Kaoru groaned, squinting his eyes closed harder against the morning light spilling across his bed. "Wake up, sleepyhead," a soft voice cooed into his ear.
"FUCK!" Kaoru shot bolt upright, glaring at his twin. "For the last time, that is not funny. You scared the shit out of me."
"For absolutely not the last time, that is hysterical. You should see your face," Hikaru laughed, flopping backwards on his brother's bed.
"Goddamnit, Hikaru! I might not have been alone, you know."
"Mom called me last night. You were alone."
Kaoru grabbed his phone off the nightstand, texting urgently.
"What's up?"
"I'm texting Haruhi. I need to find out what the criminal penalty for matricide is before I decide for sure it's not worth it." He set the phone back down, sighing heavily. "I got cockblocked by my mother. I'm not sure anything more humiliating has ever happened to me in my life."
"Oh, I'm pretty positive we can think of a few things," Hikaru grinned.
Kaoru threw a pillow at his brother. "Not. Helping," he growled.
"What was she doing here, anyways?"
"Mom? She wanted to check over some design sketches I'd been working on. I have no idea why that had to be done the very second she thought of it, but you know Mom."
Hikaru nodded in sympathy.
"Anyways, we walk into the apartment, and there she was, and there she stayed, for I kid you not, a goddamn hour, telling Megumi tales of our childhood mishaps and mayhem."
"I know. She could barely tell me the story, she was laughing so hard."
"Of course by that time, the mood had been entirely killed, and Megumi wound up leaving about three minutes after Mom, saying she had a family breakfast this morning and she needed to get some sleep." Kaoru dragged his hands over his face. "I am never, ever going to live this down."
At that moment his phone rang. Kaoru reached out and grabbed it without looking, assuming it was Haruhi wanting to know why he was suddenly so interested in Japan's criminal code. "Well?" he said. "How many years would I get, and do you think I could have at least have decent meals brought in while I'm serving my sentence?"
"That's a bit drastic, don't you think?" Megumi's voice sounded like she was struggling to hold back a laugh.
Kaoru was well aware that a big goofy grin was spreading over his face. He tried to shoo Hikaru out of the room, but when his brother refused to budge, he jumped out of bed and locked himself in his walk-in closet. "Hey," he said warmly. "You have no idea how insanely happy I am that you're even talking to me right now."
Megumi didn't bother holding back her laughter this time. "Your mom is adorable."
"That was completely humiliating."
"Why? Just because you're closing in on 30 and your mother still comes into your room? You could make a little sign for your door: KEEP OUT THIS MEANS YOU."
"Thanks. Way to rub it in."
"Hey, I'm not judging."
"You are totally judging. You're telling me your parents don't have a spare key to your apartment?"
"Well, of course they do, but they'd never just show up without asking," Megumi said. "And then if they saw I had a guest, they'd leave."
"Things don't work like that in my family."
"I think that's obvious." Her voice was warm, taking any sting out of the words.
"Did you really have breakfast with your family today?" Kaoru asked.
"Actually, I did. We try to get the whole family together about once a month."
"That sounds nice," he said, leaning back against the wall.
"It is. We're close. Not necessarily close enough to make impromptu appearances in each other's living spaces, but still."
"That sounds even nicer," Kaoru said wistfully, as the unmistakable sounds of Hikaru picking the lock on his closet door reached him. He turned his back to the door. "What are you doing today?"
"Groceries, laundry, and lesson planning. Another exciting day in Megumi-land," she replied. "What about you?"
"Well, right now I've shut myself in my closet, and Hikaru is about two seconds away from bursting in. I'm not sure what's on tap after that, but it almost definitely involves changing my locks." Kaoru made a face as he heard the door open behind him. A crumpled-up note soared over his head and landed in his lap, and then the door closed. "Want to get together later?" he asked as he uncrumpled the note.
Megumi sighed. "Kaoru, yesterday was perfect. One of the best days ever. And it's not that I don't want to see you, because I do. I really do."
"But?" he asked, his heart sinking.
"If we get together this evening, I'm not going to be able to get my head straight in time for class tomorrow. I'll be all giddy and unprofessional, and I'm just not comfortable with that yet. Can you understand?" Her voice sounded strained.
"No, I get it. I don't like it, but I understand what you mean, and I can respect that," Kaoru replied, reading the note. It said: Ouran Scholarship Benefit!
"I'm really glad to hear that," Megumi said, clearly relieved. "I mean, there's no rush, right?"
"I'm not going anywhere," Kaoru assured her. "But speaking of time, and going places, have you heard about the benefit at the end of the month?"
"Which one?"
"The Ouran Scholarship Benefit."
"Oh. Yes, I think my brother was planning on attending. Although I'm not sure I quite understand. Why does Ouran need to throw a fundraising benefit for its scholarship program?"
"I know Tamaki wants to expand the program, and I guess he thinks if he can get buy-in from the families in the form of money, that will lead to greater acceptance of both the changes he's proposing in the program and also of the students themselves."
