I feel so guilty for making this chapter! :( Just horrible. You'll all see why once you start reading. And this chapter is a little long than I had anticipated, though not as long as he 8,000 word monster I made a while ago.
I was able to update the last chapter during the week! Thought I'd just do that for you all. ;) This one came relatively soon too. I'll try and get another chapter up by Sunday, but I'm not sure if I can 'cause there's a lot I want to happen…
Hope you all enjoy the chapter more than I did making it.
Read on! :D
Journal,
I fucking hate Disney. All their fucking lies about how like is all about rainbows and sunshine, and how perfect the world is, and that all you need is love to be happy. It's all bullshit! Life isn't like that and I feel stupid for believing it. Life hurts. It hurts worse than sunburn that won't go away! It hurts worse than getting punched right over your heart! It just hurts. And anyone who believes otherwise is a fucking idiot that needs a goddamn reality check.
…..Sorry. I'm just so angry right now! I can't stand it when people tell me lies and the idea that the world is a happy place is just one of them. It just isn't like that, and it never will be.
~*~U~*~
"Specs, I must stay that it's been a pleasure working with you. But alas, I have turned 15 and I must move on to the other dorms for the older inmates."
"…..alas?"
Sitting on the bottom bunk and switching the contents inside a beaker in his hand, Specs watched as TJ took his things out of his cabinet and put it in a box along with all his other things. Specs knew this would happen one day. He was the youngest out the group and knew he would be the last one in the younger dorms. Still, that was okay, because in the days leading up to TJ's birthday, he realized that he could still make and sell the drugs behind his dorm and through the slot on the door. But that wasn't what was on his mind at the moment. His roommate just said 'alas,' and it disturbed him to say the least.
"….must've picked it up from reading that book JoJo left me," TJ said as put the last of his things inside the box. "It's nothing though."
"Sure it isn't…." Specs mumbled. "Thought you said reading was boring."
"Well yeah it is," TJ said, putting the box on the floor. "But this Edgar Allen Poe guy wrote really good stories. Disturbing, and kind of macabre, but still good stories. Like there's this one about a guy who invited his friend over to his run down mansion and the guy's really fucking crazy. I forgot how it ended, but it was good when I read it."
"I'm not really and English fan," Specs told him. "More of a science man, if you haven't noticed…I didn't take you to be one for English. Philosophy maybe…."
"I'm not a fan of English either," Said TJ. "Just this Poe guy." Getting off of Specs bed, TJ climbed on his bed and pulled out the book from under his pillow. Flipping through the pages he stopped on one he folded the corner of. "Think you can handle everything when I'm gone?"
"I've got it. I'm not weak you know," Specs told him. "You're only a little bit stronger than me. And you already told me how to sell it. Stop worrying."
"Just making sure they don't fuck you up," Said TJ. "Some of those guys out there are fucking addicts and will do anything for a fix."
"I know, I know." Specs said. "Don't worry, I can handle it. If I were you, I'd worry about your hair. You look like a skunk."
"What's wrong with my hair?" TJ asked him, jumping off of the top bunk. Looking in the cracked mirror, he examined the hair on his head. It was still blonde, but since JoJo didn't tell him how to make the solution to bleach his hair it was its normal chestnut color for an inch or two from the root. "I do look like a skunk…..do you have any scissors?" Nodding, Specs pointed to the sink where a pair of scissors were on the edge. Grabbing them, TJ looked at his hair one more time before grabbing a lock and beginning to cut off the bleached blonde. Getting the back was the hardest since he couldn't get a got look, but he managed to get most of the blonde off. TJ ran his fingers through his hair, thinking about how it looked on him.
"I don't like it," TJ mumbled. "I miss the blonde….It doesn't even look good with the scar and my left eye. I'll get it bleached tomorrow when I see JoJo."
~*~V~*~
With the sun shining through the window, the light woke TJ up earlier than he had planned to. He rolled over in his bed to try and get into a dark place to sleep, but to no avail. The light continued to shine on him, not letting them go back to sleep.
