"PETER PARKER!"

Peter dashed down the hallway, trying to avoid the un-reckonable force that was Tony Stark.

"Peter," Tony whined as he wheezed tiredly.

He was hoping to corner his ward because he needed to talk to Peter about something important. Unfortunately, ever since their last talk, Peter had been . . . slightly unwilling to have serious discussions with his mentor. Instead of getting discouraged, however, Tony thought Peter's reluctance as a step forward into their relationship: the father embarrassing his son stage. Tony was surprised how much he enjoyed watching Peter fidget nervously. It all made sense now. As a teenager, Tony hadn't spent much time with his father, but when he did, his father always teased and ridiculed him in the best way. Of course, Tony would sigh and exclaim "DAD!"

"I need you to stop, son!"

Peter, who was now placing his hands on the wall so he could start climbing, glanced back at Tony.

"Yeah?"

"It's about Mary Jane."

"I'm taking care of it."

"So you've broken up with her?"

"N—no, not yet."

"Peter, you gotta get around to that. Gwen went home, so what's your excuse?"

Peter pulled his hands off the wall, and brushed them on his jeans. A small frown was plastered on his face.

"It's nothing."

"No it's not."

"How do you know?"

"Peter, you want to know how many girlfriends I've had over the years?"

"No."

"Probably around forty, and that's not counting the one night stands."

"Oh my g—"

"Some of them were crazy, like, really crazy—"

"Tony—"

"They were little bitches. Kind of like your beau Mary Jane."

"Beau? Are you kidding?"

"Nope. Although the crazy bitches were amazing when the sun didn't shine, they got a little bit tedious when we had to put our clothes back on."

Peter flushed bright red.

"I'd break up with them, and if they didn't accept my simple phone call, I'd break up with them in a blaze of epic glory. Since you refuse to call her to tell her the news of your new love, you immediately must got with option two."

"Breaking up with them in a blaze of epic glory?"

"Exactly."

"I don't know, Tony . . . What does breaking up in a blaze of epic glory mean?"

"It has to be big."

"Uh—"

"Since she's a crazy bitch, it should be in a way that warns all the other eligible boys out there to back off."

"What? No!"

"Peter, trust me. I've had a lot of experience."

"Does it have to be public?"

"Do you want to help your fellow men?"

"You probably weren't helping your fellow men when you were screwing their wives and girlfriends."

"Touché. But I've learned from my mistakes. DO you see me screwing my fellow men's wives and girlfriends now?"

"No."

"In fact, you've probably seen me mope around and act all love sick. God, did I just admit that I mope?"

Peter raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Peter, I'll make a bargain with you . . . I'll plan something, and then you can approve of it. Deal?"

He extended his right hand, which Peter took reluctantly.

"Deal."

"That's a terrible idea!"

"C'mon Natasha!"

The assassin crossed her arms and scowled. Tony's heart started beating faster, fearing that the young woman would bang his head into the wall . . . or something worse.

Whenever something Peter-related came up, Tony consulted Natasha. Not that the highly-trained warrior knew anything about raising teenagers . . . Tony just asked her anyway.

"Tony, I'm serious! That's just really strange!"

"It's supposed to be epic—"

"With a blaze of glory. I know. I've heard this all before."

"Natasha, darling. My favorite person ever! Sweet pea!"

"That's not going to work on me."

Tony stuck his lip out, pouting like a little child. He really hoped that part of Natasha would sympathize with him, so he could execute his plan with a clean conscious. However, based on what Natasha had said, he wasn't going to convince her anytime soon. Whatever. When did a guilty conscience ever stop him from doing something?

"Stop sulking."

"You know what, Miss. Romanoff?"

Natasha sighed.

"What Tony?" she said with fake interest.

"You're not my Mom!"

Tony snapped his fingers sassily, and tried to make his hips sway (Note: he failed miserably.)

"I don't have to listen to you!"

Silence.

