Authors Note:

And now it's Raph's turn to have a chapter. Unfortunately, just like April I wrote his chapter extremely long and it had to be broken up into 2 parts. I don't know how this chapter got so long, but it just did.

Also, if you need a little humor after reading this chapter check out my newest creation "Not Your Average Song Parodies". It's a complication of song parodies from YouTube bands like "Starbomb" in a funny tmnt kind of way. It's rated in the M section for bad language so if you're in to that kind of stuff give it a quick peak.

But for now, onto the story you actually came here for

~Enjoy

It's Been So Long

Raphael walked along the tops of the buildings with his back hunched over and his hands stuffed in the pockets of his leather jacket. After all these years, same Leo.

Still demanding tone
still needing authority
still an ass.

What had started as sprinkles of rain drops quickly turned into a down pour.

"Great. Just what I was hoping for on this perfect day," Raph growled as he climbed down from the rooftop and into the ally, taking shelter into the nearby factory left to fall apart. With a pull of a lever, the overhead lights flickered on with an echoing buzz. He glanced around, making sure he was alone. The cement floor was a maze of towers of old crates with a catwalk hovering above it on the urge of collapsing. With a sigh he sat on one of the crates, rubbing his hands along his face.

Why did he even bother trying to consult with Leo? Had he really gown that desperate?
Even after 20 years of having no contact with one another he still held a grudge with him. Not even attempting to let go of the past.

And Mikey. He didn't even know where to begin with him. After they had last seen each other it had felt like Mikey had fallen off the face of the earth. He never had to worry about Leo surviving on his own, but Mikey? Would he be ok alone? And for how long? He was injured when he last saw him and in a world where the weak are overpowered and killed he didn't stand a chance.

With a moment of flickering, the overheads shut off, leaving Raph in silence. "Hello?" His voice echoed through the darkness. Raphael cautiously unsheathed his sai, listening closely for any sign of an attacker. Taking in all his ninja senses, he closed his eye and listened. Silent footsteps echoed through his head coming from a few feet away.

"Alright, I don't know what your game is but I'm not in the mood, so why don't you just turn back on the lights, I'll leave, and this doesn't have to get worse." Raph announced holding up his hands as he steeped backward, further into the pillars of crates. As soon as he heard the clicking of a gun he only had a few seconds to react before neon pink laser bullets shot right by his head.

"Alright, you want to play games? Let's play." Raph ran full force at where the lasers came from. Making out a figure in the darkness, he swung his fist towards it. Dodging his attacks, the figure shot at him again, missing. Raph wheel kicked in the air and hit against something followed by the sound of the weapon hitting the ground.

"Whacha got besides guns?" The sound of chains echoed before they wrapped around Raph's ankles. With a pull, he hit the floor and was pulled towards the attacker. Raph toke out his sai and broke the chain in half. He threw five throwing stars that direction as he scurried to his feet readying his fists. A hard wooden object hit him across the face knocking him back. The turtle spit out blood on to the concrete then cracked his knuckles. "Not bad. Now, it's my turn." Using every one of his trained senses, Raph felt his attacker's presence circle around him. When he came around behind him, Raph made his move. With a powerful kick backwards, he knocked him back. He listened to the path of stumbling feet before tackled the guy and pinning him to the ground.

"Now how tough are ya?" Without warning the assaulter spit in Raph's eye and threw him off of him while he was distracted. "Alright, that was just gross." Raph said in disgust as he went to wipe his eye. A flash of lightning from outside lighted up the room as the figure jumped on to a nearby crate and climbed on to the catwalk.

"You're not getting away that easily, ya little brat!" Raph kicked up a metal pipe that was laying on the ground and threw it. Hitting a rusted area, the cat walk began to make a loud creaking sound before giving in and collapsing on to the ground. "Now where are ya?" Jumping out of wreckage the attacker tackled him having them roll on the ground in a wrestle. Raph held the guy to the ground putting all his weight on top of the guy to keep him from escaping. "Now who has the advantage?" Only a growl escaped from his attacker's lips.

"Do your worst."

Suddenly, his attacker's voice made its way into his mind untangling old memories. The man's voice was rough but deep down there was warmth. A familiar warmth.

"M-Mikey?" The foe grew less tense under him at the sound of that name.

"Raph? Is that... is that really you?"

Raph couldn't believe what he was hearing as he stood up. His little brother was here! Breathing! Living! Raph sheathed his sai and helped him up, drawing him closer to get a better look. His bandana was now replaced with an orange mask that covered the top half of his head, ending just above the freckles splattered across his cheeks. There was a metal plate over the end of his left arm and his wooden knee pads were replaced iron ones.

