Chapter 8

For Nick, the memory of that day so many years ago was full of anger. As soon as he saw his Mother crying, as soon as he saw his little sister just playing with a doll like nothing had happened, he blew up. Michael Lee was nearly his age. Nick knew him from going to school with him. He liked him well enough, but they weren't close friends, and now all he wanted to do was beat the snot out of the boy. He remembered he even started for the door.

His father stopped him and even boxed his ears when he began to backtalk Tom Barkley. Nick remembered his anger cooling as his ears started hurting. His father told him his place was to stay with his family now, not to run off and confront the Lee boy. Nick stayed. He learned a valuable lesson that day, that often the thing to do was not to act, but to stay.

Nick watched Audra sleep, not realizing how tired he was himself. He fell asleep in the chair.

About an hour later, Jarrod checked on his mother and found her sleeping, so he didn't disturb her. He went to Audra's room, and through the door he could hear Nick snoring. He went in quietly, stood at the foot of Audra's bed and couldn't help smiling. Yes, it had been a horrible two days. Yes, he was exhausted from working so hard and if he sat down without work in front of him he would fall asleep himself, but for this moment, watching his sister sleep quietly and his brother sleep noisily, he smiled.

Audra's eyes abruptly opened and looked up at him. Jarrod was so surprised he almost jumped. "I thought you were asleep," he said.

Audra actually smiled a little. "Nick snores."

"Yes, he does," Jarrod said and sat on the edge of the bed opposite Nick. "How are you doing?"

"I don't know," Audra said, losing the smile. "Jarrod, I don't remember anything about what Mother said. Did she actually tell me about something happening at the Lees' or did I dream it?"

Jarrod took her hand. "I'm sorry, Honey, it wasn't a dream. What she told you about did happen."

"Why don't I remember it? I mean, I don't remember anything at all, and I thought Martha was still alive."

It was talking about Martha that caused Audra to start crying again. "Audra, it's like the doctor said, you were only five years old, and a child's mind protects the child from things like what happened with the Lees."

"But I'm grown now. Shouldn't I be able to remember now?"

"Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. But I wouldn't worry about not remembering, Audra. If it wants to come, it'll come. Worrying about not remembering may keep you from remembering, if that's what your mind wants."

Nick suddenly snorted awake. "Oh, I'm sorry," he said when he saw Jarrod and Audra and realized he'd fallen asleep. "I didn't mean to drop off like that. Bet I was snoring, too."

"It's all right, I don't want to keep sleeping," Audra said and began to sit up. "I want you two to get out of here while I get dressed again. I'm getting hungry."

"It'll be time for lunch in an hour or so," Jarrod said, getting up. "I'll wait out in the hall for you so you can call for me if you need me."

Nick got up out of the chair. "I sent Mother to get some rest. I'll look in on her, see if she's moving around. Heath oughtta be back any time now from taking the doc home."

"Thank you, boys," Audra said suddenly.

They looked down at her.

She was smiling softly. "For looking out for me, for looking out for Mother."

They both smiled, and Jarrod leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Our pleasure, my darling," he said, and he and Nick went out.

XXXXXXX

Lunch went very quietly. No one really knew what to talk about, and it was awkward. Victoria finally asked, "Jarrod, will you be going into town at all today?"

"No, I've brought plenty of work out here to do," Jarrod said. "Think I'll probably catch a nap, too."

"I'll stay around if you want me to, Mother," Heath said.

"No," Victoria said. "I think you and Nick can go out to work if you want to. We'll be all right until you get home."

"May I go out with you?" Audra suddenly asked, and everyone looked up at her. "I know I'm not much of a cowhand, but maybe I can help at the chuck wagon for a few hours. I'll come home with you, too."

Jarrod shrugged. "It might do everybody some good," he said. "That chuck wagon of yours does need some work."

"All right," Nick said. "And if you want to round up a stray or two, I might let you do that."

Audra smiled, and since she did, everyone else did, too.

In another hour, Nick, Heath and Audra arrived out where the main herd was being kept. Audra headed straight for the chuck wagon, and for a moment Nick and Heath were concerned that she was going to be away from them.

"We can check on her once or twice," Heath said.

Nick said, "Yeah. Best we not get overprotective or it could backfire."

"Come on," Heath said, and they headed for where a group of cattle had broken off from the herd.

"Hi, there, Audra," Old Jube, one of the older ranch hands who now tended the chuck wagon, said as she came along.

"Hello, Jube," Audra said, dismounting and tethering her horse to the wagon. "I came to help you clean up, if you'd like me to."

"Well, now, I could use a little help. It's that time of the week I usually give the pots and pans a real good scrubbing, if you think you'd like to tackle that."

"I'll be happy to," Audra said.

Old Jube pointed her to a tub of water he'd already drawn and heated up. Then he brought his pots and pans and set them down beside the tub. He also carried a scrub brush, some soap and a towel. He gave them to Audra. "I'm gonna go fetch some more water for rinsing. I'll be right back."

Audra nodded and rolled up her sleeves. She set to scrubbing the first pot. It was iron and it was heavy, and like all iron pots it smelled bad when it hit water, but at least this chore didn't come very often. It was best to leave iron out of the water as much as possible, and Old Jube kept actual washing of these pots to a minimum.

As she scrubbed, Audra let her mind wander, and she tried to remember again what her family had said happened all those years ago. But then she remembered one of her brothers saying that trying to remember might be counterproductive, so she concentrated on her work.

Old Jube came over carrying another empty tub, then he went to fetch water to fill it. Audra watched him go, thinking what a heavy chore this was for a man his age, wondering whether she should offer to do it instead. That was when she noticed the rifle.

Old Jube had left his rifle propped up against the wheel of the chuck wagon.

Suddenly, seeing that rifle, the memory started to come back. Audra saw in her minds eye the Lee home, the chair against the wall near the door, the rifle leaning up against the wall and the chair, the rifle as she bumped into it, the rifle – the rifle -

Audra caught her breath and staggered a step backward. Was it really a memory, or was her imagination filling in the blanks? She wasn't really sure, but whatever it was, suddenly, in her mind's eye, it was followed by little Martha lying on the floor with blood on her dress.

Audra couldn't shake it. She dropped the pot she was working on into the tub of water and stumbled back to her horse. She untethered it, mounted and rode away fast. She wasn't even sure where she was going. She couldn't get rid of the picture in her mind.

Old Jube came back and saw Audra riding away. He would have yelled, but she had gone too far. For a moment he stood there, not knowing what to do because he knew something was wrong. He looked around to see if Nick or Heath were nearby, but he only saw a couple of other drovers. He called them. He told them to get Nick or Heath.