With all of the demons Castiel had fought over the past millennia since his creation, he'd experienced many times when fear would have been the appropriate response. Each and every time however, the Veil of Heaven blocked out nearly all of it, leaving just a dull echo of noise in the background, just enough to know it was there, but not enough to truly be able to put his finger on anything specific. He'd always been aware of the dull noise in the background, but he'd been content with simply noticing it, never feeling it.

Since meeting the Winchesters though, the dull roar had gotten louder and louder, to the point where he was no longer contented with noticing, he wanted to experience it, until he had. Then the experience had been, well terrifying and only lead way to other emotions to experience which also terrified him and now the only time that roar of terror was truly quiet was when he was with them. Specifically Dean.

When he was near Dean there was another, specific feeling that came through when the terror faded. This was more of a smoldering heat that he couldn't cool even though he tried and tried since he had met the man. At first he had felt that it would burn him from the inside out, that it would be his undoing, that it would burn him out and leave him nothing but a shell of his former self. He was wrong. He was so wrong. Not for the first time in his life, but it was the first time he had been this happy to be this wrong.

He'd been so scared of what Dean would say before he had approached him last night, convinced he would be rejected or that he would be made to leave the Bunker again. For a moment his fears were realized when he'd thought he pushed Dean too far, but Dean did not break like he'd worried. He'd simply stumbled, knocked momentarily off his footing. He tried to extract himself as quickly as possible to save what he could of their friendship then. Only to find that when he was called back and roughly embraced, he'd been very gladly proven wrong of his assumption of Dean's reaction.

He knew how much he had frightened the man, how much he had pushed him to get what he wanted, but it was very much worth it for more than one reason. If there was anything within his power, he would make it up to the man, though something told him it wouldn't be difficult.

He smiled to himself as he watched the beautiful nude man sleeping next to him, partially covered with a disheveled blanket wrapped around their bodies. Dean would be waking soon he guessed based on how his breathing changed as he became increasingly restless, yet he didn't dare move an inch for fear of stealing even a moment of the man's so well deserved peace.

Of all of the things he had felt since gaining human emotion, this feeling right now, was the one he liked the best. Requited love was something he, at one time did not believe he would ever receive, was not sure if he coveted it even. Worried it would make him somehow weaker or lesser somehow. Always warned against giving in to any desires, always following orders given to him from his superiors. Now that he was fallen, he was free. He had not fallen like Lucifer, fallen into hatred of mankind. He realized that though they were similar in disobeying orders, their reasons were entirely different as he had fallen in love with mankind. Fallen in love with Dean.

Maybe he was ok with that. He knew that the other Angels would probably not be ok with it, but right now, he didn't care. All he cared about was that the man he loved was laying in his arms, and that he was loved back.

Images of the night before replayed through Castiel's mind. The feel of his partner's fevered tugs at his clothes, soft caresses of his skin and kisses on his lips as he thrust inside him. He longed for the feeling of being filled again, feeling his grace mix with Dean's soul as they danced again in their inelegant, ungraceful, clumsy yet oh-so beautiful dance, and he felt his body grow excited at the thought.

He once thought of his body as simply a vessel, to be occupied voluntarily yet temporarily. After his host had been sent on to Heaven though, he was alone, no longer fighting the objections of Jimmy in his head, whispering, threatening that he would revoke his invitation if he used his body to somehow cheat on his wife. He was finally alone in his own head to truly do what he wished. Though he missed the man's company at dark times, he relished the quiet, and he relished his own physical form.

Even when his form had been destroyed a multitude of times, he had come back in this form each and every time, and had grown fond of it. Now considered it more than just a vessel to discard, but more his own body. Perhaps it was simply because he had spent so long in this human, though he suspected it was more than that, as if he had found his true form.

His grace was still weak, but he could feel the hum of Dean's soul next to him and it was so beautiful, so strong on its own that he was in awe of the sheer force of it. This was what made up the man he loved so dearly, so tenderly with all of his being and he was truly grateful to have his feelings returned.

He watched as Dean's breathing became erratic and his eyes fluttered open.

"Good morning" Castiel stroked the sleeping man's forehead with his fingertips, slowly sinking his fingers into the other man's short hair affectionately.

