus wanted to know if you were worthy of a second chance. He wanted to know if you would choose yourself over the wellbeing of his son. So this was the test he decided upon, and I agreed to it. My father laughs darkly, humorless. I knew you would make the right decision. You are your mother's child.

It was all just a way to appraise my worth. To see if I deserved to live. Why does he get to decide that? With effort, I put Zeus out of my mind - I'm too emotionally wrung out to contemplate his unfairness for long. Now I just feel cold all over, blank, almost emotionless, like I'm sinking deeper into nothingness. Well, I've passed his little test. So what now? Do I get my second chance?

Yes, my father answers. Your spirit will be reborn as someone new. A clean break. A fresh start. Are you ready?

I think of Hazel, who risked her life to visit me. I think of Reyna, who sought me out just to hear my voice. And I think of Jason, who is finally on the path to being okay, to being happy.

I love them, and that's what makes me steel myself.

I'm ready.