"Is it too much to ask for some curtains?" TJ mumbled as he pulled the covers over his head. "….m'tired…." Yawning, TJ tried to go back to sleep with the covers now over his head. It was hard to breathe, but at least it was dark. Having stayed up until one o'clock reading the book JoJo had given him, he had only gotten about five hours of sleep before the sun rose and woken him up. It was a Sunday too and that made it worse. Throwing the covers off of him, TJ knew he wasn't going to get anymore sleep. Stretching, TJ looked at his watch. 6:13. Way too early to be getting up and out of bed. But the sun wasn't going to stop shining anytime soon so he forced himself to get out of bed and to jump down the top bunk onto the cold floor. Now that he was used to the shock of the cold on the bottom of his feet, TJ wasted no time wincing and gathered the last of his things. The book JoJo gave him, the candy he kept in his cabinet, and his journal. Now with everything in his box, all he had to do was wait for one the guards to come and take him over to the older dorms.
He couldn't wait to see the others again. It's been such a long time. How far have they climbed up the social ladder? Did things run differently in there? He couldn't answer those questions until he was over there, but how different could it possibly be?
TJ was excited to see the others after such a long time, but he worried about leaving Specs here by himself. Yeah the guy was relatively strong, but he still had that whole 'geek-ish' appearance to him and the other inmates weren't intimidated by him until they got in a fight with him. But he should be okay for the most part.
"You're up early," Specs mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes the best he could with his goggles on.
"The damn sun woke me up," TJ said. "Why doesn't it wake you up?"
"The light doesn't reach my bed," Specs told him as he rolled over. "It's too low. That's why I let you have the top bunk."
"Jerk," TJ joked. "Thanks for being an asshole."
"You're welcome."
The tumbling of the lock on the door caught TJ's attention. All the doors to the rooms were programmed to open at exactly 7 a.m., but no one was usually standing outside of it. Looking, TJ could see the guard he assumed was supposed to take him over to the older dorms. It just so happened to be the same guard who he regularly sold drugs to. The guy was always accusing TJ of not giving him what he paid for, but he always came back the next time for more so to TJ it didn't matter.
Picking up his box, TJ followed the guard, but not before hearing Specs shout after him.
"Say hi to JoJo and Bandit for me!" Specs yelled. "Don't forget to give them their cut!"
"I know, I know!" TJ yelled back. Following the guard, TJ balanced the box with one hand and reached into his pocket, pulling out a dime bag. He tossed it to the table where his best customer was sitting. He smiled at the confused inmate and continued on his way. He followed the guard down the hall leading to the other dorms, before the guard stopped him.
"I saw you give that kid the dime bag," The guard said to him. "And I know you have more on you."
"So?" TJ snapped at him. "You can't afford it. You haven't been able to buy anything for weeks; you can't by shit so don't even try."
"Yeah okay you little fuck. You have no idea who you're messing with," The guard said continuing his way down the hall. "C'mon." Telling himself that the guards' threat was purely a bluff, TJ pushed himself off the wall he was leaning against and kept walking. He knew that this guard, as well as a few others wouldn't do anything to him. If they did, then they couldn't get there fix and they knew they didn't their fix to get through their shifts.
As TJ walked, he could hear something loud. Much louder than the dorms he lived in for the last two years. He thought that the older dorms must be getting close. Stopping in front of the large metal door, TJ waited until the guard unlocked the door to let him in. Once the door was open TJ walked through. The guard didn't follow him in. Instead the guard told him that he's supposed to find his old roommate and shut the door. Shrugging the guard of as only acting like that from being pissed, TJ looked at the inside.
It was huge, much bigger than the other dorm. It had to be at least twice as big. Inside of the blue uniform he was used to seeing everyone wearing, the new color these inmates had on was the classic orange jumper. But even the change of the color jumper everyone had wasn't the most prominent thing TJ noticed. Everyone was divided up into groups—well gangs were more like it since those groups were rather large. Next those gangs all had one thing in common: they were all divided by race.
"It's starting to look like an actual prison," TJ said to himself. "I wonder is JoJo and Bandit—"
"HEY FRECKLES!" A voice yelled out. Turning around, TJ saw JoJo and Bandit waving at him from a dark corner. Happy that the two of them didn't part ways to join the other inmates, TJ walked over carrying his box. "It's 'bout time you came over," JoJo said to him.
