Full Circle
Chapter 11- Leaving day
AN: Hey guys thanks for all your comments! I apologise for not getting this up earlier its been a hectic week. I work Mondays Thursdays and Fridays I had training on Wednesday and I went watching QUEEN B on Tuesday and she was AMAZING. Everyone needs to watch Beyonce once. Bow down bitches. If you are on twitter feel free to follow me MsLaurenAustin . I also want to let everyone know that my thoughts are with all those affected by the shootings in America I dont know why I continue to be shocked but its hard to understand how there is so much hate in the world particularly when it comes down to the colour of someones skin. No one should fear being pulled over by the police, no one should fear walking out their door everyone should feel safe in the knowledge that the police have their best interests at heart and its disgusting that they are targeting people based on their skin colour. I hope that one day everyone will be treated equally and that justice will be served for the families of these tragedies. #BlackLivesMatter
No copyright intended. Dialogue in italics is from 4x22 and 5x11.
The morning came far too quickly for Olivia's liking, she was nervous her stomach was doing flips at the thought of having to divulge all her deepest darkest secrets to some stranger and trusting this stranger not only with them but also with helping her.
If there was one thing Olivia was not good at it was trusting others especially to help her. She always relied on herself, she had no one growing up and she quickly learnt that she couldn't even rely on what little family she had left. Olivia Pope was good at trusting herself but over the past year she couldn't even do that. Being kidnapped changed everything for Olivia, her view on herself changed; she auctioned herself off to the highest bidder not knowing whether her plan would work out.
Returning back home she couldn't cope with the fact that people had broken into her home and held her hostage, they took her to get to the man that she loved more than anything, they took her to use him and they succeeded, he went to war for her, innocent people lost their lives and as a result a part of Olivia died too and that part didn't know how to find its way back.
She wanted to be anyone other than Olivia so in walked Alex, she didn't want to turn to Fitz, she wanted to she wanted to run into his arms and cry, she wanted to scream and yell and hit him until it left her body, she wanted him to comfort her, she wanted Fitz to make her feel like Olivia again, to touch her the way only he knows how and make her scream from pleasure but instead she chose to become Alex.
'Nice view'
'Hi'.
'Hi'.
'You're here'.
'I'm here. Charlotte is very helpful and informative'
'What happens now'?
'Whatever we want'.
Whatever we want she thought to herself that was the first time since the kidnapping she started feeling truly happy, she took a chance and probably for the first time she went to Fitz first. She thinks that for those first couple of months before they were outed they felt like a couple even though they were still sneaking around it felt real and they reality came crashing through the door.
Saying yes was stupid and reckless but she did it for herself and for him but instead of fighting for each other they stopped and lost each other along the way. She wonders where they would be if she hadn't have said yes, if they could have explained it somehow, if he got divorced and then they started dating, all these what ifs circle her head.
Can they really help her? Can they change her view of herself? Every time she looks in the mirror she sees herself and Fitz with a perfect mix of the two of them in his arms, she sees her stomach swollen with their child and then it just vanishes and that's when the guilt starts coming in along with the pain of what she has caused and the loneliness. Can she truly be happy again?
She hasn't been back to her apartment since the night she told Fitz about the abortion, for the first time it doesn't feel like home to Olivia- it feels cold and painful as she unlocks the door and walks in.
'You were mean'.
'Of course I was. You were my husband's mistress. Was I supposed to be friendly'?
'You were really awful. I'm telling you, you were nasty and I took it'.
'Why? I wanted to fight. You never fought'.
'I was your husband's mistress. I was in the wrong'.
'Truth is, I was glad you were there. You were a good mistress. Probably a great one.
You know what I mean'?
' Mm. Well, I am an overachiever. Once I put my mind to something, I commit'.
'Ohh'.
'Tell me you brought more'.
'Oh, damn straight I did'.
'I was happy you were around, too. When I was with Fitz, I was happy you were around, too.
With you around, I didn't have to I had an out. You You were my out, Mellie. You kept him unavailable'.
'Okay'.
'And So I left for the same reason you stayed. Because I was scared'.
Olivia shudders at the memory tears trying to escape her eyes again, she feels disgusted at the thought of laughing at Fitz, about Fitz with Mellie of all people. How did she become that person?
Trying to figure out how much to pack when she doesn't even know how long she will be gone for proves to be difficult. The amount of colour her wardrobe now holds proves overwhelming in this moment. Taking a deep breath she decides on taking a little of everything but the reality is she will be sitting around for the majority of the day. Taking a look at the time she sees she has some time to spare so she does a little online shopping to order some more lounge type clothes and has them sent to Abby's so that she can drop them off when she comes to visit.
'Hey Liv you ready' she hears Fitz's voice come through and the door shut behind him it makes her smile as it gives her a glimpse of the life that hopefully they will be able to have.
He walks to her room and gives her a reassuring smile and she walks over to hug is the fresh start that she deserves. That they both deserve. If this goes well she can finally be free.
