Barriers

by krose13

Unlike everyone else in town, Gray wants nothing to do with Claire. He can't stand her, despite all her attempts to befriend him. But when one small mistake leads to one bigger problem, he might be seeing a lot more of her than they both had planned. Updated rating to M for language and adult themes, based on guidelines.

27. Splinter

"Considerable hole you've dug yourself," Gramps grumbled, hands hanging heavy from his robe's pockets.

On cue, our eyes gravitated towards the glistening sapphire sitting in the center of the table between us. Gorgeous, vibrant, unique, and, most recently, a major pain in my ass.

Piles of mangled silver claws surrounding the same stone they'd been intended to showcase were reminders of that. All the claw settings I'd crafted in my spare time these past few days were somehow just wrong enough. None of our existing molds had prongs that fit the curves of the sapphire like I'd envisioned. Molds that could have been forced into working weren't worth the effort to manipulate—I knew they wouldn't do the stone justice.

So instead of burning the rest of my dwindling free time in the smithy struggling over it, I finally swallowed my pride and asked Gramps for help.

"If you had asked before rifling through our stock for a project, perhaps someone could have helped you." And he never gave up the opportunity to turn it into some bullshit lesson. A lesson I likely needed, but a lesson nonetheless.

"I dunno… I liked that one, though," I mumbled back, unable to conjure up any better reasoning. It made sense in my head, but I couldn't articulate it into words that made sense to my grandpa if I tried. "And pretty damn sure I'm the one that found it."

"That's neither here nor there," he swiftly shut down the argument before it could start. Gramps plucked one of the larger failed silver claws with thick, calloused hands. "The last mold you tried was too small. And instead of measuring or even making a new mold… you went for the next biggest we have. Which, consequently, is too large."

Usually, when I'd fucked up at the smithy in the past, Gramps was pissed. Now, he seemed more disappointed in me than anything. Somehow, that made me feel much worse about trying to do it alone.

"Yeah, well…" I rolled my shoulders, trying to fight the growing embarrassment of looking like a dumbass in front of my grandpa. "…didn't know makin' a mold was even an option, so…."

"Direct your eyes to your stone here. Because it seems you've forgotten how you cleaned it up." He dropped the silver and pointed to the stone, but his gray eyes were locked on me, furrowing his soot-covered brow. "Does this look like it would fit our standard settings?"

I swallowed the remnants of my pride to answer, "No."

"Then perhaps the question should have been: where is the clay molding kit?" Gramps smugly offered the suggestion as he left to recover what I assumed was said kit.

"Yeah," I sighed, watching Gramps trifle through the metal cabinets behind his desk. "Guess so."

It was a no-brainer. The sapphire I'd carved out wasn't the typical shape we dealt with—but that had been the point. I'd cleaned up the existing curves because that wavy-teardrop shape and vibrance led me to pick out that stone in the first place. I just didn't realize how much more work I'd be making for myself.

But now that Gramps had so simply laid it out for me, I couldn't believe I hadn't reached the same conclusion myself. "So instead of stoppin' me… you let me fuck around—"

"Yes. That's how you learn," Gramps sharply corrected me as he dropped a wooden box on the table. "You can use this time to start over. Unless you'd rather start prepping for tomorrow—"

"On it," I answered before he could finish, not at all in the mood to prep or extract ores.

I tossed the wasted claws back into the scrap metal container and cleaned my space of any reminders of my earlier failures. If I was going to do it right, I needed to rid myself of all that bullshit anyway.

After my grandpa recovered a block of fresh wax, we started unpacking supplies from the box, the memories of years ago returning with each recovered tool. I'd made my fair share of basic molds alongside Gramps when I first started learning, but the skill set was much more careful and delicate than anything else I'd been doing at work lately. Truthfully I hadn't needed many molds since our first lesson; whatever molds were required, Gramps usually already had made. I'd never needed one for my own projects until now. I would have been peeved by the review, but it felt worthwhile this time.

Gramps cut a fresh slab of wax and threw it on the table. I picked it up, following his reminder to carve away at it with the correct precision knife. I started by roughing out the basic shape of the mold, paying extra attention to the curves and proportions of the sapphire on the table in front of me. As I worked, I focused on creating a smooth and precise surface, constantly checking my progress against the stone. Slowly and methodically, I carved away slivers of wax at a time until the shavings grew into a pile on the table below.

Eventually, when I'd gotten into a groove, Gramps retreated to his desk. Though he never said anything, I'd grown to take my grandpa's wordless return to his work as a sign that I was doing alright. It wasn't much, but I would take that comfortable silence over screaming matches any day.

When satisfied with the basic outline, I switched to a smaller, finer knife to shape prongs that could hold the sapphire like I'd pictured. Now that I could finally turn this project into what I'd envisioned, everything had to be perfect. And I could feel it slowly taking shape in my hand, molding to my touch. Real fucking slowly.

But as time-consuming as it was, whittling away at wax was a good distraction from everything else happening outside the smithy doors. Since our less-than-graceful exit from the Harvest Festival earlier that week, I'd been trying to push down any worries about how Claire was doing or what people in town had been saying about us.

The day after the festival, I showed up at Claire's for a few hours of silent bitch work just to be sent home and told I wasn't needed the next day. I knew she was still struggling with Karen's reaction and the resulting scene. And I wanted to respect her need for space. But after promising that we'd figure everything out together the night before, I couldn't help feeling like I was being pushed away.

I was so lost after work the next day that I broke into the joints Kai left me, took a hike, and finished Hatchet . I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with my time otherwise—anyone I usually spent time with was busy working, gone, or had no intention of seeing me ever again. The joys of living in the fucking boonies.

I wasn't even sure if Claire wanted me to show up today. Or ever again—another fear I'd thrown on the back burner until now.

Maybe I'd gotten too comfortable. Too dependent on someone other than myself. Again. In the absence of constant hangover fog, I could actually think about how pathetic Claire probably thought I was. Showing up at her place every day, insisting on helping with work, following her after the festival, and offering to carry her home—it all must have been too much, and she'd finally had enough of me smothering her.

But too much time dwelling on all the possible instances that might've pushed Claire away threatened to bring me back to that dark place. It made me miss having a library full of books at my disposal whenever I wanted to escape. Now I was justifying sneaking out to smoke joints behind the inn—because at least it wasn't the alcohol I'd had on my mind since that intercepted glass of wine.

