Mission Report
Given Name: Naruto
Family Name: Uzumaki
Ninja ID: 012607
Description: Kakashi-sensei assigned me, Sakura-chan, and Shikamaru to help Sasuke. We went out with Kakashi-sensei's tracking dog. Me and Shikamaru stopped to ambush some guys. We totally kicked their asses! We caught up with Sakura and Sasuke and Gaara and Gaara's sister (the girl with the fan). Gaara was going crazy and he started using huge amounts of sand. So I summoned Gamabunta and we totally kicked his ass too! We were all pretty wiped out after that and Gaara's sister didn't look like she was up for a fight so we let her take Gaara home. I don't get why we did that, but Shikamaru was in charge and he said it was okay. And Sasuke has chakra exhaustion, but [REDACTED BY JIRAIYA]. And Sakura-chan has some broken ribs or something (they wouldn't tell me what was wrong with her so I hope she'll be okay).
Mission Report
Given Name: Shikamaru
Family Name: Nara
Ninja ID: 012611
Description: Jonin Hatake assigned Pakun, Haruno Sakura, and Uzumaki Naruto led by Nara Shikamaru to assist Uchiha Sasuke in the defeat of Sabaku no Gaara. Gaara is the jinchuriki of the ichibi, Shukaku the Sand Spirit. Uzumaki Naruto was responsible for the defeat of nine Sound-nin and Gaara. He should be a Tokubetsu Jonin for his assault specialty. I strategized, he employed tactics. Haruno Sakura left a trail of markings so that Naruto and I could catch up after Naruto dealt with the Sound-nin tail. Uchiha and Nara exhausted their remaining chakra while Uzumaki summoned a giant toad and continued the fight. [REDACTED BY JIRAIYA] We let Temari take Gaara as a gesture of goodwill.
Mission Report
Given Name: Sakura
Family Name: Haruno
Ninja ID: 012601
Description: Jonin Hatake Kakashi assigned myself, Genin Uzumaki Naruto (012607), Genin Nara Shikamaru (012611), and his tracking dog Pakun (rank unknown, Ninja ID unknown) to assist Genin Uchiha Sasuke (012606) in the defeat of Sabaku no Gaara (Suna-nin, 56-001). Pakun notified Nara Shikamaru of an enemy tracking unit. Nara Shikamaru took Uzumaki Naruto to neutralize the enemy tracking unit. Pakun and I continued to track Sabaku no Gaara and Uchiha Sasuke. I left markers on trees along the way so that Nara Shikamaru and Uzumaki Naruto could catch up.
When Pakun and I caught up to Gaara and Sasuke, Gaara was just starting to engage with Sasuke. I attempted to distract Gaara, but was caught in his sand. I watched Sasuke and Gaara fight until Nara Shikamaru and Uzumaki Naruto arrived. The sand pinning me to a tree constricted and I passed out. I woke up in the hospital.
Mission Report
Given Name: Sasuke
Family Name: Uchiha
Ninja ID: 012606
Description: Hatake Kakashi sent me after Gaara. I could not defeat Gaara. Naruto defeated Gaara. I require more training.
oOo
"Ero-sennin is taking me on a mission."
"Hn."
"You have chakra exhaustion. Sakura got hurt too. Everyone else is doing D-ranks to help recover from the invasion."
"Hn."
"I don't know why he's taking me. But it's gotta be more exciting than fixing broken fences."
"Hn."
"I wish you could come too. We have to find some old lady who used to be a ninja."
"Hn."
"See ya later."
oOo
"I still don't understand how to do this, Ero-sennin."
Jiraiya sighed. Naruto held a water balloon in his hand.
"You have to figure stuff out on your own, kid. It's a life-skill."
"Of course," Naruto grumbled. "Why would anyone ever explain anything to me."
"Eh?"
"Nothing! I'll figure it out. Just wait and see!"
"When was the last time anyone explained something to you? The Academy?"
"Umm. Well..."
"Spit it out."
