"Mick!" Ian Cried, trying to shake his screaming boyfriend. "Mick! Mick! Mick!" Ian said again shaking his older boyfriend harder than before. The older boy then jumped straight up, completely drenched from sweat and nearly kicking the comforter to the floor with tears down his face.

To keep his boyfriend from seeing him cry, Mickey turned his back to Ian and sat on the edge of their bed and held his head in his hands.

Ian grabbed the older boy's shoulder and asked him if he was ok. Mickey pulled his shoulder out of the younger boys grasp and shook his head, sobbing loudly. As he sniffled, he told his boyfriend to go back to bed, but Ian knew there was something wrong.

It had been since the club. Ian lost Mickey for a few moments, and when he finally found him, he was acting like a total different person. But seeing his boyfriend like this really upset him. It made him almost angry. "You have been acting weird all night, Mickey. What's wrong? Just talk to me" he begged. "You're not yourself" He got up from where he was sitting to crouch in front of Mickey, between his knees.

Taking his head out of his hands, Mickey huffed and moved to where his back was on the headboard. Ian had never imagined Mickey could be this broken. The yonger boy picked himself up off of the floor to set next to his boyfriend who had tears in his eyes. Mickey took in a few deep breaths and grabbed Ian's hand, intertwining their fingers together. "I saw someone tonight at the club. An ex. Dawson. Uh, he wants me back. He has been calling and texting me for days, but I haven't responded."

"Your ex?" Ian asked, tears forming in his eyes. "I thought I was your first boyfriend."

"I didn't know what to tell you." Mickey replied.

"That's why I have been hearing your phone go off? Why haven't you said anything to me?" the redhead asked, half serious, half broken hearted.

"Ian, I didn't know what to say to you. I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't want you to think you weren't important to me. Honestly, he is the reason I never really dated anyone." Mickey cried out, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Did you love him?" Ian asked as he started to cry. Mickey quickly pulled him into his chest to hug him. He held his embrace for a few moments before finally answering the redhead. "I don't know, I mean, I thought I did. And I thought he loved me. But I find out I was nothing to him. I was just taking up space for almost a year...God, I was so fucking stupid" he yelled out as he slammed his fists into the bed.

As he began calming down, he stood up from the bed and started pacing back and forth. "You weren't stupid, Mick. You loved him. You know you did. You thought he loved you." Ian said, trying to console his upset boyfriend. "What happened between you?" he finally asked.

Mickey didn't know how to answer him. How to tell him about the mysterious ex. He beganhyperventilating; the beginning of a nervous breakdown was forming.

"Mick, sit down" Ian called out as he stood up to grab Mickey's arm. "Sit down with me. Take a deep breath. You're ok. You will be fine."

Mickey finally sat down with Ian and took a few deep breaths. "Well…" he hesitated. The older boy wasn't sure if this was the right moment to bring all of this up to Ian, but he knew he had to. He cared deeply for Ian, and didn't want to lose him. He knew he had to be 100 percent honest.

"Mick, it's OK." Ian said, seeing the hesitation in Mickey's eyes. "You don't have to tell me tonight if you don't want to."

"Ian, I have to. I have to tell someone. It's been killing me for 2 years. I want to tell you. I want to tell you everything." Mickey cried out, shaking and crying.

Ian recollected his thoughts and let Mickey be to himself for a few minutes longer. "Take your time, Mick. We have a lifetime." he said right before mickey began to talk.

"I can't hold this in anymore, Ian. It's driving me insane. No one knows, not even Mandy." Mickey cried, looking up at Ian, blood shot and tear filled eyes.

"Who is this guy? Do I need to pay him a visit?" Ian asked. He would do anything for Mickey if it would make things better.

"No, it will just make things worse. I will just keep ignoring him. I am not ready to face him. Not yet." Mickey growled out, feeling anger rise in his chest.

"I will help you. You know I will. I would do anything for you. I…" Ian said as he began to hesitate. "I… I love you."

"I haven't seen him since the day we broke up." Mickey said, wiping tears from his eyes. Ian began crying as he pulled Mickey into hug. Not because he didn't think Mickey didn't hear him, but because he said those three words while the man he said them to was breaking down. Mickey began crying again and gave in to his boyfriend's embrace.

After a few moments, he lifted his face from Ian's chest with tears streaming down his face. "Mick, you don't have to tell me. I can see that it is hurting you." the redhead reassured his boyfriend.

"Nobody has ever told me they loved me. No one except my mom and Mandy" Mickey cried as he wrapped his strong hands around Ian's freckled jaw and pulled him into a passionate kiss.

