Castiel sat at the computer, unsure of where to start looking for answers to the question which had been lurking in his mind for quite some time when Dean walked into the library. He felt his cheeks burn as he watched the man-now his lover- set down a large paper bag of ingredients they were going to use for some summoning spell.
"Hey Cas. Whatcha looking at?"
"Research." Castiel wasn't even sure where to begin with explaining this to Dean.
"On what?" Dean walked over and sat in the chair next to him.
"When my brothers had deceived me into believing they were going to return me to Heaven to help cure me while I was under the Attack Dog spell-" Castiel paused for a moment as he swallowed the unpleasant memories that burbled up. They had discussed what had happened before, and agreed things were fine.
Hell, things were more than fine now between them.
"They handcuffed me to restrain me. I thought they were taking me to Heaven, but - I can't seem to stop thinking about the handcuffs." Castiel had a lingering thought in his mind. An idle wonder he couldn't help but shake.
Castiel still didn't like thinking about what he had happened. He was not liking having to process this particular emotion, and he decided he disliked guilt.
"You mean like the ones we put you in after we found you in - in here?" Dean asked, glancing nervously to the spot on the floor next to the stack of books they had found them lying next to in this very room. The occasional whiff of Gasoline could still be smelled even though it had been half a year since the Stynes tried to burn the books of the Bunker.
"Yes." Castiel replied. It had been two and a half months since they had purged the effects of the spell from his body, but he couldn't get it out of his mind how very hard controlling everything was.
"Does it bother you? That we put them on you?" Dean's hand was now covering his own, as if squeezing their fingers together would keep him from remembering how his own siblings tried to hack his brain with ice picks. Fortunately it was working, if only marginally.
"Not when you put them on me, no. They were- reassuring." he pulled himself back to the thought that had been lingering since he'd caught Dean in the women's panties the other week. Castiel had felt as though he had somehow invaded Dean's personal space, he had been so embarrassed about it initially.
But Dean was so excited about being caught that things had pleasantly escalated quickly.
"I did not so much enjoy them when the Angels put them on me, but somehow, I felt more in control."
"Yeah, well you were out of control right then, so a little control was useful I suppose." Dean shrugged. Disappointment shot though him as Castiel realized that Dean didn't understand this quite as intuitively as he had hoped he would. Hell Castiel didn't even understand quite as much as he had hoped, but Dean had a lot more experience being human and he had hoped he would be able to make sense of this strange desire of his.
"Dean, I want you to put them on me again." maybe if he elaborated like Dean had with him, Dean would understand.
"Cas we got rid of that curse. You're good now." he replied with a small squeeze of his hand and kiss on his forehead. Dean seemed nervous about contact when Sam was in the room still, which unfortunately was quite often. Now though, was fortunately not one of those times since Sam had decided to get dinner, and Castiel sighed at the contact. He would never get enough of this man touching him.
"I know. I am no longer suffering the effects of the spell, but with feeling so much more emotion lately- and for some reason after you wore the panties the other day- I cannot stop thinking about how they felt on my skin. Dean I don't know what this means." He'd explained all he could, hopefully Dean would know what this meant.
"Oh." he seemed almost disappointed, then "OH." as though he had realized something that Castiel had not, followed by an excited "OH!- I have an idea." though the smirk on his face, and the darkening of his eyes was not lost on Castiel.
Dean reached over to the computer and typed something into the search bar, then leaned back to reveal images of men and women tied in various positions, most of which looked uncomfortable, yet arousing.
Castiel took the mouse back and began scrolling through the images ranging from those restrained with handcuffs while gagged, to simply tied with copious amounts of rope. Sometimes suspended in the air from a ring attached to the ceiling with elaborate ties.
One of the images, oddly enough was a rubber ducky with a gag and leather studded skin tight suit.
Several of the images had another person hitting the person with different objects from a cane to a flogger. The implements he was familiar with from his years of watching humans. The behavior was something he was familiar with even, having watched many people be tortured for various reasons. Though Dean's reaction was not what he expected.
He shifted in his seat to make room for the growing restriction his slacks were creating as he scrolled down past several images of intricate and ornate ties that looked incredibly restrictive.
His own reaction was not what he would have expected from himself, given how recently he had been tortured. Yet the reaction was definitely there. Same as when Dean had admonished him for getting an erection with the Pizza man pornography he'd watched several years earlier.
Dean was not bothered by it this time, and appeared to have the same reaction to the images on the screen.