"Morning." Dean blinked away the sleep from his eyes groggily and Castiel felt his smile grow larger on his own face.

"Did you watch me sleep the whole night?" the other man asked sleepily.

"I slept a little bit. I think." He replied, he was beginning to like the feeling of sleep. It terrified him the first few times it had happened, waking up in a bolt of horror, assuming death was approaching to take his abandoned vessel the moment he began to drift, but now it was peaceful, if short lived.

"You slept?" Dean asked with bewilderment in his voice and eyebrows screwing up with confusion, it was truly endearing. This was definitely another sensation he was learning to easily enjoy.

"Yes, I do that occasionally now that I experience emotion. Not a lot, but seems to be something of import with processing emotions."

"Well that's weird." He leaned in and pressed his lips against the other man's, feeling rough but gentle fingers brushing through his hair. He was still new to these sensations and he felt the giddy nervousness grasp his stomach as his lips parted to allow the other man's tongue to glide against his own, breaking away only when he recognized the burning in his own chest was his own vessel, no, his body's need for oxygen.

"So how's the angel mojo?" Castiel felt the other man's fingers fall away from his head as he adjusted himself to lean on his side. He pushed himself onto his own side, propping his head up on his hand so he could face his lover.

"Last night definitely had an impact, albeit it was a small one." He felt himself blush as he recalled the sensation of Dean's soul touching him, restoring a small part of what he had been stupid enough lose.

Dean rubbed a hand through his hair uncomfortably as he clearly struggled with something. Castiel could tell he wasn't quite at peace yet, and he hoped he would be able to help the man find it, since it was basically his fault for Dean's discomfort. He was almost was ashamed of how he had ambushed the man last night, and he wished he could simply will away his turmoil. He had pushed him very hard last night and he was hoping the next step wasn't building a wall. The outcome had been so rewarding however, that he couldn't help but feel a little prideful of what had transpired. He'd been wanting this for years, but he was always too afraid of breaking the man to want to pursue. Now that he'd had a reason, and a moment where neither one of them were possessed by some dark force, he'd seized the opportunity and his patience had finally paid off.

The two of them were quiet for several moments before Dean finally worked up the courage to say whatever it was that was on his mind. "I'm kinda surprised you are still here, Cas."

"I promised you I would not leave, Dean. I meant what I said." an unpleasant emotion spilled over that he couldn't quite put his finger on. This whole thing was very foreign and he was definitely not used to this. Shame he supposed was the closest thing to fit the bill right now. He'd up and left on Dean before when he'd begged him not to and he saw now how it had hurt the man. Maybe much of the terrible things that had happened to them in the past would not have occurred if he had simply stayed when Dean had wanted him to.

Dean just smiled at him in return, green eyes glowing with a lightness Castiel had only seen a hand full of times since he'd first been aware of his existence. His soul always shone bright, but his face rarely reflected it. The first time he'd seen it was when Dean was young and he and Sam let off the fireworks in the field without their father's oppression. Another was when Dean was truly excited about going back in time to be among the cowboys of the past, despite Sam's apparent reluctance and apprehension. The most memorable, until now that is, was for the briefest of moments after April had killed him that Dean was truly and unabashedly overjoyed at his own return, just before Dean had yelled at him for dying in the first place.

That had been the first time he'd seen that lightness meant for him and only him, and here it was again, but all he could think of was how he'd let the man down in the past when he had always run when he should have stayed. He couldn't stand this feeling any longer and the only way to rid himself of it was to say something, he was sure of it.

"I'm sorry."

"Why?" Dean frowned at Castiel's confession.

"For leaving all of those times before. For making you think that I wouldn't stay."

"Shut up Cas." Dean laughed in response as he leaned in for a quick kiss, which just as quickly turned into a lingering kiss, then panting and pulling at each other desperately as they were compelled to devour each other's essence, only to pull away short of breath after many long moments as Dean panted for breath and a rumbling noise came from his stomach.

"What do you say to breakfast? I'm starved." Dean asked with a chuckle.

Despite his complete and total apathy for food, he agreed. The last few times Dean had cooked for him it was better than the food from the many restaurants they frequented, which only tasted like molecules. He still didn't get real flavors when Dean cooked, more like essences and impressions, but it was familiar and comforting.