"Well, I do. I fucking love you" Ian cried as he pulled away from the kiss.

"My dad never told me he loved me. I am pretty sure he fucking hated me." Mickey sighed, as he got up and walked over to the dresser, looking himself over in the mirror. "His hatred almost caused me to hate myself. He told me I was worthless. A waste of air. He even told me he wished my mom would have aborted me. The only child he ever really wanted was Mandy." He deeply inhaled as he could feel his blood boil under his skin. "The reason I never told you about my dad is because he… Because he is dead and today…" he began choking up. He stood at the dresser, with his back to Ian and his arms stretched open and against the dresser, and hung his head between his shoulders. "Today is the anniversary of his death. Mandy's fucking birthday. Happy fucking birthday, huh?" he huffed out as he slowly tightened his body and threw his head back.

Before Ian knew it, Mickey's fist flew into the mirror, shattering it into thousands of pieces. "SON OF A BITCH" he screamed as blood traveled down his arm. Ian ran to the bathroom and grabbed a towel to wrap his arm in to stop the bleeding. "Here, let me clean your arm" Ian said as Mickey held his arm out.

"Dawson is the reason my dad is dead. If it weren't for him, he would still be alive." he bellowed.

"What happened, Mick?" Ian asked, squeezing his boyfriends free hand hand in reassurance. "You can tell me anything, anytime. I am here for you." After a few minutes of hesitation, the older boy began telling Ian his story.

"I met him at a party. I thought he was straight." he said.

"Was he at least cute? Ian asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"I was instantly attracted to him. I knew how to hide it, being from the Southside and all, but damn. I thought he was gorgeous. He had all these girls around him. They were flirting, and he was flirting back. He was the life of the party." Mickey stated.

"How did you meet?" Ian asked, trying to take Mickey's mind off of the horrible things he was thinking. If he was being honest, he really wanted to know.

"He hung out with Mandy and a group of her friends." Mickey replied. "Wait, is this the same guy Mandy was talking about the other day? When I met her?" Ian asked, eyes wide.

"Yeah" Mickey shook his head sadly. "That's him."

"I thought you didn't know he was gay?" Ian asked, trying to make sense of what was happening. Of what he was being told.

"I didn't know until the party. And it was south side, man. Would you let people know you were gay?" the older boy sarcastically laughed out.

"True" Ian said, tilting his head, thinking about the question. "Were you out to Mandy at this point?"

"No. I didn't know how to tell her or if she would even disown me. My family isn't known for waving around a fucking rainbow flag" Mickey answered.

"Mickey, you know she would never do that. She loves you. I can see it in her eyes. She looks at you the same way I look at my siblings" Ian said.

"I know that now. I didn't know how much she loved me until I finally had the balls to tell her after she asked me why I never brought home a girlfriend." Mickey replied.

"Ha! I bet that went over real well" Ian said sarcadtically.

"She said it wasn't obvious. She would have never guessed. So, I was slightly relieved. She said she could never have pictured me being attracted to abs and dicks." Mickey chuckled, wiping tears from his face.

"Does she know you're a bottom?" Ian asked with a evil smile, making light of the conversation, trying to keep a smile of his boyfriends face.

"Hell no. that bitch doesn't need to know all of my business" Mickey laughed again. "She is nosy enough. You saw it." Mickey answered Ian held his hands up in mock surrender and laughed.

"Just asking." Ian bellowed.

"But in the end, she hugged me and told me that no matter what, I would always be her favorite and that she would never leave me" Mickey said, smiling at the memory. .

"I am glad you have her to support you. You deserve the support." Ian started. "Was she the only family member to support you?"

"Yea. She is the only one who knows. My mom died when we were kids. A drug overdose. My brothers weren't really around and my dad was an asshole. What about you? Did you have support?" He asked his red haired boyfriend.

"My sister walked in on me and an old fuck buddy once. I was balls deep and it scared the shit outta him. He jumped out of my window and ended up breaking an ankle. Haven't seen him since. But my sister has been by my side since before then. She told me she always knew" Ian said.

"I bet that was a sight to see" Mickey said biting his lip. "At least you have always had support.

"You said you and this Dawson dude ended things. You mentioned your dad having something to do with it. What happened?" Ian asked.