"It's been a while since I've wanted to find a girl who wanted to do that kind of thing with me. I guess though, it's more popular now that damn "Fifty-Shades of Grey" book came out. That shit was kind of rapey. Fucker ignores damn near all of her safe words." Dean looked stricken for a moment. "I can't believe I just admitted I read that piece of shit girly-porn-book."
"Safe word?" Castiel ignored Dean's embarrassment, knowing if he mentioned it Dean would shut him out, so he simply continued the topic, hoping it wasn't already too late. As long as he could keep Dean talking, then maybe he could learn some things that might make more sense to him about what he was wanting.
"Yeah, when people, um, play." Dean rubbed at his neck as his cheeks flushed, but he thankfully continued talking. "It's a word they can call out- that's not something that can be confused for anything else- to let their partner know that something either needs to change, or stop, for any reason."
Castiel's eyebrows went up at the growing knowledge that this was apparently something people did for pleasure. Something which he apparently had stumbled into somehow wanting to take part of without knowing what he even wanted.
"What's an example of one?" Castiel probed, wanting-needing to know more, not just about the handcuffs now, but the whole concept. The pictures he saw, the excitement on Dean's face that drove him on despite his embarrassment. Castiel suddenly needed to know all of it for some reason.
"Some people use a random word they will never call out in real life, like say, Zebra or Xylophone." Dean beamed as he explained, pulling up an article on safe words, leaving it on the screen for Castiel to read in the background as he talked. "Or some use a scale, like Green for don't you fucking dare stop. Yellow for, I don't like this shit, do something else. And Red for Fuck this shit. I'm done. Let me out like two minutes ago. And maybe give me some fucking chocolate."
"And this person in 'Fifty-Shades of Grey' ignores them?" Castiel wondered why anyone would do this. From what Dean and the article were explaining, safe words seemed important for those who participated in these activities with each other to ensure that everyone was having a good time. There were even multiple points in the article on the screen on how imperative it was to listen to them in the event one was called, it was a violation of trust to disregard them.
"Yeah, a few different times." Dean shifted uncomfortably again. "It's kind of, really fucked up actually." Castiel watched Dean's hand idly go to his collar bone, where he'd removed a giant hook when he first pulled him out of Hell. He knew Dean had begged Alastair to stop multiple times, witnessed the horror from the outside as he was trying to lay siege to rescue him.
How was this even something people enjoyed? Why was he so curious about this all of a sudden? What kind of a person was he? Castiel grew more and more discomforted with his own not-fading erection as the conversation continued, but this had been Dean's insight to his question. Would Dean suggest, and even express interest, in something which was horrifying to him?
"Why did you read this book then?" It made no sense the man would have read it given how he had suffered at Alastair's hands. Or did it? Dean had said he'd not wanted to find anyone to do this sort of thing with. Maybe Dean hadn't had much desire after what he had endured.
"Well, I used to kind of like BDSM. Before, um- we met-" Dean cut himself off, confirming Castiel's suspicions. "But when I realized the book was horrible, I couldn't stop reading it because it was like a giant fucking train-wreck. It wasn't even a good train-wreck, but I couldn't stop, it was that bad." Dean's discomfort dropped, reverting back to his previous embarrassment.
"BDSM?" Castiel caught himself asking, involuntarily continuing the discussion before he could stop himself, worry sinking in at his inability to control his own curiosity.
"It's kind of an overlapping abbreviation for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism." Dean explained as he pulled up another explanation in a different article.
"Sadism?" That sounded ominous, Castiel thought to himself as he briefly read the short explanation on the screen, matching almost verbatim what Dean had stated.
"Not the true intent to cause harm," Dean shook his head seriously before he continued, "more like a person who wants to be the one to cause the, uh-" Dean paused for a moment with another smirk of discomfort. "sensation or whatever on the other person, and watch their reactions. It's totally mutually agreed on by both parties." he stressed finally.
"I see. And you used to play with girls?" Castiel wondered aloud before it occurred he should probably not mention the gender of Dean's past sexual partners too much, given his tendency to still worry about what people would think.
"Occasionally." Dean shifted in his seat.
"What safe words did you use?" Worried about the simple one word answer, Castiel thought it was best to push a different aspect of this conversation, for fear that Dean would wall himself off as he was so reticent to do.
"I always liked Green-Yellow-Red. That way, even if you were in a headspace where you couldn't really think or talk, you could at least say if you were good, or something needed to change." Castiel was relieved at the abrupt change in Dean's reaction, shifting back to his excited expression from the beginning of the conversation.