"It is you!" Without a moment of hesitation, Raph threw his arms around his neck, catching Mikey by surprise. It had been forever since he had felt the warm embrace from another person, especially from either of his brothers. Love wasn't a necessity for him anymore, but now here was his older brother standing before him with his arms wrapped around his shoulders. With a slight hesitation, Mikey gently patted Raph's shell. "It's... It's good to see you too, Raph." A small smile appeared on both of their faces.

"Now, do you think you can turn back on the lights?"

The two brothers sat on top of the factory together, the sun setting on the horizon giving the empire an orange glow in the sky as the humidity from the early rainfall grew.

"So, after pretty much falling off the face of the earth for twenty years, you decided to come back to this hell hole?" Mikey asked leaning forward to get a glance at his brother's face.

"Trust me, I didn't really have much of a choice." Raph sighed. "I wanted to get far away from this place as possible and never look back, but it was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be."

"How so?"

"Well, Shredder's army has now taken over the entire Southern part of North and South America, not to mention he has the entire country of Japan in the palm of his hands as well so all that was kind of in my face the whole time I was gone." Raph sighed as he leaned back against the pole that held the sign of the factory. "I hear that" Mikey responded.

"And... I don't know. I guess I just missed you guys. I couldn't help but feel guilty for abandoning everything and everyone, so I decided to stop in." Raph shrugged.

"I wish Leo felt that way." Mikey huffed as he sat up straight. "Me too." A moment of silence consumed the two men before Raph glanced over at his little brother. His skin was no longer its vibrant young green but an older leafy green shade and his eyes were so full of grief that they clouded the happiness that consumed them all those years ago.

Part of that was his fault. He knew the harsh impact he was putting on everyone after Donnie's death and yet he ignored it. Especially when it came to Mikey. If he could change anything from that time in their life, it would be the way pushed Mikey away when he needed him the most.

Mikey let out another cry of rage as the roll of gauze fell to the floor once again. He bent down and picked it up and threw himself back on his stool for the hundredth time. He kept the roll on his left shoulder and held it down with his chin as he toke his other hand and began wrapping the cloth around the end of his shoulder. As the wrap began to engulf his wound, the end of the wrap began sliding off the end of his shoulder and causing Mikey to let out an aggravated sigh. In defeat, he threw the medical wrap across the room and wrapped his other arm across his torso.

"Having troubles, Michelangelo?" a gentle voice asked from the entrance of the kitchen. "Yeah, I-I need help." Mikey mumbled back avoiding eye contact. Splinter picked up the gauze and toke a seat next to his youngest son. "Why are your brothers not assisting you with this?"

"Leo toke a walk in the sewers a couple hours ago so who knows when he'll be back and Raph's locked himself in his room again." Mikey replied bluntly as he starred ahead, trying to keep his rage consumed.

"It is very rare that I see Raphael outside of his room anymore." Splinter admitted. "Yeah, I wander why." Mikey replied with sarcasm as planted his chin on to surface of his knuckle. The silence from his father immediately began the guilt in the pit of his stomach.

"I-I'm sorry, sensei, I didn't mean to be rude." He quickly apologized. "I've just been really frustrated these past couple of days."

"You have every right to be, my son." Splinter responded as he finished securing the bandage. "These last few weeks have not been kind to you, Michelangelo, part of that is my fault."

"Nobody said this was going to be easy. Don't blame yourself, sensei." Mikey almost pleaded.

"Just promise me you'll stay this strong. Don't give in to weaknesses like your other brothers have. Please." Mikey starred into his father's eyes and almost didn't recognize them. They were so clouded with pain and now they were begging to him. "I promise." Mikey nodded to him.

-
Raph sat on the floor of his bedroom with his head leaned back against the wall, the neck of his bottle tight in his grip. His vision smeared with the darkness of the room, making his head ache and his eyes water. He sighed heavily as he let his eyes drift closed before a heavy pounding from the other side of his door brought him out of his daze. He tried to ignore it in hopes that the person on the other side would get the message but instead the knocking continued, making his head pound with it.

"Go away!" His words slurred to them, but the knocking continued anyway. His vison was now warping with the sound and it made his head pain unbearable. He ran his hands along his face in an attempt to sooth the aching but the pounding was getting louder and faster. With an aggravated sigh, Raph pushed himself on to his weak legs.

"Alright! Alright!" his voice was harsh and demanding as he dragged his feet to the door, clinging to every object in his path to keep himself from falling. "I said go away!" Swinging open the door, Raph's heart stopped in his chest. Standing in front of him was a body that resembled closely to Donnie with its head bowed to his chest. Its skin was a sickly pale shade, making the dark veins under its layer visible. The three slash wounds across its chest were opened and active, running blood down both its legs and starting a puddle at its feet. Raph's fingers dug into the side of his door as his breath quickened, his eyes locked on it.