That didn't stop the pang of guilt at the thought of my next opportunity to smoke. I tried to justify it to myself by promising to finish my mold before heading out for the day, but something stopped me from feeling good about it. I knew it wasn't the best decision, but in the game of turning off my thoughts, it was the better decision. And that was the best I could do.

I was too focused on carving a curve into one of the claw prongs to look up when I heard Gramps open the door and call something unintelligible outside. A draft of chilled air rushed through as he held the door open, waiting for what I assumed was a conversation with Barley to end. Who knew how long that would take, so I tried to dig deeper into my work.

"There's no reason you should be waiting outside in the cold," Gramps insisted as a second pair of footsteps rushed across the threshold and squeaked to a stop.

"It's… it's really not that bad," I immediately recognized Claire's voice. But I resisted looking to confirm—I couldn't risk looking any more pathetic to her.

"And without a coat?" Gramps continued to gripe, shutting the door behind them. "You could easily catch a cold."

"Really, I'm fine! I promise I'm warm. The flannel's just fine! But I'm so sorry for making you worry about me," Claire rambled breathlessly, apologetically bowing her head just as mine shot up to confirm she wasn't a figment of my sad imagination. "I didn't mean to interrupt you guys. Just… usually Gray's off by now, and I was hoping to catch him before he went home—"

"Nonsense, you're always welcome," Gramps chuckled as he ushered her past the doormat.

Claire knew my schedule. Of course, she did—it would be hard not to with all the time we'd been spending together in this tiny ass town. But the thought still had me sweating more than my hands needed.

"Thank you, Saibara," Claire exhaled, standing to offer him a sweet smile. "Oh! By the way." She swung her backpack to the front, reaching in and presenting Gramps with a bundle wrapped in a faded green cloth. "This is for you. Just… y'know, some extras from last season."

My grandpa took the wrapped goods, graciously bowing his head and offering thanks too low for me to hear. "Excuse me while I put this fine gift away," Gramps added suspiciously louder. We locked eyes just in time for him to finish the thought, "Gray's just finishing up a… special project. But he'll be done soon."

Even if I wouldn't have been able to find a good stopping place, the way my grandpa said it meant I'd have to. He didn't wait for an answer or affirmation from either of us before leaving Claire and me alone in the smithy.

Claire's boots squeaked across the floor towards me, but I couldn't look up from my work. I needed to focus on finishing as much as possible before my attention inevitably moved elsewhere.

"Hi there… stranger," I heard from my side.

"Hey," I finally managed the only sound I ever seemed capable of making mid-panic, nodding in her direction before moving my attention back to the mold. While I was primarily scared to lose my place or momentum in the wax, I knew I'd completely lose focus the second I looked Claire in the eye.

It sounded like she was trying to fight a laugh. Seconds of silence ensued before Claire made some strange sound of realization and went trifling into the bag hanging off her chest. "Oh, also! I brought you corn."

"You… what?" I snorted, partially in awe, somewhat in disbelief. It was enough to make me lower my work and double-check that she was serious.

Claire was unraveling the faded cloth to reveal the green husks before I could say anything else. "Corn! See?"

"I do." I had to fight smiling so hard, especially when I remembered Gramps could pop back in at any minute. As if I needed him to see me cheesing like an idiot after all the times I'd so adamantly denied all his suspicions that I still had feelings for Claire. "Why?"

She slowly inhaled, huffing it all out as she looked away. "I… I felt bad about kicking you out the other day."

"Don't." I turned back to the wax, shaping the last prong so I actually could find a decent stopping place. "If you wanna be alone, you wanna be alone." I shrugged without moving my eyes. "Nothin' wrong with that."

"Yeah, well, I… I just feel mean about it." Claire took a small step closer to my seat. And even though I wasn't directly looking, I could feel her gaze lasered on my face. "Like, you came over and helped me weed and shovel chicken shit… and then I sent you packing? I just… feel bad. After everything you've done for me… And you're pretty much my only friend at this point so—."

"Claire. Stop." I couldn't help rolling my eyes, especially at the last part. Luckily I found a good place to put down the wax just in time to look her in the eyes. "Like I said, I'm not mad. We're cool."

"Oh… Alrighty." Claire blinked, then tilted her head with a frown. "So… you don't want the corn?"

I glanced at the golden bundle and then back up at Claire. "I never said that."

"Then… like, you could at least be a little appreciative, y'know." She moved closer with that smirk and playfully kicked the leg of my stool. "I even left the husks on, just how you like them."

I feigned an annoyed sigh but gave in and smiled back. "Thanks for the corn. Fuckin' weirdo."

"You're welcome," she sang back, dropping the bundle on the table's edge. She kept striding until she was directly behind me, looking over my shoulder. "So, what's this special project you're working on?"

I had to ignore the brief sensation of her breath on my neck or the smell of sweet pine I'd missed to force an answer, "Makin' a mold."

"For?" Claire prodded further, seemingly with no intention of leaving her insanely close position behind me.

I swallowed and reached for the bundled sapphire, fumbling over the fabric as I tried to reveal it to Claire. "Gramps and I found this in the mines not too long ago…" Using the cloth to hold it, I lifted it towards her. "Been, uh… tryin' to make a pendant or uh, somethin' like that. None of our molds fit, so… I'm makin' one special. "

"Oh… wow." Claire snatched it from my hands without asking, lifting it until light reflected off the chiseled edges. "I can't believe you found it here—it's gorgeous."

"Yeah," I agreed, but I didn't entirely have the stone in mind. "Jewelry makes the most money, so… tryin' to save up and shit."

Claire hummed in acknowledgment and returned the stone to the desk as she stepped aside. "Well… I didn't mean to bother you or anything, y'know? I can head out since you're still working—"

"Nonsense, Gray's finished for the day," Gramps chimed in out of nowhere. Even if he was right, he didn't have to insert himself like that. As unsurprising as it was.

I turned to shoot Gramps a well-intentioned fuck-off glare before returning to Claire with a huff. "What he said."

The wax needed a few finishing touches, but it was in a good enough stopping place to pick up tomorrow.

"Oh! Alrighty," Claire beamed, smiling with enough brilliance to light up the whole room. "Are you hungry?"

I shrugged as I cleaned my space. "Yeah, sure. Wanna run up to the inn?" I'd suggested the idea out of habit. But when I noticed Claire's frown, I realized it was not what she wanted to hear.