"Headspace?" Castiel was confused at the word, and beginning to suspect he was overloading himself with so much information, but his interest in the subject was not waning. In fact, Dean's enthusiasm despite his discomfort had renewed said interest.
"It's the way you feel while you are in a scene." Dean explained simply.
"Scene?" Castiel felt his confusion growing, now unsure of how much more of this topic he could process on his own.
"Where you are playing with someone. Doing the things to them you agreed with each other to do."
"What did you used to do to the girls you had scenes with?" Maybe examples would help the information sink in. Something to help make it feel relevant, rather than an abstract concept bouncing off the walls of his consciousness.
"Actually, most of the time I wanted them to tie me up and um- spank me. Then if they wanted to blow me, that was fine too. But sometimes I would switch things up a bit and be the one on the- uh top and- do things to them." Castiel watched Dean reply as his cheeks burned red, glaring at a spot on the computer screen.
"Like how you enjoyed it when I blew you wearing the panties?" They had briefly discussed the panties, but Dean seemed embarrassed about it when he had brought it up, so he had dropped the subject before he got much feedback about it. He knew from Dean's reaction that he had enjoyed it, but felt slightly confused by what had happened. It was as if the humiliation itself was what he had enjoyed, and if that was the case, then it was possible he had already inadvertently had a scene with him without discussing it first.
"Yeah, that was fucking hot for the record." Relief from discomfort he hadn't even been aware of suddenly flooded Castiel's mind.
"I had no idea what I was doing, but you enjoyed it so I didn't stop." if Dean had told him to stop, even without a safe word, he absolutely would have no question, so maybe not knowing what he was doing wasn't that bad of a thing in that instance.
"Yeah. Uh- Good call on that one." Dean pulled Castiel's head in for a chaste kiss. Castiel rested his head on Dean's shoulder, straining awkwardly over both the chair arms while he felt Dean's hand gently rub back and forth on his spine.
"So you interested in trying any of this out? I still have a duffel bag of my restraints- not the ones from the demon dungeon. If you like it at all, we can maybe even get some more toys to add to the collection. Otherwise if you are freaked out by this, then we can find something else to do." Dean asked. Castiel knew he was providing an easy out for both of them to ease his own nerves, but Castiel could tell he seemed a bit eager through this whole conversation, and didn't want to let the man down.
"I am. Interested, that is." Besides, he found himself genuinely interested.
"Yeah?" Dean asked hopefully.
"Yes." Castiel looked up, pressing his lips to Dean's again, tongues briefly touching gently before Dean jerked away nervously as they heard a door slam in the bunker and Sam's footsteps began pounding up the stairs.
"So, Sam is going to leave in a couple of days to go to some library in Follett Texas for research. Want me to show you some things then?" Dean asked before his brother came within earshot.
"I think I would like that." Castiel pulled himself away from Dean as he slammed the laptop shut when Sam walked into the library with another very large paper bag.
"Hope you guys like Chinese." Sam said as he sat down at the table across from his brother, handing paper wrapped chopsticks to each of them and pulling out the little boxes of food, setting them on the table as Dean ripped his chopsticks apart.
Castiel had a hard time staying focused on any one thing the next few days while they waited for Sam to take off for Texas. He and Dean had talked a bit about what they were planning on doing, and they had agreed that since Dean had more experience, he should be the one to show Castiel the ropes.
Dean had expressed a slight discomfort with the Dom/Sub lifestyle, explaining he wasn't really interested in maintaining a relationship built on control, but more that he preferred the Top/Bottom concept of fulfilling a role for a scene. It made sense to Castiel, and honestly had more appeal than just being ordered around and expected to obey. He'd proven himself as being absolutely terrible at obeying orders anyway, so this sounded like a good option.
There had been a lot of scenarios they had discussed before they had finally decided on what they were going to do. Castiel was aware that what he had asked Dean to do to him was probably considered light by some, not having any actual impact of any kind, but he was nervous about jumping in too deep too quickly with what both of them had gone through.
He had told Dean about his reasoning and his concerns, and he had agreed that this was probably a good place to start out with so they could learn each other's limitations before they hit any landmines-as Dean had called them.
Part of him was concerned how having a scene was going to affect things between them in their relationship, and didn't want to disappoint Dean, but also didn't want to inadvertently make things uncomfortable for the two of them. Dean in return had promised that, in an effort to alleviate any awkwardness, he would discuss things openly with Castiel no matter how embarrassing, as long as Castiel promised not to laugh ever.