'You all ready to go'
She nods at him but not moving her head from the spot on his chest, neither of them wanting to let the other go. Even though it had only been less than a week since Olivia had come to the residence this time felt different for the couple. They were re learning things about each other, they were somewhat dating as much as they could in the residence whilst not pushing the other, they had late night talks and hand holding. No more than a few gentle kisses on the head or a quick peck on the lips and long hugs where as far as they went, Olivia could still see the hesitancy in his eyes when it came to her and them.
Sometimes she thinks that if they truly kiss that it will be too much for her and she will run the other way but she knows that it's just the fear talking and after this it will get better and she will carry on to prove to him that this is it forever.
'I'm sorry I can't go with you Liv but I just want you to know that I am so proud of you, you will come back stronger and better than ever. Take all the time you need don't rush it, don't worry about me or anyone or anything else just focus on you ok. I'll wait for you Olivia as long as it takes'.
Her eyes are glistening he tilts her chin upwards so that they meet each others eyes and his face is coming closer to hers, his lips ever so gently caress hers then he deepens it his tongue wanting access and she readily gives it to him. The feeling of them connecting is so powerful she moans into his mouth. It's been so long that they don't want it to stop, with one last linger he pulls away and they rest their foreheads on each others and their eyes connecting. With one last kiss he carries her suitcase and walks her to the car where Abby is waiting. No words need to be said they know everything is going to be alright.
Olivia and Abby making it to the airport, Abby was accompanying her to Chicago to make sure she gets settled in ok before heading back to The White House.
'You doing ok'? Abby asks her
'I guess I just want to know that they will be able to help me, that all of this wasn't for nothing and that in the end I can be happy with Fitz and still be Olivia Pope' she rushes out.
'Trust me Liv Fitz has done his research he wouldn't have recommended this place if he didn't think it was worth it'.
She knows Abby is right but she can't help but think that once she gets there she will realise how screwed up she actually is and will inevitably push Fitz away again to prevent him any further pain because of her.
Olivia decides to sleep during the flight in order to calm her nerves, as soon as she was falling asleep they were coming to land.
'Its going to be ok' Abby told her as she wrapped her arm around Olivia's shoulder.
The closer they got to Timberline Knolls the calmer Olivia became, she kept replying Fitz's words to her before she left and she owed it to herself to get better, to get back the Olivia that she has lost. The area reminds her of Camp David it seems very tranquil and peaceful and for the first time that day she feels like they can really help her.
They pull up at the entrance and a woman called Tracey comes over to greet them. She immediately puts Olivia at ease calming all her worries she has. She gives them a brief oversight of the programme Olivia will be partaking in and the different type of therapy they offer for what she needs and how at the end hopefully Olivia will be not only recognise the signs and symptoms of her PTSD but she will be able to move forward and lead a healthier life.
Tracey shows Olivia to her room and lets her know she will see her at 10 in the morning. Olivia and Abby look around her room and Abby starts unpacking for her whilst Olivia sits on the bed.
'Am I going to be able to do this Abby' Olivia barely whispers out
Abby moves to sit next to her and grabs her hand
'You are Olivia Pope you can do this. You are my best friend you were the one that saved me you took a tyre iron to his knee caps remember, you gave me OPA which lead me to The White House, you gave me the courage to go, you made me believe in myself, you made me a gladiator. I believe n you, Fitz certainly believes in you, Quinn Huck and Marcus believe in you, we all believe in you Liv and we'll all be there for you whenever you need and we'll all be waiting.'
Olivia gives Abby a smile
'Are we gladiators or are we bitches' and they both break out laughing remembering Harrisons saying.
'I can do this' Olivia says more confidently this time
Abby smiles at her and finishes up with the unpacking making sure that Olivia knew where she put everything. She walks over to her bag and retrieves a parcel addressed to Olivia.
'I was told to give this to you right before I leave only open it when I'm gone'
Olivia and Abby make their way back to the entrance where the car is waiting for Abby
'This is it'
'This is it. Go kick ass Olivia and get better don't worry about anything just you'
They hug for awhile, despite everything their friendship was still intact.
'Ill be back for the first visit and I best hear that you are talking to these people Olivia. No silent treatment. No half assed attempts you hear me'
Olivia chuckles at her and gives her a salute as she gets in the car. They both wave to each other until they can no longer see the other person.
Back in the room she now calls home for the foreseeable future she moves to the bed where Abby left her parcel
'Livvie' and she immediately knew who it was from, she opened it and immediately the tears came it was his NAVY shirt that she loves so much. She brings it up to her nose to inhale his scent which makes the tears fall even more.
She feels something fall she looks down to see a photo of her and Fitz that they took on the campaign together. She smiles at the picture it wasn't long after they started their relationship they both look so carefree you would have thought that they were a couple and not some secret affair. She runs her hands over the picture Fitz is kissing her check whilst holding the camera and she is really smiling.
For some reason she feels like she should look at the back and there in his handwriting were the words
'Hope'
'Vermont'
'Jam'
Us'
'Olitz'
The last one makes her laugh. Only Fitz would be corny enough to make a couple name for them. She places the photo on the pillow next to her and quickly changes in to his shirt. Under the covers she lets her head fall next to the pillow and lets the tears fall free.
She will get better. She will get help for herself. She will get healthier for him. She will do this. For Hope. For Vermont. For Jam. For Us. For Olitz.