"Oh. Uh, I…" Claire held on to the uneasy sound. "I was thinking more like, maybe my place or something?"

"We…." I started without any clue how I would end the thought, hoping I could come up with something by the time I finished cleaning. "Could… uh, do some shit with the corn? Not like I have the kitchen for it."

We both glanced at the bundle on the table between us, and I couldn't explain how relieved I was to see Claire's face relax into a smile.

Claire emphatically nodded before swiveling towards Gramps sitting at his desk, not so subtly eavesdropping on us. "Saibara, would you like to come over for food?"

I held my breath as I grabbed my coat off the hook, waiting for Gramps to decide if he was going to crash my plans and silently cursing Claire for extending the invite without so much as a heads up. As thankful as I was for him, I was at my threshold for biting my tongue for the day. But I was able to exhale in relief when he declined, shamefully thankful for the time alone with Claire I'd hoped for initially.

After Gramps all too excitedly wished Claire and I had fun by ourselves, we said our goodbyes and headed out with corn in hand.

"So, uh… how're ya holdin' up?" I asked after the door slammed behind us.

"Ugh, honestly, it feels pretty good to be out and about again," Claire sighed as our boots hit the cobblestones.

I took a few steps towards Claire's farm but stopped when I noticed her planted outside the shop.

"Do you… mind if we take the long way?" Claire asked without moving her eyes from the forest path between animal farms. "I've been going crazy cooped up at home.…."

"Oh. Yeah." I retraced my steps and joined Claire while she packed the bundle of corn into her rucksack.

Gusts of wind rattled dry leaves along the road, and I shoved my hands in my coat pockets. Gramps was right—it was pretty damn cold, and there was no way Claire's perpetually frigid ass was warm.

So I did what I figured Gramps would. After shrugging off my coat, I held it out to her. "Here."

Claire narrowed her eyes as she looked me up and down. "What are you doing?" Which wasn't the response I'd hoped for but probably the one I should've expected.

"Givin' you my jacket," I tried again, pushing it closer. "Pretty fuckin' cold out if ya—"

"I'm fine." Claire swung the pack behind her and tugged on the flannel underneath it. "It's basically a jacket."

"No, it's not, don't hit me with that bullshit." But she stood there staring at me like I was the idiot in this situation.

I don't know what possessed me to reach out and grab her hand, but I instantly dropped it when I confirmed it did, in fact, feel like a fucking ice cube.

Claire immediately retracted her hands into her sleeves and hid them behind her back for good measure. "T-that doesn't mean—"

"Wear it. Or I don't walk with you," I bluffed, shoving it toward Claire like the proximity would convince her. "No way in hell it's good for the baby for you to—"

"ALRIGHTY! Fine, okay, whatever, I get it," Claire finally groaned over me. Maybe it was just the gusts of wind, but I couldn't ignore the rosiness in her cheeks.

She shrugged her rucksack off and launched it into my gut before snatching the coat. "But you're carrying my bag." As if I had a choice.

"Fine." But truthfully, it was a small price to pay for peace of mind. So I loosened the straps of Claire's bag and headed in the opposite direction.

Sparse autumn leaves rustled in the trees as we crossed the bridge into the forest, flashes of red, orange, and gold fading into dense layers of pine trees with each step. Despite the crisp air against my face, the afternoon sun sat alone in the sky, casting a warm golden light through the barren branches. Fallen litter crunched under our feet as we walked the path to the sound of waves crashing against the rocks in the distance. I took a deep breath, the air refreshingly thick with sea salt and sap.

"Guessin' you haven't made it into town much since… then?" I tried to start the conversation again to curb the potential for an all-too-common awkward silence.

"Nope," she curtly answered, doing nothing to reassure me. "Almost a week and the farthest I've gotten is… welp, you're looking at it."

My heart sank into my stomach. "Damn." I tugged the brim of my hat over whatever expression threatened to give me away.

"I know." Claire sighed, scratching at the side of her neck. "Embarrassing. I just… I have no clue what I'd even say to Karen. And if I see her, especially if I see her out in public… I just… I know I'll make everything worse."

"Not like you can avoid her forever." I should know. Avoiding Claire obviously hadn't worked out, and avoiding Mary wasn't going any better.

"I know! I know! I just—" she grabbed my wrist and dug her heels into the ground, stopping me mid-step. "What would you do if you were me?"

I narrowed my eyes and regained balance, trying to focus on the stupidity of the question and not her icy grip on my hand. "Uh… not give a shit? It's Karen."

"Wow. Thanks, asshole. Super helpful," Claire huffed with a glare, releasing me and continuing down the path. "Y'know what? I'm just going to do the Gray."

I quickened my steps to catch up to her. "You're doin' what now?"

"Come on! We've been over this." Claire clicked her tongue when I didn't respond fast enough. "Y'know, just show up without any warning."

"Oh. Right. The Gray." I should have known, but I scoffed anyway.

"Yeah. Y'know what? I'm just going to find her when she's alone, and… just, yeah! Maybe you or Ann or Rick or someone can get her alone for me," Claire continued rambling off the idea with a slight grin as we walked, leaving me wondering if it was a serious plan or not. "Then I'll just tell her how sorry I am and try to explain everything." She nodded her head the whole time, almost as if she was trying to convince herself of the idea. "Yeah. That's it."

I raised a brow. "That's it?" Because where had that thought process been earlier this week? Or even earlier today?

"Yup." Her unwavering confidence now was something else entirely.

"Then why haven't you done it yet?"

Claire huffed in annoyance but took a minute to give me a verbal answer. "Because… I didn't think of the idea 'till now, duh," she smugly insisted. "It just came to mind because I'm with the Gray."

"Okay, well, comin' from the expert here… doesn't always work out." I could think of endless times when showing up impulsively hadn't worked out for me in the slightest. Most of them were times I didn't want to rehash.

"Maybe not for you," she teased back. "Last time I pulled a Gray, it seemed to work out pretty well for me. Well, us."

The fact that Claire looked like she'd been sent by the gods when she showed up at my door helped immensely, but I wasn't going to break that to her anytime soon. If anything, I'd been trying to forget how she looked that night.

I couldn't help chuckling. "Guess you're right. Maybe it should be called the Claire, then."

"Yeah, y'know what? You're right!" she added before pausing and chewing her lip. "And… I was scared when I Claire'd you… so, maybe it'll end up being okay with Karen too."

I shrugged. "Not like it could get any worse."