Castiel readily agreed, not that he ever would have laughed at him, and he wasn't even sure why he would have thought that.
Dean however, expressed concern how this would affect Castiel's recovery to rebuild his shredded grace, which, honestly was the last thing on Castiel's mind at the moment. Being that it was new territory for the two of them, on quite a few levels, Castiel had agreed to keep Dean informed of how he felt things were progressing while they experimented with this yet-again, new aspect of their relationship.
They had helped Sam pack up his car to leave for the library. Sam had planned on a day to get there, and a day to get back, leaving two days to research, though he said he would call if he needed to stay any longer if things went slowly like they sometimes did.
That left them with at least four days all to themselves.
After they had watched him drive off, Castiel followed Dean back into their room in the Bunker, where Castiel sat nervously on Dean's bed while he waited for him to grab something from the kitchen.
Nervous wasn't quite the right thing he was feeling now that he thought about it. This was more, anticipation. He was eager for what Dean was about to do to him. He felt the crotch of his pants become slightly less spacious as he thought about what they had discussed, and Dean really needed to hurry up in the kitchen.
Castiel wondered if he should be undressing while he waited for Dean to come into the room, but that was something they hadn't discussed. What if Dean had planned to undress Castiel himself?
He was beginning to suspect they should have discussed this in greater detail, but somehow, he hadn't been aware this would even be a factor. Castiel suspected that if Dean were to have just done these things to him, he would have been alright, but then there apparently was more potential for things to go south.
And he really didn't want things to go south with Dean. Sure the torn and tattered grace was the final straw that had driven him to confess his feelings toward Dean. It was even true that their relationship might not have taken this turn for the romantic if it weren't for his ulterior motive.
But now that they were together, Castiel didn't want to do anything at all to jeopardize how they felt about each other.
No, Dean hadn't said the exact words "I love you" during Castiel's initial confession, but he could feel it any time he was near the other man. He could see it when he looked him in the eyes. He could taste it every time they kissed. Hear it every time he called out a strained "Cas" in the throes of their passion. He could even smell it in how Dean's pheromones changed just slightly when Castiel walked into the room.
All of it lead to the irrefutable conclusion that not only did Castiel love Dean, but that Dean loved him back, and he wouldn't do anything to risk what he now had with the man.
Which was why this uncertainty, suddenly felt like this anxious, raw exposed nerve, because of something so trivial as his clothing.
He fully realized it wasn't a deal breaker, he'd reminded Dean that the panties were just clothing, and this was not much different honestly.
"So I don't know what kind of aftercare you might need," Castiel felt himself startle just slightly as Dean mercifully-finally came into the room carrying a tray of things from the kitchen, setting it on the wall shelf by the bed. "so I have some water, some jerky and some of those peanut butter candy things you like, you know the ones that old people get all the time. I know you miss Peanut butter and Jelly too, so if you want me to make you one, just let me know and I will when we're done ok?"
"Ok." Castiel nodded in response.
Dean walked over to stand in front of Castiel where he was sitting on the bed. "Ready?" he asked as he ran his hands over Castiel's shoulders.
"Yes."
"Ok. I know it can pull you out of your subspace a bit, but I'll check in on you while we're going. All you have to do is give me Green, Yellow, or Red."
"I understand."
Dean leaned in to kiss Castiel before abruptly shoving him backward up onto the bed and crawling on top of him. Dean gripped Castiel's hand tightly in his own and stretched them above his head, legs hanging off the edge still. Castiel could feel his shoulders stretch, and his wrists press roughly into the edge of the bed as Dean applied pressure.
Inhaling sharply as Dean's mouth crashed into his, forcing his lips apart with his tongue as he explored his mouth.
"Don't move your hands." Dean ordered, as his grip released, hands traveling down to the buttons on his shirt, pulling them apart quickly. Hands ran roughly over Castiel's skin, and he had to fight the urge to pull his hands down to protect his chest.
"Don't move." Dean warned and he felt his heart rate elevate as Dean grabbed one of his hands and pulled off his sleeve. Fingers digging into his wrist as he shoved his hand back into place.
He held himself still as Dean's hands moved to his other sleeve, jerking it out from under him roughly as he was rid from his shirt entirely.
Large hands enveloped his again, squeezing tightly as Dean's lips pressed into his roughly.
"Ok so far?"
"Yes." Castiel grunted, straining against Dean's hands as they ground his wrists into the mattress above them.
"Good." He felt the other man's lips smirk against his cheek for a moment before pressing another gentle kiss into his face before pulling himself back.