Mickey stared at the wall. He wasn't sure how to answer the younger boy. He knew he had to be as honest as possible. "I was walking to my car and he walked up behind me." Mickey started. Ian stayed on the bed wanting to hear the story as Mickey stood back up and began pacing again. "He asked me what I was doing right then, cause he didn't wanna go home. He told me he thought I was cool and that it seemed true what Mandy had told him. I told him I was just gonna go home and probably drink and smoke some more weed till I passed out." Mickey recounted.

"And?" Ian asked. "He followed?"

"Yea, he followed me to my house. When we got there, I turned the TV on in the living room for him while I went to my bedroom to change. I took my shirt off and put on some shorts." Mickey started. Ian bit his lip, thinking of Mickey without a shirt. "I walked back into the living room with a bottle of whiskey, some chips, a couple of shot glasses and a bag of weed."

"Shirtless?" Ian asked, jealousy filling his chest.

"Well, yea. I thought he was straight." Mickey tried to reason with the younger boy.

"He obviously wasn't" Ian said as he rolled his eyes.

"He asked me if he could get comfortable, and of course I said yes and pointed him to the bathroom." Mickey said.

"What happened next?" Ian asked.

"I got up to grab the remote from the TV stand and caught him staring at me. I thought it was cause I almost bumped into him. I shook it off cause Mandy told me the kid was straight. I thought it was just an awkward moment. When he came back from the bathroom, he was only in his tank top and a pair of shorts. Look like they were what he was wearing under everything else. He had his jeans and shoes in his hand." Mickey said.

"That's a little too comfortable for a straight guy in a gay man's home" Ian huffed, obviously jealous.

"He told me he needed to run out to his truck real quick. When he came back, he was carrying a duffle bag. I couldn't tell where it was from because I was already tipsy." The older boy continued.

"Oh god, was he a gym douche?" Ian asked.

"Apparently he was working at one at some point. I don't know if he still is. But he was when we broke up." Mickey answered. "I need a drink" he finished as he stood up and walked out of the room and went into the kitchen. Ian stayed in the bedroom, cussing himself out for being jealous. It was stupid.

A few minutes later, Mickey came back to bedroom with just a bottle of whiskey. He sat down on the edge of the bed and took a swig from the bottle. When the burn escaped his throat, he gripped the bottle and closed his eyes. After a few minutes, he started his story again.

"We were drinking, passing the blunt and laughing at some cartoon on the TV. For some reason, it just seemed funnier when you were high. He told me Mandy was definitely right about me; said I was cool and awesome to chill with. Said he couldn't do that with his other friends." Mickey said as he took another burning swig. "Said I was somehow a catch to whatever girl fell in love with me."

"If he only knew" Ian laughed. He paused long enough to lovingly cup his freckled hand on the older boys cheek. "You truly are a catch though"

"I couldn't believe this kid was telling me all this shit. I didn't know if it was because he was fucking wasted or what." Mickey said as he took 3 more huge swigs from the almost empty bottle. "Then I noticed this kid was staring at me the same way as before and he started blushing. It was like he didn't have any shame. I thought it was sexy on him. Next thing I knew he was inches away from me on the couch. I am almost positive I had the most awkward confused look on my face." he laughed.

"Who made the first move?" Ian asked.

"Oh god, you had to ask, didn't you?" Mickey asked as he took another swig of the whiskey. "He did."

"What did he do?" Ian asked.

"I didn't know what the fuck was going on until he had my arms pinned down over my head on the couch and he was on top of me. Before I could say anything, he was kissing me" Mickey shrugged.

"As much as it sucks to say it. That sounds pretty hot" Ian said.

"He started kissing my chest and down to my stomach."

"Mick, I dont need to know every detail" Ian said.

Mickey laughed as he decided to try and hold back most of the details while still being honest with his boyfriend. "Anyway, we hooked up that night. He was the first guy I had ever bottomed for."

"You've topped before?" Ian asked. "Yea, I was always a top until one day he persuaded me to bottom. He told me it would hurt at first, but then it would begin to feel good. God he was right. By that time, we had been doing whatever it was that we were doing for 4 months. We went on secret dates. Like to the movies and shit" Mickey said looking at the floor. "I was finally starting to feel happy. I had been staying over at his place sometimes, and other nights, he was at mine. Then soon after that, things went to shit." Mickey said as he quickly jumped up. "GOD, I WAS SO FUCKING STUPID TO THINK ANYTHING GOOD COULD HAPPEN TO ME!" he screamed. After a long pause and after he finished the bottle of whiskey, he started again. "Then about a month before my birthday, I got a call from Mandy saying dad was looking for me and was extremely pissed. So I went to the house to see what was going on. I just thought he was having another one of his drunken rampages." Mickey cried.