"It... actually probably could, but… nevermind." I caught the tail end of Claire rolling her eyes before she turned back to me. "What about you? Work's been good? You and Saibara seem like, way better."

I exhaled a short breath of a laugh. "Yeah, guess so. Feels like he's just givin' me more to do most of the time, but… kinda cool to have a little bit more responsibility."

"Like jewelry?"

"Yeah, and managing new projects. Upgrades n shit."

"Really?" Claire beamed with that excitement I craved. "Look at you!"

"Yeah, uh…" I swallowed the knot in my throat and tugged at my hat. "I just finished up my first project for the farmers over in Forget-Me-Not—"

"Oh! Marlin and Vesta!" Claire felt the need to yell over me. "They were telling me they always take their tools to your shop!"

"Yep." I bit my lip closed harder than I should've and decided to move past the smile Claire sported as she said his name. "But, uh… they're not comin' to pick up 'till tomorrow, so I've had more time for other projects n shit. As… fuckin' frustrating as they can be."

"Ugh, okay, but that sapphire you showed me at the shop looked amazing!" She bumped her arm against mine as we walked, and I could practically feel the energy radiating from her. "I can't wait to see it when it's done."

"Hope it's sooner rather than later, though. This custom shit is a pain in my ass." I wanted to soak up her sweet praise, but all I could think about were the failed attempts I'd poured back into the silver scrap bin. "Earlier, I was thinkin' about how easier it'd be to scrap the whole project."

"Alrighty—totally get where you're coming from. But you just seem like, so different lately. I don't know, happier? Less angry?" Claire paused and chewed her bottom lip before picking back up. "I'm sure it's harder, but like, whatever you've been working on seems like it's been really good for you, y'know? I'm sure it'll be worth the wait. And the pain in your ass."

"Yeah…" I reached for my hat when Claire looked me in the eye, killing me with that rare sincerity. "Funny comin' from you, though—you're impatient as fuck."

Claire flipped her hair as she feigned a sigh. "Despite how I may appear, I'm not perfect."

We both laughed at that. Because there had been times Claire had been extremely close to convincing me she was. And other times, I was stupid enough to believe it anyway.

"But honestly… I do really admire that about you. How patient you are." We silently turned the corner towards Claire's property before she added, "I wish I could be like that."

I couldn't help the dry laugh that left my mouth. Because it damn sure didn't feel that way at all. But I supposed that's what it looked like to everyone else when you were too paralyzed to do shit.

"If you could see the shit goin' on up in here," I said, motioning to my stupid brain, "maybe you'd take that back."

Claire was quick to surprise me with a hiss of a laugh. "I think I'd have you beat."

"Doubt it," I scoffed. "But… we both obviously got too much goin' on to argue about it."

"Obviously," she repeated with a smile I couldn't help mirroring. "So… are you getting excited to move in with Saibara?

I wasn't sure how to answer that. "Kinda?" I kicked rocks to distract myself from the rabbit holes beckoning my mind. "Not sure what it's gonna be like spendin' all that time together." I wasn't necessarily optimistic, but it couldn't be any worse than living with my parents.

"Well… at least you're closer to me," Claire reminded me as if I could ever forget. "You can always escape to my house if you want."

"Yeah," I snorted. "Unless you banish me like the other day—"

"OHMIGOSH. It was one day!" Claire groaned over me. She shoved my shoulder, forcing me into the dying grass beside the path. "And I didn't banish you. Sorry I wanted to spare you from dealing with me and my shit for a day."

"As if I don't already deal with your shit?" I half-joked. "What's one day?"

Claire scoffed from beside me. "Yeah, well, you, of all people, should know that a lot can happen in one day."

I wasn't sure what to say to that, but fuck, was it true.

We crossed the wooden bridge connecting Freedom Fields to the forest before Claire changed the subject to food for the evening. "So, were you envisioning like, a corn-centered dish? Or like, corn side? Corn snack? Corn meal—heh, get it? Cornmeal?"

I opened my mouth but stopped when Claire's farmhouse came into view from the other end of the property. What I didn't intend to see was someone peering into the window. A tall someone in a puffy purple coat with long brown hair whipping in the wind. Someone that Claire clearly hadn't noticed. Unless I was imagining Karen creeping around Claire's house.

"I just feel like I need some protein or something with it, too, y'know?" Claire conversed with herself, somehow still unaware of what I was seeing. "I actually feel like I can keep food down today, so I want to make sure it's—"

"Claire." I slowed my steps and nudged her arm, trying to warn her before we got any closer. "You don't see that?"

"Probably not," Claire laughed as she continued walking, "my eyes suck."

I couldn't help grabbing her arm. "Then fuckin—stop. And listen because—"

"I was wondering where you were," Karen called across the yard, ruining any chance that I might get to leave this situation unscathed by whatever fuckery she had planned.

All it took was Karen's voice to bring realization to Claire's now pale face. She froze a matter of feet from the farmhouse, wide eyes taking in the scene she'd spoken into existence ten minutes prior. But whatever energy Claire had to back up her plan earlier had vanished entirely from her now paralyzed presence.

"I thought maybe you were holed up in there, waiting me out or something," Karen tried again when Claire couldn't do so much as breathe.

"I... I wouldn't do that," Claire finally choked out, but I wasn't sure if it was loud enough for Karen to hear.

"Well… you said you were going to tell me everything after the festival," Karen surprised me with her recall, despite how drunk she'd been that night. "It's been like… almost a week, and I still haven't gotten an explanation."

"Right. Yeah," Claire responded automatically, staring like Karen had returned from the dead. "Definitely."

The two stood in silence, thick tension building as the staredown intensified. But the all-too-uncomfortable moment was interrupted when Karen threw her head back and groaned in annoyance.

"Geez. Are you gonna invite me in or what?" Karen snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. "I've been out here for like half an hour waiting for you, and it's freezing tits."

Claire didn't say anything. She finally marched to the door, opening it for Karen to follow.

The interaction I'd just witnessed had me at a loss. Everything had happened so quickly I wasn't sure what to do other than leave them be, so I veered towards the northern exit as Karen trailed Claire to the door.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" My stomach dropped as Karen called after me.

"Home?" I tried, though I hadn't even gotten that far myself. I was still wearing Claire's backpack, she had my jacket, and we'd made plans for dinner—everything pointed to staying. But fuck, dealing with Karen was the last thing I wanted to do.