"Iruka-sensei had all of these boring lectures that never made sense and Mizuki-teme never made sense either. I've always just figured stuff out on my own."
"Sit down, kid. I'll be right back."
Naruto sat down and Jiraiya leapt away. Naruto heard some crashing and some explosions. Jiraiya leapt back.
"Okay. We're going to stop this jutsu training and go back to basics."
"What? Why?!"
"I assumed that as a genin you had the basics down. It turns out you're completely self-taught, which is downright amazing, when I think about it. You really want to learn cool jutsu, but you'll never learn them without the basics. And I'm not talking about the jutsu the Academy uses to test you. I'm going to give you a subject and you're going to explain it to me. If you don't know it, I'm going to explain it to you until you do. THEN we'll go back to this."
"But it's so BORING."
Jiraiya ignored the whining with a wave of his hand. "Explain how you mold chakra."
Naruto sighed. "I dunno. I started by making the sign with my hands. That helped me feel it. Now I just kind of focus on my tenketsu and it goes SWISH! And then I have chakra."
Jiraiya blinked. "That is the least useful description I've ever heard."
"Hey! That's what happens!"
"I don't doubt it, kid. Do you know why it goes SWISH?"
Naruto frowned. Jiraiya waited.
"Is it because that's the physical and spiritual stuff mixing up?"
"Are you asking me or telling me?"
"Asking."
"Basically. You are mixing your spiritual and physical energy. Do you know in which direction you're mixing it?"
"What do you mean?"
"When people mix their spiritual and physical energies, they unconsciously do so in a direction. Clockwise or counter-clockwise."
"Oh. How do I tell the difference?"
"You won't be able to unless you do some pretty advanced chakra control exercises, but let's move on. I need to know what you know so I can fill in the gaps."
"Then you'll teach me that cool jutsu, right?"
Jiraiya sighed. "Yes. Then I'll teach you that cool jutsu. But you'll have to figure most of it out on your own."
oOo
Jiraiya looked on as Naruto grunted and screamed. The boy's hand held a blue sphere of spiraling chakra, but the balloon was in pieces. Jiraiya had expected the second stage of the technique to be more difficult for Naruto, but here he was teaching Naruto the third part after only a few days. The first took some time, but apparently Naruto was inspired by a cat or something and he figured it out.
Jiraiya watched as the balloon burst in Naruto's hands.
"You'll have to figure it out on the way. Tsunade won't wait around in one spot long."
"Dammit, Ero-sennin! I almost had it!"
Jiraiya muttered, "Keep tellin' yourself that, kid," under his breath.
oOo
Naruto sat in a booth in a diner across from a blond woman in her twenties. Early twenties. But she was as old as Jiraiya at least. And she had obscenely large breasts. The kind that can't possibly be real.
"How come you're using a henge to look young? Isn't that like lying?"
A vein on the woman, Tsunade's, forehead started pulsing, but she ignored him. "Who is this brat, Jiraiya?"
"Don't ignore me!"
"He's my apprentice. Look, this isn't a request. The Jonin Council wants you."
"Pfeh. Send the assassins. I'm not going back. Especially not to be Hokage."
"What do you mean 'to be Hokage?'"
"You know they aren't going to send assassins. The old bastards are more devious than that. They'll go after your debts or something."
"They can't make me be Hokage."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'TO BE HOKAGE?'"
"Only an idiot would want to be Hokage. You've wasted your time."
Naruto leapt over the table and got nose to nose with Tsunade, shouting, "DON'T INSULT THE HOKAGE!"
"Hokage is a title reserved for fools. It's a thankless job that only ends in death. Every single Hokage has died in office."
"LET GO, ERO-SENNIN! I'M GONNA TO KICK THIS STUPID OLD BAT'S ASS, 'DATTEBAYO!"
Tsunade laughed. "If you're so sure, let's take this outside. I'm sure you want to avoid property damage. Wouldn't want to have to pay on a genin's wages, would you?"
