A/N: So, at first, I planned to write the whole thing in Mob's POV because this fic was initially meant for me to self-project onto him lmaooo. But as I started writing chapter two, I realized that I badly needed Reigen's POV to do the story's theme justice. With that in mind, the POV will switch every other chapter. Hope you'll still enjoy!
Dimple shows up the minute they're stepping out the front door. "Took you guys long enough. Don't tell me you had morning sex first," he said.
"Dimple!" Shigeo shouts, and Arataka can hear the angry blush in his voice. Dimple's accusation is false, though. There was no morning sex. There was only Shigeo demanding to help Arataka shave because Arataka got shaky hands now.
Arataka snorts. He was the one who taught Shigeo how to shave all those years ago and look how the tables have turned. He doesn't know if he should feel grateful or embarrassed, so he settles for both.
"What. You're still blushing at the mention of sex at your big age, Shigeo? Come on, now." His eyes suddenly widen. "Oh! Speaking of which… happy belated birthday, Shigeo. So," Dimple smirked, gesturing at Arataka with his thumb, "what present did this loser give you yesterday?"
Once the door is locked, Arataka turns around to face him. He chimes in with a cocky grin before Shigeo's able to form a reply. "What else did I give him but my sexy self?" He half-lies. He did give Shigeo himself in an apron as a birthday present.
"Why am I not surprised by this?" Dimple rolls his eyes.
"Nah, I'm just kidding. I gave him something precious, which definitely isn't your business," he fully lies, shrugging. Gotta maintain his dignity.
Dimple rubs his chin, clearly guessing what Arataka's cryptic statement means. After a few seconds, his expression suddenly turns serious. He turns to Arataka, eyes wide and eyebrows shooting up high. "Don't tell me…" he starts, trails off, then somehow continues, "you gave him a ring?"
"Wh—" Arataka's eyes widen, mirroring Dimple's. It's a guess he doesn't expect at all. He doesn't have it in him to reply. He freezes right where he stands, letting an awkward silence surround them. Next to him, he can feel Shigeo stiffen.
Arataka doesn't blame him. After all, it's been four years since Shigeo proposed to him.
And it's been four years, too, since he rejected said proposal.
But Dimple doesn't know that. Dimple is not supposed to know that. No one is supposed to know how many times Shigeo has hinted at it to him since then, only for Arataka to evade smoothly each time. It's been a sore subject between the two, and they certainly don't need external meddling fanning the flame.
So, Arataka lets instinct take over. His conman side comes through; his survival mode. He barks a laugh—a transparently fake one at that—and waves his hand off at Dimple. "It's too early for that, don't you think? Besides, when are you going to find yourself a ghost to date and stop tormenting us?"
Dimple isn't stupid. Arataka knows Dimple notices him deflecting. It shows in his confused look, staring back and forth between him and Shigeo, taking in the tense air around them.
But as much as Dimple likes to tease them, Arataka's grateful that Dimple knows where to draw the line. He takes in Arataka's intangible cue and reclaims back his careless attitude. His tone is playful when he jokes, "Heh. Where's the fun in that? I'd rather hang out with you guys. Who knows? Maybe you'll let me in on a threesome one day," he ends with a smirk.
Arataka raises an eyebrow. "Ignoring the questionable logistics of that, aren't you tired of being our third wheel?"
"Hey, don't confuse my and Serizawa's role. He's the third wheel. I'm the little spirit buddy who teases and torments you."
"You really find joy in our misery, don't you?"
"No, just you. Your suffering is my comedy," he says with a belly laugh. "Shigeo's excluded because we're the bestest of friends. Aren't we, Shigeo?" He floats to Shigeo and nudges him on his cheek, grinning.
Shigeo, who's been frowning and standing stiffly, visibly relaxes and re-focuses. He glances at Dimple and says with a little smile, "We are." The smile drops before he continues, "But umm… don't you think we should head soon? We need to stop by the fruit parlor before we head to the client."
"Oh, really? Sorry, didn't know that," Dimple mutters as he scratches his hairless head. "Let's go, then!" He floats down the corridor and onto the stairs, Shigeo following him.
Arataka watches the exchange in silence, replaying it in his head.
Dimple didn't know about his and Shigeo's plan to drop by the fruit parlor, which means that Shigeo was actually talking to him just now—reminding him about it and telling him to hurry.
But Shigeo wasn't looking at him when he said it.
Or maybe he didn't want to.
Arataka frowns as he realizes perhaps he fucked up again.
The topic first came up on one particularly scorching morning four summers ago.
They were laying on Arataka's cramped bed, legs tangled. Their sweaty skin stuck to each other and the bedsheet like glue. Everything smelled of sweat and semen; and with the soaring humidity, the room felt suffocating—the simple act of breathing seemed laborious.
The curtains were drawn but not completely shut, resulting in a beam of light escaping the crevice. Arataka squinted every time he moved because he accidentally got his eyes attacked by the beam of sunlight.
When Shigeo first asked him, his voice was hushed but void of doubt. There was a surreal quality to his tone, akin to a daydream. Arataka remembered Shigeo tracing the fine dark hairs on his chest when he asked, "What do you think of marriage?"
They said that post-nut clarity allowed one to gain a sense of calm and mental acuity. But Arataka thought that was a lie. Because at that moment, he couldn't process the question properly in his head and ended up replying, "Marriage, huh? Hmm, I guess it's something many people want. Although, realistically speaking, thirty-five percent of married couples in Japan ended up divorced," he recalled.
Shigeo shifted next to him, retreating his fingers on Arataka's chest. Arataka missed them already. "I didn't mean marriage in general. I meant a marriage ," there was a pause then, which made Arataka confused. He furrowed his eyebrows at Shigeo, who stared at him for a full minute before continuing, "for us."
"Oh." Arataka blinked, letting the idea soak his psyche. "For us?"
"Yeah. For us." Shigeo stared at him with an unreadable expression. His next words came softer than his daydream-like tone. "…what do you think?"
What did he think? It mattered not what he thought. Thinking, choosing, implementing… those were privileges they didn't have. What did he think? He couldn't even begin to think. "It won't be recognized here," was the first reason Arataka gave Shigeo then and every time Shigeo asked him again in the future. "Or are you thinking of getting married abroad?"
"…no, just here." Arataka picked up a hint of hesitance in Shigeo's voice now. However, it soon disappeared when Shigeo spoke again. "I know it is not legal yet, but… maybe just something symbolic?"
"Like what?"
Shigeo shifted again and was now fully splayed on the bed next to him. He was watching the ceiling. He had to squeeze his side, leg, and arm to Arataka's, or he'd risk falling down the small bed. "Something like a small, private ceremony. We can invite our friends and my family. They can be our witnesses. My dad or Dimple can officiate it." He turned his head to Arataka. "It's up to you if you want to invite your family."
The first thing Arataka wanted to say was: No. I don't want to invite my family. They won't even come, except for my mother.
The second thing Arataka wanted to say was: Why Dimple? So that our union would at least be recognized in the afterlife?
The third thing Arataka wanted to say was: Yeah, let's not have too many guests. That'd make a dent in our wallets.