"Sounds rational enough," she allowed.
"Yeah, anyways. Would you be my date? Please?" Kaoru had no idea why, but he actually felt nervous. He couldn't remember the last time he felt nervous asking a woman out on a date.
"I'd love to. I'll have to check my calendar to be sure, but I can't imagine I have anything that can't be moved. Last Saturday of the month, right?"
"Yep. I'll have someone call you about setting up a dress fitting, so you don't need to worry about what to wear."
"I can get my own dress, Kaoru," Megumi said, nettled. "You don't have to worry about me embarrassing you."
"I don't doubt that you could pick out something very nice on your own, Megumi, but very nice won't cut it. I need you dressed perfectly, and I need you in Hitachiin," Kaoru said, his voice going a little steely. "This isn't a night out with just us—this is business."
"Kaoru. You do not get to tell me what to do. Ever. Is that clear?" Megumi matched his tone almost exactly. "If there's something you want, you need to ask. Politely."
Kaoru tried to tamp down the irritation and impatience. She was right, after all. He couldn't talk to her like one of his models. "Please. It would be embarrassing for me on a professional level if my date were wearing another significant label. I would really appreciate it if you would comply with my request." Comply with my request? Bleep bloop. Not wear Hitachiin, does not compute. God, Kaoru, pull it the fuck together.
There was a measured silence on the other end of the line. Finally, Megumi spoke. "I'll expect that call. Next time, I'd better not have to remind you to use your manners." She didn't sound particularly pleased.
"Thank you," he said, a little cautiously.
"But the confident decisive businessman thing? It's more than a little bit sexy. Just so you know." And with that, she hung up.
Kaoru slid down until he was lying prone on the floor. The goofy grin was back. She thinks I'm sexy? It had been a long time since he'd felt this particular heady combination of exhilaration and nerves. He was determined to enjoy it. She thinks I'm sexy! He'd clued into that a bit last night, but there was no denying the thrill it gave him to hear Megumi say the words.
As he lay there on the closet floor, he became aware of voices on the other side of the door. Oh, for fuck's sake, Hikaru. As he opened the door, he saw Hikaru lying down on the bed, chatting with someone on Kaoru's tablet. "Sure, it's no problem if you use my stuff, Thanks so much for asking, Hikaru," he muttered, loud enough to be heard by both parties.
"Hey, Kaoru!" Jen's voice came out of the tablet as Hikaru flipped it around so his girlfriend and his twin could see each other.
"Hey Jen."
"I heard you had a couple of visitors last night."
"I wouldn't get too smug if I were you, Jen. Your turn is bound to come around."
"Yeah, but I'm not shy about asking people to leave so I can get it on," Jen said, looking entirely too self-satisfied. "So what's the deal with the giant goofball grin if you didn't get any last night?"
Kaoru wasn't sure how it was physically possible, but the grin got bigger. "She told me I'm a little bit sexy."
Hikaru flipped the tablet back to so he could see Jen. "You see what I'm working with here?"
"Oh, I see. He's got it bad, bad, bad, he's hot for teacher." Hikaru joined in on the next line: "He's got it bad, so bad, he's hot for teacher!"
"Isn't that song a little before your time, Jennifer?" Kaoru asked, sitting down behind his twin and resting his chin on Hikaru's shoulder.
"The classics never die, that's why they're called classic," she said flippantly. "And you're what, two years older than I am?"
"So, is she coming to the benefit with you?" Hikaru interrupted.
"Yeah. Who do you think should outfit her?"
"I'll make you a deal—I'll take care of Megumi if you can handle Carmen."
"You're bringing Carmen as your date?"
"Who's Carmen?" Jen asked, not even trying to affect disinterest.
"Aside from married, kitten? She's this girl we met in Spain, years ago. Don't worry, she struck more sparks with Kyoya than she ever did with us," Hikaru reassured his girlfriend.
"Oh, that's a relief." She made a face. "Instead of worrying about her hitting on you, I get to worry about her hitting on my best friend's husband."
"Did you not hear when I said married?"
"Besides, you know Kyoya only has eyes for Laney," Kaoru chimed in.
"Yeah, we made Mori go to a maid café for his birthday last year, and Kyoya spent the entire night texting her. They're totally codependent."
"You guys made Mori go to a maid café? That poor fucking bastard. I swear, I don't know how he puts up with you."
"Our natural charm," the twins chorused.
"Natural charm, my ass," Jen muttered.
Kaoru stretched, yawning. "Okay, you two, I need to grab a shower. No kinky video sex on my bed, okay?"
Jen and Hikaru just laughed. Not feeling terribly sanguine about his request being honored, Kaoru left the room. Megumi thinks I'm sexy!
Author's Note: Thanks so much to seeds123 for the favorite, and Chalice13, whenthesheepsaysbaa, Melanie-Says, kankananime123, Beaker77, and mutemuia for the reviews. The song quoted is Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher." You guys! I knew you would all guess it was his mom-who else, right?