"Mickey, of course something good could happen for you. You are an amazing guy" Ian reassured the older boy.

"As soon as I walked in the house" Mickey started before he took a hard gulp. "A bottle was thrown at my head."

"Oh my god, Mickey" Ian panicked.

"I ducked out of the way before it had a chance to hit me, but the next thing I knew, I felt my entire body hit the ground. I heard him screaming before everything turned black" the older boy cried. "He screamed that he doesn't have faggots for sons. I tried to duck again but before I could do anything, I felt my body being slammed to the floor. Suddenly all I could feel was constant pain & stinging to my face. I realized that I was being punched. I tried to fight back, but was pushed down again & then kicked in my side. Right as things started to get blurry I heard someone scream at my dad to stop hitting me. Then I heard 2 other male voices & they were screaming at my dad too. I felt my body being picked up off the floor, but I was too out of it to know what was going on. Turns out that Mandy followed me when she saw me walking to dad's house because she was scared he was going to hurt me and she was right. My brothers helped her get me into her car so that she could take me to the hospital. I spent 2 weeks in the hospital with a concussion, stitches above my eye, busted lip, bruised ribs, black eye, broken arm, sprained wrist and sprained foot. Mandy came to the hospital every day that I was there. Once I got released from the hospital, Dawson wanted me to stay with him. He felt bad because he said he thought he saw someone watching us kiss as I greeted him when he came over one day. He didn't want me staying at my place as the risk of my dad coming after me again so he packed a bag for me then took me to his place on the Northside. He took care of me and nursed me back to health. One day I was coming home from work to pick up some more clothes. My dad saw me from the street and followed me. He confronted me about Dawson and I told him that Dawson was my boyfriend." The older boy began crying, thinking back on his memories. "I defended him to my dad. My dad told me that I better not step foot in Southside & he find out cause after that, I wasn't going to live. I told Dawson what my dad said and so of course he wouldn't let me go home. Mandy was wondering why I hadn't been home in months. I told her that dad and I weren't getting along so I was staying out of the Southside for a while, but I didn't tell her where I was. Then on my birthday", the older boy began to ball up his fist, "My boss let me go home early." It was a Friday and I had taken off Monday so that me & Dawson could spend the whole weekend celebrating. I knew Dawson was going to be coming home from work early to set up things for my birthday so I thought I would surprise him with lunch for both of us." Tears started running down his face. "When I walked in the house I found Dawson having a threesome with 2 other guys. They were running a train on him. Soon as I saw that I dropped the food & drinks from my hands. I packed all of my shit and headed out the door. He was trying to stop me, but I wasn't hearing him. All I saw was red. I defended him to my dad, nearly got killed, called him my boyfriend for him to turn around and do this to me. I hadn't seen or talked to him since that day until I saw him at the club. I snuck in my house that night hoping that my dad wouldn't find out I was back on the Southside. The next day I went to these abandoned buildings where I use to shoot guns to blow off steam. Somehow my dad found me there." The brunette tightly shut his eyes at the memory. He asked me where my 'faggot ass' boyfriend was. I didn't respond cause I knew he wanted to have a reason to hit me. When I didn't respond he said "You hear me you Queer ass bitch?!" I tried walking away, but he pushed me so I pushed him back as hard as I could then ran. All I could hear was the clicking of his gun. He chased me with the gun in his hand. He said "I told you the next time I caught you on the Southside you weren't going to live." I had a gun in my back under my shirt, but I couldn't let him see it cause I knew he would shoot me for sure and then call it self defense. So I hid behind a pillar on the top floor of the building & soon as he came up the stairs, I tackled him to the ground. I punched him for all those times he beat me and Mandy. I kicked him for what he did to me after he found out about Dawson. I couldn't stop kicking and hitting him. He punched me in the stomach to make me fall to the ground then pulled the gun on me. Next thing I knew I was staring at the barrel of his gun. That is when he told me he never wanted me, how he only wanted Mandy, that he should have killed me a few months ago, I was a waste of air & that nobody would miss me." The older boy starting turning extremely pale & his body began to start shaking. "Right before he pulled the trigger he said goodbye 'you up the ass, AIDS having, dick sucking queer ass faggot!' I got up off the ground & pushed him as he shot me in the chest. He lost his balance and fell off the edge of the building. The older boy stumbled to the bed visibly dizzy as everything was starting to go blurry.

"Mick!" Ian cried out, but his boyfriend was unresponsive. Ian quickly jumped off the bed just in time to catch Mickey as he collapsed & passed out.