"I had to turn 15 eventually," TJ said setting his box on the table where Bandit was sitting. "Now, where am I putting my shit?" Laughing, JoJo pointed to two rooms close to where they were standing.
"Help yourself," JoJo said. "Mines the one on the right, Bandits on the left. We 'bout to go to the commissary, so you movin' yourself in. We be back though." After watching the two of them walk away, TJ picked his box up again and went into JoJo's room. This room was bigger than the one he was used to. Beds were on either side of the room, with a window on the wall between them. A shelf was above each bed.
"That one's JoJo's," TJ said, looking at the shelf with the large amount of books on them. "I can tell." In front of the beds were short walls that gave little privacy for the separate sink and toilet. "At least it's bigger." TJ put his box down on his claimed bed and started to go through his stuff. He only put a few things on his shelf (his Edgar Allen Poe book and his journal) before realized that he should be asking JoJo how things worked here. But still, he choose to stay and put his things away until JoJo came back from the commissary. There was still the issue of him getting a new uniform; he stuck out like a sore thumb because of the blue one he wore. Did they sell them at the commissary or something?
"Well, well, well. Look who it is." Turning around, TJ saw a person he hadn't seen since he gave him the scar across his face and made him blind in his left eye. Right in the doorway stood Tommy Gun and his twin minions behind him. Since he hadn't seen them in such a long time, TJ thought he was transferred to another juvie, but now he knew Tommy Gun simply got older and was brought here. "Long time no see."
"What do you want, Tommy?" Said TJ, clenching his fists and preparing to fight if need be.
"Nothin'," Tommy Gun said as folded his arms. "Just came ta'say hi to da scrub. Well, you ain't a scrub anymore are ya?"
"No I'm not. Now if you don't mind…" TJ headed for the door to find Bandit and JoJo, but Tommy Gun stood in his way. Resisting the urge to throw a punch like he was used to, he tried talking to get Tommy Gun to move. "Do you mind getting the fuck out of my way?"
"Hold on, I ain't done talkin' to ya'," Said the older boy. He leaned against the door frame with one arm, blocking the exit. "I just wanna talk to ya'."
"About what?" TJ asked. "What's there to talk about with you?"
"I see you still got that attitude problem. I thought I fixed that," Said Tommy Gun. "Oh, well. I just gotta fix it again." With a wordless snap of his fingers, Tommy Gun sent his friends inside to pin TJ's arms behind his back.
"So what, are you gonna take my other eye?" TJ asked angrily. "That's really uncreative. Can't you come up with anything new?"
"Course I can," Tommy Gun said with a smile. "Didn't think you'd be so eager for it. But if you insist…." With another snap of his fingers, Tommy Gun gave the twin boys another order. TJ felt a kick on the back of both of his knees and lost his balance because of it. Even with his hands forced behind his back, TJ tried to get back to his feet but to no avail. After struggling against the two boys he ended up laying on his back on the floor with his hands pinned above his head. With a growing smile on his face, Tommy Gun stood over TJ, then sat down straddling his hips.
"What the fuck are you doing?" TJ yelled at him as he pulled to get his arms free. "Get off!"
"Now what would I do dat?" Tommy Gun teased. "Why should I listen to some scrub?" Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out the same pocketknife he used to cut the boy underneath him. Tommy Gun took his time going through all the tools that was in the pocketknife before stopping at the actually knife. Instead of aiming for flesh to cut, he pulled the top of TJ's jumper towards him and started to cut at it, tearing it to shreds. Once the white t-shirt underneath the uniform was exposed, Tommy Gun choose to rip that apart with his hands.
"Get the hell off of me!" TJ screamed at him, not letting the fear that was building up show.
"See, this is your problem," Tommy Gun said leaning over him. "You don't know when to keep your mouth shut." Not giving TJ chance to respond, Tommy Gun slammed his own lips against his. As soon as their lips made contact, TJ tried to get him off but turning his head, but Tommy Gun held him in place with his hands. The twins held his wrists so tight that trying to break free of their grasp was only hurting him. As Tommy Gun pushed his own tongue into his mouth, TJ kicked his legs to try and get Tommy Gun off, but that wasn't working either. Tommy Gun paid no attention to his attempts and slowly moved his hands up and down the younger males chest, taking all the time he wanted to do so. Tommy Gun paused and broke the kiss only to catch his breath. Sitting up, Tommy Gun looked around the room and spoke to his friends.
