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Chapter 39

It gets too cold when the sun begins to disappear behind the mountains in the distance, even with Peeta holding me against him. We had retreated to the shelter of the oak tree, me sitting in between Peeta's legs as he wraps his arms around my shoulders from behind. He's playing with my braid hanging down over my shoulder, toying with the bound end and resting his chin on the crook between my shoulder and my neck.

Meanwhile, I relish the warmth in Peeta's arms. I indulge myself on a few quick peeks at Peeta's muscular arms as they remain casually looped around my torso. I also have to keep reminding myself that I finally told him. That its real.

The moment is perfect.

Peeta seems to think so too because he stops and simply seems to be immersing himself in the last dying rays of the sunset.

It feels good. So unbelievably good to be in Peeta's arms. To finally be free of my conflicting emotions over this boy who played such an important role in my past. To have him now, also an important part of my future.

As I look out towards the sunset with Peeta, I'm struck with the thought of another particular sunset. One that Peeta and I had also watched. Under different circumstances, of course, but when I was also beginning to realize my feelings for Peeta were perhaps more than just being District partners.

"Do you remember the training center roof?"

He looks momentarily thoughtful when I say this. "Yes, I only went up there twice, I think."

"When you wanted to freeze that moment and live in it forever?" I press. I don't know why I feel the need to tell Peeta this, but he does nod and follow along with wherever I'm going with this.

"Well, I'm glad it didn't," I say quickly. His arms let go of me and I don't even have to look at him to know he's hurt.

"Why?" His voice sounds strained and I immediately wish he knew where I was going with this.

So I tell him, fast, because I don't want to hurt him anymore. Not with my words. But if he takes them that way, then I'll just have to show him in actions. The only way I know how to express myself clearly.

I turn around so I'm kneeling in front of him. He looks crestfallen, but his eyes go curious when I reach out and place my hand on his shoulder. Peeta looks up and meets my even gaze. Or at least I hope it is. My heart is pounding so hard, I'm sure he can hear it.

But the words slip out easily, almost as if they were rehearsed. Which they weren't. Which is why my voice cracks a bit.

"Because then we wouldn't be able to live in right now."

I lean over, using the hand I have on his shoulder as support as I press him back against the tree. Before he can say anything, however, I press my lips to his, silencing him.

Its different. When I kissed Peeta before, I felt almost guilty. Mostly because we were supposed to be fake lovers and the 'hottest couple in Panem'. I never felt good enough. I was never the equal to Peeta's easy fluency in speech. His good looks. His kindness and patience.

No, I was the complete opposite to his perfection. I doubt I would ever deserve him.

His lips are slightly chapped from the cold, but he tastes the same as I run my lips across his, closing my eyes to preserve the experience. He's so familiar to me, everything about him. The softness of his blond hair. The smell of his clothes and of him. The sound of his breathing, harsh with lust and soft with compassion. The heat of his breath against my mouth. His heartbeat, hammering against my other hand which had flown to his chest in keep him in place as I continue the kiss.

Yes, this kiss is different in such a good way, a strange happiness seems to take over my actions. I run the hand over his heart over his collarbone, extracting a satisfying groan from Peeta as his arms go around my waist, unable to pull me any closer because I am kneeling. Its so much better than before. I'm not lying anymore. Not to Panem. Not to Paylor. Not to Haymitch, who always saw through me anyways. Not to anyone who I owe the truth to. And especially not to myself.

I can feel Peeta shift under my caresses, his hands tightening around my hips. He attempts to pull me closer, but he seems lost in the sensations that our kiss is creating and he just gives up, opening his lips to mine as I dip my tongue to meet his.

A delicious heat is building inside and it both scares and excites me that only Peeta can do this to me. I remember the feelings I had for Peeta before when I kissed him, but now it feels like an inferno instead of flames. It burns brighter every time Peeta's hands move across my waist and it only fuels the flames instead of smothering them. I'm aching by the time I pull away. But I need to hear him say it too.

"Please tell me you want this just as much as I do." The words sound breathy coming from my mouth. Perhaps because I'm panting. But our faces are so close together, it honestly doesn't matter because he can hear every word I whisper.

Peeta's answer is only to crush his mouth against mine again. He pushes up against the tree so he can reposition himself against the rough wood. I can only try to see through the haze in my mind as all my thoughts disappear.

It takes the blistering cold to remind us that the sunlight is rapidly disappearing, leaving us in the darkened setting of night. Peeta pulls away reluctantly. "You don't know how long I wanted this," he responds to my question, his eyes meeting mine earnestly.

I swallow. I can't exactly pinpoint the exact moment when Peeta had fallen in love with me. He claims it is that one day he saw me sing in front of the entire class after his father had pointed me out to him, but I can barely remember that day except for the fact that I did indeed wear a red plaid dress and had my hair in two braids.

But I do realize that Peeta had confessed his love for me almost 2 years ago during the first Games when Caesar asked him during the interviews. And now I realize that he truly meant every word he said. He was in love with me. It was just me who wasn't in love with him.

Except now I am.

"We have to go. Its too cold to be out here," Peeta says, moving to his feet. He offers me his hand to hoist me up, but once we begin walking out the meadow, his hand never leaves mine, keeping it in a warm gentle grasp.

As we walk up to Peeta's front door, I spot Haymitch, sitting on the front steps. He scowls at us as soon as we are within talking distance.

"I've been waiting forever," he growls as he gets to his feet. "I'm hungry and cold."

I snort, but Haymitch's eyes drop down to my hand, entwined with Peeta's. He looks up with a sneer, but Peeta has already unlocked the door and pulls us both inside to get warm. I end up walking up the stairs instead of towards the kitchen, mumbling an excuse on having to change out of my clothes.

I head to the upstairs bathroom, eager to take off my wet socks and put something fresh on instead, but its only when I'm searching in the closet for clean clothes that I know I'm not alone.

"What do you want, Haymitch?" I sigh, closing the closet door after pulling out a clean t-shirt and a pair of Peeta's sweatpants.

Haymitch is grinning at me. The expression is equivalent to Buttercup's when he knows he's done something he's not supposed to. "So, you and the boy?"

"What about me and Peeta?" I snap, suddenly frustrated. "Its not wrong."

Haymitch's grin disappears. "No, but I just want to know how much you're going to put into this," he says sternly.

I resist the urge to kick him out of the house. "I want this," I say truthfully, if not a little shirtily. "I'm going to do this right."

Haymitch snorts before pulling out his flask unscrewing the cap.

"Just make sure you know what your heart wants before you pull his into this."

He takes a swig before turning the corner, shutting the door behind him.

When the door clicks, I'm left with more determination than ever to prove him wrong.