Karen held the door open, her only immediate answer to my attempt at leaving being condescending laughter. "Yeah. Right. Get in here."

I reluctantly trudged to the door, repeatedly reminding myself that at least I wasn't leaving Claire to fend for herself. After leaving my shoes and Claire's backpack by the door, I awkwardly took the empty chair next to Claire while the two stared at each other from opposite sides of the dining table.

"Do you… want something to drink?" Claire asked, standing next to her chair while Karen and I sank into ours across from one another. "I have um… water."

Karen gaped at her like she couldn't believe she was being offered a beverage. "No? What the fuck, Claire?"

"A-ah, alrighty," she softly retorted, sinking into her chair as if to accept whatever was to come next.

I had to bite my tongue because I couldn't believe Claire was letting Karen talk to her like that. Especially considering Claire had gone apeshit on me for much less.

"So you're pregnant?" Karen wasted no time asking as if it were the worst possible thing that could happen. A month or so ago, I probably would have agreed. Now her disgust seemed so immature.

Claire swallowed. "So far… yeah."

"So far?" Karen repeated as a scoff, dramatically flipping her hair behind her shoulder. "Like, what does that even mean?"

"Just… that I'm not that far along," Claire defended herself despite her shaky voice. "It's early. And I… I didn't want to jinx it, y'know?"

"Which is why we weren't goin' around tellin' people, makin' a scene and shit," I added before Karen could open her mouth and dominate the conversation again. "Especially people like you."

Karen clicked her tongue, narrowing razor-sharp eyes on mine. "People like me?"

"People that can't mind their own fuckin' business," I immediately snapped back, hiding my clenched fists under the table. "Let alone keep a secret."

"What, so just tell everyone but me?" Karen almost impressed me with how quickly she countered, throwing her hands up. "Like, as if it's not gonna get back to me?"

"I didn't mean to tell anyone else!" Claire shouted over us before turning to Karen and lowering her voice. "And I was going to tell you after the Music Festival, and then the Harvest Festival. But then… yeah."

But that reasoning did nothing to curb the lethal glare across from us. "Just seems like a lot of people that you 'didn't mean' to tell," Karen didn't hold back the accusation.

"Yeah, well, Gray told most of them." Claire huffed, rolling her eyes.

"Me?" I stiffened in my seat. "You told Ann." Which, in my defense, was what Karen seemed most upset about anyway.

"Yeah? Well, you told Cliff, Popuri, and Kai!" Claire pointed her index finger at me, using it to emphasize every name. "And your grandpa!"

"You're fucking with me right now," Karen just about roared. "Kai knew before me?"

"Obviously I'd tell Kai before you," I shot back.

"And Mary!" Claire added to the count, solidifying her case. "That's like, one to five. My claim holds true."

I didn't have a comeback for that. All I could do was remove my hat and drop my head on the table.

"You're worried about me keeping secrets, but you're over here telling Mary? Of all people?" Karen continued to prod at me while I was down. "I don't get you."

"Couldn't care less if you did," I grumbled against the wood grains.

"Yeah, okay. Whatever. Just don't blame me when Anna starts fanning your dirty ass laundry all around town."

"Mary won't tell her," Claire asserted over us, pulling our attention in unison. "She… she told me. She won't."

Karen and I were speechless at that declaration, making it likely the only thing we had in common that evening. Claire defending Mary was strange enough, but Mary potentially going out of her way for us was another level of mind-fuckery.

It made me want to throw up.

Karen turned to Claire, all the initial tension in her face softening into sadness. "Why don't you trust me like her?" The two held each other's gaze before she tried again. "After everything, all those talks, nights on the beach… I thought we were closer than that."

"Karen, I do—we are—!"

"Then, if you were able to tell Ann and Mary, why couldn't you tell me?"

Claire opened her mouth, then bit her frown shut.

"Claire!"

"OMIGOSH! I didn't mean to tell Ann!" Claire finally roared in response. "She was just… in the wrong place at the wrong time when I found out."

"And how long ago was that?" Karen asked again, still clearly unsatisfied.

Claire chewed her bottom lip and scratched at her collar before finally muttering, "The Fireworks Festival."

"You're joking. I—Ugh." Karen shallowly shook her head. "I don't understand why you waited so long! Why you just… blew me off and lied to my face instead of being real with me!"

Her lips quivered, but Claire didn't say a damn thing. It's not like I could defend her either, even if it was my place to do. Which it wasn't. But it did make me wonder just how much Claire was keeping to herself.

Karen started up again in Claire's silence. "And now, you've been avoiding me! Like, I thought you'd be at my door the next day ready to figure everything out, but you literally disappeared into thin air! Even after you promised me an explanation! Maybe I'm the stupid one for thinking we were closer than that, but—"

"I was scared, okay?" Claire surprised me by shakily yelling back.

"Scared?" Karen repeated like she couldn't believe it.

Claire chewed her lip, staring down at the table. "I wanted to tell you. So many times. But… I was afraid."

"What?" Karen leaned closer, brows drawing together. "Why?"

She sniffled before finally answering. "It's stupid… when I say it out loud."

"Claire…"

"I thought you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore." Claire rubbed her eyes, fighting her hitching breaths. "So… I kept putting it off. So I could pretend." She cleared her throat, and continued with a trembling voice, "And I… I was too scared to come find you because I just… I couldn't do it."

"What…?" was all Karen could mouth after processing it all. "You can't be serious."

Karen sat back in her chair with a sigh when Claire's silence only confirmed that she was. "Geez. That almost hurts more than not telling me at all," she admitted with a wry smile. "Like, no duh I like having someone around who can hang… but that's not the only reason I'm your friend. I… can't believe you feel that way."

"It's not you, it's just… it feels like the only thing I bring to the table," Claire mumbled after running her sleeve across her face. But the tears were falling despite all her attempts to hold them in or hide them. "Like… that you wouldn't want to be around me otherwise."

"I didn't mean to," Karen replied in a hushed tone I'd never heard her use. "And… I didn't mean to blow it up in front of everyone. I really am sorry, Claire."

"It's not your fault," Claire reassured her, though I had to fight rolling my eyes. "If I would've just told you—"

"No, let me apologize." Karen stuck a hand up and spoke confidently, "I was sloppy and pissed off, and I took it out on you. And that was super not okay." She exhaled and softened her gaze on Claire. "You've just been so… distant since summer and… I missed you."

