Chapter 37

Gale is no longer outside, probably because the sun is just on the horizon and the temperature has dropped considerably since I last spoke to him. He opens the door to find me on his steps after I knock hesitantly. "Katniss."

"Can I come in?" I bite my lip. It still feels odd looking at him. I'm staring into the face of the person responsible for my sister, but that I can't blame him because he doesn't know what he's done. Its like looking in the face of a wild dog, not sure if its going to lunge at you or simply turn around and walk away.

He steps to the side to allow me inside and I quickly take him up on his offer before I spook and think twice about what I'm doing.

Gale closes the door behind me as I shed my coat and hang it on a hook on the wall. "Everything okay?"

"Can I ask you something?" I blurt out. I hardly have any idea what I'm doing, but there's something driving me forward.

Gale looks surprised by nods. "Anything."

"Do you think Peeta likes me?"

Its such a stupid thing to ask. For one, Peeta has faked being in loved with me for the past two and a half years. Well, maybe not faked it completely. But he still has shown more affection for me than anyone else, even if he was sort of bound to the Mockingjay now.

Gale sits slowly, settling himself down on a leather chair. He looks almost completely different from the Gale I used to know. He wears finer clothes, for one thing. Clothes that are made of high quality fabrics and tailored perfectly to his broad lanky form. But I still picture the boy that had starved when I starved. Had worked as much as I worked when we went out in the woods. Now they were two separate people.

"Anyone can tell that he loves you," Gale says bluntly, honestly. I shake my head, but he continues. "I know what you mean. Don't think I don't. I know the situation the two of you are in."

I swallow. "Who told you?"

"Haymitch. And Cinna. And Paylor, when she figured it out too."

I gawk at him. "Does everyone know?"

He smirks then. "Not the rest of Panem."

For some reason, relief floods over me. "Oh."

"But you really can't tell, Katniss? Don't you see the way he looks at you? The way he talks about you?" Gale has a point. I haven't. So I shake my head.

Gale's eyebrows shoot up for a moment. "Katniss, if that isn't love, then I don't know what is."

"You loved me once," I say quietly before I can hold the words in.

But Gale's reaction isn't one I expect. "I know." He looks down at his hands, clasped in front of him. His elbows are resting on his knees. But before I can ask him, he just says, "Paylor told me. Haymitch confirmed it."

I squirm into the soft cushions of the sofa. The awkward feelings come back. They coagulate into one thought: I probably shouldn't be here.

"You're probably wondering what I'm thinking now." Gale sounds amused, but I'm not. He snorts, probably sensing it.

"I don't remember," he says, wringing his hands together. "I don't remember being in love with you. Kissing you. Apparently, I did that?" He looks up with a small smile, but I don't return it. It disappears quickly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Its just that the entire nation seems to think you're the most attractive woman in the country."

"That does make me uncomfortable," I say firmly. "I don't want to be under the spotlight or have people actively looking for me. I don't find myself attractive, not after I've been scarred." I don't tell him that I mean physically and mentally. I just don't find myself wanting to confide that much in him yet.

But then why was I asking him about Peeta? Does that count as confiding?

Gale sits back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. "I can't believe you don't realize how lucky you are."

"Lucky?" I'm about to snap at him when he continues.

"You have the nation at your beck and call practically, the most popular man of Panem by your side and irrevocably in love with you, anything you could ever want courtesy of Paylor." He tips his head to the side. "You have everything you need to put yourself back together."

This somehow stops me from crossing the room and slapping him for his previous comment. Peeta has mentioned repeatedly of helping each other, but now that Gale is the one pointing it out to me from his perspective, I realize how much Peeta hasn't been pressing me. He hasn't brought up the fact that I do indeed have much more than anyone in Panem. He hasn't forced me to try and do anything that I didn't think I was ready for.

He's waited.

He's always been waiting.

Gale seems to realize how much mental anguish I'm experiencing because he says, "Look, I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear. I'm sorry."

"No." I raise my hand to stop him. "No, you're right. I-" I stop.

I have to find Peeta.

Because Gale has made me acknowledge one very important fact.

I do indeed have everything I need to rebuild.

But what would happen if I lost the one piece that I really need?
Peeta.

I turn to Gale as I shoot to my feet. "I need to apologize," I blurt out, panic rising in my chest. "I-"

Gale stands and walks over to me, placing a hand on my back before ushering me to the door. "Go then," he encourages lightly, a grin moving across his lips. He tosses me my coat quickly. "I can't believe it takes you long to figure these things out."

He only laughs when I shoot him a glare.

"So what are you going to go do?" he asks as he helps me into my coat.

My heart is beating wildly in my chest. I know what I'm going to go do, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm scared out of my mind, ashamed that I hadn't realized that it should've been done a long time ago, and beating myself up with my guilt over yelling at Peeta and just confusing things between the two of us.

He really does deserve someone better.

But I need him to know.

I need him to know that I do, in fact, love him.

Its the first time I really do admit it to myself. And to Gale, I realize.

"I love him," I tell Gale, turning to him. After a brief pause, I realize, "You knew."

Gale smiles, confirming my suspicions. "Well, if Peeta is even half in love as he was last time I saw him, I would say that the odds are entirely in your favor."

And at that moment, the bond between me and Gale- severed by war and death, torn by loyalty and jealousy, broken by pain and sorrow- flickers back to life.