They climbed out of the bed and he reached down for his own clothes off the floor as he watched Dean pull out a shirt from his dresser with some cartoon character he was not familiar with and quickly pulled jeans over his bare skin. Castiel buttoned up his own shirt, finishing with his slacks and debated for a moment if he wanted to bother with the rest of the suit. Since they were between cases for the moment, he decided the spot on the floor his trench coat rested on was as good of a spot as any and stepped over it as he met Dean at the door. He leaned in for a kiss before Dean opened the door and headed to the kitchen as he followed.

"Sam? You want breakfast?" Dean knocked on his door and waited for a moment with no response. "Guess he's still out from his movie last night. Still just you and me." He said with a smirk.

"Well the theater he was going to was a ten hour drive away, he probably decided to stay in a hotel room on the way back."

"Yeah, Bitch needs his 'me time' or some shit." Dean shrugged, Sam had the habit of needing to wind down after things got hairy, and things had indeed been hairy lately. Castiel shuddered at the thought of what the attack dog spell had done, what he had done under its influence. What he had endured to be rid of it. Even the events before which lead up to him receiving the curse from Rowena. He'd wanted to save Dean by any means necessary, but that had been one byproduct which was entirely unanticipated, and it had taken its toll on all of them.

"Rightly so I think." Castiel remarked idly noting the linoleum was cold against his feet as they walked to the kitchen. He really should have put on some socks or shoes before leaving the carpeted floor of Dean's bedroom, but now that they were feet from the kitchen he thought it would be silly to head back just for something as trivial as his feet. The sensation wasn't entirely troublesome the more he thought about it, just jarring form what it had been back in the bedroom. Maybe this sensation on his feet was intriguing now that he thought about it.

"Yeah you're probably right." Dean grumbled as they reached the kitchen and he flung open the refrigerator door.

It was truly fascinating how the human body reacted to its environment. It was such a fragile thing, but it had so many mechanisms to keep itself safe, to know of danger around it. To sense when something was wrong, and this sensation in his feet wasn't setting off any of those senses.

Besides, Dean was barefoot as well, bent over in the refrigerator to pull some ingredients out. Surely it wasn't that cold. He felt himself smile slightly as he let his eyes run over the curves of the body that rummaged in the large appliance. Carefully hidden now under clothing when he had just moments before been able to see that same shape bare skinned while running his hands over said skin. It was almost like he knew something the rest of the world didn't, after what he'd shared with him last night.

"Um- Can I help with anything?" he shifted uncomfortably as he felt his pulse quicken as Dean pulled out several ingredients and shut the door behind himself. He needed a distraction to take his mind off of the thoughts running through it. He knew a bit of food preparation from his time at the Gas-N-Sip and was sure he could help with whatever it was Dean wanted to cook.

"Um, sure. Pancakes recipe is in the book on the counter. Get the flour out of the cupboard and put all the dry ingredients in a bowl first, then the wet."

Castiel followed the instructions mixing the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt together, feeling the weight of the ingredients in the measuring cups as he poured them into the bowl. He carefully cut the butter to the two tablespoon mark before melting the it in the microwave and measuring out the milk as Dean got to work on frying up some bacon at the stove.

As the microwave beeped, he poured the molten liquid over the flour mixture and topped it off with the milk and eggs the recipe called for and began to mix with the whisk. In some ways this process was intriguing, blending the ingredients together. In a way it was almost a form of rudimentary alchemy of sorts, yet it was almost as if it was the most common thing in the world. The Gas-N-Sip only had him heating and cutting the food, actually creating the food was different on its own entirely, and he suspected that this was very appealing. Upon finishing he picked up the large bowl and brought it over to where Dean was heating up the griddle over the gas burners.

"What next?" he asked as Dean looked up from the bacon.

"You over mixed it. How could you?" Dean scoffed as he looked at the bowl he had set down next to him.

"How can you tell? Can we fix it?" Castiel wondered aloud, now slightly upset at himself that he had let him down in some way because he had turned the whisk in the bowl too many times in the bowl.

"Ha! You looked so worried there for a moment! Dude, I'm just messin' with you." the man gently shoved his shoulder with a fist. "Well you did over mix them, but they'll be fine." Relieved at Dean's reaction somehow, he realized apparently his face had given away his thought.