"I…I'm sorry for making you feel left out… I'm just…." Claire trailed off, then released a single empty laugh despite the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I have no clue what I'm doing, Karen, and I'm kind of freaking the fuck out."

I hated hearing her lose the battle to maintain composure. It wasn't my place and definitely was not my problem to fix. But that didn't stop me from reaching out and placing a gentle hand on hers, lying to myself for the sake of comforting Claire any way she'd let me.

"Aw… Claire." Karen sprung from her chair and rounded the table toward her, shushing the sniffling as she moved in.

I moved my hand away as Karen wrapped her arms around Claire, avoiding any opportunities for unnecessary contact. Instead of watching Karen squeeze Claire like I wished I could, I took the opportunity to push up from my seat and grab Claire's water bottle from her backpack.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm good if you're good," Karen surprised me with the comfort and care in her voice as I passed by to fill Claire's water in the kitchen.

"I'm fine—I just—thank you." It didn't sound like Claire was crying anymore, but minutes passed before she regained control of her rapid breaths.

By the time the red blotches on Claire's cheeks had calmed, Karen was leaning against the table beside Claire. While Karen seemed significantly less fired up than she'd been earlier, it didn't seem like questioning was letting up any time soon.

"So… assuming you're keeping it?" Karen asked as I set Claire's water on the table and took my seat.

Claire finished a long swig from the water before answering, "Yeah. I want to."

Karen raised an eyebrow in my direction. "And you?"

"The fuck you mean and you?" I demanded when all Karen did was impatiently glare back. "That's gotta be the stupidest shit I've heard all fuckin' day."

"That's gotta be the stupidest shit I've heard all fuckin' day," Karen mockingly repeated, only succeeding in sounding like a dumbass with a mouthful of marbles. "My bad, you don't exactly give off 'father of the year' vibes."

"Yeah," I scoffed, "like you'd know."

Karen furrowed her brows. "And you would?"

"SHUT UP! Both of you! Shut up!" Claire just about screamed over us. "Seriously. Your arguing makes me nauseous."

I sighed and leaned back in my chair when all Karen did was impatiently stare in my direction. "I'm here, aren't I?"

"Unfortunately." Karen rolled her eyes back to Claire, all annoyance fading from her tone. "So… you're like, together now or something? But like, low-key. For Goddess knows what reason."

"Oh, no. Definitely not," Claire insisted with a laugh much faster than I'd have liked her to.

"That's a joke, right?" Karen looked sure of it too. "I mean, look! You're even wearing his disgusting old jacket."

"It's not—it was cold!" Claire sputtered, doing double takes between Karen and me. "And…we're friends, just… y'know… doing it together—I mean, co-parenting. Not doing it, like that or anything."

"Yeah," I added for no fucking reason. Because that single word would convince Karen that we weren't hooking up.

Karen scowled in my direction. "And you agreed to that?" A question that made me regret ever admitting anything to her in weakness. I should've known better than to trust her, as desperate as I'd been.

Now I was desperate to leave.

"No fuckin shit I did," I insisted, hoping my annoyed defense offset any suspicions that I'd want to be anything other than friends and co-parents or whatever the fuck. "Only priority's makin' sure the kid has both parents."

In Karen's baffled silence, Claire added, "Yeah… I think we're just both over all that stuff now. We've been a lot better as friends anyway, don't y'think?"

I nodded. Though I couldn't help thinking that we hadn't actually given the other option a real chance. But apparently, we were over it now. So who the fuck knew?

"So… you two aren't fucking?"

"Why—What the hell Karen?" Claire snapped, kicking at Karen's ankle. "Why would you even ask that?"

She held her hands up in defense, mouth wide like she couldn't believe Claire would be offended. "I'm just trying to understand this whole thing. And you didn't answer the question."

Claire could've filled the entire room with her heavy sigh. "No. The answer is no."

"It was just that one time?"

"Yes."

"So you haven't since then?"

"What part of yes, it was just that one time do you not understand?" Claire sounded seconds from losing her shit.

"That's not what this is," I tried to help Claire but felt like an idiot so loudly declaring lies. "Get it through your fuckin' skull."

Karen rolled her eyes and dramatically sighed, meaning our answers weren't what she wanted. "Geez, okay. You guys could've fooled me, is all." Mischievous green eyes flickered at me before settling back on Claire. "And probably everyone else."

"Are people still talking about us?" Claire asked quietly, as if the entire town was listening in.

Karen shrugged. "Like, yeah, that we had a blowout, but I'm not stupid enough to blab to my mom about the deets. Unlike what some people might think," she spat as she shot an equally dirty look at me.

Claire sighed in relief, and I couldn't help doing the same.

"But my mom definitely thinks you two are together. I literally spent maybe an hour trying to convince her that you and I weren't fighting over Gray, of all people! Yuck." It amazed me how Karen could so easily talk shit about me as if I wasn't sitting right in front of her. "But you know, she's still under the impression that, like, you're the harlot that stole Gray away from Anna's perfect precious little Mary—"

"Anna doesn't even like me—"

"Did Sasha really call me a harlot?" Claire asked over me with a frown.

"No, but like, that's the vibe she gave," Karen said as if the words were any reassurance. "She did say we should have more decorum at festivals, and I told her she should pull the stick out of her ass."

For someone who'd so confidently claimed that it was our business and anyone who didn't like it could fuck off, Claire seemed especially worried about what people in town had to say. Maybe it was just becoming more real to her. I didn't want to admit any of the worries brewing in my chest if I could even find the words to describe the concoction of dread and anticipation of people finding out.

"I don't think I could have decorum even if I tried," Claire tried to joke, but none of us gave more than half-chuckle.

"So…" Karen started as she moseyed back to her chair, "what are you telling people then?"

"Just… basically what I told you. Two friends having a kid, co-parenting…."

"Oh." It was just one simple word, said with the slightest of eyebrow raises. But I could tell Claire didn't like how it'd been said.

"I… I just don't want any more drama." Claire pushed a chunk of hair behind her ear and let the hand settle on her neck. "People have been talking about me enough as it is."

"Okay, but like, just saying… if that's the goal, not sure if... that's the best idea."

Claire tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

"They already think you're together," Karen stated as a matter of fact. "Any changes give them something to talk about. If there's nothing to talk about, how can there be drama?"

So let them keep thinking Claire and I are together. I immediately got it and, just as quickly, knew how slippery of a slope that could be.

