A/N: I love projecting facets of my asexuality onto fictional men and Alhaitham seemed like the perfect candidate. I started this in March before Kaveh leaks and I've since revised my headcanons, but I had to finish it anyway.
Reclassification
Chapter 1: Small Changes
Being in his mid-twenties now, Alhaitham knew what he was about. He had always been confident in who he was, but now that he was a 'proper' adult with a job and a house, he was certain about most things. He knew what he liked and disliked. He knew the kind of person he was.
He liked keeping his hair short because it was easier to care for. He disliked the feeling of hair on his upper lip, so he was always clean shaven. He knew he could drink coffee as late as dinner time and be able to sleep that night. Most importantly, he knew that if he left the house without his earpieces, he would not have a good day. Luckily, he almost never forgot them as they were now akin to leaving his house without his keys.
Other people knew that Alhaitham was a man set in his ways, perhaps even too much so. He would arrive at work precisely on time each day (which was not difficult given how close by he lived), and would cease working precisely when his contracted hours were over. Anyone unfortunate enough to find themselves in his presence in his final working minute would feel the discontent radiating off him as he attempted to remove them from his presence by tying up whatever business they had brought to him.
Because he knew what he liked, he was less adventurous too. When it came to food, he knew the flavours and textures he enjoyed, and if someone offered him something that didn't fit his perceived likes, he simply wouldn't be inclined to try it. Why waste Mora on something he wasn't guaranteed to enjoy? In the same vein, why spend a day outside when his home was a perfectly fine place to while the day away?
Recently, Alhaitham had to swallow a difficult pill; he had to accept that living with someone else was just as palatable as living alone. He had, for many years, believed that living by himself was the pinnacle of living arrangements. When the Akademiya had given him his house he could not have been more pleased - it was detached! Not even a neighbour to bother him! It was an incredible upgrade from the shared kitchen arrangement he had suffered as a student.
But then he had accepted Kaveh as a housemate. Which was not something he, or anyone else, would have expected him to agree to. His cold and uncaring exterior didn't extend to some people it seemed. It was unclear to him how many people fell into this category, but his senior Kaveh was one of them.
He often thought back to the fateful night that he'd said yes to Kaveh. Every time he felt that he'd rather live alone again, he pondered what had possessed him to offer in the first place.
It had been a Friday, and he had popped to the tavern for a drink after an unusually intensive week. Alhaitham was the kind of guy who sat at the bar and drank alone, sometimes with a book, other times talking to the bartender. Once in a while he would end up talking with another patron. For the bartenders, these were the most interesting evenings. Alhaitham had a reputation, and most people steered clear of him. When someone actually approached him, it often went one of two ways; if Alhaitham thought they were worth talking to, he would stay until they had to leave, but if they were not worth talking to, he would down his drink and make a swift exit. The bartenders had fun guessing how Alhaitham would evaluate anyone who dared initiate a conversation. If they came from abroad, it was much more likely that Alhaitham would give them the time of day.
So, on the Friday that Kaveh was in the tavern, all bets said that there was no way that Alhaitham would bother with him, especially seeing as the blond had been there since about midday and was already quite drunk. To be honest, they were surprised he was as comprehensible as he was. It took a while for Kaveh to notice Alhaitham (because he was busy playing buddies with the patron who had purchased his last drink), but when he finally realised who was at the bar, it was like iron being drawn to a magnet.
"Alhaitham?" Kaveh perched on the stool next to him.
It had been a long week and Alhaitham was here to unwind, not to be pestered. It looked like a real struggle for him to lift his eyes from his book, but when he realised who was bothering him, the distain seemed to melt away.
"Kaveh?" It had been a long time since they'd last seen each other.
Kaveh grinned. "You remember me!"
Alhaitham blinked. "How could I forget you? I heard you were moving to Liyue."
"Did you? I thought the scribe would have better sources of information. I worked for a client from Liyue."
Alhaitham hadn't looked too deeply into the matter – it was just a passing comment he'd overheard somewhere, but gossip of this variety was of no importance to him.
"Anyway, how have you been?" Kaveh asked, patting Alhaitham's arm and completely missing the way Alhaitham stared at the contact.
"Good, no complaints. I would say you look well, but it's difficult to say if you're drunk due to celebrations or commiserations."