"Griddle's ready. Spray some of the oil on the griddle first then put about a quarter of a cup on the griddle for each pancake." Castiel complied with a deep satisfaction in following his instructions. Whether it was a holdover from being a soldier of heaven, or because he was specifically following the instructions because he wanted to please the man next to him. At the moment, while the mixture sizzled on the hot surface, he suspected he didn't really care.

After he had filled the griddle he watched as the pancakes began to cook. Intense heat could do so many destructive things, yet humans had found a way of using it for constructive purposes. Not just cooking but other things as well like using heat to melt down wear-resistant traffic striping at crosswalks, designed to help and keep pedestrians safe. Or shrink wrap packaging or- his thoughts abruptly stopped as Dean's lips pressed against his, mouth opening to willingly let the invading tongue brush against his own briefly before returning the action.

If he had known this would be Dean's reaction the morning after intercourse, he would have done this a whole lot sooner. He felt his rear press up roughly against the kitchen counter as hard hands wrapped around his back. His lower lip stung briefly as Dean's teeth nipped at him before his lips crashed back, tongue forcing its way into his mouth. He felt Dean lift his body slightly, sitting him on the counter and he moaned at the way Dean's hip pressed into his groin. Lips smiling against his own, the sensation repeated itself, eliciting yet another groan bubbling up from deep within his throat only to spill out into the lips sealed against his own.

"Fuck. I need to flip these damn pancakes or they are going to burn." Dean quickly pulled away grabbing a spatula and diving into the griddle to attend to the pancakes.

"Are they supposed to bubble like that?" He wondered idly as his fingers brushed over his lower lip which now felt warm and tingled slightly.

"Yeah. They are a little dark, but it's fine. I should get started on the eggs though. Like yours over easy?"

"Sure." Castiel answered as he slid himself off of the counter and grabbed the plates from the cupboard as Dean cracked several eggs over the pan.

"Do you even actually care?" Dean asked as he glanced up and watched Castiel as he set the table. Castiel hadn't been asked to, but he felt like that was the appropriate course of action given how close Dean was to being finished.

"Honestly no." The important part was that Dean was making them.

"I appreciate the honesty I guess. Have a seat, it'll be ready in just a few moments."

Castiel brought the stack of pancakes and bacon with him as he grabbed a seat, gently placing a stack of several pancakes on each plate and topping them with a few strips of bacon. He watched as Dean flipped the eggs on the pan and after just a few seconds picked up the sizzling pan and brought it over to the table.

"Here you go" Dean said as he plopped two eggs on each plate then turned to set the pan back on the stove and turned off the gas.

Dean grabbed his seat and instantly poured syrup all over his stack of pancakes and began digging into his food as his stomach let out another angry growl. Castiel gently cut through the pancakes and stuck his fork through them, lifting them to his mouth though he felt no need whatsoever to consume the food. He did it to make Dean happy, since he'd spent so much time and effort making the meal for them.

"Lemme guess, molecules again?" Dean asked, apparently the expression on Castiel's face had given him away.

"Yes, but the texture is quite entertaining." Castiel ran his tongue over the pancakes, marveling at the fluffy, springy texture.

"Entertaining?"

"That is the correct term for providing amusement or enjoyment is it not?" Dean just chuckled in response.

"Try the syrup it might help." he suggested, so Castiel grabbed the bottle, briefly read the label that said 100% pure maple syrup and poured some on his pancakes and took a tentative bite as a drop plopped back on his plate, narrowly missing his shirt.

"I like the syrup. I can taste all of the weather the maple tree has experienced in its lifetime. I believe there are multiple trees in this bottle."

Dean just laughed a deep belly laugh and looked at Castiel with those deep green eyes of his. They reminded him of his favorite meadow where he could go and watch the bees gather their nectar for their queen. In some ways when he had lost his mind things had been easier, and he remembered that short time fondly. Some of the things from that time had stayed, like his fascination with bees.

"You know it's the weirdest damn thing." Dean began, suddenly solemn.

"The syrup?" Castiel asked perplexed.

"No." He shook his head changing the subject. "It's stupid. Never mind." He watched as the man made eye contact again with a sad smile before stuffing a bite of bacon in his mouth.