But in the end, he only said, "Is that what you want?"
Are you sure you want to be tied down forever with an old, run-down no-one who can only offer you nothing?
Shigeo was staring at him with that knee-bending stare like he was the only person who matters in the entire universe. It evoked something warm and cozy in Arataka's chest, like the start of a flame. But with it, came the heavy shadow of fear, too. Because how could he ever measure up to such overwhelming love?
It was shocking, if not slightly embarrassing, how much things had changed since they first met twelve years prior. Shigeo wasn't this intense nor emotionally open then. He'd rely on Arataka for so many things and Arataka would gladly hold his hand and guide him patiently through the worst of snowstorms and floods, even if he himself had to freeze or drown in the process.
Because finally, just like his childhood dream, Arataka had become somebody to someone. And not just someone, but the kindest and most thoughtful person Arataka had ever known (Shigeo would insist that it's because of Arataka's guidance, but Shigeo truly underestimated his own self. After all, he was the one who brought meaning and colors to Arataka's life).
Yet, soon enough, something shifted between them—the first change of many: the younger man started to walk beside him instead of behind him. Arataka couldn't really remember when it had happened, because the change was so natural he didn't see it coming.
There was a sense of loss then—like a huge part of his identity and purpose in the universe were suddenly gone. But if it meant that Shigeo would grow as a person and be independent, then Arataka wouldn't mind being a nobody …
…except, he later learned (through Shigeo's confession) that he had become more than somebody to Shigeo.
"Well, I think it'll be nice to have your family at our wedding. So, yeah… I do want that." Shigeo shrugged weakly, breaking his nostalgia. "But only if you're comfortable with it."
It took a while for Arataka to realize Shigeo was replying to his previous question. He blinked when he noticed Shigeo completely missed his point. "Oh. I wasn't talking about my family. I was talking about the marriage itself. Do you… want us to get married?"
Shigeo didn't reply right away. His irises shook a little as if he was scared to answer. Arataka wondered what he was afraid of, especially since he was the one who brought the topic up.
"...Yes," the younger man finally answered. He gulped, then spoke again. "What about you? Is it… something you would want?"
Oh, Arataka thought as realization dawned on him. Shigeo's mannerisms and hesitation were telling enough. He was afraid that I'd have a different opinion about it.
And so, for a second, Arataka had a mind to lie. To protect Shigeo's feelings and validate his want. But they were talking about such a grand idea. Something so… out of the ordinary for ordinary people like them. A fantasy so far away and unrealistic.
And Arataka was nothing but realistic.
"I… don't really know, Shigeo," he admitted. He took his time to conjure the right words to not hurt Shigeo more than he already did. Diction, persuasion, negotiation. He knew he was good with words due to years of experience in business and customer service. Time to bring forth that virtue of his. "I don't think things will change even if we're married. It's not like we're gonna get some tax or legal benefits. And we're happy even if we're not married, aren't we?"
He was grateful that Shigeo didn't look as hurt by his words as he thought he would. The younger man still looked disappointed, but it seemed like Arataka's reasoning had him reconsider things. "That… that makes sense," he said dejectedly.
Worry bubbled in Arataka's stomach when Shigeo said no more words. So he asked, "Can I know why you brought this up?"
Shigeo shrugged. "We're about to move into our new apartment next month and I just feel like… marriage is the natural next step for us? And I know you are going to fight me on it like you always do," he said that last phrase in a hurry as if Arataka would step in and negate him if given the chance, "but I also know that this is what I want."
Shigeo's voice reflects his resolve. Arataka knew from experience that whenever that happened, it would be impossible to change Shigeo's mind. Still, he opened his mouth to conjure his best attempt at winning the unwinnable war.
However, it turned out that he didn't need to.
"I understand your points, though," Shigeo continued. "Nothing will change even if we're married, so it seems like… a pointless thing to do."
"Well, the money in our bank accounts will lessen. That's one thing that'll change. Weddings are expensive, y'know." When Shigeo chuckled at that, Arataka was glad that his lover was at least receptive to his soft rejection. He suddenly felt the need to lighten the mood even more, because even if he thought it was a bad idea to trap Shigeo in a marriage with someone like him, he still didn't want to hurt Shigeo's feelings. "I mean, marriage is overrated, anyway! Once we live together, I bet we'd feel like an old married couple then. With how often you stay in my apartment, it already feels like we're married."
"One of these days, you're going to pull a muscle when we're having sex."
Arataka flicked Shigeo's forehead. "I know I'm old, but I'm not that frail."
Shigeo rubbed his forehead with another chuckle and opened his mouth to say something, but all that came out of his lips was the sound of Arataka's ringtone.
Arataka frowned. Huh?
Shigeo didn't even flinch or budge. He turned to Arataka and kissed him chastely. Pulled away to press their foreheads together, then whispered something. But Arataka could only hear his phone's SMS notification.
Wait. What?
"Oi, Reigen." Somehow, it was Dimple's voice this time. "Wake up. You missed calls!" He exclaimed.
When Arataka opens his eyes, he is no longer in bed with Shigeo on a hot summer morning. Instead, he's slouched on a train seat next to him who's hugging a fruit basket in front of his chest.
"Dimple, you're supposed to let him sleep," he can hear Shigeo whispers next to him, to which Dimple replies, "Well, it rang twice. It might be something important. Maybe the debt collectors are on his ass."
Arataka blinks, finding his head resting comfortably against Shigeo's shoulder. He straightens, stretches, then allows himself to lean back on the green train cushion.
He looks around.
It's a surprise that the train isn't so crowded considering the rush hour. All the seats are filled, but nobody's standing. A middle-aged man sitting across from him sends a dirty look, before glancing away. Arataka frowns, deducing that it's due to him sitting so close to Shigeo and sleeping on his shoulder—it definitely isn't the first time he's received dirty looks for it.
He ignores the man and blinks his sluggishness away. "Was I asleep for long?" His eyes follow the passing scenery through the window.
"You were," Shigeo replies. "Is everything alright? You seem tired."
"Everything's fine," Arataka nonchalantly replies. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and stares at his notifications, oblivious to the way Shigeo frowns at his words.
Mom 1m ago
Please reconsider. You weren't there at Ryuko's wedding. You can't possibly skip Hina's too.
Side to reply
Mom 5m ago
Missed Call (2)
Arataka furrows his eyebrows. He quickly types 'its precisely that i didnt go to ryukos, that i have no reason to attend hinas. we talked about this last night.'
Once he makes sure that his messages are delivered, he turns off his phone. Next to him, Shigeo adjusts his fruit basket and asks, "Who's that?"
Three summers ago, Arataka would've heard the hint of jealousy in Shigeo's tone every time he asked that question. But he's relieved to only hear curiosity mixed with genuine concern for his well-being now.
"It's our client, Mr. Ito. He's waiting for us," he lies and puts his phone back in his pocket.
Mr. Ito—the petite man with sunken eyes who greets them by the door—looks relieved when he sees them. "Oh, thank God, you're here! You've come at the perfect time. Come on in!" There's an urgency in his voice and expression that Arataka can't place.