Claire, on the other hand, frowned and narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that if you just let them think you two are together, eventually they'll just get bored and move on."

"That's fuckin' stupid." It was, and I had to remind myself out loud. I had to remind all of us.

"Yeah, so are you," was retorted from across the table, paired with a side eye in my direction.

"I mean, he's got a point." Claire didn't sound convinced, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. How could I explain that I wanted her to somehow agree and disagree with the idea?

"It's not like it would be hard or anything," Karen offered the suggestion, like the difficulty was the issue. "You two already do a dang good job, just throw in a little more PDA."

Claire fumbled with the fabric of her flannel before answering. "I… I just mean that it's not, like, sustainable in the long term at all."

"Okay? Then just like, fake break up after the kid is born. And then do the co-parenting thing you're planning on anyway," Karen nonchalantly rambled off the idea with a shrug. "By then, nobody cares about you two anyway."

I knew it was all a lie, but it sure sounded convincing. Having an excuse to do almost everything I wanted with Claire was tempting as fuck… but just how long could I stand it before losing my shit? Obviously, it didn't seem to matter as much to Claire, with the way she so easily let Karen talk her into the idea. Maybe I just needed to get over it since clearly, she had.

"That way, when they find out you're pregnant, there's no question who the dad is. You really don't want them speculating about that, if you know what I mean," Karen added, shooting Claire a warning look. "Just make them think you've been together since him and Mary ended, and that it just, like, escalated really fast."

Claire dropped her head in her hands with a groan, and Karen immediately reached out to squeeze her forearm.

"Don't worry, Claire, I won't let them slander you."

"Yeah, you'll probably do it yourself," I sneered.

She turned her head to glare at me. "But you're on your own, asshole."

"Fine by me."

"Whatever." Karen sat up and pushed another chunk of hair from her shoulder with a huff. "I forgot how tiring you are sober."

"You, sober?" I snorted. "What's the occasion?"

"Wow, so funny!" Karen deadpanned, fake smile and all. "For your information, I'm having dinner and drinks with Rick later, and I promised no more pre-gaming dates. Because I'm romantic."

I couldn't fight the chuckle. "Yeah, you're somethin'."

"And you're jealous," Karen snapped back. "Hope ya get better soon."

"Nausea you two!" Claire reprimanded, lifting her head to shoot a glare at each of us. "Seriously!"

"Anyway," Karen started again as she readjusted her seat and crossed her arms. "Back to more important business: which one of you told Rick? He wasn't in the tally."

It only took one quick look between us before Claire answered, "Uh… neither of us."

"Neither of you?" Karen repeated, unconvinced eyes flickering to me.

Claire tilted her head. "Did he say that he did? Like, know before?"

"Well… he said he didn't. And I want to believe him, but…." Karen paused, seemingly thinking about her words for once. "If he really found out just then and there, don't you think his reaction would have been… different? Maybe I was just drunk, but…."

"No! Yeah! That's what I was saying!" Claire excitedly agreed.

"Then how would he know?" I asked, mainly because I was starting to wonder too. Who the fuck would have told him?

"I don't know," Karen sighed. "Unless he overheard something? Because I can't imagine any of those people saying anything to him." And that I had to agree with.

"Maybe? I feel like he's been a little weird lately…." Claire offered with a slanted smile. "But I don't know if that's just because he's still getting used to the whole… y'know, me being pregnant thing."

Karen didn't seem satisfied with that. "Maybe he didn't… but something just feels off. It felt off before, but especially now."

Claire studied her intently before softly asking, "Are you guys like… okay?"

"Oh yeah!" Karen answered all too quickly. "We're fine. It's just that, like, he's been off. Like you said." She sighed and shook her head. "I thought it was Kai, but usually Rick calms down after he leaves."

"Maybe he's just stressed about… other things?" Claire tried, but I could tell she wasn't too conviced.

"I mean, Popuri definitely isn't helping." Karen readjusted in her seat, leaning over the table towards Claire. "Like, Rick apparently forgot to tell her that Kai called like, last week or something, and she hasn't talked to him since. Like yeah, I get it but… kinda dramatic, don't you think?"

I had to bite my tongue on that one. Rick definitely hadn't forgotten.

Claire made a sound of agreement, but it wasn't too believable. "Yeah… he's probably just dealing with a lot."

"And plus, our anniversary is next week! My birthday's next…." The list had Karen sitting back in her chair. "Poor guy's probably just drowning."

"Yeah," Claire agreed with a shrug. "Maybe just check in with him or something?"

"I'll see what I can get out of him tonight." Karen paused, smirking at Claire. "If you know what I mean."

"Gross," I gagged while they giggled like idiots.

"Aw, don't be jealous I have someone to have hot makeup sex with," Karen teased with a pout. "Maybe one day."

"Why'd I be jealous? It's not like you're havin' hot makeup sex either,'' I scoffed, unable to fight the growing grin on my lips. "It's fuckin' Rick."

Karen dramatically shifted her glare to Claire, "Out of everyone, it had to be him?"

"I'll stop by tomorrow morning, alrighty?" Claire attempted to remain civil, I assumed. "I promise I'll answer any other questions you think of then."

"Perfect!" Karen smiled as she pushed up from her chair. "I should get out of here anyway, I think he and I have breathed enough of the same air for one day. I don't know how you do it, Claire!"

"Bye, Karen," Claire sighed. "Thanks for coming over."

I don't know what possessed me, but I was calling after Karen, "Have fun with Rick's favorite rooster!"

"Have fun with blue balls, fucking dick!" she called back, letting the door slam behind her.

"What is your beef?" Claire scolded me the minute the door latched closed, standing from her seat.

I followed the action but watched as Claire grabbed her backpack and brought it to the table.

"There isn't beef," I grumbled, returning my hat to its rightful place.

Claire looked up after retrieving the cloth-wrapped corn from her bag. "You two basically just told the other to eat shit and die."

I wanted to admit that I thought Karen's apology came from wanting to use Claire's house for her party, not sincerity. But Claire looked so happy to finally be at peace in that relationship, and I wasn't going to be the one to ruin it for her.

"I'm just not gonna kiss her ass the way she expects everyone around here to." It wasn't a lie by any means, but omitting bits of the truth from her still felt strange. "And now that Kai's not around, she doesn't have any reason to be nice to me."

Claire exhaled and placed a hand on my arm. "It would just mean a lot of you could resist while I'm around. I don't like it when my friends argue."