Tony shifted uncomfortably. All the snapping in the world wasn't going to make him not intimidated by her.

"Fine! I'm going to ask Rhodey!"

"Um . . ."

"You love the idea, Rhodey, don't you?"

"When I broke up with a girl, I usually just paged her or something."

Tony rolled his eyes.

"You know that Mary Jane is a bitch and a drama queen, right?"

"Yeah."

"She deserves something like my plan."

"Tony, before you actually execute this plan, you need to answer a few questions. Where're you going to get a—"

"I have my ways, Rhodey. You must trust me!"

Rhodey shook his head slowly, and wheeled back. He ran his fingers over his head, staring at the ground.

"Tony, it's really great that you care so much about Tony. I remember when you didn't like him very much and it was stressful for all of us. However, these . . . plans. Well. Being a guardian—"

"A father."

"Alright. A father. Being a father isn't always about—"

"A father's job it to keep his son honest, and my father failed in that area. I'm not letting my kid down. He is dating two girls right now, which is too much like former Tony for my taste. I don't want him to be like me . . . I—I want him to be better."

Rhodey smiled, and then nodded.

"You do you, Tony Stank."

"Hahahaha. Very funny."

Tony snatched Vision's copy of Wuthering Heights from his hands, and flung it across the room. Of course, he hadn't meant for it to go careening into the wall, but what could he do now?

"I have a question!"

Vision blinked, and glanced over to his book, which is now laying on the floor in a disgraceful mess.

"It's really important, so you have to listen carefully."

Over the last several weeks, Vision had gotten much better at reading and feeling human emotions.

What was Tony feeling?

Excitement.

What was feeling?

Annoyance.

After all, Tony just put a dent in his book.

Would Tony buy him another copy?

He sure as hell would.

"How can I help you, Tony?" the android asked.

Tony flopped down on the couch Vision was sitting on, and sighed, Leaning into the plush pillows, he ran his fingers through his hair.

"So, you know that Peter wants to break up with Mary Jane, right?"

"I thought as much. Peter did not seem like the human to date two women at once."

"Us humans call that type of person a player, and I agree with you—Peter is not that kind of guy. Sadly, the kid is a little scared to break up with her, which I kind a understand cause Mary Jane is a big ole bitch!"

"And you fear that Peter will not end his relationship with Miss. Mary Jane."

"Bingo!"

"Do you need my help?"

"Uh . . . In a way. I asked Natasha what she thought and she said my idea was terrible, but Rhodey approved. I want you to be the tie-breaker. So . . ."

Tony lowered his voice and whispered his idea to Vision, who blinked.

"Are you sure this is a good idea? I am not an expert on human behavior, so I do not know what I think."

"C'mon! Mary Jane is a royal bitch!"

"She is a female dog?"

"It's an expression, man."

"I see. There is a human expression that says 'what goes around comes back around,' which possibly applies to this young lady. Maybe terminating their relationship in such a manner will teach her to lose her . . . royal bitch tendencies."

"Yay Vision! You're the boss, man!"

Tony jumped up, scampering towards his office.

This is gonna be awesome!

He had come calls to make.

"You never told me you were going to talk to my old science class."

"Oh, well . . . I thought it would be fun."

Tony smiled to himself slyly, resisting the urge to giggle like a teenager girl. Excitement flowed through him, and his heart pounded from the images of Mary Jane's fallen face in his head.

When Peter first told Tony they were taking a trip to New York City, Peter was thrilled that he would be able to see his Aunt May again. They were going to have dinner with her at the Brooklyn Diner, one of Aunt May's favorite restaurants to eat at. Tony wanted to take them to see a Broadway show, but Peter quickly denied his offer; ever since the Playbill incident with Mary Jane, anything related to a stage performance gave him the chills. In a bad way.

"So . . . You basically just asked if you could speak to the physics class?"

"What school would miss the opportunity for Tony Stark to come speak in their class? Besides, it gives Stark Industries and the Avengers."