"Don't move." Dean warned, lustful grin on his face as he stepped away from the bed entirely, pulling off his own shirt in the process. Lifting his head curiously, Castiel watched as Dean rummaged around in a duffel bag sitting next to the night stand.
When he came back, Castiel felt his heart begin to race as he saw Dean dangling a pair of hand cuffs from one finger. Dean set the cuffs on the edge of the bed before his hands gripped Castiel's belt roughly before giving a rough tug, pulling him down toward the edge of the mattress by his pants.
"Give me your hands." Dean ordered as he held out his hands expectantly.
Castiel lifted his hands from where they lay above his head and held them out in front of himself as he lay on his back. With a smirk, Dean quickly and expertly coerced Castiel's hands into the cool metal, locking first one wrist, then the other.
Castiel was beginning to understand the concept Dean had explained of 'headspace' as he felt himself begun to pull inward. He hadn't expected this so quickly though, but there was just something about the snap of the metal clicking shut on his wrists that just quelled the thoughts in his mind.
Dean's fingers gently tested the space around the cuffs before delicately pulling on them, presumably to check if they provided room enough for circulation while testing to ensure they would not slip off.
Something about the way he took care to check his work, and paused to lock the cuffs on their position sent a small slip of a tendril of something warm and tingly in his stomach. A small groan escaped his lips as he felt Dean's soul reach out and gently touch his grace in the process.
He looked into Dean's green eyes for guidance as he felt his body forced up to lay on the bed, helping slightly with his legs as Dean moved him into a more comfortable position on the bed, arms stretching above him once again above his head. He felt, more than heard the click of the carabiner as it snapped shut onto the chain between the cuffs.
Their lips pressed together again briefly as Dean twisted the lock on the carabiner shut.
"Ok. Time for the pants to come off." Dean said as he slid his hands down to his waist, pausing to flick at each of his nipples. The cry came out of his mouth before he could stop it and he gave Dean a dirty look in response.
Dean only met him with a sly grin turned devious as he began to remove his belt and then unzipping the fly of his pants. Castiel groaned as he paused to cup the growing bulge between his legs and involuntarily thrust into Dean's hand through the fabric of his underwear.
"Someone's impatient." Dean chided as he moved his hands away to pull away Castiel's pants and underwear, tossing them in a heap on the floor.
Castiel felt himself twitch as Dean dropped his pants on the floor as his eyes roamed over his now naked body. It really wasn't fair that Dean still had pants on, not like he could do much other than watch him right now anyway.
"You know what we talked about right?"
"I'm not allowed to cum until you tell me I can." Castiel huffed, definitely not satisfied with not being touched anymore after being teased.
"Good." Dean stepped back to the duffel bag and pulled out a blind fold which he slipped over Castiel's eyes.
Darkness enveloped his vision and he felt a brief moment of panic alone in his thoughts, not even able to see where Dean was. The last time he had been restrained like this, was at the hands of his Angel brothers and sister. He'd thought he would receive assistance when he had called upon them, but all he had received was treachery.
Even Hanna had been in on it, maybe was even her idea, all because they hated him so deeply.
On one hand he had deserved it, he had been the one to cause the events to unfold which would lead to the gates of Heaven being closed permanently, and eventually to the darkness being unleashed upon the world. On the other, he had been deceived by Metatron just as badly as they had all been deceived by him. He felt guilty for all of it, but he still wanted in his very core to be able to atone for his actions. For a brief moment while they were digging into his flesh, he thought that could have been his atonement.
He had been wrong even in that.
"You ok with the blindfold Cas?" Dean's voice now concerned.
"Um?" Maybe Dean could bring him some kind of absolution in a different way.
He felt the blindfold push up slightly as light flooded back into his vision. It wasn't on long enough to light blind him, but he still squinted in the suddenness of the change.
"You sounded like you were in distress. I didn't even touch you yet." Dean's hand brushed against his cheek and he realized his pulse was racing. He didn't recall making any noise, but maybe he did. His perception of the world felt slightly different at the moment, so it was entirely possible he wasn't in exactly control of himself.
"Yeah. I think I'm ok."
This was Dean, not the Angels who hated him. They were right in one thing that day though.
He would always choose the Winchesters over Heaven.
He would always choose Dean.
Because Dean -was- his Heaven.
That knowledge was enough to start him down the path to calming down.
"You sure?" He chanced a look at Dean's beautiful green eyes and confirmed his thoughts.