"No! No- You're dead! You're not real!" Raph gasped shaking his head as he backed away. As he stepped further into his room, the body before him began to slide its foot in front of him, a trail of blood leading from the puddle it was standing in as it trudged toward him.

"No! Stop it, Donnie! Why can't you just leave me ALONE!" Raph shouted at it as he kept a tight grip around himself. The body stopped in the doorway, keeping its head down.

"Please. Please, Donnie." Raph's voice was small and close to a sob.

Its head slowly lifted having two black spheres stare in the Raph's eyes. He opened his mouth to allow the scarlet liquid run down his bottom lip as he hissed at Raph.

"Why didn't you save me?"

Raph shot up from his bed, grasping onto as much air as he could suck into his lungs. He clasped his hands to his face as his body trembled uncontrollably to his shaken state.

"It was just a dream, Raph." He mumbled to himself. "It was just a stupid dream."

When he got his breathing back down to a normal rate he pulled the covers off his body and planted his feet on the ground, knocking over glass bottles that sat on his night stand in the process.

His room was dark with the lingering stench of alcohol that matched the taste of his mouth. Glass bottles laid strewed all over the floor and onto various other flat surfaces. He doesn't remember how the piles started, but I guess that means they're serving their purpose.

To forget, that's all Raph wants.

But, no amount of alcohol could make Raph ignore the growing pain of hunger that consumed his stomach. Getting out of his bed, he walked over to the door, stopping his hand from turning the knob.

"It was just a fucking dream, Raph." He muttered through his gritted teeth. He swung open the door and was faced with an empty hallway. Letting out his held breath he stepped outside his bedroom, a change of the air catching him by surprise.

The light coming from the kitchen sent a wave of anxiety through Raph as he began to contemplate whether or not eating was that important, but the loud growling noise form his torso made up his mind. He stopped in the doorway at the sight of his brothers in the room. Mikey sat on one of the stools, hunched over the table with his Tphone in his hand. Leo, on the other hand, was standing against the counter between the sink and the fridge, two places Raph needed to get to. Taking in a deep breath, Raph stepped into the light, instantly causing the heads to turn in the room. He let their eyes follow him as he walked across the kitchen to open the door to the fridge. The cold air felt nice against his burning skin as he reached in to retrieve an apple, wanting nothing more than to crawl in and shut the door, at least then he'd be cooled down and away from their judgment filled eyes.

Raph walked past, Leo, avoiding any eye contact directed his way. He leaned forward as he opened the hanging cupboard to retrieve a cup. Out of the corner of his eyes he could make out Leo walking away from his settled spot to lean against the table Mikey was sitting at instead, directly behind him.

"Well, look who decided to finally get out of bed." Leo finally said. Raph tried to make it look as if he was ignoring him, but Leo's taunt cut deep in him. His trembling hands lost grasp to the cup he was taking from the shelf and it bounced off the counter, creating a loud knocking sound against the surface. Raph could feel their eyes burning into him as he bent down to retrieve the cup. As he let the water from the sink pour into the mug he couldn't shake the feeling of everyone starring at him. His body temperature increased as his trembling hands became more and more noticeable. The room was silent, but their thoughts were screaming to him.

"You pathetic, creature"

"You disgust us."

"This is all your fault."

"Why is Donnie dead, but you're still alive?"

"Why couldn't it have been you?"

"SHUT UP!" Raph screamed at them, breaking the silence. Mikey was taken back by his outburst, but Leo remained starring at him with disgust in his eyes. Raph shut off the water and grabbed the apple before darting back to his room, closing the door behind him. He leaned against its surface as he steadied out his breathing. He could hear the faint sounds of Mikey and Leo yelling at each other, which made his stomach twist even more. Reaching for the Tphone sitting on his night stand he pressed play on the only video that mattered on that device. Sinking down to sit on the floor, he listened to the recorded voice of his brother reciting notes from an old invention that he was working on at the time.

Raph awoke suddenly to the sound of an object harshly hitting the ground from outside his door. He doesn't quiet remember when he dosed off, but the Tphone's screen was black and his neck didn't ache as bad as he thought it would from having it rested on his own shoulder. The loud noise caused him curiosity so he stood up from his spot and quietly opened his bedroom door to peak outside. He couldn't see much of the lair from his far end of the hallway, but what he could see was Mikey picking up a knocked over desk chair. The desk chair from Donnie's lab.

A wave of aggression washed over him as he stomped out of his room and to the end of the hallway. The floor of the pit was covered with boxes containing items from Donnie's lab, as well as his desk chair and tool boxes.

"What's going on?" Raph asked Mikey as he stepped out of the lab, carrying out another filled box. "What are you doing?"