Peter nodded. He was suspicious of Tony's intentions; the inventor had been suspiciously quiet, and hadn't said much about his breakup with Mary Jane.

Peter felt guilty about his fear to break up with Mary Jane, but she was so . . . intimidating. Whenever she texted him, his stomach flopped around inside of him, and a sickly feeling spread throughout him. He still talked to her, leading her on. She'd ramble about the latest celebrity gossip, and would cut him off whenever he tried to bring something up. He often found himself shocked that Mary Jane never asked about the Avengers, and never suspected his identity. Usually, when people found out he was Tony Stark's "intern," people would pepper him with questions, demanding him to tell him about the eccentric billionaire, the elusive Black Widow, the brave Rhodes, and the out of the ordinary Vision. He'd usually answer to the best of his knowledge.

"Hello? Hello? Is anyone home?"

Peter jolted out of his train of thought, and turned to Tony, who was staring at him strangely.

He's up to something.

Maybe it was his heightened senses, but for some reason, he could read Tony fairly well. Ever since their friendship really started the blossom, he could tell when he was up to something . . . And Tony was totally up to something.

He shifted around nervously in his seat.

"We're almost there!" Tony exclaimed, leaning forward.

Yup! Definitely something wrong.

When their chauffer arrived in front of his old school, Tony jumped out, grabbed his bag, and ran to the door. Peter slowly followed.

What on earth is he going to do?

Tony's lecture was surprisingly uneventful. He got really excited, scaring some of the students. He scribbled on the board, spilt coke on a kid's lap as an experiment (Peter personally thought he accidentally spilled the coke and said it was in the name of science to cover up his clumsiness.)

Tony seemed to be on some kind of a high, reliving his glory days or something strange like that. Peter didn't have a clue if Tony went to Public High School or not, but Tony acted like the awkward, overly-excitable guy at a 25th reunion or something like that.

Peter shuffled through the food line, avoiding the glaring eyes of the lunch lady. He tried to block out everyone's stares, but he couldn't help looking back at all his old classmates. It was different . . . Flash wasn't ridiculing him, and he made it through all the tables without being tripped by some self-absorbed jock.

To them. He belonged to Tony Stark, and even though the inventor appeared goofy and eccentric, he had money behind him. He also obviously cared for Peter.

As he made his way to any empty table in the back of the lunch room, He noticed a makeshift stage in the corner with a drum set, keyboard and a few guitars on it. There also was a microphone laying on top one of the speakers. Peter shrugged, assuming it had something to do with a promposal.

Gwen appeared by his side, and squeezed his hand quickly. He and Gwen talked a lot about what to do concerning Mary Jane, and Peter told her he was going to try to break-up with her during his visit to her school. A warm wave of comfort flowed over him at contact with her skin; she was comforting and strong, two things Peter needed at this moment.

Suddenly, Mary Jane was standing by his side. He seemed not to notice Gwen and Peter's brief exchange of physical contact. As she looped her arm through his, he shuddered. He turned to Gwen, who had backed up a little. His heart skipped a beat when his eyes met hers . . .

Blue Giants . . .

He jerked his arm out of Mary Jane's grasp.

"I don't want to sit over there, Mary Jane."

"What? They're my friends!"

"Flash is your friend? He made my high school career a living hell!"

"You were a nerd!"

"Oh, and there's something wrong with that?"

"Baby, I love you! Don't talk like that!"

Gwen snorted.

Mary Jane turned around, and glared at her.

"What're you thinking, bitch? Think I'm not good enough for him."

Gwen smirked, and held her head up high.

"Yeah, I don't think you're good enough for him."

Mary Jane opened her mouth to reply, but a voice boomed through the cafeteria.

"CAN I HAVE YOU ATTENTION PLEASE?"

Peter's heart dropped at the sound of the voice.

It was Tony.

"HEY! HEY! CAN YOU PLEASE QUIET DOWN?"

All the chattering in the cafeteria stopped, and all eyes were looking towards the stage.