Alhaitham never got round to asking later, but when he thought back to that night, he always wondered if he had been the first to ask how Kaveh was faring, or if Kaveh had poured his heart out because they'd known each other since they were students. Alhaitham had to endure the embarrassment of Kaveh sobbing at the bar as he told Alhaitham pretty much every twist and turn his life had taken since they'd last been on speaking terms (and he could only surmise that the alcohol had eased the way for the both of them to be on speaking terms that night).
The bartenders had a great time watching as Kaveh dramatically told his story, thinking that Alhaitham would leave if he kept drawing attention to himself. When the dramatics died down after the impressive opening act and were replaced with tears, no one in the tavern could believe the scribe was still sitting there. People would later say that Alhaitham definitely patted Kaveh on the back to comfort him, and others would refute that and say it was made up to enhance the story. Still, it was a story that travelled around the city, because like it or not, many people noticed that Alhaitham gained a housemate after that night.
The fact was that Alhaitham did gently touch Kaveh's shoulder, less so to comfort him, more so to try and hint that he should quieten down. If it had been anyone else, he would have left ages ago, but Kaveh was someone he respected, and he wouldn't end the week feeling good if he left him like this.
It was noisy. Kaveh was noisy. The group celebrating a birthday was noisy. This was the peak of the evening rush. Everything was noisy. He no longer wished to be there.
"Kaveh." He grabbed the blond's arm and pulled him up.
Outside, the air was fresh and the buzz of chatter was less overwhelming. Still, Alhaitham kept guiding Kaveh until they were a little further away from the tavern, setting him down on a bench.
"Why did you bring me out here?" Kaveh asked as he wiped his face with his sleeve, feeling quite disorientated in the opposite way to Alhaitham – the lack of noise confused him.
"Do you really not have anywhere to go?" Alhaitham had listened to Kaveh's story completely, not missing any details.
Kaveh tried hard to hold back the tears again. "N-no…" His voice was quiet.
"Stay with me."
"Huh?" He knew he was drunk, but it was a bit mean of his brain to imagine Alhaitham saying something like that!
"If you don't have anywhere to stay, at least stay with me for tonight. You're in no state to be wandering about."
Kaveh looked up at Alhaitham as if he were an angel before throwing himself at the other and hugging him around his thighs (his legs had failed to follow his ideas of standing up).
As the scribe, he had been privy to many academic hearings and proposals. He had listened to, and recorded, the rejections of many hopeful academics. Sometimes he thought that the sages who dashed these dreams were harsh in their judgements – there were times where Alhaitham thought he could offer a few tweaks that would have resulted in an approval, but it was not his job or his place to do so, and he didn't care. Other people might pity those that he saw leaving the room as they held back tears after having their ideas torn down, but not Alhaitham. He was only there to take note, not to have any opinions or feelings about what he saw or heard.
So, when Kaveh asked to stay for more than one night, he did not agree out of pity. He believed he agreed because it was going to be a temporary situation, and because technically Kaveh had been entitled to half of the house, even though he rejected it. Despite everything, Alhaitham still respected Kaveh deep down, even after their fall out, so it was the least he could do.
When it turned out that Kaveh couldn't find somewhere better to stay, Alhaitham found that there were two things wrong with him. Firstly, he couldn't kick Kaveh out. He literally could not find it within himself to confront Kaveh and say the words. Which was odd, because he was extremely proficient at kicking people out of his office, especially when they were infringing on his time. And at the moment, Kaveh was infringing on his time any time they were both in the house as far as Alhaitham was concerned.
Secondly, he liked Kaveh being in the house. It was very handy to have another person around at times, especially someone who was struggling to pay the rent and so defaulted to doing chores in order to earn brownie points. Alhaitham did not enjoy spending his time doing dishes or dusting his bookshelves, and if Kaveh was willing to do it, he could stay a little longer. Kaveh also cooked, made sure they didn't run out of daily necessities, and…was someone to talk to.
Alhaitham wanted to believe that he didn't need anyone in his life, but that was another truth he'd been forced to accept. It had taken a while for him to realise, but it was obvious when Kaveh had left to work on a project in the desert for a week. At first Alhaitham had been thrilled to have the house to himself again. He was glad to not have to suffer Kaveh and his dramatic antics. It took about 4 days for him to realise that he missed Kaveh immensely. Yes, he missed the household labour Kaveh put in, but mainly he missed coming home and having Kaveh ask him how his day was (Alhaitham would often just say 'fine' or some other one-word answer), and then listening to Kaveh's rendition of his day. He hated to admit it, but he needed that sort of social interaction to keep him sane.