"What does it like I'm doing?" Mikey asked setting the box down with the others. "It looks like you're taking things that don't belong to you." He toke a step forward.

"Raph, I don't want to deal with you right now. This is hard enough as it is." Mikey sighed, but Raph showed no sympathy. "You shouldn't be touching that stuff. That's not yours!" He raised his voice. "Why are taking his stuff out?"

"Raph, calm down, its ok-"

"No it's not ok! Not until you tell me what you plan to do with that stuff." Raph had a vague idea on what was going on but he didn't want to believe it. Mikey let out a sigh as he averted eye contact with Raph.

"We're cleaning out the lab." Mikey finally answered. "There are a lot of chemicals and mutagen containers in there that aren't any use to us and are dangerous to just keep sitting there so Sensei asked if I could remove them."

"No, you're just trying to take away the last thing we have of him!"

"That's not true, Raph." Mikey objected. "You know I wouldn't do that. But, everyone else thinks that maybe cleaning out that room would do us all good, may even be safer."

"Everyone else? So Leo's in on this too." Raph crossed his arms. "So what if Leo agrees, dude? This bickering between you two needs to cool down before it ruins us all." Mikey turned towards the lab, another empty box in his hand.

Raph looked to the pile of full boxes before picking up a stack of them in his arms. Stomping past Mikey, Raph planted the boxes on the floor of the lab before blocking the door way with his arms crossed.

"Raph, stop it! You're acting like a child."

"I don't care. You're not taking anything out of this room!" Raph protested.

"That's not your choice to make! We all had a talk and agreed that this was what we were doing! Maybe if you didn't keep yourself locked away all the time, you would've had a say in it!" Raph averted his eyes from his little brother, letting them wander over his shoulder and into Donnie's lab. Catching sight of a silver pad lock that was hanging left opened on the handles of a metal cabinet sparked an idea. Stomping ahead, Raph snatched the lock and stood in the pit as he slammed both doors shut. He slid the metal arch between the handles on the doors before clicking the lock shut.

"There! Now no one can touch Donnie's stuff!" Raph huffed as he walked past him.

"Raph, you're being ridiculous!" Mikey spat.
"No, you're being ridiculous! This is Donnie's room! No one has any right to be in there but Donnie!" he roared.

"Well, Donnie's not here!" Mikey responded. Raph glared at Mikey before shoving into him, letting Mikey fall to the floor. Mikey jumped back to his feet and began pounding on Raph.

"THAT"S ENOUGH!" Leo darted into the room, grabbing them both by the top of their shells and pushing them apart from each other. "Get ahold of yourselves! Both of you!"

"Who are you tell us what to do?" Raph shoved Leo's arm away. "You're not our fearless leader anymore!"

"But I am still the oldest and it's my job to keep you from killing one another." Leo replied.

"Oh and how great of job you've been doing! If it wasn't for you we wouldn't even be in this mess. What ever happened to turtles first, Leonardo? You just had to go back for Karai, didn't you? Have you ever thought that maybe if for once you toke your head out of your ass Donnie might still be here!" Raph's words struck a nerve in Leo as he narrowed his gaze.

"Yes, Raph I did fuck up that night but you can't pin this all on me! Your stubbornness has gotten us all in danger numerous times!" Leo started.

"Guys, please. Don't…"

"SHUT UP, MIKEY!" Both Raph and Leo shouted at Mikey, having him back down.

"Maybe I did make a bad choice but you were the one who was with him the whole time. I was in no position to stop him but you were. So don't put the blame on everyone else when you have just the same amount of guilt on your shoulders. Why didn't you save him?" Raph's eyes went wide as he toke a step back away from Leo.

"Argh! I hate you! I hate all of you!" Raph screamed before running towards the bedrooms. The rage drained from Leo's face as Raph dashed past him. "Raph!" Leo call but he was already out of the room. He glanced down at Mikey who sat with his back to him and his face buried in his knees.

Raph slammed the door to his room behind him as he began pacing his room. His hand dragged down his face as his breath quickened. His heart was racing and it was getting harder for him to breath and his breaths grew quicker and less steady. Raph stopped in front the mirror in his room, starring at his reflection. His eyes were blood shot form lack of sleep and from the hot tears streaming down his face. The dark circles around his eyes matched the bruises up his arms and legs above the cuts from broken class.
He felt disgusting looking at himself.

He felt sick.

Like a reflex, he raised his arm and sent his fist through the image of his face, shattering the glass around his knuckles and sending sharp edges into his skin. He retracted his fist and grasped on to it with his other hand as the blood drained out and seeped between his fingers. At the sight, Raph dropped to his knee, clenching his teeth shut. Lowering his head to his clenched hands, he began to softly weep.

Wow that was a long one