Full circle

Chapter 3- Acceptance

Entering her apartment she closes the door with a loud thud and leans back against it sighing heavily. She has no idea what she is going to do. She needs to talk to Fitz he needs to hear it from her.

Olivia looks at around and sees the changes that she made to the place after she moved out of the white house. Just another sad reminder of the life she left behind. The life she deserves with the man that she loves.

She walks to her room and looks at the four poster bed she bought shortly after she moved back. It reminded her of the bed she shared with Fitz and the thought that Jake has been it makes her feel sick.

Why couldn't I have been by myself all these months? Why couldn't I work out my issues? Instead I jump back into bed with a man I have come to hate, the man that is working with my father, the man that would kill me if he was told to – all those thoughts go through her. Memories of Jake and her flood her head even after she knew he was seeing someone she still slept with him, even after he got engaged she still slept with him, the night before his wedding she slept with him.

He is right about one thing even though she says she loves Fitz her actions speak very differently, if anything they say she loves Jake not Fitz and that's the farthest thing from the truth. If she wants Fitz back she is going to need to prove herself to him. She is going to earn him. She is going to choose once and for all so he has no doubts in his minds.

It has to start with Olivia telling the truth. It's going to be hard but it's going to be worth it. She just hopes he hasn't given up on her yet.

It rings and rings and rings and still no answer. What was she really expecting? She needs to get into the white house, it's not going to be easy considering Abby took her pass away and I can't turn to Jake now, not that she wants to and look how well the last time turned out. She can't just storm into the place that would create a bigger scene than what she wants.

She has to see him god only knows if Jake has told him what has happened. It's a long shot but it just might work. She rings Charlotte she can tell she is hesitant at first, Fitz is her boss and she sees the pain that she has put him through I bet she can't wait for Fitz to be out so she doesn't have t deal with our drama anymore Olivia thinks to herself.

Eventually she gets Charlotte to let her to let the front guards know. Step 1 is complete. Step 2 getting dressed. What does someone wear to tell their ex boyfriend/love of their life that the dream he has always wanted with her she aborted. Does she go with an Olivia pope outfit just to give her that extra confidence to be able to get through it or does she go looking like the mess that she is. She goes with option 1 after all it is the white house.

As she makes her way a million thoughts are going through her head mainly how the hell is she going to tell him. It's still fairly early and considering he should have been at Jakes wedding he should be free, before Olivia knew it she was at the gates. Anxiety and nausea start to creep in. She is walking towards the oval some people are looking wondering what she is doing back, just as long as she makes it to the oval without running in to anyone she'll be good.

'What are you doing here Olivia?' She hears Abby's voice from behind her, she's looking at Olivia with an expressionless face.

'I need to talk to fi.. The President'.

'How did you even get in here you have no access'. Abby's voice was cold and so unlike her.

'Abby don't be like that I'm just going to talk to him and then I'll leave ok'.

'No Liv not ok. Why are you always messing up his life? You left him. You wanted nothing to do with him. You told me that you didn't care about him and what he was doing but yet here you are why? I thought you were riding off into the sunset again.'

Olivia see the looks that people are giving them, they are in the middle of the west wing causing a scene. Olivia is trying not to cry again but it's difficult at how far she has pushed her best friend away.

'Abby'

'what.. No Olivia Pope come back. What was it that you last said to me oh that's right never cross me again but I was only doing what Olivia Pope taught me to do. Is the reason why you've been distant towards me is because he talks to me, he trusts me not you anymore, when he has problems he turns to me. That I'm now running the show not you. I had his back Liv when you were so willing to let him throw himself under the bus. You spent so long making sure that his presidency would stay intact at the cost of your guy's relationship but now that you are no longer part of it you don't care. I always used to think that he was the bad guy he was married and in a relationship with you but really we all know he would have give everything up for you and yet you still think that he would never do it, that he doesn't love you like he claims to do, that one day he will realise that you aren't always the strong formidable Olivia Pope, that's why you always push him away you always finds ways to make him hate you so that what you are doing can be justified in your head. If you think leaving is going to solve your problems it wont Liv they'll still be there waiting for you. Thanks for the goodbye by the way I really appreciate it.'