With a polite bow, Arataka and Shigeo excuse themselves. Dimple floats closely behind them. After taking their shoes off, Shigeo asks Mr. Ito where he can put the fruit basket, to which the latter points at the surface of a cabinet in the entryway.
Arataka leaves the two and heads toward the living room.
What, or rather who, he sees there stops him in his track.
There, in the living room, is a little girl with short hair—of elementary school age, Arataka assumes—running around at a mighty speed. There she goes on the floor, through and on the walls, and upside-down on the ceiling. Fits of giggles echo the room as she does so, and she's not above herself to push photo frames, potted plants, and other things onto the floor.
"So… is this Ran? The deceased daughter you told me last time?" Arataka asks without peeling his eyes away from the scene.
Mr. Ito comes up to him and nods vehemently. "Y-yes. Please help us! Her spirit has been wrecking our home since her passing last month! Sometimes she sits on our bodies to wake us up, too. And we've been having trouble sleeping because she makes noises at night."
"That sounds like a cat, and less like a daughter," Dimple chips in, earning him a shush from Shigeo.
Arataka walks to the fallen photo frames and puts them back on the oak chest of drawers they were placed on, ignoring Ran, who's now jumping around Mr. Ito and Shigeo.
The smallest frame features a girl much older than Ran. Must be the eldest child, Yuri, Arataka muses. When Mr. Ito first came to the Spirits and Such office for a free consultation, he did mention something about him having two daughters.
Had.
In fact, most of the frames feature either Yuri, her parents, or both; and none of Ran. There's one with Yuri graduating from pre-school, Yuri winning some sort of competition, Yuri graduating from elementary school, and Yuri winning another competition.
Ran only appears in one frame: a full family photo. But that's it.
He looks at the photo with a hint of familiarity. "Was Ran physically active when she was alive?"
Mr. Ito lifts his head to answer. "For a time, yes. But she grew very distant in her later life. She argued with us a lot and was very rarely at home. A bit of a rebel then."
"I see…" Arataka slips his hands inside his pockets, thinking. Mr. Ito's answers aren't very far off from his deduction, so this should be easy. "Apologies for opening old wounds, but… how did your family react to her passing?"
Mr. Ito is quiet for a moment. "When we got a call about her accident, we were shocked. We were all grieving, but we bounced back pretty quickly. The world moves on, after all. I mean, Ran wouldn't want us to grieve for too long, either."
Arataka looks at Ran, who's now jumping around him and making funny faces. "Where are Yuri and your wife?" He addresses Mr. Ito without even looking at him.
"Yuri's out with her friends, and uhh, Jun is still asleep."
"Right…" Arataka nods, a solution to this case forming quickly in his head like puzzle pieces coming together. Once he has enough time to refine the details mentally, he walks past Ran and back to the entryway. He slips in his shoes and unlocks the front door, earning him confused glances from everyone in the room. He can feel them staring a hole through his back. So, without turning around, he asks, "Well? Do you think you can ask them to meet us in the nearest playground?"
Mr. Ito blinks. "Huh? I mean… sure, but what for?"
Arataka opens the door, letting the spring wind ruffle his blonde hair and blow his pink tie. He closes his eyes, breathes in deep, and smiles.
He turns to them. "We're gonna have some fun. And you, Ran," he points at the girl, making her stop running and jumping. She cocks her head at Arataka, mimicking the confusion of everyone else in the room. Arataka smiles wider, "you are invited."
The playground is empty when they get there. A jungle gym, sandbox, see-saw, slides, swings—everything's available in the most ordinary fashion. The three humans and two spirits are now joined by a woman and a teenager.
"What do you mean we're going to play some children's games?!" Mrs. Ito—the tall, middle-aged woman—exclaims.
She has finally let her husband drag her to the playground a few blocks away from their house. She's so reluctant about it that she didn't even bother changing her pajamas, simply adding an oversized knit jacket to complement her outfit. Her disinterest toward things she deems unnecessary reminds Arataka of someone he tries to forget.
"It means," he shrugs easily, "that your family is going to play some children's games."
"Don't you think we're a little too old for this, Reigen?" Mr. Ito asks meekly.
"Oh, don't be silly. You're not much older than me, Mr. Ito." Arataka waves his hand off. "Besides, please be aware that this is a very important part of the exorcism process."
"Dad, he's a fraud!" This time, it is Yuri who speaks. The teenage girl points an accusatory finger at Arataka. She's all dressed up, ready to hang out with her peers. Her fingernails are decorated with little strawberry stickers. "I can't believe you asked me to come back home just for this! Where did you even find this scammer?"
"Hey, hey, that's a serious allegation, young lady." Arataka points back at her. "I wouldn't want to sue you for slander, so let this professional do his job, alright?"
Arataka feels a tap on his shoulder and turns to find Shigeo looking at him, face concerned. The younger man whispers so that no one else would hear him, "Arataka, are you sure about this? I can exorcise the spirit for you."
"Nah, everything's fine." He sends his lover a wink. "I appreciate your concern, but I got this."
Shigeo doesn't seem to be fully convinced by this, though. He's still frowning deeply when he mutters a reluctant "...if you say so."
"He's gonna get himself killed, isn't he?" Dimple interjects, hands on his hips and clearly so tired of Arataka's shit.
"Stop roasting me or we're gonna find ourselves in an enemies-to-lovers arc, Dimple," Arataka claps back.
Dimple pretends to vomit. "Blegh! You wish!"
Arataka then turns to Mr. Ito's family and claps twice to regain their attention. "Okay, everyone! Now," he grabs a stone from a pea of gravel and draws several rectangles with numbers in it on the asphalt ground. When he's done, he turns to the family again, "let's play! First game: ken-ken-pa ."
Mr. Ito's living family members, Shigeo, and Dimple look at Arataka as if he's grown an extra head.
Meanwhile, Ran claps her little hands excitedly.
A few traditional children's games later, Mr. Ito and Mrs. Ito rest on the playground bench. Their chests heave and their skin glows with a thin layer of sweat. Farther away, Yuri climbs the jungle gym with Ran, uncaring of her pretty outfit that is now covered by dirt and dust. The daughters are laughing about something, but only Yuri's laugh reaches their ears.
"I'm a lot more out of shape than I thought," Mr. Ito comments between heavy breaths.
"Me, too…" Mrs. Ito adds, then looks up at Arataka, still looking crisp in his suit and tie because of course he doesn't break a sweat. After all, he's been playing the role of referee for all the games they've played. "Are we done now?"
Arataka crosses the games off of his mental list.
Ken-ken-pa ? Done. Daruma-san? Done. Kakurenbo? Done. Onigokko? Done. Oshikura Manju? Done (even though Ran's spirit form didn't even produce a sound at all. She just mouthed the words as if she was singing along).
"Well, we completed all the games I've planned for you to play. But how about we ask Ran what she thinks?" Ignoring Mr. Ito's and Mrs. Ito's raised eyebrows, Arataka turns and shouts to the jungle gym, "Girls! Come here for a sec!"
The two girls turn their heads toward him, then slowly climb back down. Yuri lands first, then spreads her arms to Ran, as if ready to catch her if she falls. Arataka finds this amusing because he's sure that, being the spirit that she is, Ran will just pass through Yuri's body and the solid ground. She probably won't even experience physical pain at all.
