Singing Beneath the Shadow

I was regretting eating Aly's delicious gingerbread, the children had been gleeful when we had it for breakfast, but the thick cream, rich gingerbread and strawberries were not a good idea for my stomach. I hated disapparating as it was, but disapparating on a full stomach was an idea I'd probably regret for at least a few hours. I breathed in the cool air and made my way up the path towards the Castle. There was something nice seeing it after so long and despite the nausea I found myself smiling as I walked up the gravel pathway, through the forest. The leaves were green and the sun was golden and warm, I ended up pulling my cloak off and carrying it in the basket at my side. It had been hard bidding the children goodbye, especially when Luisa began to cry, but I had promised them to return soon and Alys would take good care of them in the meantime. Alys was still fond in her farewell, but she gave me a warning look when I left. 'Don't give yourself away unnecessarily.'

"You, were only supposed to be gone a week." I was glad I did not drop the basket at my feet and could turn to Salazar a little more coolly than usual.
"And how long have you been skulking in the trees, Salazar?"
He frowned as he made his way towards me, "I assure you, Madame Peasant, I was not skulking."
"Makes a change." I shot back, I was feeling rather pleased with my self-assuredness and I saw Salazar's lip quirk into something of a smile. He fell in step beside me and we walked for some way in silence again, I tried to stop myself, but could feel my body becoming aware of the closeness of his, my need for his hands holding tightly onto my waist. I remembered what Alys had said, was this just simple lust? But even as I thought it, my mind disagreed. This was not just lust, it was more complicated than that.
"So did you remember the Mallowsweet?" he asked, pulling me away from my thoughts.
"Yes." I took my cloak off the basket, slung it over my arm and brought out the mallowsweet in a small jar, the hellebore and powdered moonstone.
"Excellent, I thank you." He studied each one in turn, nodding his head and then took my cloak off my arm, before laying it upon a shady spot underneath several pine trees.

"Salazar, what are you…?"
"Godric and Rowena did not know when you would be back, we have enough time to…" his voice trailed off suggestively. I felt strangely disappointed, I wanted him to seize me into his arms, lovingly kiss me, tell me he was never letting me go. Perhaps I was hoping too much for that. I dithered on the pathway, Salazar's cold eyes watching me. He gave a frustrated sigh.
"What Helga? What is it? Half the time you can barely keep your voice quiet, you cannot claim modesty in this private spot."
I blushed then; he made me sound like a whore, as though I was nothing better than a willing peasant girl who lifted her skirts up for any farmer's lad. I did not make any move, neither towards him or the castle. I looked down to my feet. I hated him and wanted him and loved him and didn't want him. Was love meant to be like this? A confusion of wanting and disfavour. I heard the soft whisper of his footfall and then his hand cup under my chin, drawing my eyes level with his. I was surprised by his expression, not one of anger or frustration, but sweetness.

"I seem to spend half my time upsetting people." he smiled wistfully. "And normally I don't particularly care when I do, it is none of my concern if they find themselves snivelling over my words. But you," he took a deep breath, "I can't do that to you. And when I do hurt you, I feel like a bastard."
I didn't want to say anything, couldn't. I knew if I did I would start crying like a baby. His thumb gently stroked my cheek and he lent down to kiss my other.
"Come. Sit with me?" it was a true request, not a command. After I did not reply, he put his arm around my shoulder and walked me towards my cloak, then sat me down next to him. He put his hand on my waist and brought me down so I was lying against his side. His hand lingered over my cheek and my lips, the same tingles rushing over my skin. I closed my eyes, his long fingers brush aside my hair and drifted over my forehead and jaw. He kissed my forehead, going down my cheeks, till stopping at the corner of my mouth.
"This is why we need you here. Rowena has scarce seen the sun; she is so busy with her books. Godric has been risking his own hide, taking little heed in warnings, and I…well I have turned into an old, sour bastard. We are…I am glad you are back."

I opened my eyes; it would probably be the closest he would get to saying that he loved me. His expression softened when I looked up at him and Salazar tenderly cupped my face once more, his thumb stroking over my cheek.
"I suppose I've always been something of a bastard." he murmured.
"You are not." I cry and reach for the back of his head, my hand gripping onto his dark hair. He instinctively lowers his head and kisses me, his burning mouth on mine making everything else meaningless. His hand holds tightly onto my waist, my fingers curl around his. Salazar's kiss sends fire coursing through me and makes my toes curl; I draw my legs up, while he places his hand just under the swell of my breast. I pull him closer to me, wanting him to be part of me. I feel his hips gyrate into mine. I pull away from the kiss and look at him balefully.
"Salazar, don't."
"Sorry…" he props his chin on his hand and looks down at me, "You look like a deer when you do that."
I fold my arms across my chest and pout my lips, Salazar smirks and gently nibbles on my lips, till I let out a little whimper and kiss him properly.