Tsunade walked out. In Jiraiya's mind, she sauntered, but every woman saunters when Jiraiya's writing about it. Sauntering is just sexier than walking, really.
Naruto charged out and squared off down the street from Tsunade. Tsunade held up one finger.
"This is all I'll need to take you out, brat."
Naruto ran headlong at the woman, but she sidestepped his charge and flicked him in the forehead at just the right angle to both send Naruto flying and slip his headband off. Naruto crashed into a fence that sectioned off an alley, while the metal of his headband clanged against the ground.
Naruto stood up from the rubble and cracked his neck while he balled his hands into fists and cracked his knuckles. "Okay. I guess I should have taken you seriously."
Naruto disappeared in a shunshin and Tsunade spun with her finger out. "You're not Shisui," she sang as Naruto went flying again. "And I'm no genin."
Naruto might have considered the question: who is Shisui? Had he been in the mindset to be curious and not getting his ass kicked up and down the street. And alleys. And those poor, defenseless fences. Naruto stood up from the rubble of a trash pile. His tongue ran across his teeth and he spat blood. Tsunade flinched and started breathing heavily. Naruto didn't notice. He charged again.
This time Tsunade hopped over the charging boy and flicked him on the ass like she was a matador and Naruto a charging bull.
Naruto was already overbalanced from missing his target, so the extra kinetic energy from the flick to his hindquarters caused him to trip and skid down the dirt road. Only to disappear in a puff of smoke.
Tsunade felt the hands trying to wrap around her ankles in plenty of time to jump away. She watched the boy climb up out of the ground where she'd been standing. She watched an identical copy of the boy appear to his right. Her eyes widened when they spat a blast of air and fire simultaneously and she dodged out of range of the conflagration.
When katon (fire) and futon (wind) techniques work together, they amplify their destructive power exponentially. Nobody was surprised more than Naruto who hadn't actually tried the combination before. He looked down the street with his clone as the fireball dissipated and both let out a low, "Whoa."
The sides of buildings, brick buildings not wood, were scorched. Canvas awnings were reduced to ash. Small chunks of wood that might have once been fruit stands or something similar were smoldering. For nearly fifty feet down the street.
Tsunade appeared in front of them and slammed into the one that she really thought must have been the original. It turned to smoke as the other disappeared in a swirl of burning embers (there weren't any leaves and there were plenty of embers; seriously, look up shunshin).
Naruto put up his hands and crossed his forearms. "Stop! If we're going to fight, I think we should go someplace more deserted. Someone could get hurt."
Tsunade looked down at the boy and remembered watching another blond boy do something similar when a red-haired girl was trying to beat him up like twenty or thirty years prior. The blond in her memory looked remarkably like the boy in front of her. She bent over to pick up the blond boy's headband.
"Sure. I'm keeping this though. If you manage to force me to use more than my finger, you can have it back."
Naruto glowered. It was his best I'm-Sasuke-and-I-don't-approve-of-you look, honed over many months of working together. Totally not what he did behind Sasuke's back to make fun of him. "Where and when?"
"There's a castle here in town. It looks out over open fields. We'll meet in those fields in a week."
Naruto nodded. A week to prepare to fight Ero-sennin's old friend. Or ex-girlfriend. Or whatever. Naruto hadn't paid any attention to that part.
Naruto had a plan to fight her though!
oOo
Naruto sat on the ground, a frown marring his face. "How can I do both at once?"
He created a shadow clone. The shadow clone began molding chakra for the katon jutsu he knew. He molded chakra for the futon jutsu he knew. They unleashed their techniques together causing a conflagration.
"There's no way it's that easy..."
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"I'll handle power, you handle control."
He held his hand out and blue chakra spiraled into a ball in his hand. The clone held his hands over the ball.
"Ready?"
The clone nodded and pulled its hands away. Naruto ground the ball into the tree nearby. Just like Jiraiya's example, the sphere ate away at the tree.
"So..."
"… we have to practice doing both until we can do them both without thinking."
"Until they become so ingrained that we can do both at the same time."
