Chapter 6

When Jarrod didn't come down for breakfast on time, they left him alone for a few extra minutes and then, as planned, Nick went up to "check on him." He knocked on Jarrod's door and went in when Jarrod invited him to.

Jarrod was dressed in his casual clothing, but he hadn't shaved. "Playing the part," he said.

"How do you really feel?"

"Better than I did last night, but anxious to get things moving. Go tell Mother you're going for the doctor."

"I guess it's all right for Audra to come up, so long as she's thrown out when we want to talk."

"Yeah. Go on. Let Heath in on what we're doing."

"I already did, last night. Go sit on top of your bed like you feel bad."

"I do feel bad," Jarrod admitted, "but for Audra. This could be a really rough day for her."

"We'll see," Nick said and left.

He jogged down the stairs and went into the dining room, where he wolfed down the remainder of his eggs.

"Is Jarrod all right?" Victoria asked.

"No, I don't think so," Nick said. "He's dressed, but he's still exhausted. Can't get up out of the bed. I think I better go for Dr. Merar."

Victoria got up. "I'll go see to him. Audra, would you put some breakfast together for him?"

"Of course," Audra said, got up and hurried into the kitchen.

Victoria, Nick and Heath just looked at each other for a moment.

"It'll be all right," Heath reassured his mother and brother.

Nick headed out the front door, and Victoria headed upstairs.

XXXXXXX

About two hours later, Victoria, Audra and Heath huddled around Jarrod, who pretended to keep falling asleep while protesting that he was all right. He had eaten the eggs and toast Audra had brought up to him, and that eased Audra's mind a bit, but when the doctor arrived and came in, she began to be frightened again.

Dr. Merar played along. "So what's going on here? Have we got a sick lawyer?"

"Not really sick, but when I don't wake up like I should, Mother gets worried," Jarrod said.

"Let me have a look. Victoria, you can stay, and Nick, you'd better stay too in case I need you to do any heavy lifting."

"Heavy?" Jarrod protested.

Heath smiled and took Audra by the arm. "Come on, Sis. Let's get out of the doctor's hair."

As soon as Heath and Audra left and closed the door, Dr. Merar said, "Nick told me why he really came to get me, and I saw David Lee in town yesterday, so I wasn't surprised."

"I told him what you told us about the Lee family, Jarrod," Nick said.

Dr. Merar knew all about what had happened to Audra when she was only five. Through the years, he had told the family that so long as Audra wasn't remembering things on her own, they were all right to just leave things be. But now – "I agree," Dr. Merar said. "The situation has changed now. She's asked for the Lees' address and expects to write to Martha. I think you may want to ease Audra into what's happened with the Lees, and what happened to her when she was a child."

Confronted with the time to talk to Audra honestly, Victoria found her hands shaking. She was sitting on the edge of Jarrod's bed. He sat up and swung his legs over to sit beside her. He took her hands. "We'll do this together, Mother. We'll be all right."

Victoria looked up at Dr. Merar. "Will you stay while we talk to her? I don't know how she's going to take this."

Dr. Merar nodded, smiling. "I will, and I think she'll take it better than you think. I think you'll be glad that the time has come."

Victoria got up, and Jarrod got up with her. The four of them went downstairs together, where they found Heath and Audra waiting in the living room. They got up from where they sat on the settee together, and Heath gave up his seat to Victoria.

Audra looked terrified, sitting down beside her mother, suddenly the center of attention and not knowing why. Jarrod looked fine, so it couldn't be about him. "What's going on? Is Jarrod all right?"

"I'm fine, Sweetheart," Jarrod said. "We just need to talk to you, about what came up yesterday with Mr. Lee."

"I don't understand," Audra said. "Why are you all acting like something very serious has happened?"

Victoria said, "Jarrod, tell Audra what David Lee told you yesterday."

Jarrod stood by the fireplace. "Things haven't gone well for the Lees, Audra. Michael committed suicide in 1865, and Margaret drowned right after that."

"How horrible!" Audra said. "I need to write to Martha – "

"Audra," Victoria said, "I want you to try to remember something. It happened when you were only five years old, and I think you've lost the memory of it over the years, but Martha – "

Victoria faltered for a moment.

"Martha what?" Audra asked.

Victoria held her daughter's hands. "Audra, Martha died a long time ago, while Jarrod was away in the army and before Nick left. Sweetheart, you were there when it happened. Do you remember?"

Audra took everything in, but was completely confused. "No – no, I don't remember."

"You were only a child," Victoria went on. "I'm going to explain what happened. I want you to remember you were only a child."

"Go on," Audra said. "Tell me."

Victoria felt tears sting her eyes. She looked to the doctor, and he smiled and nodded. "I had left you with the Lees to play with Martha, as I often did when I went to work at the church. The two of you were playing, as usual, but running around the house when Mrs. Lee had told you to stop. Mrs. Lee went to reach for you, and you avoided her like any giggling five year old would. But Michael Lee had left a rifle leaning against the wall. It was loaded, and you bumped into it, and it fell."

Audra began to look stricken, but whether it was because she was remembering or whether it was because the story was so awful, no one could tell.

Victoria continued. "The rifle fell against a chair there, and it went off, and the bullet hit little Martha. Martha died, Audra. Honey, I'm so sorry. Martha died because you bumped into a rifle that Michael had carelessly neglected to put away properly. Martha died right then and there in front of you."

Victoria couldn't seem to go on. Audra just kept shaking her head, confused.

Dr. Merar asked, "Audra, do you remember any of this?"

Audra looked up at him, stricken. "No! No, I don't remember any of it! But I killed Martha?!"

"No, no," Nick said quickly and sat on the coffee table in front of his sister. "Martha died because Michael left the rifle in the wrong place. You just bumped into it, but it wasn't your fault it fell and went off. It was Michael's fault for leaving it there."

Jarrod came closer, standing beside Nick. "Audra, Michael killed himself because he couldn't live with what he'd done, leaving that rifle the way he did. Mrs. Lee drowned, but no on knows how or whether it was intentional on her part. Mr. Lee has been alone with this for many years. It all came out at his deposition yesterday. That's why we felt we needed to tell you, so you would understand."

Victoria squeezed Audra's hands. She still looked utterly confused, but the tears were beginning to come. She kept shaking her head. "I killed Martha."

"No," Heath said now and bent down in front of her, beside Nick. "It wasn't your fault, Audra. Michael Lee left the rifle in the wrong place."

Audra kept shaking her head. She looked up at Dr. Merar. "Why can't I remember it?"

Dr. Merar smiled. "Because you were five years old. Children sometimes block out painful things, sometimes permanently. A child's mind just can't cope with the kind of thing that happened to you, so it forgets. You can't remember anything about that accident because your childhood mind kept you from having to cope with it when you weren't old enough to cope with it."

Audra still shook her head, confused, but then she seemed to take it all in. She looked up at Jarrod. "I can't write to Mr. Lee, can I?"

"No," Jarrod said gently.

"He blames me for what happened."

Jarrod said, "I think maybe it's more like you remind him of the day everything began to fall apart for him."

Audra's tears came streaming out then. Victoria held her and she shook and cried. "I have to do something. I have to help him somehow."

"No," Jarrod said one more time. "It's a tough pill to swallow, I know, Honey, but we have to leave him alone. He has to keep trying to find his way through this on his own. We need to leave him alone."

Audra kept shaking and crying. "I still don't remember anything at all. I thought Martha was still alive."

"We'll get through this together, Honey," Nick said, placing his hands atop his mother's and Audra's. "We will get through."

Victoria looked at her sons with more gratitude than she had ever felt toward them before, and she held onto her daughter for a long time.