"One'a you two lock da door," Tommy Gun ordered, placing his hand over TJ's mouth. "Then come back here and put your hand over his mouth! Can't have you attracting attention, can I scrub? Now…:" When the loud bang of the metal door shutting echoes against the wall, Tommy Gun removed his hand, which was quickly replaced by another, and removed his own white t-shirt and orange uniform. Leaning down, Tommy Gun kissed and nibbled at TJ's neck just as the door was being banged on from the outside.
"Looks like your friends are back. You know da thing 'bout these doors," Tommy Gun whispered in his ear. "Is that I can only be unlocked from da inside. Except for the master keyboard, but only da guards know da password for that. This wouldn't be happenin' if you didn't have an attitude problem. You ain't got no one to blame but yourself. But I'm getting distracted…..then again it's not like anyone is going to interrupt us." Sitting up, Tommy Gun relished in the terrified look growing on TJ's face.
Thrashing and kicking as best as he could while being pinned down, TJ tried to figure out some way to get the perverted son of a bitch off of him. It wasn't working, and didn't look like it was going to ever work. He thought it was a joke at first, something just to scare him after not seeing the bully for a considerable amount of time. But then Tommy Gun kissed him, and tore off everything except his boxers. He tried to not give the bully the satisfaction of seeing him scared, but the facade was faltering and fast. It quickly dawned on him that this was no joke, and that Tommy Gun had full intention on raping him.
He could hear yelling coming from just outside the door. TJ could make out that they belonged to JoJo and Bandit who must've been the one's banging on the door too. It didn't stop Tommy Gun from continuing. He turned his head and stared at the wall as the bully massaged his chest; if Tommy Gun wasn't going to get off of him, then at the very least TJ didn't want to look at him while it happened.
Tommy Gun shook and grinded his hips against the younger males, letting a low moan escape from his lips.
"Mmmm…..you have no idea how long I've been wanting to do this, scrub," Tommy Gun whispered. Slowly, he dragged his fingers down the younger male's chest only to stop at the hem of his boxers. Gently, he tugged at the waistband, taking his time to taunt the boy under him. Just as TJ felt Tommy Gun begin to pull off the only remaining clothing he had, he felt the weight of the bully being lifted off of him as well as the hands pinning his arms and covering his mouth. Now that he was able to move, TJ sat up and saw that JoJo and Bandit had managed to open the door and was now unleashing wrath upon Tommy Gun and his minions.
"You alright, Freckles?" Bandit asked him, reaching out a hand to help him off the floor.
"Y-yeah, I'm okay," TJ said, getting onto his feet. He watched as the twins ran out of the room and saw JoJo drag Tommy Gun to somewhere else outside. "Do you know where I can get some clothes?"
"Clothes? They have uniforms at the commissary," Bandit told him. "They have all your uniforms and school books and stuff."
"….oh. You don't think anyone will mind if I got out there like this will they?"
"Probably." Nodding, TJ pulled on one of his old uniforms form his box and quickly put it on. The legs and arms were a little short and it didn't fit quite right, but it was enough until he got his new uniform. Stepping outside the room he headed toward the commissary, but overheard JoJo talking nearby. Hiding behind a pillar he looked over to see who his friend was talking to. It was Tommy Gun, and from the expression on his face, it looked like the conversation was getting heated. TJ couldn't hear everything that was being said, but he could make out a few things.
"The fuck was that?" He heard JoJo yell. "Do you rape all the inmates coming in here?"
"Not all of 'em," Tommy Gun answered. "Just the really cute ones. You're lucky you even managed to get in when you did. If ya didn't, he'd be workin' for me and makin' my money. But there's plenty of time for that….."
"He's not gonna work for you," JoJo told him. "He's not gonna work for anyone. You betta get that idea outta your head!"
"Of course he's gonna work for me. He's gonna work for me, and he's gonna like it."
'What does he mean by 'working'?' TJ asked himself. Choosing not to think about it, or Tommy Gun for that matter, he headed towards the commissary to pick up a few things.