"I bet it's not." Castiel reassured, reverting almost instantly to his previous worry that he hadn't just tripped him momentarily, but had hurt him last night with his actions in some way. He'd been purely selfish for multiple reasons with his confession to Dean last night, and he had known he was playing with fire, but he'd done it anyway.

"Ok. Fine." He suspended the topic momentarily as he played with his fork. The other man sighed and then chuckled with a wry smile. "You know when you pulled me from hell?"

"Yes." he replied simply. So many different emotions filled him at the mention of that fateful day, most of them unpleasant and yet un-named. Even through the Veil of heaven, one emotion had burned strong that day, what he once assumed was his desire to protect his charge, he now realized was the beginning of many years of pining quietly for the man with a deep burning desire.

"Yeah, well, that day you pulled me out. I um. I ended up coming back with this burn mark on my arm from where you grabbed me to pulled me out." He stopped to take another bite of pancake topped with a piece of bacon and egg as he neared the end of his plate. Dean chewed slowly, clearly attempting to distract himself from some discomfort. He was sure he was supposed to respond somehow, but he wasn't exactly sure where this was going. Clearly this was causing Dean discomfort, and that caused Castiel discomfort.

"I'm sorry I damaged you. I did not realize- my intention was to bring you back and I was not aware that my grace without a vessel had scarred you." Castiel said, unconfidently wagering on caution and apologies for his reply as he toyed with the texture of the last bite of his pancake in his mouth.

Dean responded by looking at him like was an idiot, but he had a smile on his face. "That's not it Cas. Not at all." He shook his head. "It's just that. When Sam went with Lucifer into the pit, and you healed me. It was gone after that." he watched the man smile down at his plate. "I kind of miss it." he finished looking mildly humiliated.

"Oh." Castiel's mind reeled at the thought as he absently licked a drop of maple syrup off his lips, tasting a snowflake from the winter of 2010. He'd inadvertently marked the man and he enjoyed it? He knew there was a significance in that, he just wasn't quite sure what it was.

"I can't believe I just fucking told you that." he blurted suddenly stricken and shoved a very large piece of pancake into his mouth finally emptying his plate.

Castiel smiled as scooted his chair closer, leaning in to kiss his cheek as he wrapped an arm protectively over his shoulders. "There is a possibility that I will be able to put it back if you desire. It would not be exactly pleasant, and it would set my recovery back slightly, but it may actually strengthen our bond."

"You think so?" Dean asked around his mouthful of pancake.

"Yes." Castiel ran his hands across Dean's back, learning the curve of the muscles under his t-shirt. "How unpleasant are we talking? Not that I really care- I just want to know what I'm in for."

"I honestly do not know. I may be able to make it more pleasant if we are intimate when we do it."

"Cas, are you trying to seduce me?" Castiel felt like he had silently choked on his tongue as an unknown emotion suddenly creped through burning his face.

Embarrassment, it occurred to him, that's what this was, something he had experienced before, but had always just left rather than putting a label on it and dealing with it. He folded his hands in his lap as he looked away, trying suddenly to deny the accusation. It was silly and he knew it, but everything was so hard to process right now and much of the time he didn't know how to react to things. He wished there were a handbook on how to have emotions while a fallen angel. If emotions were this hard for humans, it was no wonder Dean struggled with his feelings as much as he did.

"It's working." he felt fingers on the small of his back and he cautiously turned to look at the other man. "What do we have to do?"

Castiel answered by pressing his lips to Dean's desperately, tasting the breeze of a summer night in 1998 on his lips from the syrup. Worried to push things too far, but reminding himself that Dean had asked. He knew it had taken a lot for him to ask to start with, and he didn't want him to lock up like was his usual reaction.

"Where do you want it?"

"Um, I think I want it in the same spot on my arm." Dean's eyes were still wide with something that looked remarkably like fear.

"I think it would be easier if I could hold on to your arm while we are intimate, but please keep your eyes closed when I tell you to." he knew it would be risky. He knew the man had already been unable to view his true visage just after he had brought him back, which was what lead him to Jimmy in the first place. He didn't know Dean if would have the same reaction if something went wrong, now that he was as broken as he was. He did know that he wanted Dean's vision intact and he would have to expose him to most of his remaining grace in order to fulfill his wish, and that tended to get too bright for most.