Once reunited, the two girls jog to him. Arataka then bends down to Ran's level. "So. Ran. Did you have fun?"
Ran nods exuberantly.
"Good! We're glad you are." Arataka smiles gently. "Do you want to go back now, then?" He pulls Shigeo closer by his hand and points at him, still looking at the ghost. "Ran, this is Shigeo. He can help you cross over if it's hard to do so alone."
Ran's smile drops.
Arataka frowns. "What's wrong?"
Ran scoots closer to Yuri, half-hiding behind her older sister and clutching her arm like a lifeline (though she's technically already dead now and the clutch is just as effective as a bicycle without tires).
Next to him, Shigeo chimes in, "Maybe she wants to say goodbye?"
Ran glances up at Yuri, then sends a longing look to her parents sitting on the bench. Her grip on Yuri's arm tightens.
It dawns on Arataka that Shigeo may be correct.
"Yeah… you didn't get the chance to say goodbye, didn't you?" Arataka whispers to himself.
With that in mind, he walks to Mr. and Mrs. Ito. Both are looking at him expectantly, waiting for the next instruction from who seems to be the most unpredictable man they've ever met.
"We need you to do one last thing," Arataka briefs them quietly, hands crossed. His voice is so low he's sure Ran and Yuri can't hear him. "Ran wants to say goodbye. It's an excellent opportunity for you to say something, too. Things you've never been able to say to her before. Maybe add a promise like she'll always be in your heart or something while you're at it."
Mr. Ito and Mrs. Ito look at each other, then nod.
"Okay," Mrs. Ito says as she stands. Her husband follows.
When they're about to approach their daughters, Arataka calls out to them one last time. They turn at his call, and Arataka speaks sternly but quietly, making sure the kids still can't hear him, "I have a strong feeling you'd been neglecting her for most of her life. It isn't difficult to see she was trying to get your attention back now that she's gone. She doesn't want to be forgotten. Remember, you won't meet her again, so make this goodbye worthwhile. Apologies might be in order."
Their eyes widen at Arataka's words before something akin to embarrassment mixed with guilt washes their faces. They're silent for a while, taking in Arataka's words in strides. And just like that, they nod again, slowly, and whisper, "Okay".
They turn to approach their daughters.
Arataka and Shigeo stay where they are.
They don't need to hear what's being said when they see the parents bend down and speak to their deceased daughter. They don't need to guess what the older sister says to the younger sister that makes her tiny shoulders shake violently. They don't need to see what face Ran makes as a response to everyone's words. And they definitely don't need to wonder what it is that makes the family of four huddle around each other with tears in their eyes in the middle of an empty playground on a sunny Saturday morning.
Arataka feels something soft rub his hand.
He looks down to see Shigeo's thumb caressing his knuckle gently. He shifts his gaze up to him and finds the man staring with the softest smile he's seen him wear recently. His black irises are shaking, and Arataka can see the sign of tears threatening to spill out of his lover's eyes.
Arataka's slammed with worry. "Wait. Why are you cryi—"
"I love you." The words are spoken clearly, loudly, and surely. Every syllable rings crisp and stays in the spring air, dancing with the wind.
Arataka has always joked that Shigeo's words, expressions, and advances are bad for his health. That someday he'd get a heart attack because Shigeo never fails to make his old, weary heart skips a beat, palpitates, or stops in its track altogether.
Well, today is no different.
Heat rushes to Arataka's cheeks as he feels his heart beat faster. His hands feel so clammy, and all he wants is to just dig a hole somewhere in this playground and hide from embarrassment because just what the heck was that?
Arataka forces a fake cough. "You gotta stop with this sudden declaration of love 'cause I don't think my heart can take it. Literally and metaphorically!"
Shigeo chuckles and holds Arataka's hand with both of his now. He brings it to his mouth and kisses the knuckles, soft as a feather. Arataka can feel Shigeo's dry lips touching his skin and makes a mental note to buy Shigeo a lip balm later. Perhaps he needs to force him to use it, too, if Shigeo refuses. Chapped lips tear and bleed easier, and he doesn't want his lover to hurt himself.
"I am being serious," he mumbles to Arataka's fingers. Shigeo's hands are so warm and big against his, they're almost unreal. "I just want you to know that you are an amazing person."
Shigeo says it sincerely and full of conviction, like a prophet enunciating a gospel truth. And Arataka wonders, not for the first time, why Shigeo thinks so highly of him. He has asked Shigeo this once—out of curiosity and frustration—recently after they got together. Shigeo was twenty-three then, and he was thirty-seven. Shigeo had come back to the Seasoning City post-graduation and worked there for two years. Meanwhile, Arataka had been… well, good old Arataka.
Your everyday man. Your local lad.
Just Reigen Arataka.
Back then, when answering Arataka's question of 'Why?', Shigeo listed reasons like no one understands and accepts me better than you do; kind and empathetic; you're really nice to look at (this one made Arataka snort); and you always make me laugh.
In the end, Shigeo simply shrugged and said helplessly, "I don't know. I just love you," which is very typical of him because words are never his virtue.
Still.
Arataka didn't understand Shigeo then, and he doesn't understand Shigeo now. But he won't start invalidating his feelings again like he did when Shigeo first confessed to him. So, to hide the fluster he gets from Shigeo's random compliment, he puts on his usual bravado and pulls a cocky grin. "Well, that's understandable. After all, you're talking to the Greatest Psychic of the 21st Century."
Shigeo laughs at this. And if there's another reason aside from the ' you're really nice to look at' that Arataka approves (because he knows he's good-looking. He makes sure of it because looking presentable is an obligation in his line of work), is that it really seems like he makes Shigeo laugh a lot, which is a good thing.
Because if there is one thing he wants most in the entire world, it's Shigeo's happiness.
"Why are you laughing?" Arataka teases with a lopsided smile. "I'm not that funny. You just have a terrible sense of humor."
Shigeo's laugh grows louder, and he hides it behind the back of his hand. Arataka can't stop thinking about how endearing he looks. Shigeo has changed so much. So untethered by his own demon. So free. So happy. And when Shigeo's happy, Arataka's happy.
Shigeo mutters between laughs, "Sorry, I just can't help it."
Dimple adds as he flies closer to them, "He's trying to say that you're not a clown, Reigen. You're the whole circus."
"Oh, shut it, Dimple," Arataka waves him off, "and stop eavesdropping."
"Well, I'm bored. Over there," he points to Mr. Ito's family, who has stopped hugging, but still talking to each other, "we have a family crying their trauma off, and over here," he points to where they stand, "we have a gay couple doing a PDA. I know which one will entertain me most."
Their voices overlap when Shigeo says, "that's bi-erasure, Dimple," and Arataka says, "Sorry to bore you out. Wouldn't have called you both if I thought I could handle it on my own."
Upon hearing that, Shigeo turns to Arataka with a frown. "There is no need to apologize. It is a good precaution. The spirit could've been hostile and we would not want you to be in danger."