"Yes." he closed his eyes with a sigh, and found Dean's lips meeting his once again.
"Ok. I'm here right with you the whole time ok?"
"Green means go right?" Castiel stated and Dean chuckled in response before he slid the blindfold back down to cover his eyes.
He felt Dean's hands rub his cheek for a moment before sinking down to his chest and rubbing circles around his nipples. Castiel forced himself to focus on the hands touching everywhere so he didn't get lost again.
He was pretty sure that might have been a landmine he was headed straight for, but Dean had caught him before it was too late.
"I'm going to flip you over onto your stomach." Dean said as he moved his hands to Castiel's hips.
Dean's fingers dug in slightly to pull to the side to turn him over, and Castiel helped as much as he could with the process. He noticed how the handcuffs didn't seem to pinch or press as awkwardly as he would have thought they should once he situated himself on his stomach. Dean must have used a swivel mount on the carabiner and chain under the bed to make things easier.
Pressure dug into his shoulder briefly as he shifted on the bed, and then moved to his hips as Dean tugged them up, shoving a pillow under to prop his ass in the air. Dean fussed with ensuring he was as comfortable as possible on his stomach for a moment longer, pulling pillows away from his face and shoving them where stabilization was needed.
His hands ran down his back gently massaging the muscles in his back, easing the strain in any tension he found.
His normal state of hyper-aware of all of his surroundings had begun to fade. He'd already voluntarily shut off his Angel-radio before they had started, leaving just the background noise of the Men of Letter's Bunker. From the slight drone of the ancient computer system always running in the background, to the hum of the florescent lighting in the hallways.
Now though, all he could focus on was Dean's voice and a strange buzzing from Dean's electric alarm clock which he hadn't noticed before.
Maybe it was broken?
He quickly decided he didn't care as he relished the feeling of the warm hands manipulating the muscles of his back, and those annoying sounds of the Bunker were slowly fading out of his perception.
Idly he supposed it was strange to analyze what he was experiencing, but abruptly didn't care again as Dean began cupping at his buttocks and kneading as he kneeled between his legs. Rough Denim dug and scraped at his thighs as Dean squeezed and pulled at the flesh of his rear.
A moan escaped his lips as Dean's hands pulled away, only to be replaced a moment later with slick finger working its way between his buttocks. Castiel couldn't keep back the warble that escaped his lips as more cool liquid was poured over his anus. The moan that escaped was just as futile to hold in as Dean's fingers breached Castiel's tight ring and worked their way slowly and gently inside his body.
No longer aware of all of the places in the room, his attention began to draw in on himself, now only able to focus on the two of them.
"How are you doing?" Dean asked as he dipped a finger deep enough inside him to apply the briefest amount of pressure against his prostate.
Castiel could only moan a response. He was sure he was supposed to say something else, something he was supposed to remember, but all he could muster was a pant and grinding his hips backward onto the finger inside of him.
"That good huh?" Dean chuckled, realization finally dawning on Castiel as he remembered the word.
"Green" Castiel groaned in the affirmative as Dean slowly sunk in a second finger.
Lately Castiel had grown to appreciate touching himself lately while Dean fingered him or during intercourse. He even enjoyed watching Dean do the same to himself. With his hands bound though, he found himself growing rather frustrated rather quickly, and he began to tug on his restraints in an act of desperation to reach down and touch his own penis.
"What do you want Cas?" Dean asked as he struggled in his bonds.
"Touch it." Cas whimpered, forming the words taking up almost all of his effort.
"You mean this?" Dean asked as he reached down between his legs and began to stroke his swollen member.
"Yes." Castiel's' head rolled to the side with a groan as he finally got some stimulation other than the pillow.
All of Dean's stimulation was adding up, and quickly. The pulling on the restraints as tightly as he could. The fingers gripping and stroking as the pressure on his prostate increased. The feeling of Dean's rough jeans digging into the inside of his thighs by his knees. The way the head of his penis brushed against the soft fabric of Dean's pillow when his hand stroked him. The tension building in his muscles. The way his testicles were tightening and pulling up towards his body as he fell closer and closer to the edge.
"In time." Dean said as he cruelly pulled his hand away from his penis and paused his assault on his prostate, leaving him unsatisfied and wanting more though he was enjoying what he was receiving thoroughly. "Remember, no orgasm until I say so."
"Please." Castiel was not above begging.
"Tell me when you are close to cumming." Was all Dean said in response as he inserted a third finger.