~*~V~*~
"Yeah this place has this whole racial divide thing goin' on. It's not like they're fightin' or nothin', they mostly stay outta each others way. But it's still there."
"Is there any reason why?" TJ asked after listening to JoJo explained the divide he saw after coming in.
"I dunno. It was like this when we came in here," JoJo told him. "They even tried to get me and Bandit to join the gangs with our own race, but we wasn't goin' out like that. They think we're crazy, and they gonna think you crazy too. But they don't botha us much anymore." Looking around, TJ listened to what JoJo was telling him. He listened for the last hour and learned about how things worked. Besides the divide in the inmate population, drug selling was rampant, so he made a mental note to tell Specs that as soon as he came in. There was also some sort of code the inmates were using with bandanas, but his friends didn't know what they could stand for.
Reaching into his pockets, TJ gave them their share of the money from the younger dorms. Seeing the large amount of money made the two boys want to get into the business right away, but they knew they had to wait. As he looked around, he spotted Tommy Gun across the area, leaning against a pillar. The bully spotted him looking and sent a kiss and wink his way before walking away.
'Ugh. What's that guys problem?'
"DETWEILER!" Sighing, TJ looked around for who the guard who was calling him. Only the guards called inmates by their last name, and the only guards in this dorm was standing by the door.
"You gotta go get a new picture taken," Bandit told him. "'Cause you're older now."
After walking over to the guards that called him, TJ was lead down the usual hallway and into the room he was last in when he first arrived at juvie. The room was still as dank as he remembered it. The lights still flickered on and off on their off, and paint was peeling off the walls. However, sitting at the desk was the same guard that led him to the older dorms and he (used to) sell drugs to.
"Aren't you usually in the younger dorms?" TJ asked.
"That's none of your business, kid," The guard shot back at him. "Put your hands against the wall. You know how this works…."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" TJ mumbled. We swore that his guard was following him all because he wouldn't hand over anymore drugs. Even if he wanted to (and he didn't), there wasn't any way TJ could get him any drugs. But this guy was being an asshole for not accepting that fact. Placing his hands on the wall next to the door, TJ waited for the guard to check him for any weapons. He knew this particular guard would check for drugs, so he kept those in his room. He guard eventually came over and searched him for anything that he shouldn't have. TJ was used to those searches; every time they had to get their rooms checked the guards patted them to make sure they weren't hiding anything on them. He waited for the guard to finish, but it seemed to last longer than it should. Just as he was about to speak up, he was pushed against the wall and couldn't pushed himself off. The guard behind him continued to run his hands up and down, searching.
"Is there any reason why I need to be pressed against the wall?" TJ snapped at the guard as he tried to push himself from against the wall. The answer to his question was given by the guard reaching his hands around and unbuttoning his jumper, letting it fall to his ankles and pulling his t-shirt off. It was all too familiar to TJ, and just like before, he tried to get from under him. Unfortunately, just like before it wasn't working, and the guard did as he pleased.
The guard didn't say a word as a sharp pain shot through TJ's spine, through his back, and the rest of his body. He was lifted off the ground by the guard who had one around wrapped around his waist and the other against his back, pushing him against the wall. Closing his eyes, TJ winced in pain and waited for it all to be over.
After what seemed to be forever, TJ fell to the floor as the guard walked away and sat back at his desk as if nothing happened. With pain still shooting through his back, TJ was too stunned to move. Gripping his orange jumper, TJ sent a hate filled glare at the man sitting at the desk.
"Get up," Said the guard. "Put your clothes on. You still have to take your picture." Grudgingly, TJ did as the guard told him. The picture was taken, and he was told to go back to the dorms, but just before he left the guard spoke up. "This is what happens when you don't know your place. Don't even try reporting this; it won't get past this building."
~*~V~*~
"You sure you're a'ight Freckles?" JoJo asked, looking up from his book. "Tommy ain't scare ya, did he?"
