Chapter 34

As soon as those words come out of my mouth, I am conflicted. Part of me would love to take them back, to pretend they never happened. I have never been one to openly admit my feelings, let alone feelings for someone else.

Let alone open up at all.

Then again, I can see in Cinna's eyes that he has nothing but compassion for me. I know he would never intentionally hurt me, especially over such a delicate topic.

Such as Peeta.

"You know, if I were you, I wouldn't wait much longer," Cinna says, his eyes dancing. "Peeta's a very special boy."
I flush, barely able to tilt my head in an awkward nod. Yes, I do know that Peeta is very special. Any girl would be stupid not to see that he was the prime bachelor in the District. Blond hair, blue eyes. Gorgeous body. Born a Merchant. A baker. A Victor who has everything his heart desires.

Except children.

And I don't know any girl with half a mind who didn't want to give him that one thing he so desperately craved.

Except me.

"If you think you love him, then why haven't you told him yet?"

"I sort of did." I shrug.

Cinna frowns. "Knowing you, you just went around the subject, didn't you?"

I scowl. "Give me some credit. I don't know how to do any of this stuff."

"You obviously do, if you managed to proclaim it in front of the nation."

"That was different," I object. "I basically just said that I cared about him a lot."

"That you can't live without him? What does that say about you, Katniss? That statement is the definition of star-crossed lovers."

Cinna is right. "You know how the Capitol plays things up," I say weakly, but Cinna knows he's won.

"I'll give you these," he says as he indicates with his eyes to the building permits for the bakery on the table, "and you can always come over to my place at any time."

I nod and help Cinna out the door before heading up the stairs where Peeta had disappeared to. Peeta is in the art studio on his hands and knees, scrubbing at the paint he had tossed across the room. Sweat glistens on his brow as I take a sponge from the soapy bucket of water he has next to him and join him.

"I got it, Katniss," he says, but I simply shake my head. We clean the room, side by side, until the walls and floor are clean.

When Peeta picks up the ruined canvas, probably to throw it away, I stop him. "What was it?" I ask.

"The bombs," he says simply as he leans it up against the wall. "I'll throw it out later."

He takes me downstairs to join him in the kitchen, but instead, I pull him to the living room. He sits on the cushions heavily, as if he's still tired from earlier, before he sees the papers in my hands.

"What are those?"

I hand them to him as I carefully choose my next words. "Its the building permits for the bakery property."

He's reading over them carefully, his eyes focusing on the tiny fine print that lines the pages. "The Justice Building said that they are under the orders of Paylor to deliver any sort of materials or supplies we need the very next day. You could have the bakery open before the new year."

Peeta hasn't responded. He just remains hunched over the papers, his elbows on his knees as he reads them over. He looks up at me only when I lay a hand on his shoulder.

"Do you really think this will help?" His voice is innocent. Harmless. Like a small child's.

I nod, trying to sound confident. "Doctor Aurelius told Haymitch that we all need our own routines. I think baking is your routine."

Peeta snorts. "You don't even answer Doctor Aurelius's phone calls."

Its true. I want nothing to do with the Capitol now that I feel like I've done my duty and all that has been required of me. But I'm desperate to make Peeta believe that he can move on about his family's bakery.

"If I promise to take those calls, will you consider the bakery idea?" Peeta looks surprised. His eyebrows shoot up as I drop my hand down his arm and take his hand in mine.

He sighs then, pulling his hand away, surprising me instead. "I don't know, Katniss."

The anger returns. But this time I try to stem it off as much as possible. "Peeta, that's not fair. You keep asking me to move on and forget Prim and here I am, trying to do the same thing for you, and you won't even budge!"

Peeta gapes at me, but this time, he has the sense to grab my hands in his before I make a move to get away from the precarious situation I have just placed us in.

"I would never ask you to forget her, Katniss." Peeta's eyes are gentle, but his words are firm. "I could never ask you something like that."

He brushes his hand so his fingers graze mine and, after a moment, entwine themselves together. "But we're moving forward," I say, holding back the sense of hopelessness that suddenly comes out of nowhere. "Right?"

I know I don't want to forget Prim. I don't want to move on without her by my side. But Peeta has made me realize that she's gone. And that I really am wasting myself away after the rebellion. And that with his help, he's going to rebuild me.

The Mockingjay with broken wings.

"We'll remember," he says, as if he can read my mind. His hands still haven't let go of mine.

For once, I feel a bit of hope. With Peeta holding onto me, and with the prospect of a future with Prim still remembered in it, I feel as if life could perhaps finally have some sort of purpose for me. Besides, Cinna is alive. Peeta's episode didn't result in him trying to murder me.

Maybe things are looking up.

Peeta's eyes shine as he looks at me. His lips tilt up into a grin.

"So, when do we go order the construction supplies we need? Bakeries don't get built overnight."