Full Circle

Chapter 15 – Camp David part 1

AN: Hey guys back with a new chapter as promised. I think at the moment I will split the weekend at Camp David into 3 parts.. Let me know what you think? Do you think Olivia is ready? Are they both ready? I hope to get another chapter up in the middle of the week but if not definitely expect one on Sunday.

It was nearly 9 am Brian should be knocking soon to take Olivia to Fitz, that thought alone bought a huge smile to her face. Fitz the man that has been waiting for her, the man that has constantly proven his love to her, the only man that has only ever wanted her to be Olivia Pope nothing more nothing less, the man that somehow still loves her even after everything they have put each other through.

She looks down at her left hand seeing the ring firmly back in place, one whole year it's been off her hand, the longest period of time it's been off. Sometimes she still feels guilty for taking it off in the first place but how could she wear it after everything and especially during those awful 6 months when everything was so wrong.

The knock at the door brings her out of her thoughts; she opens it to see Brian waiting for her

'You ready to go Ms Pope'

'Brain haven't we talked about this its Olivia'

He gives her a smile and she lets it go, she looks around her apartment knowing that she wont be back for awhile if at all, Fitz only has 1 month left in the White House and she has decided to surprise him by staying there with him until he leaves and Susan takes over.

She knows Fitz can't wait to rub it in her face that Susan won. She remembers the phone call last month after it was announced that she had won, she could hear his smug tone and she knew he was just waiting to see her in person to rub it in.

After the abortion came out it really tanked Mellie's campaign - being a republican and of course Mellie being Mellie went on the attack against her and Fitz. Luckily for Olivia she was already away at this point so that made Liv's team and Fitz the ones that bore the brunt of her tirade. Fitz had been amazing whilst she way away, he had endorsed Susan's campaign and was firmly helping her become president but whenever her team needed his help with Mellie he wasn't afraid to step in for her and help them out. He was even trying to help pass tighter gun control bills, which angered many republicans. The Brandon Bill a year ago was the start but Fitz wants more – the country needs more and she knows even after he leaves he is going to work tirelessly to try and help in any way.

Olivia likes to think that if the abortion never came out in the press then she would have beaten him but the truth is Fitz and Susan would have still kicked their ass, Mellie just isn't the right person to run the country at the moment, maybe in 4 years or 8 but right now Susan is the right one for the job.

The roads leading to Camp David bring her out of her thoughts, she thinks back to all the times that they spent here, particularly at the start of Fitz's first term and now this will probably be the last time she comes here. 8 years later and somehow they are still together or at least trying to be.

Before she knows it she see the entrance to Camp David and her heart rate starts to pick up a little at the thought of seeing Fitz for the first time in months, the car starts to slow down and he is there standing outside waiting for her and as soon as the car stops she is quickly out of the car and runs into his waiting arms. She doesn't quite know what came over her, it is so out of her character but as soon as she is in his arms she doesn't care she hasn't been able to hold him in 4 long months.

Fitz lifts her up a little and moves his head from the crook of her neck to look into her eyes, she looks happy and healthy again she looks like Olivia Pope and he smiles at her. He would have loved her regardless of whether the treatment worked, he would have done whatever it was that she needed him too if it meant that she would be ok.

She smiles back at him before bringing her lips to meet his it starts off with little pecks at first which gradually turn into long kisses tongues meeting each other in the process. They break away from each other

'Hi' Fitz says

'Hi' she replies back. He puts her back down on the floor

'So come on out with it'

'What?' he chuckles back knowing exactly what she meant

'Let's get it over with rub it in my face' he thinks about it for a moment

'I kicked your ass Olivia Pope, I beat Olivia Pope' and he does a little victory dance around her which makes her laugh.

'Enjoy it mister because that will be your one and only victory'

'Trust me I will' he says whilst he grabs her hand and he leads her into their cabin.