"Why do you keep looking at me?" Kaveh asked the evening he returned.
Alhaitham averted his eyes, but it was obvious that he kept looking up from the book in his hand.
"You're smiling too," Kaveh pointed out. "Have you been drinking?"
"No, I'm just thinking."
Kaveh found him strange that evening, but things seemed the same as ever the next day, so he didn't worry about it. It never occurred to him that Alhaitham was simply happy to have him back.
ooo
Keeping Kaveh as a housemate and enjoying his presence at home were small changes in his thinking that he didn't find difficult to accept. After all, people grew and experienced new things, and he couldn't expect to know everything about himself before he was 30.
What was unacceptable was that Kaveh made him question a much more fundamental aspect of his identity; one that he was not so willing to change his mind about.
Alhaitham had successfully navigated puberty and his student days without having a foolish crush on someone, or dating anyone, or doing anything he'd later regret because he thought it was 'love'. These sorts of thoughts and feelings had never surfaced for him, and he was absolutely okay with that – in fact, he liked it! Life was a breeze when you didn't have any baggage like being madly in love with someone. He didn't care for labels, but as a scribe who was a master at categorising, and a Haravatat graduate, he made sure he knew that the terms 'aromantic' and 'asexual' were the ones that best applied to him. He felt nothing, was happy feeling nothing, and prayed that he never would feel anything.
So, why was he imagining he was feeling things now?
"Alhaitham."
You were meant to know if you were attracted to someone immediately, right?
"Alhaitham!" Kaveh waved a hand in front of his face.
"What?" Alhaitham asked, finally focusing on Kaveh. Kaveh, who he had known since he was a teenager, who he had been living with for months now.
"I asked you why you were staring at me, and you just looked zoned out. Are you okay?" Kaveh's face was full of concern.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I must be tired." He got up and headed to his room, leaving Kaveh to stare at the clock which showed it was just past 8pm.
Kaveh was pretty, always had been. Alhaitham had never really thought that hard about it; there were people who looked nice, and there were people who didn't make an impression. There were very few people who Alhaitham immediately thought of as 'pretty' or 'beautiful.' He simply didn't care for aesthetics. He cared about the thoughts and opinions of people more. Someone who he thought was plain in looks could grow more beautiful in his eyes if they shared an opinion with him. Someone who was academically talented would shine through a crowd to him, even if they weren't conventionally attractive to most.
These people were few and far between, mainly because he did not take the time to get to know them.
Ah, so that's it… Alhaitham thought Kaveh was prettier than the average person and he had got to know Kaveh through his academic ability. That still did not answer his question of why now? He'd known these things about Kaveh for years, and not once had he thought of Kaveh as anything more than a peer or a colleague. It was even difficult for him to think of them as friends.
Alhaitham laid on top of his bed with his arms folded, brow furrowed. If anyone were to open the door, they would think he looked like an angry child who'd been sent to their room. He wouldn't say he was angry, but he was annoyed at something. At himself? For feeling something he thought he was incapable of? At Kaveh? For being the one to trigger these feelings?
No, it was definitely his problem, no one else's. It was strange, but he felt betrayed. By his brain? By his heart? By whatever part of him currently believed that he wanted something more from Kaveh. Not that he could quantify exactly what it was that he was yearning for. All he knew was that he wanted more than what they currently had.
Very briefly he allowed his mind to consider what 'more' could be. The thought of hugging Kaveh after he had returned from his week away reared its head again. It was embarrassing, and he rolled over so that his face was half-hidden in his pillow.
Why in all of Teyvat was that so appealing to him all of a sudden? He hated unnecessary physical contact, right? That's what he believed about himself, and that's what everyone else believed too. When was this something he desired? And why Kaveh?
ooo
"Did I do something to annoy you?" Kaveh asked.
Alhaitham wanted nothing more than to tell him yes, your very existence is annoying.
"Look, even if I did – not that I have any idea what I might have done – you could at least answer me," Kaveh said.