To Peter's horror, it was Tony Stark standing on the stage, and behind him were some men, setting up all the equipment behind him.

"HI, I'M TONY STARK. YOU ALL PROBABLY NOW ME AS IRON MAN. WELL, TODAY I'D LIKE TO SING YOU A SONG. YES, I DO SONG IS DEDICATED TO A GIRL FROM MY HOMIE, PETER!"

Peter's jaw dropped as Tony cleared his throat. He looked so serious, and driven. The person at the keyboard started playing a few notes, and the guitarist and drummers started playing along.

The song was all too familiar.

"I REMEMBER WHEN WE BROKE UP THE FIRST TIME
SAYING, "THIS IS IT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH," 'CAUSE LIKE
WE HADN'T SEEN EACH OTHER IN A MONTH
WHEN YOU SAID YOU NEEDED SPACE. (WHAT?)
THEN YOU COME AROUND AGAIN AND SAY
"BABY, I MISS YOU AND I SWEAR I'M GONNA CHANGE, TRUST ME."
REMEMBER HOW THAT LASTED FOR A DAY?
I SAY, "I HATE YOU," WE BREAK UP, YOU CALL ME, "I LOVE YOU."

There was silence as people watched in astonishment. Tony winked at Peter, who covered his face in embarrassment. Mary Jane and Gwen stared at each other, and then back at Tony.

"OOH, WE CALLED IT OFF AGAIN LAST NIGHT
BUT OOH, THIS TIME I'M TELLING YOU, I'M TELLING YOU."

This isn't happening.

"WE ARE NEVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER,
WE ARE NEVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER,
YOU GO TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS, TALK TO MY FRIENDS, TALK TO ME
BUT WE ARE NEVER EVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER."

Tony's continued his singing, making everyone, including the grumpy old lunch lady laugh.

"I USED TO THINK THAT WE WERE FORVER EVER, BUT NOW I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY NEVER."

Tony's voice squeaked at the high note. Peter wasn't sure who should be more embarrassed him or Tony . . . Tony's voice was awful, and off-key. He sounded like the worse person to ever audition for American Idol ever.

As Tony started wrapping up his song, people started applauding. Others started cheering, and some had the sense to record this hilarious escapade on the cell phones.

Gwen squeezed Peter's hand, and a large smile spread across her face. Mary Jane, on the other hand, had tears pouring down her face. She turned to her friends, who were laughing along with everyone else. She yelled in frustration at their betrayal, and started yelling, commanding everyone to shut up.

"Oh, how the mighty have fallen!" one guy yelled, throwing his hands up in the air.

When the final notes were sung, everyone stood up and started applauding even louder than they had before. Everyone was smiling, except for Mary Jane. For some reason, Peter felt disappointed that the song had to end . . . He wanted the lyrics to play over and over again, sending their scalding message into Mary Jane's ears.

Mary Jane stumbled over to Peter, he face red from crying.

"YOU ASSHOLE!" she yelled, lunging at him.

Peter blocked her lunge, and smiled.

"BEING AN ASSHOLE SOMETIMES IS FUN!" Tony yelled from the stage, making everyone cheer with him.

"SAYONARA, BITCH!" Tony yelled.

"Do you really want to break up with me?"

"Yeah, I really do."

"Why?"

"Because I don't love you, and I don't think I ever did."

With that, he grabbed Gwen's hand, and headed out of the cafeteria.

Tony, still standing on the stage, smiled.

I think I should start a boy band. That would be friggin' awesome!

Author's Note:

Thank you all for your undying support. I really appreciate everyone's comments. Guest of Honor suggested I write about Tony helping Peter break up with the help of a band.

Obviously, credit for "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" go to Miss. Taylor Swift.

I am in South Carolina right now and then I'll be moving to a new house back in Massachusetts, so I might not be able to post a new chapter soon.

Once again, THANK YOU!

Much Love,

gotmoreissuesthanvogue