Castiel's breath sped up as he processed what he was being told. Yes, they had agreed to this, but he hadn't quite grasped how frustrating this would be. That said, he was beginning to understand how delightful the frustration could be.
"I will." he said, trying his best to force his breathing slower to not hyperventilate.
Dean leaned against Castiel's back as he tried to collect himself. Rubbing small circles on his back with his clean hand, kissing his shoulders and the back of his head reassuringly. When he had regained control of his breath again, Dean shifted back behind his legs and reached down with his already lubed hand and pressed his three fingers in again.
Castiel moaned again at the welcome intrusion, feeling himself begin to fly high again as quickly as he began. These sensations together were much more than he could take all at once, and he grew desperate. He didn't know how much of this he could take and he felt himself quickly approaching orgasm again.
"Dean. I'm going to cum." he struggled for the words, but somehow he managed to get them out.
"That's it. Just like that." Dean pulled his hands away again, squeezing his buttocks this time kissing the small of his back.
A moment later though, the sensations began again, and he was groaning and writhing at Dean's touch. He wanted to be make him happy with him, but he worried that he was going to call it out too quickly and disappoint him.
The desire to follow the rules they had set for the scene overweighed his concern of telling him to stop just moments after he had begun again.
"Dean- I'mgoingtocum." he blurted, his mouth now dry as he fought back a sob building behind his throat.
"You are close aren't you?" Dean taunted.
"Fuck you." the words stumbled awkwardly out of Castiel's mouth before he had even realized what he was saying. Momentarily he was stricken at his outburst, unsure of what Dean would do in this scene with him speaking out.
They had talked about how some in the Dom/Sub scenes would punish the sub for speaking out or disobeying orders. Though he was morbidly curious what that would entail, he was too scared to be denied his orgasm, he was so frustrated right now.
"Soon." Dean replied with a chuckle, again sparking that warm sensation that grew inside him. Ok sure they'd purposely decided that they were doing the Top/Bottom aspect of scening, but there appeared to be ways to incorporate Dom/Sub into a Top/Bottom scene. Granted they hadn't talked about that, so maybe, hopefully, Dean wouldn't push that one.
At least not right now.
Fingers dove deep inside him again as Dean's other hand resumed a steady pace stroking his erection once again.
"Fuck." Castiel cried out at the resumed onslaught of sensation.
"Hold your horses." Dean snickered as Castiel began to actually squirm under his fingers.
It wasn't until Castiel's nose began to tickle that he realized he had tears running down his face. Castiel didn't know how much more he could take, how much more Dean wanted him to endure. He was glad to give Dean whatever he wanted, but he was starting to wonder if Dean wanted to give Castiel what it was that he wanted.
He had thought Dean was his own personal Heaven, but he had been wrong. This was a slice of Hell, but he liked it, oh so much. Too much and it was going to be his undoing.
"Stop! StopStopStop!" Castiel called out, fearing he was too far to pull himself back this time. Dean pulled back immediately, gripping the base of Castiel's penis tightly and squeezing to deny any release.
Shrieking with the conflicting sensations and emotions, there was a brief moment where everything hurt badly with the pressure, but hummed with pleasure flowing through his whole body. The pending orgasm fell back with the tight hold at the base of his erection, willing it into submission, which he was grateful for.
"Please. Please Dean fuck me." he started begging as soon as he Dean's hand had fallen away from breaking his orgasm. His whole body wrack with sobs as his begging continued. "Please Dean. I need you inside me. Please. I can't- I can't do this anymore. I need you. Please. Fuck me. Please. I can't-" his words stopped coming out as he began sobbing uncontrollably, landmine rearing its ugly head again.
Emotions he never truly let himself process began to spill out with the frustration and desperation of needing release. He had lied to his best friend at one point. He had beaten his friend to a bloody pulp once after killing hundreds of copies of him when he was brainwashed. He had locked the gates of Heaven. It was even his fault that Dean even met Metatron in the first place, eventually leading to Dean becoming a demon.
Through all of that, Dean was still with him. Had saved him more than once. Had taken care of him when he fell from grace. Had welcomed him into his home when he had none. When nobody had welcomed him. Had driven himself so hard to remove the Attack Dog Spell that he had almost died. Had given so much of himself to put the pieces of Castiel- the ones that Castiel had smashed himself- back together.
But now here he was this time, letting Dean do the smashing. Patiently letting him dismantle him, knowing that when he did he would be better for it. Stronger somehow.
And he loved the man for it.
"Sshh. I got you." Dean soothed as he leaned forward onto him, stroking his hair and kissing his neck.