Then, as if sensing Dimple's boredom, Mr. Ito finally calls out to them. "Reigen!" The whole family is now looking at them with a smile on their faces. "Ran's ready to go, but she might need your help to cross."
Ran waves her hand stiffly. Her expression tells the obvious: she's nervous.
Arataka places a hand on the small of Shigeo's back. "Well. Sounds like it's your turn now." He pushes the younger man forward gently with a smile. "Go get 'em, tiger."
Shigeo nods before striding to the family.
He says a few words to Mr. Ito, Mrs. Ito, and Yuri, which makes them all step backward, while Ran stays where she stands. He then approaches her, holds her hands between them, and says something which makes her visibly relax.
And so, the exorcism begins.
A blue-purple light emits from Ran and Shigeo's joined hands. It swirls around the two of them before expanding outward, outward, and outward again, before dissolving into sparkles. With it, the cold wind also flutters from where they stand. It moves so gently that the only effect it has on its surroundings is the stirring dust encircling the two beings at its epicenter.
Ran doesn't vanish right away. She fades gradually, steadily. She even has time to wave goodbye to her family behind her, receiving an identical wave. Her gradual disappearance is a direct contrast to Shigeo's wholeness, standing strong and striking in the middle of the playground. His hair and clothes move gently with the wind, his facial expression calm. There's a faint smile plastered on his face as he glances back and forth between Ran and her family.
"Y'know, it's been a while since I've seen him in action," Dimple says next to Arataka. "It looks so easy for him. It never gets old."
"Yeah, you're right." The words come out of Arataka's lips as natural as breathing. "He's amazing, isn't he?"
And this is what Arataka doesn't understand about Shigeo. Because how could he say all those great things about Arataka when Shigeo himself is like this? And he's not even talking about his power, looks, or any superficial matters.
But his quiet gentleness, kindness, and tenacity. How he has changed for the better and continues to strive to do so. How that change aspires so many others to change, too.
Shigeo has never asked why Arataka loves him. But if he ever does, Arataka thinks that he'll answer with, "You are the most amazing person I've ever known and you never fail to make me feel like I'm somebody, even when you've seen me at my nobody. With you, I'm starting to believe that whoever it is that I am— somebody, nobody, or anything in between—I am first and foremost: enough."
Having received their payment and picked up the fruit basket again, Arataka and Shigeo are now on their way to the Kageyama household. Dimple asked to come with, because he has nothing better to do (his words) and that he hasn't seen that emo brat in a while (his words, too. Arataka was sure he was talking about Ritsu).
The green spirit is currently lounging about in the air, while Arataka and Shigeo are sitting next to each other on the train cushion. The car's almost empty, safe for a group of teenage girls sitting on the priority seats. They're talking amongst themselves, seemingly unbothered by his and Shigeo's presence.
"How did you figure out what Ran needed so quickly?" Shigeo asks him out of nowhere. The fruit basket has long found itself back in Shigeo's embrace.
Arataka considers lying, but he has no energy to. He's tired and hungry and it's way past lunchtime now. They have taken too much time with the games. He can't wait to eat Mrs. Kageyama's cooking. She's always so adamant about them eating her dishes whenever they visit.
"Well… Ran reminds me of myself when I was young," he ends up saying. He's supposed to stop there. Shouldn't have given Shigeo any more ammunition. But he continues, "actually, Mr. Ito's whole family reminds me of my own."
It's not like they've never talked about his family before. It's just that whenever they did, Arataka only told the obvious: I have an estranged relationship with my family; they don't know I'm gay; and they disapprove of my career.
He'd never said how often they contact each other, what each of them is like as a person, nor what he was like as a kid—and it's not for lack of trying on Shigeo's part. It's just that Arataka always evaded the topic like a plague, the same way he did whenever Shigeo brought up marriage.
As time went on, Shigeo learned to stop asking much about both.
So it comes to him as a shock when, instead of dropping the topic completely, Shigeo asks, "Do you wish that they would apologize to you? Like they did to Ran?"
Arataka finds himself at a loss for words, which is unusual.
It doesn't matter how long he tries to think of an answer. It doesn't matter how Shigeo patiently waits for his reply. And it doesn't matter if he's aware of Dimple listening in closely—curious about the answer, too.
And so he says: "It doesn't matter."
Because it really doesn't.
"I'm too old for what-ifs and regrets," he adds.
Arataka can feel Shigeo's piercing gaze on him, and it makes him jittery. It takes a while before Shigeo's heavy gaze finally translates to words: "It's never too late, y'know? Maybe, one of these days, they'll realize the errors in their way."
Arataka scoffs. "You're just as idealistic as ever, huh?"
Shigeo shrugs. "There's nothing wrong with seeing the good in people."
"I admire that about you, y'know? Your ability to readily trust others is one of your biggest strengths." Arataka smiles fondly at his lover, and takes in his calm and serious demeanor. But then his smile falters. "But I think you're only saying that because you don't really know my family."
Shigeo stares at him long before replying flatly, "Then tell me about them. Or, I don't know, maybe I should meet them myself."
Arataka raises an eyebrow. "You're getting more and more creative with ways to coax this information out of me, huh?"
Shigeo sighs. "I just want to understand you better. I know we argue a lot about… well, me overstepping your boundaries. And I am learning ." That last word comes out of Shigeo's lips in a huff. "But I will not pry if you are more honest about things that bother you."
Arataka studies Shigeo's face with a sad expression, then rubs his knee lovingly. "I appreciate that, Shigeo. But I need you to know that I'm not even bothered by it. Not anymore, anyway." Then he suddenly slaps Shigeo's knee playfully, making the younger man shriek. Arataka laughs. "Come on, have faith in me! I'm not as weak as you think I am."
He thought that, just like always, Shigeo would laugh at his attempt to lift the mood. But when Shigeo steals worried glances at him, Arataka starts to feel bad. He looks at Shigeo's deep, black, beautiful eyes for a long time, contemplating Shigeo's wants, his own feelings, and the memories of his family he only vaguely remembers.
He ends up asking solemnly, "Do you really wanna know about my family so bad?"
"I want to know everything about you."
Arataka raises an eyebrow. "That's a bit creepy, don't you think?"
Shigeo raises his eyebrow, too. "But you still love me."
Arataka snorts. "Guess I do."
The topic of his family suddenly reminds him of the messages and calls his mother has left him. He wonders what his mother will think, say, or do if he suddenly shows up unannounced with a male plus-one fourteen years younger than him. He wonders about his sister, his niece, and everyone else who will be present at the wedding. Heck, he has never even met his niece before. Won't be shocked if the whole family even hides his existence from her. Tells her that her mother is an only child.
Arataka frowns. Will it be worth it to meet them?
He keeps his eyes on the passing scenery when he finally gives Shigeo an answer: "I'll think about it."
They arrive much later than expected, but Mrs. Kageyama still greets them fervently by the door. "There you are! We've been waiting for you. Come on in!" As always, her long hair is swept to the side, and grey strands have long appeared between the auburn. However, she somehow looks smaller than when they visit her during the New Year. Or perhaps that's got something to do with her hunching over herself even deeper.