"Whatever," I exhaled. But those big blue eyes hadn't moved, and Claire's hand still gripped the fabric of my sleeve. I couldn't help giving in and adding, "fine."

I waited for Claire to let go. But she didn't.

"So… you really think it's a stupid idea?" She asked, after what felt like forever of finding somewhere else to stare. "What Karen said."

"What?" I gave in and met her gaze, hoping that would give me any clue why she was suddenly acting so strange.

"I… I know we kinda shot it down before," she started, slowly moving her attention to her hand, "but the more I think about it, maybe Karen's right."

"You're serious?" I had to ask because there was no fucking way she was. I was giving her an out, but my stomach dropped at the thought of her taking it.

"I don't know, I… I just think maybe we won't get as much judgment when it comes out." Claire lifted her hand finger by finger and moved to fidget with the collar of her flannel. "And the more I think about it, the more I think it'd be good for business to stay out of all the drama too."

I wasn't sure what to say to that. On the one hand, I could selfishly give in without a second thought. And fuck, I was seconds away from doing it. On the other hand, I genuinely believed that pretending we were together for the sake of the town's prehistoric values would do absolutely fucking nothing to curb people from gossiping whatsoever. And I thought we'd agreed on that.

"But—shit, I'm an idiot," Claire cursed when I didn't respond fast enough, dropping her head with an empty, forced laugh. "I'm sorry. Honestly, I was just thinking out loud, y'know? We don't have to. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or do anything to ruin your chances with anyone you might be interested in right now…."

A hollow laugh left my lips. "That's the last fuckin' thing I'm worried about."

The stirring in my stomach settled when that seemed to make Claire perk up again. But it was such a stupid fucking feeling—I hated the control she had over me.

"Me neither," she exhaled, shooting me a soft smile. "I'm glad we're on the same page about that."

But we weren't. And I knew it.

"I, uh, I just dunno about the whole thing." I shoved my hands in my pockets. "I'm sure as hell not gonna lie to Gramps about it. Or Ann n' Doug."

But I wasn't sure how I would explain or justify it to them—other than explaining it was what Claire wanted. As if that would help my case.

"And you don't have to! We can let them in on it if anything!" Claire quickly reassured me, taking a slight step closer with her hands clasped together. "Just, when we're in public, we won't do anything to let people think we aren't together, y'know? Just like harmless flirting, holding hands, nothing we haven't done already."

Hearing it out loud solidified how massively fucking stupid of an idea it was. Given that it was Karen's idea, I should've guessed—but I still genuinely couldn't believe Claire was asking me to consider it.

My dumbass was still considering it anyway.

"This is crazy," her laugh interrupted the silence. "I'm crazy. I can't believe I'm even asking you to do this. Maybe we… maybe we shouldn't."

The idea was beyond fucking stupid. But I wasn't ready for her to shoot it down like that.

"Fine," I selfishly agreed, despite whatever was left of my better judgment. "Yeah."

"Seriously?" Claire investigated my face like I might take it back at any moment. "You're down? Like, for real?""

I exhaled every other rational response I could have replied with. "If you really think it'd make a difference…."

Claire had her arms around my waist before I could finish the thought. If there'd even been one to start with.

"Thank you, thank you!" she cheered before releasing me. "That's, like, a huge load off my mind."

I couldn't help feeling as if it were the opposite for me.

"I'll even let you pick how we break up and when!" Claire added as if that would be the selling point for me. "At least, whenever after the baby's here."

"Dunno if that's necessary…" was the only response I was capable of. I was still in awe that this deranged conversation was even taking place.

Claire raised an eyebrow, the slightest of smirks on her lips. "You say it's the last thing on your mind, but I know we'll both want some freedom eventually."

I tried to hide the darkness in my laugh with little success. I didn't want to think about a termination date or what she meant by freedom. "Alright."

But I couldn't help letting the bittersweet sensation fester in my gut the rest of the night. I knew I should enjoy the time we spent together, the laughs and arguments, the food we'd make together… but I had to fight the slipping into the looming melancholy, knowing that eventually, Claire would rather do all this with someone else. Every sweet smile in my direction was a reminder that I was just a placeholder until then.

And my dumbass had willingly agreed to it all. I wasn't sure if I was trying to punish myself or just push myself to the brink of insanity, but either way, it felt deserved at this point. After all the awful, perverse things I'd thought about Claire, surely I deserved such a special kind of torture.

I hoped Claire wouldn't notice how distracted I was throughout the night, but she did. It was easy to blame my behavior on whatever the fuck had happened with Karen earlier, so luckily, I was able to leave that evening without having to address it. Instead, the thoughts followed me back to the inn, slowly gaining on me until they were slithering up my back and weighing down my shoulders.

The growing weight slowed my steps through the empty dining room. I wanted to stop thinking about her. I didn't want to imagine a future where Claire ended up with someone else. I wanted to empty my head, sleep it off, and hope for the best in the morning. A couple swigs of whiskey would do just the thing…

But I couldn't.

Unless I snuck out to Kai's.

But I knew I shouldn't.

I rolled my shoulders. While I couldn't justify sneaking out to drink my feelings, I could justify sneaking out to smoke. Maybe it was the best of my worst ideas, but it was all I could do to keep myself from doing something even stupider.

I opened the door to an unsurprisingly empty room, thankful I didn't have to endure any more conversations to get to that tin tucked into my bedside table. It wasn't until I was rifling through my drawer that I noticed a folded piece of paper next to the ultrasound picture and speckled rock Claire had given me.

I set the tin on the table and unfolded the note, immediately recognizing Doug's handwriting and the callback number etched across the bottom.

Your mother called this evening - 18:57. She asked that you call her back as soon as you can. Apologize for the note, but wanted to pass along the message as the call seemed urgent.

My heartbeat reverberated throughout every inch of my body as I read it again.

Fuck.

My pulse pounded harder every time I reread it. Somehow each read worse than the last. Suddenly I was envisioning every possible awful reason for my mom to call. It had been months since my mom had tried to contact me again—the longest she'd ever given up—so why now?

Did someone tell her? Or did something happen? The only way to know was to call back, and it was way too late for that now.

I wanted to scream, kick in the patched hole in the wall, and then burn the note.

I couldn't—or at least not right then. So I crumpled the paper, threw it in the trash, grabbed a joint and lighter from the tin, and headed outside in hopes of erasing it all instead.