They go to sit on the couch the fire has already been started and Fitz keeps hold off her hands he gently rubs small circles on the back of her palm and stares at her

'What?' she asks smiling at him

'Nothing it's just that you seem different good different you seem happier Livvie'.

'I am Fitz as much as I struggled in there it was for the best if I wanted to get better for me, for you, for us and the future' she smiles at him again

'God it's so good to see you smile' he says to her.

She gets up and sits in his lap and kisses him hard pouring all the love and emotion from all the years that she has loved him and all the years she will carry on loving him. She breaks away from the kiss and Fitz has a slightly dazed look on his face, it's not often that Olivia shows Fitz how she feels but she is determined to make up for that.

'Thank you for waiting for me, thank you for always being there for me even when I didn't deserve it, thank you for being my light in the darkness and bringing me home, thank you for knowing what I need even when I don't know it, thank you for never giving up on me and on us. I love you Fitz I'm in love with you, you are the love of my life I fall more in love with you with each passing day'.

Olivia takes a moment and sees the tears falling from Fitz's face and wipes them away and that's when he did the same to her not even realising she was crying, Olivia rests her forehead on his she looks into his eyes and whispers 'make love to me Fitz'.

She didn't necessarily plan for her to say this she thought they would have sex at some point this weekend but being with him after 4 months away and telling him how she feels- it just feels right, She can feel it in her gut and she can finally start trusting her gut again.

'Are you sure Livvie, are you sure you are ready for that? We don't have to do that this weekend I am more than perfectly happy just being here with you. I don't want to rush you in to do anything'.

She smiles at him and kisses him remembering the conversation she had with Tracey before she left about being intimate again

5th December 2016

'So Olivia before you leave I wanted to know your feelings on your relationship and what you are expecting when you return?'

She was expecting that question today on her final session, they had never shied away from talking about the men in her life, with NDA signs she was confident to be able to spill her relationship with Fitz and everything that happened in the 8 ½ years.

She talked about Jake and her father and also the other men that have come and gone such as Edison, Russell even Harrison and Stephen and what they have all meant in her life.

She started to see Fitz's reasoning behind sending Jake in all those years ago, she would have outright refused SS at the time and in the back of her mind she always knew that she was under threat due to the nature of her relationship with the White House she knew things and if anyone got wind of her and Fitz and what she meant to him they would stop at nothing to use her like they later found out with the kidnapping.

The bad patch with Fitz when defiance came out she thought that he didn't love or care about her anymore, why would he she lied to him for months but it still hurt her. Fitz letting her go was what she always said she wanted but when it happened she realised how much she loved a man that wasn't hers to have. She wishes that she would have opened her mouth in that restaurant and fought for him.

The months leading up to her stay at Timberline Knolls she started to spend more time with her father, more dinners, more conversations but she was still never good enough for him. Tracey helped her understand that as much as she wants to please him and be proud of her he will never be what she wants he will always think Olivia should have done better as that is how he raised her.

'You always had to be twice as good Olivia for your father, he plays on your desire for that father daughter relationship that you crave so much, you helped release him from prison after you spent all that time trying to put him away, he played on your emotions and guilt of you not doing anything and him dying and then that was the catalyst for your split with Fitz.'

'Then you had to keep a relationship going to prove to yourself that you did the right thing going against Fitz and working with your father and that what you said to Fitz about him loving you was true but if that love comes with conditions and goals then you have to realise no matter what you do he will always think you could have done better and if I am being honest Olivia you really need to re evaluate your relationship with him because I'm afraid of the consequences if you carry on thinking he will eventually become the father you want.'

Olivia never wanted to admit that it was true, after she left Fitz she needed to believe that he loved her and in a way he does but it will never be enough he will never be what she wants.

Jake was an easy and hard topic for her

'Do you have feelings for Jake' Tracey asked her

'No. At first he was just there and I was lonely and I just saw Fitz playing happy families and I needed information. It was just sex and I felt sick afterwards'

'But you must have felt something for him to continue seeing him. At one point you were more than just sleeping buddies, you made excuses for him giving you a concussion and brushed off the incident at your office were he put his hands on you. You left with him for 3 months and until he said 'his job was done' you were still in contact, then after you broke up with Fitz you resumed sleeping with him and was going to leave with him again Olivia. Those are not actions of someone who doesn't have any feelings for that person.'