"Uh- Yeah. I will." He swallowed, eyes round with a fear that broke his heart, and he couldn't do this to the man.

"You are scared."

"That's an understatement." Suddenly Dean's lips were unexpectedly and desperately forcing their way onto his, pulling him up from the chair and down the hallway back to the bedroom. Dean's fingers curled through his hair, and slammed him into the hall wall as their tongues glided over each other between their lips. The hardness between Dean's legs grinding against his own. He was quickly becoming lost in what Dean was doing to him, but he truly did not want to aid in scaring the man any further. His heart raced faster than he was sure was healthy and he struggled with himself.

"Dean, I do not think we should do this right now." he pulled himself away to look at the other man, only to realize they had worked their way back to Dean's bedroom with his shirt already removed as the other man tossed it on the floor and slammed the door shut.

"Cas. I want to." He said as he pushed him onto the bed and stripped off his own shirt, unfastening his jeans and dropping them with his briefs before climbing on top of him.

"Why?" Castiel found himself fall into a strange mixture of lust and bewilderment as his friend began to suck on the skin of his neck, a small moan escaping his lips before he could wrap his head around what the man was doing to him.

"After the mark of Cain- " He watched him bite back his words and look away for a moment before continuing. "I just need something that is- good. To burn away what I did. To everyone- the world- to you." His lips instantly reclaimed, the other man crashing into him with a renewed desperation as Castiel felt something warm and wet drip onto his face.

"Alright." he agreed finally as he wiped the tears from Dean's face. If this would bring him some solace, he would do it. He felt Dean's fingers tugging at his belt then his zipper. It shouldn't have been possible for the act of your clothes being removed to be filled with such raw wanton lust, but it was, and he felt his body twitch in response to his pants and briefs being roughly ripped down and off his legs.

Hungry lips compelling his to open again for the umpteenth time, he felt Dean's hands pulling up on his shoulders as if bidding him to move. Confusion in his inexperience in this role taking over, he felt the need to speak up. "Dean, I find myself unsure of what you would like me to do."

"Sit up. Lean against the headboard." He planted his arms beside himself and pulled himself up, gladly following orders given to him from his friend once again. Dean's erection rubbed against his gently at first, then rougher as his hand grasped both of their lengths together, thrusting into his own hand as he held onto Castiel's manhood.

Suddenly Dean pulled his lips away and leaned over to the bed stand coming back with the bottle of lube from last night. Castiel watched him open it pouring some his fingers. Castiel moaned as Dean's wet, cold fingers grasped his penis, lubricating him. He watched as Dean sat up slightly and positioning himself above Castiel's erection and pressing down slightly.

"Dean stop. I should get you ready for this first shouldn't I?" Castiel asked pressing a hand on his chest.

"Uh. Yeah. I guess. You know what to do?" Dean asked, terror suddenly creeping onto his face as if he realized just what he was doing.

"Yes Dean. I'm inexperienced, but I've been around humanity for a very long time. Besides it's the same thing you did to me last night." He took the bottle of lube from him and urged him up, reaching down between his legs and slicking his fingers before gently probing his entrance. Dean's erection bobbed as he jumped, bracing himself by squeezing Castiel's shoulders roughly.

"Are you ok Dean?" He asked as he ran circles over the ring of muscle.

"Um." he looked up and watched the man's Adams apple bob as he swallowed. "Yeah." Dean breathed in a sharp hiss as Castiel pressed a finger gently through the tight ring.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked as Dean let out a little yelp.

"No." he grunted. Castiel began peppering his chest and stomach with kisses of reassurance as he gently pumped in and out of his anus. He continued until Dean groaned and grabbed at his hair roughly pulling his head into his pecs, thrusting his erection into Castiel's chest.

He smirked as he repeated the action and brushed his lover's prostate again as he inserted a second finger. Scalp slightly hurting as Dean's fists tightened in his hair as he fought himself with the assault on his body.

"Oh fuck!" Dean cried as he gripped him harder into his chest. Castiel's free hand reaching down to stroke his own erection. This was something he had not done to himself before he idly noticed, but it seemed appropriate given the circumstance. He kept scissoring his fingers in and out in time with Dean thrusting into his chest, searching for any kind of friction.

