Chapter 7

Audra cried herself into exhaustion, and Nick finally carried her up to bed, Victoria going with them. Dr. Merar followed along and gave Victoria some sleeping powders in case Audra needed them, but he assured her that Audra's reaction was normal and healthy. He then left Victoria to help Audra get to bed.

Nick came back downstairs with the doctor to where Jarrod and Heath waited in the foyer. True to form, Dr. Merar kept up his best smile. "She'll be fine," he said. "She's having a perfectly normal reaction to what you told her."

"How about nightmares?" Jarrod asked. "Should we expect them?"

"Possibly," Dr. Merar said. "I'd have someone stay with her while she's in bed, and don't leave her alone if she wakes up and comes back downstairs, at least not until tomorrow. I think she's going to be fine, but I left some sleeping powders with your mother."

"What else can we do for her?" Heath asked.

"Just be there for her. Talk to her. Let her talk to you. She might very well begin to remember what happened. Let her remember. Keep reassuring her it's all right to remember, and let her talk it out. It'll take time, but she'll work through this. She should be allowed to do that now. She should be allowed to mourn her friend and even feel guilty if she does, but just keep reassuring her the way you already have."

"Thanks for coming, Doc," Nick said. "We might be needing you a bit more than usual for a while."

"Then I'll be here," Dr. Merar said. "We'll get her through. We'll all get her through."

"I'll drive you back to town, Doc," Heath said, and Nick gave him a grateful nod. Heath understood that Nick – being the brother who was here when it all happened – needed to be here now. He was probably going to have his own bad memories to deal with.

Heath and the doctor left, and Nick and Jarrod were left alone together in the foyer. Jarrod looked genuinely exhausted again. "This has been so hard," Jarrod said. "If you could have seen David Lee yesterday, heard him – I couldn't tell Audra how much Lee railed against her in his deposition. I can never let her see his anger."

"I don't know," Nick said. "Yeah, sure, right now she doesn't need to know how much he's blaming her, but there might come a time she's gonna need to know that, too. She's gonna have to get over that part, too, someday."

Jarrod looked up the stairs. "In some ways, I've never been able to look at her without seeing that little girl I used to rock to sleep, that little girl with those big tears when I went off to war. I need to keep reminding myself that she's a woman now, and a Barkley woman, too."

"You got that right. She's tough. She'll make it through this. And so will the rest of us, Big Brother."

Nick slapped Jarrod on the back. Jarrod said, "I need a cup of coffee."

"Yeah, me too," Nick said, and they went off to the kitchen. "Then you need to shave."

Jarrod had forgotten about that. He rubbed his beard. "Yeah, that might be a good idea."

XXXXXXX

Victoria watched her daughter sleep, glad that she didn't need to give her any of the sleeping powders yet. She never liked drugging one of her children to sleep. But Audra's sleep was not all that restful. Her face was screwed into a frown as she slept, and even though she was not otherwise fretful, she didn't look relaxed, either.

And why should she relax? She was facing, for the first time, all those horrible visions Victoria had to see in 1862, when Audra knocked that rifle over and killed her little friend.

When it happened, Michael had come running to the church, sent to bring her to the Lee home. Michael was in tears, screaming that Audra had shot his little sister. With no more information than that, Victoria had run to the Lee home, nearly getting run over by a wagon in the street. She found Margaret Lee holding little Martha, wailing and crying as David held her shoulders. Audra simply stood in a doorway, looking at them, her face a blank stare. The rifle lay on the floor.

Victoria remembered crying out a horrible cry and taking her daughter in her arms. At first she thought Audra had found the rifle, picked it up and thinking she was playing, just flat out shot little Martha, but Michael started crying, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" That left Victoria confused – why was he sorry if Audra shot Martha?

The doctor and the sheriff came, and as the doctor examined Martha, Michael explained to the sheriff that he had left the rifle by the chair, that he didn't know it was loaded, that Audra had been running and knocked it over and it went off. David had to pry Martha from his wife's arms so the doctor could tend to her. Margaret kept crying, "I told those children not to run! I told those children not to run!"

Listening to everything the sheriff was asking and the sobbing replies of the Lees, Victoria came to understand what had happened. The sheriff had tried to ask questions of Audra, but Audra was still staring blankly.

Audra never cried. Not once did she ever cry about that day.

It was then that the doctor told the Lees that Martha was dead. The sheriff quickly got Victoria and Audra out of the Lee home and to the church, where the priest tried to comfort them and the sheriff tried again to question Audra. But Audra never responded. She never responded and she never cried. The sheriff escorted Victoria and Audra home.

Victoria's husband Tom and son Nick were out in the field at the time. Little Eugene was in the hands of his nurse, a woman who was the childless wife of a neighbor and who took over right away trying to care for Audra and Victoria. Victoria was in tears by the time the sheriff left, but Audra never cried. Not once.

Dr. Merar came to see them after an hour or so. Victoria was concerned that Audra seemed to be so distant, so detached from what had happened. Dr. Merar explained it was not unusual for a child, or even an adult, to go into shock over something like this. He told Victoria how sorry he was this had happened.

When Tom and Nick came home, Victoria explained what happened and fell apart in her husband's arms. Nick took care of Audra, helping her eat her dinner, helping her get ready for bed, helping her do everything she needed to do. That night, Victoria slept in her daughter's bed with her.

There never was a funeral for little Martha. The Barkleys never knew where she'd been buried and never asked. They never saw or spoke to the Lees again. It wasn't even a week later the Lees left Stockton forever.

Victoria remembered all these things as she sat beside her daughter's bed and watched her frown in her sleep. What she wouldn't have done to spare Audra from this for as long as she lived, but then she realized that wasn't the right thing to do. Now that Audra was an adult – now that David Lee had come back into their lives, or at least into Jarrod's life – everyone needed to know what had happened. Everyone needed the chance to cope with it for real, for good.

Victoria was wiping tears out of her face when she heard the soft knock, and she said quietly to come in. Nick came in, closing the door behind him. He came to stand behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, massaging them gently.

"Where are Jarrod and Heath?" Victoria asked.

"Heath is taking Dr. Merar back to town," Nick said. "Jarrod's trying to get a little work done. I think he wants to review his notes from that deposition while Audra is still asleep. He doesn't want to risk Audra seeing them. He doesn't want her to see that David Lee is blaming her for his entire family being dead."

"Oh – " Victoria moaned. "Will this never end?"

"Yes, Mother, it will," Nick said. "It'll be rough for a spell, but we will handle it and it will end. Why don't you go lie down for a while? I'll stay with Audra. Heath will be back before long, and Jarrod isn't going into town, so they'll both be here to help her too."

Victoria slowly got up. Suddenly, she felt very old. Nick smiled and gave her a kiss. "If Audra needs me, please wake me up."

"I will," Nick said. He watched his mother move slowly across the room and out the door, and then he sighed and let his own grief over this whole affair wash over him. He sat down in the chair Victoria had vacated, and he touched his sister's hair.

And even though he didn't want it to, his mind went back to that horrible day, too.