Chapter 36

Peeta has been gone for quite a long time. The sun is setting and a light dusting of snow has begun to fall. As much as I hate it, I'm actually pacing the house, wondering where he is.

I get that he is mourning his family. Two brothers. A loving father. A mother. Violent, but still his mother. It must be hard for him to give his condolences to his entire family.

It's still hard for me to do so for Prim without cracking.

But even now, I hope that Peeta is okay. I bite my lip. I should've gone with him, I think, but I know that isn't what he would have wanted.

That doesn't stop me from worrying about him though.

Oh, screw it. I grow tired of waiting so I decide to go check on him. Perhaps I'll run into him on his way back.

I shrug on my coat and tug my leather boots on before stepping outside. The snowflakes fall, large blobs that stick to my hood and melt on my face on contact. Its the kind of snow that's wet enough to form snowballs, or even build snowmen and forts. My father used to teach me and Prim how to make them, spending hours with us out in the cold until we perfected it, or until my mother would call us in in fear that we would all catch a cold.

The snow crunches lightly under my feet as I head out of town, spotting Gale sitting on his front steps with a steaming mug in his hands. At first, I almost decide to ignore him and continue walking. It is Peeta that I am looking for.

But he seems so content and looks so much like the carefree Gale I used to know when we would hunt together that I find myself suddenly walking towards him.

Gale tears his gaze away from the falling snowflakes to see what he hears is approaching him. When he sees it is me, the left side of his face tilts up into a lopsided grin. "Ms. Everdeen, I-"

"Really, just call me Katniss," I insist under my breath.

He smiles, as if my interruption hadn't fazed him one bit. "Okay, Catnip."

This makes me start. "What did you call me?"

But he only looks confused. "Didn't you say 'Catnip'?"

I shake my head and he quickly amends, "Sorry, I must've misheard you, Katniss."

This brings forth a pang in my chest. It was only when we first met that we had a similar exchange. Except this time, Gale was all too willing to turn away from the familiar nickname that was once his to call me.

If he can't remember the name he used to call me for six long years, then I suppose he really is a new Gale. The thought saddens me. But is it because I have lost such a familiar presence in my life? Or because I lost the reason that Prim is dead?

I shuffle awkwardly for a moment before muttering, "Its cold."

He nods. "I usually hate this weather, but its so peaceful out here."

I understand perfectly. Gale and I used to hunt nearly twice as much when it was winter, since the animals holed themselves up for hours before coming out. It would be bitterly cold and we would come home with less game than usual, leaving us cold, wet, and still quite hungry.

But nothing beat the serenity of the forest. When I was out in the trees, Gale said it was the only time I would actually smile. I partially believe it, but only because I knew that Prim's smile could also do the trick.

I pull myself back before I can dwell on Prim. "Yeah. I know." Gale shrugs and offers me a spot next to him to sit down, but I decline quickly.

"Maybe later," I say. "I'm looking for Peeta."

"Oh, yeah. He hasn't come back yet," Gale says cheerfully. He takes a sip of the steaming liquid from his mug. "You both could come over for coffee later, if you'd like."

I wrinkle my nose and he notices, laughing. "Or some other beverage," he says, his eyes shining with amusement.

I find my lips moving into a small smile at his happiness. Its nice to see that I can still amuse him, even after our lives have fallen apart. It feels familiar. Right.

"I'll see you later, Gale," I say, waving as I head out of town. He calls a quick goodbye after me in return.

For the first time since Prim died, I feel a bit of warmth towards Gale. It both unnerves me and relieves me, mostly because of Prim. I don't know whether or not to pursue a friendship with him, let alone forgive him. Don't friends forgive each other? Trust each other? I just don't know who I can trust as of late.

As I walk through town, I pull my hood over my head to conserve heat and so I won't have to make eye contact with anyone who happens to be walking by. I mentally make a note to thank Cinna for lining the coat with faux fur. The soft material feels amazingly good against my cold skin.

I'm nearing the bakery when a laugh rings out through the usually quiet winter air. I look up towards the sound instinctively, only to wish that I hadn't.

Peeta is a few feet away from the remains of the bakery, now a cleared away area thanks to a few workers who had already removed the debris. From the footsteps in the snow, he must have walked around on the land, for they snake around as if he were walking through actual doorways and rooms.

But the sympathy I feel for him immediately evaporates as I see where the laugh had come from. A girl, one of the Merchants from school a long time ago, is standing by Peeta.

Too close to Peeta.

That's the only thing that really registers as I stand there, frozen, is that Peeta is smiling as the girl tosses her blond curls this way and that, lightly touching his upper arm with her fingers.

Peeta laughs as she says something funny, which sets something off in me. He's supposed to be grieving for his family, not flirting with this Merchant girl who doesn't know half the pain he's going through.

I'm upset then, because I can see that Peeta's happy. Yes, he was going to pay his respects to his family, but maybe she had come upon him just as he was about to leave? Maybe she could share her condolences with him, then they could walk together and talk about the memories of their Merchant lives-

I stop myself angrily. Look at me, jealous. Just as bad as those girls at school who used to snarl at me because they thought I was dating Gale.

I'm deciding whether or not I should just turn around and leave when Peeta looks up. His eyes light up when he catches sight of me, but dim when they see the dejected look on my face. He must know how conflicted I'm feeling right now because he excuses himself from the girl before jogging up to me.

"Katniss, you didn't have to come out in this weather," he says. He drops his gaze to where my arms are wrapped around my chest. "You're shivering."

Its true. I am trembling. But not for the reasons he thinks I am.

"You didn't come back." Its partially true, only because I decided not to wait any longer. But Peeta's brow furrows. "I was just on my way home," he says but the accusations are welling up within me.

"Why were you taking so long? Because you were talking to her?" I burst.

Peeta is startled because his hands fall from where he had placed them on my shoulders. "What? No-"
But I'm too confused. I don't even want to hear it. I had been waiting hours. Hours for him to come home. To come back to me.

And here he is, standing here talking to some strange girl.

"You can stay and talk to your friend," I say quietly, not sure if I'm angry or bitter or saddened. "I have someone to go see anyways."

I turn around and walk away slowly, not even bothering to give any indication that I hear Peeta calling after me. There's only one place I want to be right now. There's only one person that perhaps I can talk to.

I walk straight back to Gale's house without turning back once.