With that she walked away leaving Olivia standing in the hallway stunned. She needed to get herself together and fast; she needed to get this over with. Olivia turns and carries on her way to the oval wiping the tears as they go. She sees Charlotte at her desk who lets her know that she can go in. Olivia stands at the doorway just holding onto the door knob, she finally give herself enough courage to open the door

'Abby if you're here to tell me that Olivia has left with Jake I don't want to hear it'.

He was lying on the couch with a tumbler near his head.

'It's not Abby' Olivia says quietly.

He opens his eyes briefly but then shuts them again. 'I thought you'd be long gone by now. Shouldn't you and Jake be on plane?'

She chooses to ignore his question 'why aren't you there?' she asks

'well I really didn't want to see my ex girlfriend run off with the man that she loves, I can think of better ways to torture myself'.

The way he said ex girlfriend made her shudder inside it was so cold and impersonal like she meant nothing to him.

'Can we talk like in the residence I really need to talk you its important and the less people around the better'.

'Fine' he says and slowly gets up put the glass down and makes his way out not once looking at her.

'You can have the rest of the day off Charlotte I'm heading up now.' He said smiling briefly at her before carrying on his way.

The ride up was filled with nothing but silence. Making his way into the living quarter he sat down and finally looked at her.

' Come on Olivia you can do this' she says to herself.

'I have to tell you something and this will probably be the final straw for you and for us. The night of the dinner the one I was late for, the night we broke up you asked me why I didn't show and the reason for this was because was because I was at a clinic getting an abortion'.

Olivia didn't dare look up at this point she just stared at the ground wishing it would swallow her up.

'I found out I was pregnant a few weeks before and everything was falling apart with us and then you moved me in here and I just couldn't handle it. I felt like you were punishing me for what I did. I felt trapped. You were making me ornamental. I don't do dinner parties Fitz. I was just thrown into that role, a role I never wanted and you were making me ornamental Fitz.'

'So you're saying this is my entire fault that you aborted our baby, to what get back at me for wanting to protect you from your father for wanting to finally be with you. How could you do that to me to us? How could you abort our baby when you know that life is all I have ever wanted with you'

She could hear the pain and tears in his voice and Olivia finally looked at him and the sight before her broke her heart at what she had caused, he was angry she could see that but mostly it was hurt.

'no I never did it to punish you it just all became too much we wouldn't have survived if we had a baby and we were barely making it as it was imagine bringing a baby into our world. Imagine what the press would have said. I didn't want our baby to be labelled as a mistake or a bastard child, all the whispers and rumors that would have gone round. I was losing control I didn't know what else to do. It wasn't the right time.'

Olivia stopped to compose herself.

'how does that give you any right to do that without consulting me first. I didn't even know Olivia.'

He states to her confused at how she could do something like that without telling him

'I knew if I told you, you would have made me keep it and even though a part of me wanted to keep it I knew that we wouldn't work and there be no way back for us' Olivia says with tears running down her face.

'Do you really think I would have forced you to keep something you didn't want? Do you really think so little of me? I wanted kids with you Olivia yes but I would never have made you if you didn't want to'.

Hearing him say that makes her break down even more she can't even find the right words to say to him anymore.

'I'm sorry Fitz I'm soo sorry, I hate myself everyday for what I have done to you and to us. I'm sorry I'm sorry'.

At this point Olivia starts panicking as she can't get the tears to stop and can't get her mind in gear she can't get anything right she thinks to herself. Fitz sees how disorientated she is becoming and rushes over to her. He pulls her into his embrace trying to provide some sort of comfort, Olivia keeps telling him how sorry she is, its the only thing that makes sense at the moment to her so she continues to say it.

'sshh Liv you need to calm down' her legs start buckling and he gently brings her down to the floor with him still holding her. Olivia has a death grip on him as she still trying to calm down, he then grabs one of her hands and the contact reawakens her soul and he slowly brings it to his heart.

'It's going to be ok Liv I promise' words that he spoke to her a matter of weeks ago in the bunker. After a couple of hours she eventually starts to calm down as her heart starts to beat in sync with his. Olivia feels her eyes getting heavy and before she can move she is asleep in his arms. She can feel Fitz moving the hair of her face and him lifting her up of the floor, he kisses her ever so lightly on the forehead before he leaves and she hears the door shut.