Arataka holds his tongue from asking if she's been lifting heavy stuff again. Doesn't seem like an appropriate thing to say when you first meet your boyfriend's mother after such a long time, even if the question is borne out of good intentions. So, he bows and smiles at her instead. "How have you been, Mrs. Kageyama? Shigeo and I miss your nikujaga badly."
Those are the right things to say because her smile lines become more apparent. Arataka knows Mrs. Kageyama loves it when someone praises her cooking. "Aw, if I'd known that, I'd make nikujaga today!"
"Well, nikujaga may be our favorite, but any meals you make would still send us to heaven," Arataka says with flailing hands as he slips off his shoes. Mrs. Kageyama giggles.
The three of them exchange a brief conversation as they walk into the kitchen, Dimple happily following behind. There's a huge, bubbling pot on top of a portable induction cooktop in the middle of the dining table. Around it are plates of raw vegetables and meat, and several empty bowls. The smell of shoyu permeates the air, summoning a loud roar from the depths of Shigeo's belly. Arataka, Mrs. Kageyama, and Dimple turn to see his face beet red and they chuckle.
"I've prepared a sukiyaki party for us. Let me get your dad so we can start eating," Mrs. Kageyama says as she leaves the kitchen.
Within that same beat, Ritsu appears behind her, wearing a jumper and sweatpants. He stops when he sees the occupants in the kitchen, exclaiming excitedly, "Brother! Dimple!" and with less enthusiasm, "Reigen."
Arataka has to suppress an eye roll.
"Ritsu!" Shigeo's face lits up. He places the fruit basket he's holding on the dining table and dashes at his little brother, hugging him around his shoulders. He murmurs to the crook of his neck, "I miss you."
Ritsu returns the hug, encircling his arms around his brother's torso. He's shorter than Shigeo now, but taller than Arataka. Has to tilt his head up a little to bury his face in the crook of his brother's neck. He whispers with his eyes closed, "I miss you too. Happy birthday, Brother."
"Thank you, Ritsu."
The kitchen is quiet for a moment. And despite Arataka and Ritsu's complicated history (especially concerning Shigeo), Arataka lets this moment last, paying respect to the special bond the two brothers share. Sometimes, when he's exposed to moments like this, Arataka wishes he and his sister have a little fraction of what the Kageyama brothers have.
Dimple seems used to it, though, the novelty not affecting him in the slightest as he floats casually to the two brothers. He waves his little green hand. "Yo, Ritsu. How's life?"
The brothers stand apart. Ritsu waves back at Dimple with a small smile. "It's been a long time since I saw you. You didn't come during New Year."
"Yeah, well. Got matters to attend to." Dimple shrugs easily. "What. You miss me?"
Ritsu chuckles. "Surprisingly, I do."
Mrs. Kageyama cuts their conversation short when she finally returns with her husband in tow. Unlike his wife, Mr. Kageyama doesn't really change in the slightest with his facial wrinkles, peach fuzz, and short, curly black hair. He reminds Arataka of how Serizawa used to look when he was still working in Claw if only Serizawa was twice as old and trimmed his hair a little.
Mrs. Kageyama directs everyone to sit at the dining table. The brown oak furniture normally only fits a party of four, but she has kindly prepared an extra seat at the end of the table. When Arataka first dined with the Kageyama family all those years ago, he thought the seat was meant for him—an outsider. But he still remembered the way Mrs. Kageyama stopped him from sitting and said, "Oh, that's for Ritsu! The other four seats are for pairs—my husband and I; Shigeo and you. Ritsu can switch seats with you if he finally finds a girlfriend. Or boyfriend."
Arataka can't forget the glare Ritsu sent him throughout dinner that day, especially because he knew Ritsu hadn't told his parents about his on-and-off relationship with that redheaded kid. Remembering it almost makes him laugh.
Mrs. Kageyama's voice pulled Arataka out of his reverie. "Now that everyone's here, let's start eating to celebrate Shigeo's birthday!"
And so, the sukiyaki party begins.
They start by congratulating Shigeo on his thirty years of life on earth (including him blowing a candle from a handmade cake by Mrs. Kageyama). They soon exchange conversations over slurps and bites.
Shigeo, Arataka, and Ritsu mostly talk about their jobs. The two brothers, in particular, extend their conversation to movies, shows, or books. Ritsu does most of the talking and his brother listens, because Shigeo doesn't actually keep up with stuff like this. Even so, he usually keeps note of interesting ones to go through with Arataka as a bonding activity.
The Kageyama parents, on the other hand, talk about mundane stuff. The latest seasonal items in the nearest convenience store; Mrs. Kageyama's physiotherapy sessions; gossip about their neighbors; and Arataka's favorites: Mrs. Kageyama's new recipes and Mr. Kageyama's collection of house plants.
They were ecstatic when they first found out Reigen shares those interests because none of their sons do. Since then, he and Mrs. Kageyama have cooked and baked together in this very kitchen; and he and Mr. Kageyama have exchanged houseplants over the years (Mr. Kageyama's most recent gift to him was a hoya heart he kept in the Spirits and Such office. His clients seemed to like it, too, having commented how cute it looked).
Sometimes, he thinks, he's gotten a bit like—what the youngsters often call—a malewife in this house.
But do malewives often get asked to fix things around the house? Because he certainly receives those requests a lot. Electrical work, plumbing, and even fixing the Kageyamas' car when it broke down two winters ago. He did try to teach the Kageyama brothers his know-how, but they often end up making more of a mess than fixing things up. Not even their powers are useful for things like this.
So it's up to a Jack-of-all-trades like him to do the job.
This is also how, by the end of the sukiyaki party, Arataka finds himself crouching in the bathroom upstairs and re-grouting the tiles, as per Mrs. Kageyama's request.
He just finished removing the old grout when he feels a presence by the door. Arataka looks up to find Ritsu leaning against the frame with his arms crossed, face amused. "Working hard, I see," he says.
Arataka chuckles darkly. He pours the dry grout powder into a plastic bucket and mixes it with water. "Both you and Dimple seem to love my misery."
Ritsu is quiet for a while. "Not really. I actually come here to offer some help." He shifts his weight. "I… feel bad that our parents always end up asking you to fix stuff."
"Oh." Arataka blinks at the unexpected answer but doesn't completely disregard it because Ritsu sounds like he's being genuine. He looks up at the man. "You sure? I can do this just fine on my own."
"I'm sure." He enters the bathroom and crouches next to Arataka. "So. What do I need to do?"
Arataka eyes the tiles, then the surrounding tools. "Hmm… I guess you can wait until I fill all the grout joints, then you and I can remove the excess together. How does that sound?"
Ritsu nods easily. "Sounds good."
Taking that as his cue, Arataka scoops up some of the grout mixtures and smears them onto the tiles. He spreads and presses them into the joints in alternate directions. The repeated motions should've brought him peace, but Ritsu's silence unnerves him.
"Where's Shigeo?" He ends up asking to break the tension. That's what he feels, anyway: tension. Doesn't really know if Ritsu feels the same or if he thinks nothing of the silence.
"Went to the grocery store to run Mom's errand." Ritsu shrugs but doesn't move his gaze from the tiles.
"Oh, no wonder." No wonder you're spending time alone with me instead of him, he wants to specify but doesn't. "Is Dimple with him?"