"Huh? Oh, no; he didn't scare, me," TJ answered. "And I'm okay. Really, I am. Stop worrying." Laying in his bed, TJ thought about the question JoJo answered. He didn't lie, at least not exactly. What Tommy did wasn't bothering him at the moment. He didn't get that far, and he wasn't making any advances right now. Then again, TJ was comparing what Tommy Gun did to what the guard did. Compared to the guard, Tommy Gun was harmless. The guard pinned him against the wall and did what Tommy Gun wanted to do, but failed. He tried to not let it get to him, after it was over but he was sure that could only work up to a certain point. He wasn't going to tell JoJo or Bandit about it. What could they do? They weren't around when it happened, not that he was blaming them. He assured himself that the guard was just crazy and that if he just stayed away from him everything would just be fine.
Rolling over in his bed, TJ wondered if reporting the incident would do any good. The guards did a lot of things that they shouldn't do and got away with it. They abused the inmates in the white rooms and didn't get in trouble for it, so how could this be any different?
'This had to have happened to others. What are the chances he only did it to me?,' TJ thought. 'But he's still here, so he didn't get in trouble for it.'
"Hey JoJo," TJ spoke up. "Do you know any good stories to read when you don't feel like you belong where you are?"
"Not any books or nothin'," JoJo told him. "But there's a story in your book called The System of Dr. Tarr and Prof. Fether. It's good for that kind of thing." Reaching over his shelf above his bed, TJ pulled his leather-bound book and found the story JoJo recommended. He needed something to clear his head. Thinking about what happened made him want to curl into a ball.
"You sure you're okay, Freckles?" JoJo asked him. "You're kinda quiet over there."
"…..I'm fine JoJo," TJ insisted. "I really am. But thanks for the concern."
After an hour or two, the dorms were locked down and everyone was in their respective rooms. Laying down TJ pulled the covers over himself and put his book back on the shelf. Once JoJo turned the lights off, he was left with his thoughts again.
Was it even possible to avoid Tommy Gun for the rest of his sentence? It didn't look like it. Every time he made eye contact with his assailant, be it accidently or out of trying to avoid him, the bully either sent him a kiss or gave a wink. Just from that, TJ could tell Tommy Gun had the full intention of doing it again and succeeding. But he wouldn't dare try and attack when he was around JoJo and Bandit.
'All I gotta do is say close to them,' He thought. 'If I do that, he won't try anything. Yeah, sounds like a plan…"
~*~V~*~
Walking down the hall to the visitors room, TJ yawned. He didn't get much sleep light night due to him seeing either Tommy Gun or the guard whenever he drifted off to sleep. Each time he woke up with his heart pounding out of his chest and gasping for air. He did manage to get back to sleep, but he woke up an hour later for the same reason over and over again. Something like that would upset JoJo on most occasions because he didn't like being woken up, but for this time JoJo understood. Once it was time to wake up, TJ looked at his reflection in the mirror. He missed the blonde hair and asked JoJo bleach it again, but it had to wait until his roommate could get the things he needed. The scar over his eye was more prominent with his natural hair color, and TJ didn't like it. At least when he was blonde in sort of matched. The cloudiness in his left eye stuck out more as well, and he wanted to cover it up until he could get his hair bleached, so he found the eye patch he received from the hospital after he was blinded at put it on. It wasn't much, but it was enough for now.
Approaching the visitor's room, TJ wondered who could be here to see him. Principal Prickly visited twice a month and he already came a week ago so that was out. His parent's maybe? Nah, he hadn't seen his parents in two years. Why would they show up all of a sudden?
Reaching the visitor's room, TJ saw one of the last people he expected to come and see him. He never thought he would get visited by him. Just from the outside Duval looked threatening and scare away anyone who was faint of heart. Resisting the urge to walk back and wait until it was time to go back into the dorms, TJ sat down at the table across from his visitor.
"What the hell are you doing here, Mikey?" TJ asked right after he sat down.
"I came to see you, TJ," Mikey told him. "It's been two years and no one's heard anything from you."
"Why would you all want to hear anything from me?" TJ shot back. "You all told me you didn't want anything to do with me when I wrote you all that letter. I got the message."
"…I didn't help write that letter," Said Mikey. "I didn't want to. I tried to convience them to just not write back because what they wanted to write was just mean but they did it anyway."
"Like that makes a difference," TJ mumbled. "Do they know you're here?"
"No," Mikey said. "They don't know. I wasn't even planning to coming here today, but the theatre club is on a trip to a see a play in the nearby town and we passed here on our way. I took the bus here."