Olivia sat in silence not knowing what to say all different thoughts were swirling in her head

'I never loved him not even a little I constantly told him I was in love with someone else but he didn't care and he was there. In the beginning he was just a cover so that no one would suspect me and Fitz and I was lonely especially when I wasn't in a good place with Fitz. When I left with him I thought I could escape everything and he was willing to leave everything for me. I guess I thought it was safe because he knew his place with me'.

' I never let myself get attached to him cause I didn't want to and truthfully a part of me never thought Fitz would ever leave Mellie, I never truly believed him even though he did prove it time again but something would always make me rationalise everything and say 'he wont do it' or there would be someone telling me I cant have him, so I kept Jake as like an insurance policy and I wanted to prove to Fitz that I didn't need him that I was Olivia Pope and I wasn't waiting on him.'

Going back to Jake after Fitz was me wanting to make myself feel worse and better about myself if that makes sense. I didn't want any emotion or feeling I just wanted sex and then I would kick him out. I wanted to save him from my father and I couldn't win against him so that's why I was leaving with him but when I told Fitz it all became final and I was realising that I was running out of chances with him, I could see the pain that I was doing to him, I really looked at myself and was ashamed at what I saw. So no I don't have feelings for him I just have reasons for being with him.'

'Dont you see how Jake and your father just play on your emotions particularly when it comes to Fitz they see that you don't need anyone or anything else when you are with him, you are enough just by being yourself with him you don't have to prove anything, together you could create something special that could change the way America sees itself but those two need to have a hold on you to keep you down, to keep you thinking that without them you will never be enough and that Fitz was just being a Grant and living up to his father's reputation. You also really need to lose your saviour complex Olivia it will get you killed one day. You cant save people you need to realise they have to save themselves.'

Olivia nodded she was understanding what Tracey was saying, she confused fixing and saving and just like you cant fix people you cant save them either.

'Now we have covered in length your relationship with Fitz and your past so let's talk about the future, where do you want it to go?'

'I don't know' Olivia replied

'I want him. I want to be with him for good this time but what if he doesn't want that anymore and me being here has confirmed that for him?'

Even though Fitz has told her he was waiting for her she still had doubts, they both have put each other through hell how are they both still holding onto each other fighting to be together.

'Olivia you need to start trusting in him if he says he is waiting believe him but also be prepared that he might tell you he just wants friendship and you have to be fine with that you wont die you will carry on but trust me Olivia he is waiting for you after everything you have told me it would be a damn shame for you and him not to make it. Remember true love allows for forgiveness. How do you feel about being intimate with him?'

'Well as you know that's never been our problem' Olivia chuckles and Tracey gives her a sly smile

'it's been nearly a year since me and him have had sex but I feel like if it's what we wanted then I would be in clear space to do so. I feel truly ready to be back with Fitz in every way and it wouldn't be just something meaningless or me just using it as a way to escape whatever is going with me and as long as I don't use it as a way to avoid my emotions or just use it as us having a conversation I think that our sexual relationship will be fine no better than that.'

'Olivia I trust your judgement you have indentified your past mistakes with sex and only you know if you are ready for that next step'.

Olivia looks into Fitz's eyes and caresses his face

'I'm ready Fitz, I want you in every way, I want us to make love and not leave the bed for the day and just be in each others arms but I understand if you need more time just know that I'm not going anywhere'.

Staring into her eyes he sees that there is no doubt, no hint that she will regret this, he had to start trusting her if they were going to give this a real shot, he leaned into her and brought his mouth to hers his tongue immediately seeking entry both moaning into the others mouth upon contact. Without breaking contact Fitz picks her up bridal style and makes his way to the bedroom.