He inserted a third finger, curling his fingers against his prostate and Dean stilled as he let out a startled warble. Castiel released his own erection in favor of rubbing Dean's thigh in an attempt of reassurance.

"Too much?" He asked as he gently reached to Dean's front and stroked his length.

"Do it again." He barked, and Castiel complied by stroking his growing erection, gently thumbing the head of his penis.

"No! Not that. I'm going to cum. Do the other thing." he ordered him as Castiel felt one of Dean's hands release his hair, ripping his own hand away from his manhood. Understanding the request, he thrust his fingers inside brushing against his prostate roughly again, eliciting a string of curses from the man.

"Cas, I-" Dean's voice cracked with a moan. "I wa-" he moaned again as he brushed against that spot that caused him to elicit such delicious sounds. "Fuck! Don't make me fucking say it, dude."

He nodded in understanding, knowing why it was too much for him to vocalize. Perhaps one day he would be able to say the thoughts in his head, but it was not today, and that was ok. He pulled out his fingers and grabbed the bottle of lube to reapply the liquid to his own erection before he guided Dean down to the tip and pressed himself in just slightly.

A deep guttural burning groan escape his lips as Dean's entrance stretched when he breached him. Dean however let out a pained yelp and pressed his forehead to Castiel's, tightly squeezing his eyes shut before sinking onto him completely with a yowl. Worried at the look of near agony on the other man's face, now in front of his, he felt compelled to speak up, to offer some sort of respite.

"Dean, If this is-" he was immediately cut off by Dean's lips silencing him, shoving his head roughly against the headboard before lifting his hips slightly and slowly sinking back down with a moan.

"Oh Cas." Dean moaned into his lips, sealing them again before he could respond with anything other than a groan. Dean's hand still gripping tightly onto his hair as he began to move himself with more determination.

Falling into a rhythm of motion and grunts, Castiel found his hands wandering over his lover's body. He didn't recall telling them where to move, but somehow the left one had found its way to Dean's hip to steady him while the other settled on his arm. The arm that he noticed was now idly occupied by touching himself as he rode him.

Dean's other hand detangled itself from his hair, freeing Castiel's head from his grasp and traveled to his shoulder and held on tightly. The first thrust up into his lover was completely an involuntary twitch of his body responding to all of the stimuli. That combined with his hair finally being released, it almost was as though he sensed he had permission. He worried for a moment when Dean cried out sharply, but when he plunged back in for another kiss and squeezed Castiel's hips with his knees, he repeated the motion again and again.

Lost in the sea of motion, Dean rocking himself down onto Castiel, Castiel gently thrusting himself up into the heat above him, he felt himself grow closer to the man. He felt part of him begin to creep its way into him through his heart. It was the easiest way for him to get close enough to pick up on the fumes of the beauty which was Dean's soul. Not being able to simply reach in and touch like he once was made things more difficult, somehow though, this way was infinitely better.

He felt his body shake as he neared his apex and he remembered Dean's request. He squeezed his right hand tightly where it rested on his arm and focused his grace to that spot, trembling with the effort.

"Dean your eyes! Shut your eyes!" he grunted as he began to feel the faint warming sensation of his wings on his back. He knew that parts of his true form, broken and battered though it may be, were coming through. His intention was to focus his grace on only his hand, but with the sensations flowing through his body, it was incredibly difficult to focus.

His grip tightened even more as he thrust desperately into the man, his hand growing warm as he worked to pull him from perdition once more. Not in the sense that he once had when he pulled him from the gates of hell, but this time pulling him from his own internal torment he after all he had endured. Dean saw his soul as tainted, but it was truly not, and he would show him that- even if it took another mark to counteract the one of Cain, then he would oblige him.

"Oh Fuck!" He heard the curse just a moment before a warm fluid coated his stomach, and that was all it took to lose himself completely in the sensation. Desperately as he came he held onto Dean tightly as he filled the man's body with everything he could from the love he held in his heart for the man, to the grace touching his arm so tightly, to the semen he pumped inside him as he erupted.