It was more than he deserved, but he was incredibly selfish, and he was growing to be ok with being selfish, because he was never letting go of this man now that he had him.
Well, not when he got his hands back anyway.
"Please." Castiel murmured, pleading with him to finally take him and put the pieces back together.
"Just gimme a sec" Castiel groaned as Dean extracted himself from his back as he rolled off to his side to finally, blessedly, mercifully remove his pants before climbing back on top of Castiel's back.
He groaned as Dean finally pressed into him, resuming kissing his neck as he thrust with abandon. Castiel pushed back on Dean as he thrust onto that sweet spot, straining on his restraints while Dean reached around and began pumping his fist around Castiel's nearly painful erection.
They quickly reached a desperate pace as they slammed their bodies together. Dean drove into Castiel's tight hole as he cried out in relief at finally getting Dean inside of him. Release promised to follow as he rammed inside of him over and over.
Castiel felt himself reaching the point of no return, and his body began to shudder and shake, crying out as he spilled over Dean's hand. Rear twitching on Dean's cock with every thrust. He held himself back onto Dean even as he came down from his much awaited orgasm to help the other man along
Dean's thrusts became erratic and frenzied as he too breached orgasm, unknowingly slamming Castiel's pieces back together. Castiel felt Dean still with a loud groan as he came inside him before his body went lax, kissing his shoulders, that same warm glowing sensation seeping back into his conscious as he felt Dean's soul reach out and touch his grace once more.
"You ok Cas?" Dean asked as he pulled out of him, kissing his forehead before sliding the blindfold up out of the way.
Castiel strained at the light as Dean reached up and twisted the lock on the carabiner and slowly lowering his hands as Castiel rolled to his side.
"Yes." Castiel couldn't help but notice the worried look on Dean's face as he removed the handcuffs and kissed the indents on his wrists.
"I was worried you were gonna safe word on me for a minute." Dean cuddled closer to Castiel, cradling him and holding him close to his chest.
"I might have called yellow, had you not finally relented and allowed me to ejaculate." Castiel had to admit though, as frustrated and desperate as he had been to have an orgasm, he liked how strong of an orgasm he finally had when he was allowed.
"What happened with that? I push you too far?" Dean asked concerned.
"I thought something that I shouldn't have." Castiel looked away, ashamed that he had almost ruined it. Dean just nodded in understanding.
"The things that happened before we fixed you?" Dean asked as he kissed his forehead for the hundred and somethingth time
"Yes." Castiel left simply, not really wanting to go back into it when he felt this high above the world.
"That was kind of my fault wasn't it? You were cursed because you tried to save me."
"I chose to save you from the mark. There is no fault Dean."
"Yeah, ok." Dean did not sound convinced, probably would take some time to convince him of it as well, so Castiel decided to change the topic.
"I really wanted you inside me." Castiel looked up at his lover and kissed him chastely on the lips.
"Good. I um- I think- I think next time we scene, we should switch though." Castiel's heart skipped when Dean's eyes met his with a shy smile.
"Alright. You will have to walk me through it." he nodded simply.
"I will later. Here. Drink this." Dean reached up to the shelf behind his bed and grabbed the bottle of water helping Castiel drink from it. When Castiel pulled the bottle away, Dean carefully wrapped a peanut butter candy from its wrapper and put it in Castiel's mouth.
He didn't have the heart to remind him that it tasted strange now with his grace back, but this kind of candy was one of the few things that was less disturbing to him. He'd found the more simple the ingredients, and the less of them there were, the easier it was to derive some sort of enjoyment from them. Besides, the crunchy texture of them was pleasing.
Besides, Dean had remembered what his favorites were, and that was important somehow.
"How's the grace?"
"Good." He found himself straining to remember the last time it hurt all of the time. Even now after the scene, he felt Dean's love bridge the link between the two.
Maybe he could get used to scening.
"What do you think of what we did?" Dean asked tentatively as he popped one of the candies in his own mouth.
"I think that turned out a little more intense than I was anticipating." Castiel had debated for a moment about lying, from what Dean had said, this was about trusting each other.
"Do you ever want to do it again?"
"Definitely."
"Good." Dean held out a piece of jerky to Castiel, but he was still working on the candy so he shook his head.
"So, I'm grasping at straws here for what kind of aftercare you need. What do you feel like you need from me right now?" Dean finally exclaimed, cheeks flushing again.
"Just this. Just you. Don't let go."
"Never." Dean replied as he pulled a blanket over both of them before holding him tightly.