We spend a little more time kissing and I delight in how Salazar just holds me in his arms, his dark eyes looking deeply into mine and that pure smile alighting on his lips whenever I try and fail to hide my own.
"I've enjoyed this, surprisingly. But we need to get back now, it's getting a little late."
"Very well." I get up and pull my cloak around me, Salazar smirks and brushes the leaves and bits of dirt caught on the material. Once done he holds me in his arms and I rest my head against his shoulder, breathing in the warm scent of his tunic.
"Please don't treat me like a whore." I murmured and he gently kissed my forehead.
"Forget I treated you like that, we will not speak of it again." he says a little gruffly, but holding me tight against him.

We make our way up to the castle, the evening air growing chilled and the sun sinking behind the clouds.
"Why were you away for so long?" Salazar asks.
"There was much to be done and seen to, the newest arrivals were…they were deeply upset by the loss of their parents and I didn't just want to breeze in there and then leave two weeks later. Children need stability."
Salazar nodded and gazed up at the castle, his eyes seemed far away, distracted by memories he kept so closely guarded. I carefully put my hand in his, felt his fingers tighten on my own hand. His eyes came back to mine and he gave me a quick smile, pulling the hand to his lips.
"Better not do this too near the castle." he said and dropped my hand by my side. I hid my disappointment, but Salazar walked closer to my side, our hands and arms now and then brushing against one another.
"I also got Rue and Pennyroyal." I murmured.
"A sensible idea." Salazar said. I felt strangely like I wanted him to tell me he wanted to have children with me, but such a notion was ridiculous and I shook my head to distract myself from such a thought. Salazar caught my eye and his eyebrow quirked.

"You want children someday though, don't you?" It was a less of a question, more Salazar determining I would.
"Yes, someday." I murmured, before glancing up at him, "And you? To carry on your bloodline?"
Salazar smirked, "Yes, I suppose it will have to come to that, though I confess I am not particularly fatherly."
I smiled, laughter threatening to burst out from my lips, a bit my lower lip and Salazar let out a laugh when he saw me thus.
"Is it so ridiculous to see me as a father?" Salazar grinned.
"Yes." I giggled.
"I suppose I lack certain qualities…"

I laughed at that and it gave my heart joy to see Salazar's face break into an easy smile. He came closer to my side.
"Were we not so close to the castle, I fear I would kiss you, you look very beautiful when you smile and laugh…even if it's at my expense." I blushed at his praise and saw Salazar's eyes darken with longing. He was practically whispering in my ear, "I would pull you among the trees if I could and kiss you senseless."
"Salazar, hush, no one must see us behaving like this."
He chuckled and then moved a little way from me, but the distance between us crackled with some unknown magic only similar to the magic one feels when holding one's own wand. A bond so tightly won between the wizard and wand, that it will only severe if the wand is broken. I longed to clasp his hand again, but I kept a tight hold on my basket and cloak.

"Helga!" Rowena practically ran down the stairs and grabbed me into a tight hug. I could barely believe she would still look graceful and elegant while she did so, but her excitement made her look pretty and girlish, her enthusiasm was nothing but affectionate and sisterly. I was happy to see her and hugged her back. I smiled thinking if I had tried such a feat I would have probably tripped on my skirt and fallen down the stairs, before getting up and practically falling into the guest's arms.
"Easy Rowena, Helga has travelled some way and…" Salazar was cut off, by a great roar from Godric who bounded down the steps and swept me up, spinning me across the hall. I let out a scream before laughing and Godric began some strange jig with me.
"Godric let poor Helga down." Rowena smiled.
"Never. Dear God, Helga we have all missed you here."
I grinned down at him, "I am glad to hear that, Salazar tells me you have all been arguing."
Godric turned to Salazar, still holding me up by my waist, "You tell-tale, Salazar." Salazar shrugged and smiled at us both, but I saw a little gleam of jealousy light up in his eyes.

"Godric let me down." I said and Godric grudgingly placed me back on the floor.
"Good." I straightened my dress, "Now then, we can have dinner, you may tell me everything and I will then play judge, jury and executioner in hearing your complaints."
Godric arched his eyebrows at Rowena, "Ooh you heard her ladyship, ready the cooks and her axe."
I elbowed him in the ribs, "Shut it Godric."
He laughed once more and placed his arm around my shoulders, "See that's an interesting story, many have tried to make me do just that, but none of them have ever succeeded."
"Except when I make you my lemon cake, you seem very quiet then." I said smiling and Godric rolled his eyes.
"Alas, that is very true, but then I'm certain all your cooking could have that effect on me." He smiled and gave me another hug, "Welcome home Helga."
"It's very good to be back." I replied, "But let me change my clothes and take a bath."
Rowena put her arm in mine and we walked up the stairs together, leaving Godric and Salazar in the hall.