He knew that the list of things that annoyed Alhaitham was endless and ever growing. If he borrowed one of Alhaitham's utensils while cooking, it had to be washed and back in its rightful place before the scribe noticed or he'd get a dirty look. There were certain times of the day that he was not allowed in the bathroom, otherwise he feared Alhaitham would break the door down in order to preserve his to-the-minute perfected routine. The list went on. He would not be surprised if he had done something that would seem completely ordinary to someone else, but was absolutely unacceptable to Alhaitham.
When no answer or acknowledgment came, Kaveh tapped the table. This was a very easy way to figure out if Alhaitham was blocking him out with his earpieces, or just being a bastard.
They were sitting at the small table in the kitchen, so they were close enough for Alhaitham to reach out and place his hand over Kaveh's. This was a very bad move, because now Alhaitham was touching Kaveh's hand and thinking about holding it for longer in a nicer grip than the one that currently said 'stop tapping.' Luckily, Kaveh retracted his hand quite quickly.
Kaveh sighed. "Fine. Look, if you don't want to talk, at least give me a thumbs up to let me know you're okay."
Alhaitham wiggled his fingers of the hand still on the table.
"That's not very comforting," Kaveh said. "I know you have days where you don't want to talk, but you really can't even put my mind at ease with a thumbs up? Should I be worried? Is there someone I should call to help?"
Alhaitham shook his head.
Kaveh gave up. "Alright. But if you do need something, let me know."
It was disconcerting when Alhaitham had days like this. Usually, Kaveh could trace the cause back to something, but not this time. It reminded him of their student days, back when seeing a silent Alhaitham was much more common. He had tried so hard to get a conversation out of him back then, and these days he was lucky if Alhaitham didn't have a quick response to something he said. Maybe he needed to recharge every so often?
Alhaitham wanted to give Kaveh an answer, but he didn't know what to say. He couldn't allow his mouth to run and say something close to the truth, not when he didn't fully comprehend the truth himself. Maybe voicing things aloud would help, but he couldn't let whatever words were buried inside him fall on Kaveh's ears first. His other option was to let his words be guided by the annoyance he felt about the rut he'd driven himself into, which was not a good idea in any sense, but it was the safer option. It would probably end up with Kaveh being hurt by his words, likely hurting himself in the process, but maybe he wanted Kaveh to hate him? If Kaveh hated him, then surely these budding feelings would dissipate before they had a chance to grow? It was a tempting thought.
Instead, he said nothing, letting silence reign. After all, Kaveh had known him long enough to know that sometimes he needed a silent day. That's all this was. But even if Kaveh had seen him before like this, this was the first time Alhaitham recalled him looking so concerned.
Should he call someone? Did he mean a medical professional? Or was Kaveh under the delusion that there was someone closer to him that would be better placed to deal with his odd behaviour? The other students used to leave him alone, whether he felt like talking or not, but Kaveh was always there for him. He'd involve Alhaitham in whatever he was doing – whether it was work or play. As he watched Kaveh take their plates away, he fondly remembered the time that Kaveh had played the dutar while he sat there listening because Kaveh was quite good and the noise was pleasant, and then Kaveh had taught him the basics of how to play. It was too long ago to remember the exact wording, but Kaveh had said something about his smile after he'd successfully strung a few notes together that formed the start of a common tune. Something along the lines of if he was smiling, then Kaveh knew he was alright.
These thoughts were no use to him. They were making things worse. He stood up and forced himself to speak, "I'm going out." His voice sounded strange in a way he couldn't place. More restricted? As if it really had been such an effort to get the words out.
Kaveh nodded, and didn't offer to accompany him, understanding. "Stay safe."
He needed to clear his head, and be away from the person at the centre of his problems.
After his long, leisurely walk, Alhaitham had committed to trying to be absolutely normal about things, ignoring how he had been earlier that day. Usually, he would say he was an excellent actor, but there were limits, and he wondered how much Kaveh could see through his façade. He simply needed to ride this out, whatever this was.
The intensity of his feelings did subside once the weekend was over and he had work to focus on again. Life returned to how it was before Kaveh's trip, and Alhaitham blamed his feelings on the trip – if Kaveh had not gone away, he would not have felt a thing. He convinced himself that everything was down to being glad to have Kaveh back, and that there was nothing more to it. Whatever romantic feelings he thought he'd had slunk back to the depths of his heart and he prayed they'd never see the light of day again. He liked things just as they were – no need to change anything.
A/N: I know new info came out about their reunion, but apollo gave me the gift of prophecy when I originally wrote this chapter so I haven't changed it.