The clone turned into a puff of smoke. Naruto put his hands into the crossed fingered sign for shadow clones and slowly focused. He created one thousand clones.
"You know what to do!"
Naruto took out a stick and began drawing what he remembered of his fight with Tsunade in the dirt.
By the next morning, Naruto was ready to try the rasengan again. He held the balloon and let the chakra spin out into a sphere while containing it within the skin of the balloon. He created one thousand clones and they all practiced with their own balloons. Naruto went over his dirt sketches and his memory of the fight. Tsunade had given him time to prepare. She was either supremely confident in herself or supremely unimpressed with him. Naruto wasn't sure which would be easier to exploit.
The third day saw Naruto thinking again. He created two hundred fifty six shadow clones. "Line up and count off. That's the tenketsu you're going to work on." After the clones counted off, they began creating a rasengan at their designated tenketsu. Naruto wouldn't soon forget which number went with which tenketsu after his training before the finals. He thought about which of the five elemental techniques were the easiest. Futon. Wind. He remembered Jiraiya telling him that he needed to experiment with what he knew. He needed to figure out how to do new things.
Naruto molded the chakra into the futon technique. It worked exactly as it was supposed to work.
Naruto slowly went through the hand signs for the technique, adding one more into the mix, as he molded chakra. He released the chakra into the technique. It came out wrong. The wind was weak, barely a breeze. However, the ground in front of him had a slice in it. Naruto picked up a stick and drew a grid. The grid was twelve rows and six columns. Twelve standard shinobi hand signs. Five hand signs for futon: great breakthrough. One new hand sign.
Naruto spent the day trying each iteration of the technique. He learned that the first few signs were what transformed the molded chakra into elemental chakra. If he started with certain hand signs instead of tiger or ox the chakra tried to do something weird, he couldn't control it, and the technique failed. The fourth day was the first Naruto didn't summon hordes of shadow clones. He had to figure something out and clones were copies of him. They wouldn't come up with anything any faster than he would. They would be a waste of chakra. He needed a way to expand his awareness, something to mitigate the tunnel-vision that accompanied the shunshin. It was just too bad he couldn't see through his clones' eyes.
oOo
Tsunade was waiting at the hilltop. She'd watched Naruto train with his shadow clones. She was honestly impressed with the progress he'd made. To go from a half-formed rasengan to casual mastery in a single day was impressive. Being able to make one at any tenketsu was bordering on absurd. Who would ever need to create a rasengan on their forehead? How was that a good idea? A rasengan headbutt? Was he planning on fighting while hog-tied or something?
Sure, he could get captured and then he'd have a jutsu he could perform even strapped down to a torture chair, so maybe it had some validity. She begrudgingly lifted her evaluation of the kid up a notch in her head. The loud little shit would still have to prove he wasn't so hotheaded he'd get himself killed in the next war. There was always a next war.
Orochimaru chuckled at her. 'Why was he so damned creepy? Was he trying to be or is it just how he is now? Wasn't he cool when we were kids? What happened to that? Jiraiya is still a perv, but Orochimaru went from cool to creepy.'
'Oh, and look at that. An assistant. Big glasses too. Very precise movements. Maybe the kid is a medical specialist.' Tsunade realized she didn't care.
"Have you made a decision?"
Tsunade nodded. Orochimaru smiled. Tsunade didn't.
"Is that how it's going to be, Tsunade? You're refusing me?"
"Yeah. I'll admit: your offer was tempting. Bringing my brother and lover back from the dead was a good offer. I might have even gone for it."
"You doubt I can do it?"
Tsunade shook her head. "I love them. I don't love them so much that I'd sacrifice anything to see them again. I'm grieving, not insane."
Orochimaru cocked his head to the kid. "Disable her. I need her alive, whether she's willing or not is irrelevant."
A/N: A reader might be wondering, "Why doesn't this mean, nasty, awful author update more? So cruel!" Well, to that I say, "Suck it up. I'll update when I update and you'll like it." See? I'm just like every other fanfic author, only honest.