Ritsu merely nods. "Speaking of Brother, he asked me if I know of any case where someone died from back pain." He shifts his gaze back up to Arataka, an eyebrow raised. "What's up with that?"
Arataka chokes on himself, almost losing his grip on the grout float. He totally has forgotten about that conversation he had with Shigeo last night. "That, well… I pulled a muscle on a job recently," he lies, "and I've been having back pain for the longest time. But it's no big deal. I'm just getting old."
"How old are you again?"
"…forty-four," he answers reluctantly.
"Well, that explains it," Ritsu says, before going on a long lecture about bone density, old age, and what Arataka needs to do to reduce his back pain. But Arataka doesn't tell him that this is layman's information he already knows. He pretends to be oblivious about it all—nodding and reacting to the information eagerly and asking more questions.
Because, as much as he's convinced that Ritsu hates his guts, moments like this remind him that Ritsu isn't really that bad. That he actually cares about Arataka in his own weird way—that the animosity he often shows is not because he hates him, but because of his love for his brother. He wants the best for Shigeo and thinks Arataka isn't.
That, at least, Arataka agrees.
Even back then, when Shigeo announced to his family that he was going to move in with his boyfriend and finally told them who said boyfriend was, Ritsu was the first in line to protest.
In fact, he was the only one to protest.
"What did you do to him?" He remembered Ritsu's ambush in the Spirits and Such office. Arataka was glad there were no customers then, so he only had to endure Dimple and Serizawa's confused looks.
He understood what Ritsu meant: Shigeo must either be drunk, crazy, delusional, brainwashed or any combination of the above to be dating Arataka.
Because if good things happen, all credit goes to his brother. But if bad things happen (which Ritsu classifies this as), it's someone else's fault—his own, the demon inside Shigeo's, the adults who jumped them when they were kids, or Arataka's. In Ritsu's book, his brother is never wrong.
The younger Kageyama hissed, almost snarled, "You don't deserve him."
Arataka could only stare at him, hands in his pocket. "I know," he calmly said in sympathy.
He tried to explain to Ritsu about his relationship with Mob, but Ritsu actually went home looking more frustrated and angry than when he arrived at the Spirits and Such office. His demeanor didn't seem to change throughout the following weeks, either… until Shigeo got wind of their feud and stepped in.
Whatever it was that Shigeo said or did to him that day had successfully made Ritsu tolerate Arataka slightly better. Arataka had asked both brothers about what happened, but he only received different variations of "Brother talked to me about it" from Ritsu and "I talked to Ritsu about it" from Shigeo.
Arataka left it at that, preferring to focus on the immediate outcome than unraveling the unknown. He is, after all, a practical man.
Still, curiosity now resurfaces as he recalls back to that day.
"Say, Ritsu," he starts.
"Hm?"
Arataka doesn't move his gaze away from his work. "What did Shigeo say to you back then?"
Ritsu whips his head at him, frowning. "Back then? When?"
"When you first found out about us."
"Oh, that." Ritsu's voice goes smaller as if he's reluctant to revisit the memory. He's silent for a while, too, which makes Arataka think he won't actually answer. He almost changes the subject and moves on when Ritsu finally answers, "He asked me if I wanted him to be happy."
Arataka blinks twice. "That's it?"
"Yes."
"And… you said yes?"
"Of course I do!" Ritsu's voice rises in pitch. Arataka can tell he's offended just by the mere idea of him wanting anything other than happiness for his brother. "Who do you think I am?"
"Geez, no need to get mad. I was only asking." Arataka shrugs before returning to work, happy to have finally solved the mystery after all these years. However, he can feel the way Ritsu's eyes bore a hole in the side of his face. He's about to tell Ritsu to calm down—and perhaps apologize if the question offended him—before the younger man speaks.
"He seems happy with you," he mumbles.
Arataka's hand stops moving. With a hesitant voice, he asks, "You really think so?"
"Yeah." He nods. "I'll break your neck if you make him unhappy, though."
Arataka snorts at the sudden change of tone. "What happens to the Hippocratic Oath you took about doing no harm?"
"I will not discuss ethical standards with a conman like you."
"Ouch, you're hurting this old man's feelings, Ritsu." Arataka places a hand on his heart, dramatizing. "Y'know, you have always been sarcastic, but at least you were cute when you were young."
"One of these days, I'm going to call the police on you."
Arataka scoffs. "You sound like those kids on Mobbter."
Ritsu raises his eyebrow. "You sound like you should've been in the nursing home."
"Alright, alright, you win…" Arataka raises both his hands in the air. He's smiling, trying his damn hardest to suppress a chuckle. "How about we stop bickering and move on with our tasks instead, hm? I reckon Shigeo and Dimple will be back from the store soon."
He hands Ritsu one of the wet sponges and instructs him to remove the excess grout. He thought Ritsu would refuse and continue to bicker, but the younger man actually listens and does what he's told instead.
As they continue working, nobody says a word. But this time, the silence doesn't intimidate.
Without thinking, Arataka hums a tune from a famed TV show he used to watch in college. He's surprised but doesn't comment when Ritsu follows suit, humming the same tune. Their muted voices and perfect pitch mesh together within the confines of the bathroom, bouncing on white tiles. Arataka idly wonders if he and Shigeo should invite Ritsu for a karaoke session one of these days. It may prove to be a better bonding activity than re-grouting bathroom tiles.
They remove the grout excess quickly before working on the haze, and the job is finally done. "Nice. We finished earlier than I thought! Doesn't look too shabby, either," Reigen can't help but comment at the tiles.
He looks up to see Ritsu smiling at the tiles he's just buffed, seemingly proud of what he's done.
At this, Arataka smiles, too.
The sun has long hidden, and dinner is long gone when he, Shigeo, and Dimple bid their goodbye. Arataka looks down at his watch. It's 9.00 PM, the perfect time to walk to the station to get on the next train.
Dimple leaves them at the station, half-murmuring about finding something to entertain himself tomorrow so that he has an interesting story to tell Arataka and Serizawa on Monday. This has been Dimple's pastime ever since Shigeo and Arataka dated. He could no longer follow them home, complaining, "It's enough that I floated in on you two humping like rabbits at the balcony that one time. I will not do that again."
Once the party separates and the train arrives, Arataka and Shigeo head inside and sit in one of the empty cars. It only takes a few minutes for Shigeo to turn to him and say, "Ritsu said you guys were working on the bathroom tiles while I was gone. How did it go?"
"Not bad," Arataka answers truthfully. "Ritsu did a good job, so we finished quickly."
Shigeo smiles faintly. "Ritsu said he enjoyed it."
Arataka raises an eyebrow. "Did he, really?"
Shigeo nods. Then he looks at his knees, picking the loose string of his jeans. He rubs it between the pad of his fingers and pulls it off. Arataka frowns at the odd gesture. But before he can ask if anything's wrong, Shigeo beats him to it. "About what I asked you this morning…"
Arataka's frown deepens. "Which one?"
"About meeting your family?"
"Oh. That one." Arataka curses inwardly. He totally forgot about it. "Well, what about it?"