"Why?" TJ snapped. "Why would you want to see me now? What are you after?"
"Because I'm worried about you. As bad as you were acting before, he kid in here could be worse. But I was always sure that you would make friends in here and do your best to have fun until your sentence was over."
"Fun? You think I'm having fun? Why the fuck would you think I'm having fun? You have no idea what it's like in here! You don't know that I've been through and what I've seen in the last two years, and you have the nerve to suggest I'm having fun! I would just love to know what your idea of fun is if you think I'm having fun in here! It is not fun in here! It's not fun being in the same place, doing the same thing, but still not knowing what it's going to be like tomorrow! It's not fun being thought of as a monster by the entire population outside of here! And it's not fun having to fight for your life each and every fucking day! What, did you think it's like all those musicals and movies and cartoons make it out to be? Did you think everyone's smiling and having the time of their life back there? It's nothing like that! It'll never be like that, and you're a fucking idiot for thinking that it was! It's not like that in here and it's not like that anywhere! Why the hell do you insist on looking for the bright side of everything when it's not there? You better get the idea that the worlds happy and all you need is love to survive! It's bullshit here, and it's bullshit everywhere else! You're only fooling yourself if you think that worlds all full of sunshine and rainbows and milk and honey! It must be nice to live under that illusion and deny what's in front of you! I wish I could deny that how bad everything is! I wish I could get up from this table and walk out of here and go and live a normal life without fearing everyone except four people! Don't you ever suggest that it's fun in here!" With hot tears streaming down his face and balling his hands into tight fists, TJ stared at the table, refusing to make eye contact. He completely lost it at the mention of fun. How dare anyone even begin to think he was having fun? Losing his eye wasn't fun. Seeing kids kill themselves wasn't fun. Falling in love with someone and seeing them commit suicide right in front of him wasn't fun. And almost getting raped once, then actually getting raped sure as hell wasn't fun. But he wasn't planning on telling anyone about what the guard did. At least not yet.
"What happened?" Mikey asked him, taken back by TJ sudden outburst.
"Nothing," TJ told him. "Just drop it."
"But TJ—"
"I said, drop it!" TJ yelled at him. "Don't you tell anyone what it said."
"I wasn't planning to—"
"Good. And you could just pretend this whole conversation didn't happen." Getting up from the table, TJ got in the growing line of inmates waiting to go back in. Wiping the tears away from his eyes he stared at the floor, trying to gain control of his emotions.
~*~TJ POV~*~
What's everyone here got against me?
I would've rather had Tommy Gun beat the shit out me yesterday. What's his problem? Why can't he go bother some other inmate and leave me alone? I didn't do shit to him, but now the freak is hitting on me every time he gets. He keeps trying to get me to work for him. What's he mean by 'working' for him? Whatever it is, I'm not doing it.
And that guard shouldn't be on drugs in the first place, so he should be taking his anger out on me just cause he can't get his fix. Not my fault he's a fucking addict. He just better stay any from me; I'm carrying my knife with me everywhere I go from now on.
…..but why's Tommy hitting on me all of a sudden? After coming back from the visitor's room he found me and started hitting on me right away. His little minions weren't anywhere though; I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure he wasn't up to something.
Now, he's more of a nuisance, but it's one I would like to get rid of.
Why'd Mikey have to visit and make me so angry? Everything was just fine until he came. Now every time I was alone and thought about what happened with Tommy and the guard I start to cry even when I try not to. I hate it. The guard hasn't tried anything though. Guess that's a plus. I haven't written as much in my journal up to this point until now. It helps though. JoJo and Bandit help to, and I appreciate it. But I'm still angry, so I'm about to go punch his punching bag hanging in nearby our table.
….I want to write an Arthur and Recess crossover someday. But I think the kids in Arthur are too goody-goody compared to the Recess kids. That and they're animals…what do you guys think?
RandallXSpinelli: Too soon to tell! I don't want to spoil it, but a student (or two) will get put into juvie in the near future. I'm just not telling who it is.
Donna Nnov:…..I was going to answer your question about Tommy Gun but I think I already did in the chapter. ;) Yeah the guards are really bad; if they were good, then that wouldn't be any fun. Especially in this chapter, but it'll be alright. Just wait and see.
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