In this, he felt Dean's soul reach out to him and touch him for the briefest of moments, simultaneously shattering his heart into an infinite amount of pieces, yet strengthening it as it slammed the pieces back together in their love for each other. No, he still could not reach in like he normally would, but this was far preferable in any circumstance he realized. Any other method he knew of to touch a human soul would cause immeasurable amounts of pain to the other, but this- at least with this he could provide some pleasure in the process as well.

"Do they hurt?" Dean asked as he pulled himself off, freeing himself from the no longer vice-like grip on his arm.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Castiel pondered as he watched the man tenderly brush a fingertip over the new bright red mark.

His lover chuckled in reply as he absently covered the scar with his own slightly larger palm with a smile. "Not really. It got hot. Really hot, but it wasn't like painful hot. If that makes any sense."

"I suppose I'll have to take your word for it." Castiel grunted as they disentangled fully and lay on the bed next to each other, Dean settling on laying down on his right side facing him to keep pressure off the new hand print.

"What were you asking about then?" Castiel pondered perplexed, regaining some of his sensibilities as he began to come down from the experience, pushing himself down a little lower to rest his head on a pillow with Dean, only to have to have a slippery mess begin to slide to the side of his stomach.

Quickly he reached over to the box of tissues he had so embarrassingly been defeated by last night, this time determined to win and carefully pulled out a few with success this time. "Your wings. They looked like they were made out of light, but they were like pitch black-which I suppose is the normal part. But they were broken and bleeding this, smoky stuff almost. That definitely was not normal Cas." Castiel turned his head and gaped at him as he wiped the mess off of himself, tossing the tissue aside.

"You watched it?" He asked with disbelief, his heart suddenly pounding. "Dean I wasn't sure if you could. I mean I have a vessel-" he shook his head, that wasn't the right word. "I have my own body now, and I'm definitely weakened, but I wasn't sure if- I didn't want to hurt you." he stammered, not even sure what was more pressing in his mind at the moment. That Dean had deliberately ignored the danger. That he had potentially been strong enough to hold it in check. That maybe he was just weak enough that it wouldn't have mattered. That Dean was strong enough that it didn't matter anymore. The list was infinite in his brain over the span of only a millisecond, and he didn't know which one to explore first.

"Yeah, well. A lot has changed since we first met. Besides I've seen your wings before in the barn when I- um- kind of- stabbed you with the demon blade." he rubbed his head mumbling the last part as he looked away briefly as recounted the first time they met, shortly after he'd convinced Jimmy Novak to allow him to reside inside him. "You didn't answer my question." He blurted, changing the subject away from himself.

"Yes. They hurt." Castiel answered earnestly, not wanting to think about the pain he'd endured since he first stole his brother's grace, leaving him to die.

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?"

The answer was not a simple one, and again a thousand reasons crossed his mind in too short of an amount of time. Because he'd already hurt the man more times than he could count. Because he wasn't even sure how many of those times were real or Naomi's mind fuck. Because he wasn't even aware of any other Angels who had been in this situation before or how to fix it. Because he couldn't literally fly anymore, so he was often flying by the seat of his own pants. Mostly though, because he wasn't sure he was worth what he so needed and craved due to his sins.

"I was kind of preoccupied before with the whole attack dog spell. I'm sorry for that by the way, and thank you for saving me." He answered with the path of the least resistance and took a breath before continuing, playing with a loose string on the blanket. "It hurts less when I'm with you though."

"Is that why you came to me last night?" He felt the other man's hand gently on his arm, moving his thumb back and forth at the back of his elbow.

"Yes. I would not have burdened you with this, had I not been to a point of unbearable agony. I know that-"

"Cut the crap." the command made him jump slightly. Nervously peering at the other man, yet affectionate green eyes peered back at him with a small smile.

"What crap?" Castiel considered aloud. There was no crap in what he was saying at the moment, it was purely genuine and he knew that Dean knew it.

"The 'I wouldn't have burdened you with this', bullshit. You have to tell me these things when they happen. I want to help. I -" he cut himself off and inhaled sharply for a moment. "Don't hide this shit from me dammit!" he continued, those gorgeous green eyes grew dark as they bore a hole through him, showing just how serious he was.

"Okay." he offered without objection, clearly putting the subject to bed.

"What about now? How's the pain now?" Dean's hand brushed across his forehead and he melted into the warm sensation.

"Better. For now."