"Have you… considered it?" Shigeo finally turns his head toward him, eyes hopeful.
Arataka heaves a sigh. At first, he's thinking of deflecting. He feels run-down somehow, and talking about his family is the last thing he wants to right now. But he figures he can't deflect nor postpone any longer. He doesn't meet Shigeo's eyes when he slowly and gently says, "First of all, Shigeo… you know that not every family is like yours, right? Especially mine, and—"
"I am not naïve, okay?" The sudden reply shocks Arataka. It sounds a lot harsher than he thinks is necessary. Shigeo has always gotten so defensive whenever he thinks Arataka treats him like he's naïve or gullible, even though that's not what he's trying to say. "I know that. Even with how little you shared about your family, I understand what you are getting at. And I am not—I am not trying to force this upon you. I was only asking."
"Then why do you keep bringing it up?" Arataka notices his tone getting louder, matching Shigeo's. He feels so so tired. He doesn't have time for a petty argument with his lover on public transportation. The whole day he's been working, socializing with his lover's family, and regrouting tiles. He's completely drained. "There's a fine line between forcing and persuading, Shigeo. You always say that you understand, but you keep on pestering me about my family. You always do the same when talking about marriage, too."
"I—" Shigeo's mouth opens, but no words come out. It stays like that until it finally closes again. Shigeo's shoulders then droop like he's just been defeated, and he turns away to stare at the ground. When he speaks, he has lost all his previous steam. "You are right. I am sorry."
Arataka feels his chest tighten at this. He leans back on the train cushion with a sigh, resting his head on the window. He stares up at the blinding lights above them and squints his eyes. "Ah, fuck. Look, I…" Arataka's quiet for a moment. Thinking of what else to say. And somehow, the thought of his mother's calls and messages enter his mind. When did she say the wedding will be held? Ah, yes. "Next weekend."
"What?" Shigeo whips his head at him, confused.
"My niece will get married next weekend." Arataka blurts without thinking. "If you want to meet my family, that'd be the perfect time to do so. Just… don't say we're dating. We can pretend we're roommates."
"What?" Shigeo's frowning now.
"That'll solve our problem, won't it?"
Shigeo stares at him, confused. "Why did you only tell me this now?" His voice comes out squeaky like he has a hard time believing what Arataka says. And with each word, Shigeo's voice only grows louder. "Why didn't you tell me your niece is getting married? I didn't even know you have a niece."
Arataka blinks. He didn't foresee Shigeo's outburst. He thought his lover would simply be happy to finally have the chance to meet his family. And so, he can only defend himself weakly, "Because that's… I had no reason to bring it up."
"But I've always asked you about your family! You see mine all the time, but I have almost never heard anything about yours. And I—I tried to understand!" Shigeo's breath goes erratic. "Maybe something happened between you and them. Fine. But you never talked to me about it either, so I feel like—"
Shigeo stops himself suddenly. He then closes his eyes, breathing in and out slowly. A string of numbers suddenly escapes his lips. Arataka recognizes this as Shigeo's strategy to control his emotional outbursts. My therapist taught me to count and take deep breaths, Shigeo told him long ago.
If Arataka felt awful before, then he certainly feels more so now. He didn't mean to push Shigeo to such an emotional point. "Shigeo, I—" He places his hand on Shigeo's knee, but Shigeo shifts his leg out of his touch.
When Shigeo speaks, he's no longer a bonfire, but a candlelight. "I feel like, even after everything, you're still scared to open up to me. And I am not going to lie to you. I am not happy about it."
Back pain; Friday night; melted ice pack on his skin. "Shigeo, are you… happy?"
Bathroom tiles; wet sponge. "He asked me if I wanted him to be happy." The smell of grout mixtures. "He seems happy with you." Ritsu, Ritsu, Ritsu. "I'll break your neck if you make him unhappy, though."
— "And I am not going to lie to you. I am not happy about it."
Arataka's frozen hand slowly retracts. He puts it on his own thigh. His own voice, Ritsu's, and Shigeo's keep on replaying in his mind. "I wasn't trying to… hide things from you." He's staring everywhere but at Shigeo. "I just…" He tries to find the right words to illustrate what he feels. But that's exactly the problem: he doesn't even know what he feels. You can't illustrate something you don't know about. And so he plays it safe by saying, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." And he means it. Because even if these old-age verbal ping-pongs go nowhere, he knows they never come from a place of malice—but of hurt.
Shigeo stares at him, reading him. But Arataka refuses to answer his gaze.
After a while, the younger man sighs. "You didn't hurt me." There's a brief pause here which unsettles Arataka. "And you didn't have to apologize because I think there are some truths in your words—that I'm being forceful with you again. I should be the one apologizing." Shigeo shifts his gaze to the window across from them. Sparse, small houses and greeneries have now turned into skyscrapers and city lights. They're almost home. "It's funny because I thought we'd passed arguing about things like this, but here we are. Maybe some things don't change, after all."
Then there is silence.
Because neither of them can deny Shigeo's words.
As they finally arrive at their apartment, Arataka keeps on thinking about what it means for them that some things stay the same. Will they keep arguing about the same thing over and over again? Will there never be an end to it?
Or will it actually be the end of them?
Once Arataka steps out of the shower and glances at the bed, he finds Shigeo already asleep. He approaches his lover's sleeping form and stares down at his face, which doesn't look distressed, but not completely at ease, either.
Guess I'm not the only one drained today, Arataka thinks as he cards Shigeo's fringe, making the latter stir a little. Black fringe parts under his fingers, and Arataka bends down to gently kiss the suddenly exposed temple.
Shigeo doesn't even stir this time.
Arataka sits down on the floor and rests his chin on his folded arms by the bed, studying the face of the man he's been with for seven years already, but whom he's known far far longer than that.
It's honestly unbelievable that Shigeo hasn't changed his mind about being with him yet. That he hasn't run away, finally deciding that everything's a mistake. In a way, Arataka has been waiting for that day. Expecting it.
And perhaps this is also why he has a hard time saying yes: because then it'll be harder for Shigeo to leave.
As he feels his eyes growing heavy, he thinks of ways Shigeo may call it quits. He tells himself that there's nothing wrong with imagining it because then he can prepare himself and feel less hurt if it were to happen. He wonders if these thoughts are simply the symptoms of a seven-year itch. But then again, he realizes that they've probably always been there, hanging in the back of his mind.
That night, Arataka ends up sleeping upright by the bed, face only inches away from Shigeo's.
A/N: This... took a while to write lol. I still manage to publish this chapter on schedule, but I don't think I can promise the same thing for future chapters, especially with how many things will happen in them (they'll meet Reigen's family in the next chapter). So ig chapter 3 will come out when it comes out lol. It be like that sometimes 😅 Also, feel free to lemme know what you think about this chapter hehe. I'm not sure yet which POV I like to write better in.
Fun fact: Reigen and his sister will share the same kanji for their given name. 新隆 (arataka) = 新 (new), 隆 (grand, prosperous); 隆子 (ryuko) = 隆 (grand, prosperous), 子 (children). Unfortunately, I don't remember how I ended up choosing Hina as Ryuko's daughter name TTTTT